once a cheater always a cheater?

United States
February 20, 2009 9:00pm CST
Do you think that "once a cheater always a cheater"? i used to belive in that saying when i was in high school or even a while after i got out of high school but as i have been in a relationship and struggled to get where i am today i no longer believe that and here is why when i first met my hubby i fell head over heels for his smooth talk.. we started dating i moved in with him and then i saw the man i was with.. he had created accounts on single sites..like adultfriendfinder, and sites like that. he had pics of naked girls in his phone etc etc etc.. th elist goes on and on and on... he was not the man i thought i was getting with.. well i put up with it and put up woth it cried and cried. everyone kept telling em to leave but i felt like if i left knowing i didnt try my hardest and give my all to make it work, i felt like i would be cheating myself.( and my daughter...I got pregnant back feb of 2008) well after years of the struggle...he is finally the man i wanted him to be. he is kind and sensitive and he stopped all the games.. needless to say i ended up marrying him... so i dont belive that saying anymore. because i fell like if someone cares about the relationship enough and someone has the will power they can stop and chage their ways,...it takes work..hell it took me almost 2 years.. but it will change and get better if your heart is in the right place.
2 people like this
22 responses
@meetvivek (226)
• India
21 Feb 09
I believe in the statement "once a cheater always a cheater".I met this person who told me that she had a crush in college and that was only an infatuation but later she revealed that she was head over heels over him.She even had a relationship back in high school which she told me after a year in relationship.She always told me that she would never leave me and told me to believe her.I believed her.Now she has moved away from this relationship and is going out with another guy.So I totally agree "once a cheater always a cheater".Now it would be very difficult for me to trust people.
• United States
23 Feb 09
i understand what you are saying about finding it hard to trust again... but it will happen in time. you cant punish the next for something you ex did to you. at some point you will be able to open your heart again and trust...
• India
23 Feb 09
I sincerely hope your words work for me.Thanks anyway.
@donsky14 (5963)
• Philippines
21 Feb 09
I don't believe in that saying. Cause people change...especially if they love someone. I use to be a cheater, but I'm now really loyal and really loving to my boyfriend. He was a cheater too, but I do know for a fact, and I really feel that he has changed. We love each other, and we changed for each other.
• United States
23 Feb 09
thats so sweet that both of you can put differences aside and make it work together!
@donsky14 (5963)
• Philippines
23 Feb 09
I guess we just really love each other that much.
@gracie04 (4554)
• Philippines
22 Feb 09
I do believe in that saying before(when i was younger) but i proved it wrong.. my hubby cheated on me once but after that incident he never do it again.. how did i know? because i've seen a great change in him.. he would rather stay here with me than party with friends, he goes home on time, he shows me his email accounts, mobile phone, he makes me feel loved and cared about, he never fails to surprise me(and i appreciate every little thing he does), he never fails to make me smile, etc.. when i was confined in Las Pinas Med three weeks ago, he didn't go to work for two days(Thursday and Friday) to make sure i'm alright, he paid for the admission fee in the hospital(PHP5,000), he paid for my blood glucose meter and some meds.. i couldn't ask for more..
@LadyMarissa (12161)
• United States
22 Feb 09
Having a little more experience than you, I must say that it has been my experience that once a cheater...always a cheater. Yes, I've seen a few who changed. but it will change and get better if your heart is in the right place. Yes, if the heart is in the right place. Only problem there is that cheaters NEVER let you know where their heart really is. They tell you sincerely that they love you & then they go to the girlfriend's house & sincerely tell her that he loves her. You may be lucky...but 2 years isn't really long enough to judge. I hope for your sake, you're correct. I don't consider what you said he was doing as cheating. He was just being a single man who wasn't sure he was ready to settle down. Hopefully he has decided you & his daughter is really what he wants. I was married before you were born & my cheater is still cheating on his women. I'm just glad I removed myself from his list of women!!! I do wish you all the luck in the world!!! May your man truly have his heart in the right place!!!
@phifer (515)
• United States
21 Feb 09
i really dont think thats true. i know that it seems that way, but some people change there ways. my boyfriend was know in my town as a big cheater and he would cheat on every girl that he dated. i didnt belive it when i heared it, but it end up being true. we broke up and now we're dating a again. i know that i have a hard time trusting him, but just the way he treats me now compare to then i know that he's not going to do that again. some times it takes lossing some thing good or it happening to the person for them to realize what its like. i have cheated on one boyfriend in my life time, but that rule doesnt applie to me since it was once and its not something that i plan on doing again. there are some people that seem to neve change no matter what happens and those are the people that can be called that, but its not something that is true about a person that has only done it once and never plans on doing it again.
@benifix (174)
• Indonesia
21 Feb 09
Yes, in my case, i believe that. I have friends such that, a cheater and he will try to cheat in every chance. Because cheating is like other human behaviour which is difficult to change. It need some event or punishment that makes a cheater affraid to cheat anymore. No one can guarantee that a cheater will not cheat anymore in their lifes.
@Lore2009 (7388)
• United States
21 Feb 09
I think it all depends on the person... if they are the type to change and the type that doesn't want to and I think everybody can but it's their decision to do so.
@tea512 (687)
• United States
21 Feb 09
congrads on all your sucsess, I do believe in that saying but also that if you want to change it can happen. I remember dating a girl that I could never pin down she was always running around. It wound up destroying us because even if she was out with her firneds I always assumed the worst. I could never get by it. We still see each other around as we share some mutual firneds and she is married with children so I cannot imagine these games continue. When the person is ready they are ready and if they are not the saying will apply.
@jazz_123 (211)
21 Feb 09
Nah I don't think that is true. People can change....It is possible, lol. Just stay with him a few days and see if you love him. Trust your heart, and don't be afraid of giving love a second change.
@lynnemg (4539)
• United States
21 Feb 09
I think that if a person wants to change, they can. Unfortunately, many cheaters out there donot want to change or haven't been given the ultimatum to help them decide to change. In my opinion, it all boils down to the person themselves. I have an ex who cheated on me quite a bit. As a matter of fact, that is one of the reasons we split. He met the woman who is now his wife, and as far as I know, he has been completely faithful to her. One reason, she told him from the start, if he ever cheat, he was gone. Another reason, he wanted to chang for her and her kids.
• Chile
21 Feb 09
I always think, sayings are funny, but do not let a phrase skip a phase of your life, life isnt a word, is just experience. Everyone has the chance to change, but heres the little hint, no matter the age or the gender, everyone can change if that person really wants to, otherwisethe person is just trying or lying.
• Philippines
21 Feb 09
Not in every case, there are some people who will learn and not cheat again. But other will never change, so play it smart!
@ibanag22 (35)
• Philippines
21 Feb 09
Sometimes people have mistakes but it does'nt mean that people could'nt change... And we all know that nobody's perfect... And when it comes to love sometimes we get to cheat maybe because we are not sure of what is the true meaning of love... and if he truly loves you he will probably change for you sake. love takes time.. and if your destined for him God will help you to make him change. I don't believe in that saying cause we can change for the better
@Shar19 (8236)
• United States
21 Feb 09
Usually when someone cheats once they will always have that lust for someone else again. It is just too much temptation for them. Not to mention the spouse can never fully trust that person again. They will always be wondering. I'm sure there are some people that can better themselves and not cheat again but not many.
@lucy02 (5017)
• United States
21 Feb 09
I really don't. Its very hard for people to change and many people don't but there are some that do. There has been many changes in my life over the years. There are things I did when I was younger that I would never want to do again.
@academic2 (7009)
• Uganda
21 Feb 09
Yeah congs for finally getting him the right track. People change and time is the best teacher-only a fool never changes, so even in cheating issues, we get to change from our bad ways to good ways! I thank God for your man and how he has finally become the love of your life!
@carrine (2749)
• Philippines
21 Feb 09
i think so, because once they're used to do such thing, they are not afraid to do i again and again.. thats my opinion huh..
@JenInTN (27564)
• United States
21 Feb 09
I think you are a very willed and lucky lady. People do have the power to change what they really want to change. A cheater with one may not mean they will cheat on the next. It's a tough thing you have went through and my hat is off for your dedication to your man. I don't think it works out like that for everyone but it certainly has for you.
• Sri Lanka
21 Feb 09
it can take it by both ways someones not changing.. someone change thier life if s/he get true love....
• India
21 Feb 09
well as you have stated you yourself can see that your husband has proved that wrong i have read your previous discussions also, good to know that now everything is fine in your life, be happy so like that we can come across so many people who have proved thenselves at times and proved the world that there is BAD IN GOOD AND GOOD IN BAD and we need to give chance for such people for them to change for better and i also have seen such people who have changed for better and in most of the cases it is for their love good