Grandparents

United States
January 26, 2009 2:24pm CST
So when I had my daughter, my boyfriend and I were extremely nervous about how much my mother would overstep. We lived with her for the first few months so she could help us out. In her defense she would have had every right to butt in more. She was amazing and still is. She doesn't cross any lines and she is always there when I need her. I wish my daughter got to see more of her but we have since moved about 3hrs away. When you had your children, were you ever worried about your parents? Being over protective, spoiling, giving unwanted advice...etc?
1 person likes this
11 responses
@sunshine4 (8710)
• United States
26 Jan 09
When I had my children, my mom was there for me as a sounding board. I would ask her advice and she would never overstep. She would come and visit once a week which I loved. Then on the other hand was my mil. She would stop by without calling, which I hated! She always put her two cents in when it came to any decision I had for my kids. She favored my first born~ her first grandchild, but when my second came along, she didn't want to ever take him. I finally put my foot down and said you can't have one and not take the other too. I am now going to be a grandmother and hope that I won't overstep my welcome. I have already told my son that if I do anything to aggrevate him or the mom to let me know and I won't take it personally. I just want to be there to support them whenever needed.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Jan 09
Congrats on becoming a grandmother!! I really don't have to worry a lot about the in laws like you did. They live closer but they keep their distance. They are miles and miles away from overstepping.
1 person likes this
@ravinskye (8245)
• United States
26 Jan 09
I was a little worried about my mom. I'm 27 and she still is protective and gives me advice and tells me how I should do things lol. I wasn't too worried about my in laws. They haven't really taken an active interest in our lives. My mom actually wasn't bad at all. Her and my dad are the fun grandparents. They love to take the kids and spend time with them alot. If they haven't seen them for a week or so with lives being busy then they will stop in just to see them or have me bring them down to visit.
1 person likes this
• Canada
26 Jan 09
My parents were so excited when my first daughter arrived... they had waited a long time to be grandparents :) and my mom said if she had known how much fun being a grandma was, she'd have done that first I wasn't really worried upfront about my parents involvement. I knew my ex FIL wasn't going to be any interference because he couldn't have cared less about the baby (found out later he wasn't "ready" to be a grandfather, he said). My mom was SUCH a help right from the first day. My dad too but he was really nervous -- he was a BIG man and holding my little daughter was a nerve-wracking experience for him. My mom did have a tendency to give unsolicited advice - both during my pregnancy and after the baby arrived - but, in the grand scheme of things, a lot of what she told me (even though it was older style methods and information) was very helpful. I appreciated all the times she came over to help me and, sometimes, she was the ONLY one that could get either of my babies to go to sleep. I welcomed whatever tips and tricks she used because it meant quiet for awhile LOL If she gave advice I didn't think I needed, I always thanked her and said I'd remember it... whether I used it or not didn't seem important to her. She just hoped to help :)
• United States
26 Jan 09
My mother also made the comment about wanting to be a grandparent before a parent. She loves it because she has all the fun with my daughter and then I get to clean up and take care of the not so fun things.
1 person likes this
• Canada
26 Jan 09
Don't you love it when they say things like, "I LOVE being a grandparent... because they go HOME at the end of the day"? LOL!
@oyenkai (4399)
• Philippines
28 Jan 09
I don't have kids but my mother did show such concerns when she was bringing us up. But she was happy to relate to us that neither side of the families - her or my dad's intervene with how they took care of us. She was happy that she got her way because she's always known that she would do the best for her own children. Thanks for the response on my discussion!
• United States
27 Jan 09
no i'm not worried about my parents opinions because if they really loved me they wouldnt be mean or rude about my children. if i had kids then their my children and i can do whatever i want. spoiling is fine. i will spoil my kids and they can do the same. im not going to be some cheap parent who never buys their kids anything. thats just wrong
@ersmommy1 (12605)
• United States
27 Jan 09
No I wasn't worried. My parents and in laws live elsewhere. My mom unfortunately lives 1300 miles away. But she has confidence in my and my hubbys parenting skills. And she comes up 2 x a year. My kids' Aunt K tends to spoil my daughter with the treats she makes. But that's ok. Because as far as my daughter is concerned her aunt is COOL!
@katsmeow1213 (28982)
• United States
27 Jan 09
No, I had never really thought about it when my first child was born, and on most parts my mother and I saw eye to eye on how to raise a child (at least at that time). Later in life things changed, and I realized a lot of what my mother had taught me was wrong, and formed my own opinions, but since that time she has not really been much a part of my life.
• India
27 Jan 09
I still worry about the spoiling part. While I work the entire day at office, my son stays with his grandparents. Its always been the same since his birth. For the first 8yrs of his life, he was literally brought up by my in-laws during the day and now for the past 1 yr, its been my parents who looks after him during the day. While advices were always there and I really judged their pros and cons before accepting them, the spoiling part gets on my nerves. And kids are so intelligent, believe me they know very well that if denied anything, they just have to go to their grandparents and every wish would be fulfilled. I am sometimes at my wits ends as to how to tackle this!
@itsmine (104)
• United States
27 Jan 09
Yes. Grand parents like their grand sons and grand daughters very much. I noted this from my grand parents. My grand father wont talk much with anybody. At the same time when i was child, he was talking with me only. He is taking me to go to shopping, travel, everywhere.
@derry123 (611)
27 Jan 09
i think its great if grandparents are around to help . The new parents and the baby have the little extra love and support that they both need .. The parents can have a break for a couple of hours knowing that the babe is safe ... im sure there are people that have other sides to this where it has not been so helpfull ... have you got a story to share *
@lenapoo (674)
• United States
27 Jan 09
I have three girls and with each one the mother daughter relationship was different. With my first daughter my mother was very unsupportive and had little to any involvement with my child. With the second she was there when I had her and after that she vanished into thin air. With my third girl which by the way was supposed to be a boy, my mother was kind of standoffish at the beginning and then all of a sudden she came around alot more and began spending time with my kids on a regular basis. I was glad that she changed her mind and decided to be a part of her grandkids lives. My father was very helpful from day one. He has always been there to pick up the broken pieces. My mother-in-law is very helpful as well. She likes to spend time with all of the kids and has been that way since day one. She is always thinking of her grandchildren, but none of them have tried to take over and for that I am extremely greatful. My father-in-law is not apart of my childrens lives he has some major issues of his own that he needs to tend to before he interacts with his granddaughters. I hope that one day that will be true. I think that it is important that the children know and become acquainted with their grandparents. My own grandmother took care of me and my two sisters when we were younger and she had a very majorly positive impact on my life. She is in a nursing home now and has alzheimer's and every chance I get I go and visit with her. Grandparents are lifelines as well as wisdom givers. They are very much appreciated.