Can you lead a MAN to HOUSEWORK..?
By zandi458
@zandi458 (28102)
Malaysia
February 3, 2009 6:08am CST
Housework is the pits. Do you know how many hours of housework it takes to maintain two adults minus young children around? We cannot deny the fact that women have always been the 'slave' in the house and I wonder where it is written that it is the women's responsibility to make the house a home and for the men to turn it into a pigsty? Men are never co-operative when it comes to housework.
Men are just very good indeed at loving themselves. They think 'I've worked hard today. I'll sit down for a minute and look after this glass of beer." He is taking care of himself. Like women, there are different specimen of men. Some will never change. Not if the world stops turning, the sun falls into the sea. If you live with one of these men, housework is not your problem. Know what I mean? Some men will change if you foam at the mouth, or hang from the suspension bridge with a Colt.45 pressed to your temple. Why bother? But other men will change their ways if you ask them. You can directly. Tell him what the job is and, most importantly, why it must be done.
Now do you think men should share the housework and not being assigned to the women only as besides doing housework she needs to care for the emotional side of her man. When he feels rough he gets emotional support and a bottle of Night Nurse, and you get to give them to him? How then do you drive your other half to do housework? Men already find it hard enough to follow the rationale of housework without you turning it into a guessing game. To get a man to talk housework is no small victory. And remember when you're talking to him, remember that unless he is a very unusual man indeed, housework is something new in his life.
10 people like this
46 responses
@carolscash (9492)
• United States
4 Feb 09
If a woman works outside the home, then I feel that the housework should be done by both,but if she doesn't then she should do the housework if he is working all day to support the family. I know that some may think that I am old fashioned with those beliefs but that is how I feel.
Right now, I work part time outside of the home and my husband doesn't have any work right now,but he does do some odd side jobs so he is usually outside when I work. However, he will do some housework if it is needed. He doesn't like to but he will do it. Today he is taking our daughter to the doctor for me just so I don't have to get out.
I would talk to my husband and explain to him that I was not able to keep up with all of the work that I was doing and that I needed him to help. He can at least pick up after himself.
@dawnald (85135)
• Shingle Springs, California
4 Feb 09
To tell you the truth, it's the reverse in my house. First I have a bad back and my husband helps with the things that it's hard for me to do. Second he has a lower tolerance for mess than I do, so he'll get on stuff today that I'm willing to leave until tomorrow.
1 person likes this
@alindahaw (1219)
• Philippines
4 Feb 09
I must say that we are on the same boat. My hubby has low tolerance when it comes to mess so he ends up picking things up and cleaning the house more than I do. We is also the better cook so he does most of the cooking. I on the other hand takes care of the laundry and the groceries. Not that i love doing the laundry but since my hubby is already pulling on more than his share of the workload, I might as well be responsible and run the washing machine at least once a week. Not bad huh?
2 people like this
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
5 Feb 09
I have found over the years that most men hate house work. They have been taught that it's a woman job not theirs. It is beneath them or something. They won't even take out the trash. SOme will like my husband when he sees me struggling to get the bag out of the trash bin. He will say I'll do that as he's on his way to get get. The thing is he will wait for it to spill over and won't get it until I go to get it, lol.
I have no idea on how to get them to do house work. Other than teaching them from childhood that they need to help out around the hosue and clean as much as they can.
1 person likes this
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
5 Feb 09
you are right of course. Many times but not all. I just have to start doing something that and he will cut in on what I'm doing and help.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58675)
• Delhi, India
5 Feb 09
It is tough one for me to respond, because it is basically meant for wives and not for husbands...............LOL!
I agree that both the partners should share the house-hold work together and if onely one of them (read lady of the house) continues to do it single handedly, it becomes all the more difficult for her. I on my part share the responsibilities to the maximum extent possible, in house hold and other related tasks, however, I admitt that my better half does more work than me (she is working woman) and she likes to do the work in her own style. If sometimes I attempt to execute a task, she does not appreciate my way or speed of working.....LOL!
@dpk262006 (58675)
• Delhi, India
6 Feb 09
My better half also say the same - 'Don't wait to be asked, take the initiative to do the work yourself'
Yes, I agree that men should be part of the team and team efforts win matches.....
1 person likes this
@bombshell (11256)
• Germany
3 Feb 09
my husband is doing house hold "sometimes" but its not the way i have done i mean very clean.he is also doing cooking but the problem is messy kitchen not like mine i always cleaning it everytime there is mess.
1 person likes this
@maygodblessu44 (7336)
• India
3 Feb 09
Hello my friend zandi458 Ji,
It is very much interesting topic. But my feelings are at draggers drawn with your
fidings and opinion. Since begining, division of Labour has been in-forced. Some how
men shared work pertaining outside the house, mailnly in fields/factories/bussines,
whereas women were assigned task inside the house mainly up-bringing children and
other house-holds activities. I think, there is nothing wrong so far. But, in case, if
Women started taking work out-side the home, men never substituded to work inside the
house and as such difference of opinion emerged and querrals/bickerings started. Life
became curse. It was a hidden fact, women are weak physically and as such were given
job under shade. But mu hubby always helps me in day to day's work, including kitchen,
andnever sits with bottle of rum. May everyone's husband be like mine. may god bless
you and have great time.
1 person likes this
@maygodblessu44 (7336)
• India
4 Feb 09
Hello my friend zandi458 Ji,
So nice of your comments. Without any exeragaration, I am confident to say that my
hubby is out of lac, he takes my care always. He finds happiness in doing other's
job, and more, when he helps me in kitchen, to be true, he always used to say that
so long husbands and wives live tiogether, there won't be any problem. After our
marriage, except for duty, he used to be away. Else all the time together. I
hardly visited my home, and even now, he finds happiness to take me to my brothers/
sisiters. So my hubby is great. may god bless every wive like my husband and have a
great time.[b][/b]
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
4 Feb 09
Well, the problem continues to be how Boys are being raised and there are still too many out there that are being raised that Women are the ones who do all the Cooking, Cleaning, etc. and all the boys are made to do is take out the Trash. For the most part, it can be harder to get a man to help around the house, and pick up after themselves, etc. My husband likes to cook and does pretty Good at it, but sometimes in order to get a lot of the extra cleaning done, we have to make sure we have a day off together, and then I insist on getting some stuff done.
Unfortunately I have a lot of Health issues that sometimes makes it hard for me to stand very long, etc. so our place can get to where it needs a thorough cleaning sometimes. But we do not have kids, so that is a little more of a plus. But it would be nice if men could do more for themselves overall without having to be asked or told for sure.
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
3 Feb 09
Well mine helped me when he wasnt working.
even when he retired he found more to do than I did .
lol
Now we have 2 lazy fellers around teh house SIL and his brother.
SIL works 10 hours days and his brother not working at all so they are buying all his food cigs and what ever.
I have to tell his brother all the time what to do even the jobs have been set up for him to do around teh house!. Gets tiresome.adnsometimes I hav eto start the job before he does it.
Wish my hubby was still alive the house worked in good order when he was.
Now have to drive the men to do anything and no its not up to the women really they should do there part.
And I am retired so I dont think I need to do all this any more.!
1 person likes this
@mag_keizer2007 (1282)
• Canada
4 Feb 09
Well I gotta tell you, I am a lucky lady. My husband does the housework allll the time. If I don't get it done or am not feeling well he will do all the housework. Plus he is better at it then I am. He can clean our house VERY quickly and it will be done properly, Not half as*ed. He sweeps mops, vaccuum, does laundry and makes beds...He is amazing. And it is one of the reasons I love him soooo much.
1 person likes this
@quinnkl (1667)
• United States
5 Feb 09
Personally I think it has to do with how we raise our male children. I am raising an son and he has to do housework just like I do. If he has a glass with liquid other than water, he rinses the glass and puts it in the sink when he is done. After he eats, he rinses the plate the same way. Does he always do the housework/chores he is supposed to? No, he is 13!! BUT, he is doing them - vacuming, sweeping, even scrubbing floors (one bathroom is his to clean, etc). I am hoping if they grow up doing it that they will just automatically do it. I know several men who are husbands who help with the housework. My DAD even vacums now that he is retired!! So they are out there, but very FEW and far between. It is definitely NOT the norm. And it definitely should be. You both work? You both share the household chores! Duh! Common sense. But most times, only to us women!
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
5 Feb 09
How right you are here. boys should be trained to do housework and when they are on their own they will just automatically do it. Since women are also contributing to the household kitty they should have a a job description for housework for the men to handle. Since some men need to be told what to do so there won't be domestic dispute.
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
3 Feb 09
i never got much help in the house from either one of my exes. if a woman works to i think men should help. if the woman doesn't work i really think it's her responsibility to keep the house. the man could help & that would be real nice but don't think it's his responsibilyt if the lsdy stys home.
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
4 Feb 09
if both stay home both should do their part. men need to know how to do things of course. my boys were not gourmet cooks or could not have gotten a job cleaning house but they knew how to take care of themselves & they wouldn't have starved. i think a mother has the resposibility of teaching their children the basics of looking after themselves whether it be cooking, cleaning or what.
1 person likes this
@alicia812 (646)
• Australia
5 Feb 09
Hi zandi. I never expected my husband to do house chores with me from the very first time he became my husband. First of all, my husband has disability which limits his physical activities. So I don't really mind if he just sits at home after work (oh, he works really hard 16 hours at most in a day!), eat dinner and watch television. I have learned to accept that my husband cannot be like other men who do the same house chores that their wives do at home. Second, my husband was brought in a culture (Italian) where women do everything at home while men work as if there's no more tomorrow to earn a living. I was brought up in a culture (Filipino) where husband and wife do house chores together especially on weekends. However, since I am a fulltime house wife and mother, I don't really mind doing all of the works at home. My husband tries to help sometimes but I just happily refuse to get help from him as I just want him to rest.
1 person likes this
@Shelly25 (19)
• United States
9 Feb 09
I think both the man and woman should share in the housework. If the woman is at home all day while the man is at work, her work is cleaning the house. But at the end of the day both the husband and the wife will be tired. Yet there will probably still be things that need to be accomplished. So at this point responsibilities can be shared. I grew up in a home where my father worked outside of the home and my mother stayed at home with us, or was waiting for us with prepared snacks when we came home from school. I remember that my mother at times would do home day care. So she would have her hands quite full trying to keep children entertained and the house clean. My father has shared in the responsibility of all that it requires to keep a house clean and running along with encouraging us children to be responsible for chores around the house. My father often will cook the meals for family dinner or they will take turns or do it together. A man can do housework.
@tigerdragon (4297)
• Philippines
4 Feb 09
not all men are the same and i am speaking on behalf of the real men who does household chores, and i am not gay. most men are like the one you describe and these are typical egotistic male, who consider themselves as the alpha male. You cannot change them because they were not trained to be like real men. most likely, their father is the same and that's what they copy subconsciously and believe that this is how men should be. as a kid, my mom have trained us to be mindful of our surroundings, to fix up the clutter, clean our bedrooms, wash the dishes, wash our clothes and amongst other things that needs to be done at home. we bring this attitude on to our professional lives and we become a very responsible human being.
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
5 Feb 09
Like father like son they say so it is not surprising that the men do what their father has done. Not taking any part in the housework. But I should praise you for your willingness to help out in the housework. Training of course starts early so would not find it unusual when they have their own family.
@sweetpeasmom (1325)
• United States
4 Feb 09
My husband will not pick up anything. His bags are still sitting where he dropped tham when he came home 2 weeks ago and I do not know what to do with them because when ever I try to move them he says to leave them so he can go through them!! WTH??
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
5 Feb 09
The story is the same with most men. They make themselves the king of the house and would not bother doing anything or put away their properties in proper. Nagging will only make it worse. So pretend to have headache every night as one responder commented and the men are quick to help in the household chores.
@littleone3 (2063)
•
4 Feb 09
I never have had to lead my partner to the housework as he does more than me off his own back. He does it because he cannot stand mess and is also a neat freak. He tells me it is the way he was brought up. Our youngest son is also the same way.
All I end up doing is cooking dinner, although occasionally he will also cook dinner, and doing the laundry.
Housework is nothing new to my partner.
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45681)
•
4 Feb 09
My mouth hangs open in astonishment. I, a mere male, do the majority of the housework here. I clean, wash, iron, put away, vacuum, cook, do the windows, cook, load the dishwasher and even wash up occasionally. I also iron, act as chauffeur and try to be my wife's (or The Boss as she is better known) helpmate and domestic servant. I'm not as good as I might be sometimes but I don't sit about all the day waiting for her to come home and look after me. Of course she does look after me very well and I wouldn't like to suggest that my life is one long chore, far from it and there are definitely corners that I miss or don't see at all in fact. LOL. I am not a saint. Just well trained, and I hope, getting better!!
1 person likes this
@MissAmie (717)
• United States
4 Feb 09
I get so annoyed at my hubby over our housework. Although I have to do a good bit of nagging, I must admit that he's pretty quick to help me when I really need it. He tries to use the "I've worked hard" excuse with me, but ladies...here's a trick...visit him at work if you can and see what he does. My hubby had all these stories about loading trucks of stuff until I went to visit him and all he did was play on the internet and talk on the phone while I was there. Now when he tells me he's had a hard day compared to my day with our 17 month old son and our WILD 6 year old daughter, I tell him he's lying.
Usually when someone helps me with the house it's my little girl. I have to force her too though. Often it's just easier if I do it myself and don't bother with all that nagging!
@eileenevasco (91)
• Philippines
4 Feb 09
Yeah of course.. When i visited in my bf's house i let him learn how to do household chores and mother inlaw was so happy about it. Coz he start learning how to keep his things,learn how to do londry and cooking of food..(-:
1 person likes this
