Hope no one ever goes through this

United States
February 17, 2009 12:46pm CST
Hi. I am going to post my story in hopes that no one else will go though this. Even though I am over him now, it took nearly 3 years to get there. I was divorced in 1999 and as time went on, I became very lonely. Raising a 7 year old at the time took its toll and I was craving love. Which, I really have never had. My marriage wasn't based on love. More convience. Anyway, My mom bought me my very first computer in 2000 and I was excited. I posted my profile on a pen pals site, and this guy answered me. We talk through emails for a long time and then started IMing. It was there he told me that he had fallen for me. I did to. He had all the charactoristics of my so called dream man. Then he started calling me. But he only gave me a cell phone number. And would never tell me his address. I didn't think anything of it because I was so much in love with him. Believe me, there were tons of red flags. He wouldn't come to see me either. We were both in the U.S. and he just said he had to work. Well, then he stopped all contact for 4 months. When I finally heard from him again he said there was a death in the family. His Dad. I didn't know if this was a lie or not. But I took him back. I decided I had to see him. If he wasn't going to come to me then I was going to him. I flew to his state and thought I could kill 2 birds with one stone. I went there looking for work in hopes of moving there. Which was a huge mistake. He kept putting me off after I got down there. But on my birthday, he finally came to see me at a hotel. After our meeting, which was like heaven to me at the time (if you know what I mean) I thought I would see him again before I flew back home. But I didn't. After I got home I made plans to move down there. He even said he would help me move in. Well I took all of my money and he didnt show up at all. He came to see me a second time in my new place down there and that was the last time I ever saw him. I hung in there for a year and then got out of there and moved back home. All during this, my dad passed away, and I had a huge breakdown when I found out what he had done to me. This caused me to have horrible intestinal conditions which I still live with to this day. I pray that no one ever goes through this. I have made so many mistakes in my life and this was one of them. All my friends warned me about him, that he was married. He probably was but I didn't want to believe it. I wish I could go back in time and change everything. But I have learned now.
7 people like this
14 responses
@albert2412 (1782)
• United States
17 Feb 09
Excuse me if I tell you the truth, but you should not have devorced your husband. When you got married, you and your husband stopped being two people and became ONE person. You lost your own individuallity. Also, by leaving your husband you made your child's life lonely and unhappy too as well as your own. You should go back to your husband.
@jene1985 (228)
• Australia
18 Feb 09
albert you do not know the circumstances of why the marriage ended dont judge people like that. She has been through an awful time and has poured her heart out here to have you say such a thing is horrible makes me mad actually. You dont know what life is like for her.
1 person likes this
@Lore2009 (7389)
• United States
18 Feb 09
I don't think you know enough to judge anything. How do you know that her husband was not a bad person?
1 person likes this
@Lore2009 (7389)
• United States
18 Feb 09
I'm sorry you had to go through such painful situation. But I think you are becoming stronger and wiser every time. We make mistakes to learn from them. I learned that I am the only one who can make myself happy and nobody else, after my divorce and I hope you do too. Best wishes for you!
• United States
18 Feb 09
Hi Lore, This was years ago. 1999. I still have to see him when he picks up my son for weekends, and he is still a jerk to me. Right now, I have not gotten any child support since Feb 2. It is all I am living on right now! So I still have problems with him. I don't think it will ever end. But I don't let him bother me anymore. Hope you are doing well!
@Lore2009 (7389)
• United States
18 Feb 09
Good job leaving the jerk! And good job somehow keeping him out of your system, although he has to stick around. You are very strong to have to deal with him!
@jands1 (835)
• United States
17 Feb 09
I am so sorry this happened to you lagirl966. *hugs* What a horrible way to be treated. When my now fiance started speaking to me of matters of the heart, I was very hesitant. After all, not many sucessful relationships develop via Xbox Live. Guess I got lucky.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Feb 09
jands1, Thanks so much. You did get very lucky. I hope you are happy. You just cant trust anyone online. They can pretend to be anyone they want. Now I know better not to let my heart to haywire.
1 person likes this
@jands1 (835)
• United States
17 Feb 09
I agree. Most people pretend to be someone they are not. Even before there were nifty pictures on the internet way back in 1988 when I was piggy-backing to go online. Personally I do not have time for all that silliness. I am sure you will meet someone wonderful and be treated very well lagirl966. Don't give up!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
18 Feb 09
Oh, I met someone, her sister introduced him to two American men via Internet, the younger one is a playboy and the older one is a good one. Who will you choose between the two? She chose the older but good one which is also the choice of her sister for her. She married the old man who has been divorced for 2 years. They lived in the Philippines, she got pregnant and delivered a child. She thought the man has money and they are living above average class. When she delivered her baby, a month after that, she found out that the american is in big debt, borrowing to almost anybody. He was able to build a family using other's money. She was surprised about what she discovered, the man has no money. He lied to her and made her believe that they will live beyond her expectations. Anytime now, the man will be put to jail for fooling people. Be careful with the people you are trusting especially people from the Internet, some pretends to be the person they are not. Don't trust anybody easily again if I were you. A person who has a lot of excuses, is hiding something. If he is the real person, he will invite you right away into his house. Keep this in mind, lucky you because you did not get pregnant. You will also meet the right person for you at the right time.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Feb 09
janelacson, see what I mean? They all lie. They can become someone else and you will never know it. I was lucky. I didn't get hurt physically or anything. My heart was the only thing that suffered. And now, my body. Dont worry. I will never trust again online I think. There are to many people out there that take advantage. Thanks.
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
18 Feb 09
Love really knows how to bite us doesn't it? You are not alone in this....I have had that happen too...and I resisted as much as I could...but being lonely you look for love even if it's in the wrong place....I am glad you got yourself back together.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Feb 09
Hi Jillhill, I think the only safe way not to get hurt is to just close your heart away. But I cant do that. My heart is to big. I have learned what kind of people there are in this world. And the bad ones will get what is coming to them. I truley believe that. It is kind of lonely being alone, but I am ok. It is better than going through that stress again I think.
@daneg33 (1131)
• Canada
17 Feb 09
That is very sad. It sounds to me like this guy is married. The problem with meeting people on line is that they can become any one they want to and be as dishonest as they like. It was probably a good thing you went there and found out the truth, but it is too bad that he had to lead you on and break your heart. I hope you find someone who treats you much better than that!! You sound like a super nice person who has been through some very bad times and surely something good is going to happen to you soon.
• United States
17 Feb 09
daneg33, I think he is married. Probably doing the same thing to someone else. Its to bad. Hopefully some people will read my story and not trust people online. I mean, there may be some honest people out there, but they are hard to find. I hope I find someone to, but I seem to pick the wrong people all the time. I do have a good heart and I believe I am good person. Ever heard that saying? Nice people finish last? I think it is true! But I am wiser now to for going through that.
1 person likes this
@suegt31 (166)
• Australia
17 Feb 09
After reading your story i can see why you are so anti men. I will tell you my story one day. Please, don't think that all men you meet on the internet are like that. I met a wonderful caring man on the net. I was not going to go through with meeting him, because i was so scared, but my bestfriend encouraged me to do so. It was one of the best things i have ever done in my life. We have now been together about 14months. I have never once regreted meeting him. He moved here to me. Although he was only an hour and a half away to begin with. We visit his family and i get on really well with them all. Sure you have learned by your mistake and this is good but don't give up just yet on finding mister right.
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
17 Feb 09
Sweetie, don't beat yourself up over this because we've all been through some sort of "stupid" times in our lives. I don't care who you are, we've all done something that we've regretted later. It's how we learn things in our lives. As long as a lesson was learned then it was worth going through. If a lesson wasn't learned then, I'd feel sorry for the person because they'll go through something else that's just as bad. I learned from mine and you learned from yours so it was a lesson learned with both of us and so many others.
1 person likes this
@jessi0887 (2794)
• United States
18 Feb 09
What a creep. I am sorry you went through that. Some men are just jerks and pigs. That makes me want to hunt him down and make him wish he never did that. LOL! Just hoping to put a smile on your face.
• United States
18 Feb 09
Hi jessi, Thanks! You did put a smile on my face for that! LOL .. I wish I could have hunted him down! I seriously thought about it but I know he will pay for it somehow.
@mommaj (22751)
• United States
18 Feb 09
We have all done stupid things and usually for the right reason. Don't beat yourself up over this. Hopefully this will help others who do the internet love thing to be careful and if you can't go to him whether you meet him online or in person than he is seeing someone else or married. You're right, you had lots of red flags but you never really know until you are looking back. Love is blind.
• United States
18 Feb 09
Yep. Love is blind. It is true. I am not beating myself up. I just want to warn people not to be so trusting. But it will be to late for some cause like me, they get emersed in the love they feel and dont see anything else.
@giay0422 (60)
• Philippines
18 Feb 09
Everyone of us went through our ups and downs, its just really weakens us when its mostly the downs. But what is important is we always learn from that experiences and pick up the pieces from there. Sometimes the healing process isn't strike one, mostly we need to be hit twice or several times before we come to our senses and say, "yes it is enough, and I need to move one".
• United States
18 Feb 09
giay, I did learn from it to. In the most horrible way possible. My illness reminds me everyday what I went through with him. Even though I am over him now, I still have to struggle with these digestive conditions daily. I do wish I could go back and never have met him. Maybe I would be well today. But that is the past. I sure have learned and will never be so easy to fall again.
18 Feb 09
wow i really feel sorry for you its so sad you was lead along. the thing is we all what to be love, even more if you never got it as a child you look for it every were not what to belive the lies they may try to cover up, hoping that this is really love. hold in there, there are some good guys out around you just have to be carfully be friends with them to get to know them befour you take things further. also you need to think of your childrens happyness, sure they would what you to be happy but not with someone would cound break your heart.
• United States
18 Feb 09
Hi Lorraine, What bothered me the most is I thought I was selfish. I didn't even give any thought to my son. He saw me fall apart over and over when this was going on. It lasted for 3 years. 3 years I wasted with this jerk. I am sure that my son will never do this to a woman cause he saw what it did to me. So that is something good that came out of it.
@sharay (2778)
• India
18 Feb 09
I feel sorry for you, lagirl...now forget it all as every one of us commit mistakes and learn from them...is there any hope of you getting back to your husband (that depends on the reason why you were divorced), anyways, you are not alone, you have a wonderful kid, the kid is your hope, hold on to the kid and for the kid - life is not going to be the same ever
• United States
18 Feb 09
sharay, Thanks alot. No. My ex is remarried now to the woman he was cheating on me with. She is not a nice person. My son hates her cause she is so mean to him. She won't let him call his friends while he is there, and she puts garbage in his pillow case! Dont ask me why. My son is 15 now, and he knows he has it good with me, even though we are broke most of the time cause I cant work from my illnesses. But he understands that. I have my son and that is what is important.
• India
19 Feb 09
yup thats really sad to hear your story but its not a good idea to believe people whom you meet online and i feel teenagers are more prone to such kind of relation, which can only be imaginary and most of the times its just fake and thats the truth good that you have over come all that, anyways forget that and just concentrate more on your life and your son's education, that is more important than anything in your life, so make him study well and reach a good position and for other people who are longing for online relations i feel that is not good, anyways if you are ready to take the pain then go and fall into those cheaters hand, i have not seen a couple who is happy with online relations or marriage ah....seems very dramatic for me......