My 11 year old thinks she is in love.

United States
February 9, 2009 1:13pm CST
My eleven year old thinks she is in love with her 12 year old boyfriend. I told her that she really doesn't know what that word means. She doesn't argue with me, but they have always been close so I guess on some level she could love him. They have been friends since kindergarten, and decided to start "going out" almost a year ago. At first it was just friendly, now they have started holding hands and he puts his arm around her. They can only get together at our house or at his. His mother and I are friends so I know she keeps an eye on them there and vice-versus. They are never alone. There are usually 6 children together at once ranging in age from 9 to 12. It is all very innocent. They do like to be together, and he would be here everyday if he could. Of course he is not. They usually do see each other on week-ends, but his mother wants to stop that now, or atleast not let them see each other every week-end. I think they have a very sweet relationship. My daughters and I have had "THE TALK" more than once. Both my daughters and I have a very open relationship. We talk about EVERYTHING. They know what is acceptable to their father and I, and what is not. I am trying to be a good parent, but some think I am being to giving, to easy. They have never done anything inappropriate, 90 percent of the time I am in the same room, they are not aloud upstairs. They text each other, but I read all the texts every day and my girls know that I do. What am I doing that I shouldn't or what should I be doing that I am not?
2 people like this
8 responses
• United States
9 Feb 09
It sounds to me like you are doing everything right. 11 to 13 is a transition period. Hormones are ranging which messes with your emotions and can make you think you are in love. She may be too young for love but that is something she will figure out on her own in time. And they may grow to love each other as they get older too. As long as the relationship is healthy for both of them and you are keeping an eye on them and not letting them spend too much time together (and it sounds like all these things are the case) then I do not think anything is wrong with it. They are just enjoying eachothers company and expressing the bond that has developed between them. Do continue to keep an eye on them, as they continue through puberty hormones can cloud their thinking. It doesn't sound like it is a problem now but just keep an eye on things. Good luck!
• United States
9 Feb 09
Thank you for your thoughts. I am really trying to do the right thing. I remember being my daughters age and thinking I was in love with my boyfriend. We did not talk much, just held hands. My mom just told me I was to young and dismissed my feelings. I do not want to be like that. And I do not want my girls to rebel and do things just to spite me. I am afraid of this for the boy since his mom is being more restrictive.
@rmuxagirl (7568)
• United States
10 Feb 09
I totally agree that you are doing everything right. You and your daughter are very close and seem to have an open relationship. I don't see why they couldn't see each other on the weekends, it seems like an innocent relationship. I mean like runner said they are being watched so they couldn't do anything wrong at this point, and honestly I think it helps develop healthy patterns in a relationship to let them see each other now with you and his mother around. That way they won't feel like they have to hide anything as they get older know what I mean?
• United States
10 Feb 09
Thanks rmuxagirl. I absolutely know what you mean. I want to stay as involved with my girls and their friends, boys and girls. I don't want them to feel that they have to hide things from me. I try to have an open mind about things. So far, so good.
@Jae2619 (1484)
• United States
10 Feb 09
It sounds to me like your being the good parent. You are accepting the fact she is growing up but also keeping a close eye on her so she's not growing up to fast. Keep doing what your doing and be honest and open with her on how your watching her and she'll continue to follow your rules, but if you start doing things behind her back, she'll do those things to you as well, and the situation can get out of hand. I don't know if I could agree with stopping them from seeing each other because that can cause rebellion from children. They think you are not trusting them. I started dating at 13, but my boyfriend at the time was 16, I've been in those shoes where Momma don't like it but she accepts and respect the fact that I was growing up, she sat me down just as you have with your children and had the talk, and told me right from wrong. Just be the parent first and the friend second. And keep the door always open for her to come and talk with you, and everything should work out fine. Best wishes!
• United States
10 Feb 09
Thank you for your thoughts. I will not stop them from seeing each other, nor do I want to, but his mother does. She and I have had a major disagreement on this and aren't speaking at this time. I feel as you do, eventually rebellion will set in on his part and my daughter will be pulled in to that situation. I would like to work this out with his mom, but she isn't willing to talk right now.
• Portugal
10 Feb 09
I think you should let your child grow up and not make such a big deal of that ;)
• United States
10 Feb 09
I feel pretty comfortable with their relationship, but am worried about the fact that his mom doesn't want to let them see each other outside of school. The problem is they don't see each other in school other than passing in the hall a couple times of day with not even time to much more than say hello or wave. I worry about what extent they will go to to see each other.
@shifyole (38)
• India
9 Feb 09
what you are doing is very much correct. their age related problems are these. it will be alright soon when they understand what they really are. but it is really bad if you stop them from seeing each other or talking with each other. dont do that. that will divert them to the track which even you would not have expected. but it is always better to have an eye on them restricting the advantages they take on you.
• United States
9 Feb 09
I agree and I wish I could make his mother see this. She is the kind of person who thinks that all her thoughts and ideas are correct and everyone else is wrong. She worries about what everyone else thinks all the time. How it will make her look. She isn't even talking to me right now, yes over this. I have told her that we are so lucky. We know where they are, what they are doing, and the families that are involved. That means alot. I hope I am always so lucky. Thank you for your thoughts.
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
9 Feb 09
Hi melkbremomof, It would seem to me that you are doing everything right.The fact that you have an open relationship with your daughters is the key. If they feel that you trust them and know that they can talk to you at any time, then I think you are being a very good parent. I don't think there should be a problem with them seeing each other every week if they are supervised. Keep up the good work. Blessings.
• United States
9 Feb 09
Thank you for your thoughts also. They know I trust them, and I want to trust them and will continue to until they give me a reason not too. I have a very good relationship with the boy also. We all do things together when he is here sometimes. He knows how I feel about some things. He seems to respect my thoughts and feelings. He is a good kid.
@dookie03 (578)
• United States
10 Feb 09
Oh to be in love again that age. What a funny feeling when you get a real first kinda girlfriend and all the boys and girls tease you and what not. It was so much fun. Let her have her fun just not too much fun. These days you never know what 11 year old boys will do.
@sweetyethot (1738)
• China
10 Feb 09
Kids are growing fast ! By judging from your lines,I jump to my conculsion:you should introduce your girls to other teen girls.I hope that helps.
@Mamakavi (63)
• Kenya
10 Feb 09
Hi Melkbremomof2, You're right, it is an innocent relationship. And it is wise of you watch over them. Chances are, when your daughter gets into her teens, there'll be other interests, and possibly other boys. I also have an 11 year old daughter whom I talk to about everything, and she tells me everything. That builds trust between the both of us, and I supposes between you and your daughters. Trust like that is hard to betray.