Wife is the decision maker while husband is an obedient follower!!!

@Bebs08 (10691)
United States
April 27, 2009 6:55pm CST
Oh? a friend of mine told me that she is the one who made the decision because she is more intelligent than her husband and her husband is a poor decision maker. I said... Oh!! what? She said her husband will just obey because her decisions are better than his. Oh my goodness!!! I don't like to do that. I want both of us to discuss or sometimes I will let hubby decides specially if it is a major thing in the house. Of course I have a part of that decision but most of the time, I said, IT's UP to you my dear. I really admire husbands who can make major decisions,, not the wife to dominate. What about you? are you the ones making the major decisions? is it because that is what you want?... that is really tough... Just curious!!!
4 people like this
31 responses
@berrys (866)
• Singapore
28 Apr 09
i don't like not being in control so i like to make decisions but i never undermine my fiancee, I'll just say your suggestion is good but here's a better idea. so i just pitch in my ideas without demeaning him in any way. he loves that i love to help out and loves me for who i am. if i wasn't the person i am today i would never had met him. it was because of my fighting wit in the first place that we met and had friendly challenges and now we're just engaged! good luck to you and god bless. cheers love.
2 people like this
@Bebs08 (10691)
• United States
28 Apr 09
Oh!! good luck to you both too. I hope that when you will be together for long.. you will have good partnership in making decisions.
@mobhomeir (7567)
• Philippines
28 Apr 09
Good discussions. Yes. That's the most problem of ours. The most causes of our trouble. Decision making, which decision would be to be followed...
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10691)
• United States
28 Apr 09
hahahaha!!! that is really a problem when both are strong to insist his opinion in making decision. I would maybe say that both are intelligent in their own way and want to excel. For us, I would say that we both agreed and sometimes i will let hubby decide what is the best for us. anyway, he is the head of the family and he will be the one to solve it if ever there might be something wrong with the decision.
1 person likes this
@mobhomeir (7567)
• Philippines
29 Apr 09
You're a good housewife I guess and I appreciate for that, you envy me my friend.It's really sad to think, in fact as I write this reply we've been in trouble again...the reason is I am already filled with her attitude. I was not a perfect human that I can hold all temperamental situation in all of my life. It was really sad. I almost to surrender..I don't know..hu hu hu hu
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10691)
• United States
29 Apr 09
Oh? no retreat, no surrender!! hahahaha... be strong.. if you are the head of the family? assert your right?
1 person likes this
@shell2784 (752)
• United States
28 Apr 09
Um... no. I'm glad that my fiance is not a 100% follower! Mostly with the cars and such he decides what parts or whatever go on them... but I still have a say. And when it comes to redecorating/remodeling our house, I show him what I would like to make sure he'd like it too. I'd say 99% of the time we're both happy with what the other has chosen and go about our day. But NEVER (whether it was true or not) would I go around boasting that basically my husband is a dumb@$$ and i have to make all the decisions for him. I think that its very disrespectful and just down right ignorant. I love the fact that my fiance and i communicate whenever there is a major decision to be made... or even sometimes minor decisions that we just want each others opinion on... and I think that's the way it should be! I'd never let a man dictate to me (again)... why would I do it to him. Can someone say... controlling???
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10691)
• United States
28 Apr 09
Well, I am not sure if the right word to describe to my friend is CONTROLLING? I think it is not that... but she just assume the responsibility of being the decision maker because she is more aggressive and confident that her hubby.
• United States
28 Apr 09
No... I'd still say, at least slightly, controlling. When a man decides to control a woman - he (for the most part) believes that he knows better so HE will make the decisions... whether its when she takes the trash out or what car or house will be bought, clean down to making the deciions on who her friends shuld be... because he thinks she's stupid and cannot decide for herself, whether is true or not... you don't see any similarities? I'm really only going on thefact that she said she's more intelligent so he'll just go along with it... THAT'S why I say controlling! Pretend you're telling this story about man... so now the man is the one who makes all the desicions because his wife isn't a smart and he knows best... but dont worry she'll go along with me b/c she knows I'm smarter... you don't think 90% of the women on here would be tearing thru that man that he doesn't need to treat her thatway and she's a human being and can make her own decisions and why would she put up with that she's so much stronger than that!!!! I know I would be... so I dont see why its fair for the woman to get away with it while the man would be getting torn apart.
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10691)
• United States
28 Apr 09
Well, maybe the man is comfortable that way. But I won't agree what my friend is doing. she should let her husband have the contribution of making decisions even if she thinks that she is smarter than him. You have a Very good input in this discussion.
@eichs1 (1934)
• Philippines
29 Apr 09
I don't think that wife making decisions at home is weird or unusual. There are times that the woman is better informed than the man of the house so it is just proper that she will make the decision. However, as husband and wife, it should still be a conjugal decision. If we want to apply Biblical or Christian principle, the wife has to submit to the husband in the same manner that husbands have to respect the wives at all times. In a way, it will still be a husband and wife thing complementing each other. What is weird to me is for your friend to be bragging how she subjugates her husband. That's not the way to respect a partner in life. If that's the real situation, she does not have to tell you that your husband is sort of stupid or "Andres de saya", right? Can't she just say that her husband loves and respects her so much and does he allows her to decide on certain things in their home?
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10691)
• United States
29 Apr 09
Well, maybe she felt it a pride that she is more intelligent than her husband. I don't like to belittled my hubby to others even if he doesn't know it because I respected him whatever he is. But she is very proud to tell me that she controls their finances because she is better in money management than her husband but she is not working. She just stayed in the house. She is receiving money from the government, I don't really understand what that is.. she said it is nor a welfare thing,, it pension because her husband is working for many years? I don;t understand that.. but what I have in mine is that maybe it is pension thing?
@eichs1 (1934)
• Philippines
29 Apr 09
You are right. That is pride talking from your friend. She is not proud about her husband, she is just interested in bragging her superiority. But for what end? I'm glad you are not like your friend in this aspect of life. Government pension is only for those who retired. Welfare is for those who can't work and need the assistance of the government. Unfortunately, we don't have a welfare program here in the country that supports a family or a person monthly. Our social welfare services have a limited financial capability. Our government mandated insurance systems though, the SSS and GSIS, have this disability support for members who can no longer work due to some illness. I am not sure which among those mentioned is your friend's husband entitled to.
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10691)
• United States
12 May 09
HI, am sure you are from the Philippines. I come from there too. My friend's hubby is retired but he is still working. I don;t understand what that is... but he is still working now even if he is retired. My friend is a Filipina who married an American.
@sanuanu (11241)
• India
28 Apr 09
It isn't strange at all! I mean in new modern world, women are taking more and more responsibility. But if you ask me for this topic, I woul dnot like to be dominated by woman. I feel that decisions must be made after a suitable discussion. Sometimes, my decision can go wrong, some times, she can go wrong. A family is a car in which first two tyres are controled by husband and rest two by woman, So, both of them should agree on something in order to run that vehicle, isn't ti?
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10691)
• United States
28 Apr 09
That is exactly right!! No one will dominate the other. It must be decided and agred by both if there is any major thing to decide. the wife should not insist her will to be followed. But there are women who are like that.. hahahaha
2 people like this
@sanuanu (11241)
• India
29 Apr 09
I don't like those kind of woman but sometime woman should take control as her man can go wrong, after all he is a human, isn't he?
1 person likes this
@marguicha (45761)
• Chile
28 Apr 09
When my hubby was alive we decided things together. Sometimes I would take the lead, some times he would. We didnĀ“t count who had taken the lead more times. My husband respected me as a person and I respected him. None of us was "the head": we were a team. I was more intelligent and he was wiser. Some problems required more intelligence, others required being wise. But we both had some territory we called our own.
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10691)
• United States
28 Apr 09
hahahaha I like that!! HE IS WISE AND YOU ARE INTELLIGENT.. Cool!!! that is very food partnership. I admire your style.
• Philippines
28 Apr 09
that's great .. because when two people decide to became as one .. no one has a higher position .. you two are great :) you're relationship is like give and take :D .. you're intelligent an you're husband is wise .. ! nice tandem ..
@silverjam (969)
• United States
11 May 09
I don't think it's healthy for just one spouse to make the entire decision for the family, afterall marraige is made up of two people and are expectedly sharing everything specially decision-making. In my part I guess we are doing well w/ this as we are always discussing everything that needs to be decided although at times it's my husband who made the major decision but I am always consulted. This is so because he knows a lot from this country since he's born here while am just new here and is not yet familiar on everything. But I guess there must always be a discussion and a concensus decision that derives from both parties w/o the one dominating or thinking that the other one is less, sharing is always a keyword.
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10691)
• United States
12 May 09
You are exactly right!!! that's what we are too. Hubby does most of the major decisions but he let me know. There are times that he let me decide also about certain things but we talk about it before making decisions.
• United States
28 Apr 09
I think it takes two in the household for a home to run the way it should. That is my opinion anyway. I and my hubby discuss and make choices together.
@Bebs08 (10691)
• United States
29 Apr 09
Well, you are one of those lucky couples who respect each other specially in decision making. Congrats..
• Philippines
28 Apr 09
Nope!! We both agree in certain things that we wnat to decide. Much more if it is a mojor one that needs careful thinking? we must discuss the pros and cons and then both will decide what is best. Neither of us dominate the other.
@Bebs08 (10691)
• United States
29 Apr 09
wow!! that is good!! I admire that set up.
@chastity7 (104)
• United States
28 Apr 09
Even if I want to say yes to a dinner, an outing, ect., I always double check with my husband first, and say 'what do you think honey?' just out of fairness and so he feels like I value his imput, which I do. I can't imagine making him look small in front of his friends or something by being like 'we're going, so there!'. I would want the same respect, so it's 50/50.
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10691)
• United States
29 Apr 09
Oh that is very sweet!!! I like that.. showing respect is a big deal in marriage.
@Modestah (11195)
• United States
28 Apr 09
Ideally, I believe the husband is the head of the house and as such he is responsible for major decisions that effect the house - but at all times should take into consideration the input/advice/and concerns of the wife. In the end, no matter how much deliberation has been made the final decision does fall into the hands of one. This is not possible in all situations. I know folks that believe the same as I but due to limitations of the husband the duty passes onto the wife, naturally.
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10691)
• United States
29 Apr 09
yes, I can agree with that also. There are times that a decision has to be made urgently and the other is not around so, either the husband or the wife has to decide of what to do. That is in emergency cases. But if it is a natural happenings, It is not good for me.
@mermaidivy (15422)
• United States
28 Apr 09
My hubby is always the decision maker because we all knew that I don't like to make decisions and my hubby likes to be the leader so we don't have problems of that.
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10691)
• United States
29 Apr 09
That is good too. yes, hubby wants to be the leader too... hahahah but I have to say my views in certain things.
• United States
28 Apr 09
I make all the cisions in my house for basically the same reason. I am smart on finances and logic. So, I have the say in everything. There are times I wish he would make a decision, but then again, would it be the right decision? Probalby not. He does make the decision what we have for dinner. LOL
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10691)
• United States
29 Apr 09
Oh really? maybe your hubby trusts you in many ways and he knows that you are a better decision maker and it benefits the family.
• United States
28 Apr 09
I don't make every major decision, but if I make a suggestion, or tell Hubby that something needs to be done about this thing or that, and it doesn't get done in a timely manner, then I will make the decision to do it myself. He doesn't usually say anything about it, because he knows I am right. I don't think that I am more intelligent, or make better decisions, I just hate putting off important things while he tries to decide if it's that important, or not. Call it a little push in the right direction.*S* He decides where we go on vacation, he is the one who works all year to earn that time. I make decisions about the everyday stuff concerning the house, and household because this is where I am all the time. But, for the most part, we discuss the situation, then whichever one we decide is more capable of making the final decision does.
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10691)
• United States
29 Apr 09
Oh!! that is really good too. My friend is not working, and mainly her hubby is the one earning.. but since she is receiving money from the government every month, she seems controlling their finances. Her husband entrust the money to her and that where she has the control of everything. I don't like that set up. But she is comfortable with it. I don't know of how her husband felt personally. that;s their own personal thing. I don't want to ask.. LOL.
@paulsy (1266)
• Philippines
28 Apr 09
In my opinion, it's always good for both spouses to share the responsibility of making decisions for the family. Hubby and I always make it a point to discuss before we make final decisions on important family issues. But on minor issues, either one of us can make decisions ourselves. I wouldn't want to make all the decisions by myself... definitely not! I like it the way we have it, my hubby always respects my point of view.. he makes it a point to ask me what my thoughts are, and I really appreciate it! I guess that makes us respect each other a lot!
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10691)
• United States
29 Apr 09
Oh!! Sweet!! I like that. Yup, it is nice when husband and wife respect each other. Sad to hear that some other couple under estimate the other.. I don't like idea. they should both accept each other's weaknesses and help each other in anyway, not dominating.
@palonghorn (5492)
• United States
28 Apr 09
My daughter is like that, but it's more because her husband is busy, stressed with work (he's a soldier) or he's gone a lot. As for me, I had two past marriages, one he made all the decisions, the other I did. I'm getting married again in September and we will both be making the decisions, we will both be working, and there will be times with one or both of us, that we are gone for days. He's structure firefighter and I'm wildland firefighter. So we both need to be informed of what is going on, or needs to be done, etc.
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10691)
• United States
29 Apr 09
Oh really? you re both firefighters? that's cool!! good that you've meet somebody who is not controlling, what I mean is both of you has the freedom to share opinions when it comes to major decision making. thanks fro sharing.
• Philippines
28 Apr 09
In our house, I use to raise up the possible solutions but I always ask for his approval. If he doesn't like my proposal then we'll sit down and find another solution. In the end we end up getting into idea that we both decided, so that whatever happens we know we both agreed to that... lol!
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10691)
• United States
29 Apr 09
Very good set up. That is very nice...
28 Apr 09
Oh, my friend. Actually, to my mind, it is not so important to become the major decision maker in the family. A wife and a husband is equal. If there is an issue, they two can discuss it together, think out how to solve it and handle it. The more important aspect is that the wife and the husband can repect each other and love each other.
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10691)
• United States
29 Apr 09
That' right!! but there are many husbands and wife who always have an argument because they can not agree in certain things specially when there are major things to decide. There are some wives who dominate and there are husbands also who are controlling or vice versa. But you are right!! if all the husband and wife are the same as what you describe, married life is a wonderful thing to enjoy.
@zedlav23 (458)
• Philippines
28 Apr 09
I feel sorry for your friend and your friend's husband. I know that there are a lot of intelligent women but when it comes to decision making, as the head of the family, the father should be the one to give the final say on the decisions. This does not mean that the husband will impose only what he wants, but it is always with consideration of the wife's suggestions. It's not just a matter of principle but a matter of making a clear line on who holds authority as the leader of the family.
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10691)
• United States
29 Apr 09
Exactly right!!! I like the way you view the situation. You are a good family man.
• United States
28 Apr 09
the husband should either step up and stand his role or the wife should stop being so controlling.
@Bebs08 (10691)
• United States
29 Apr 09
that's right!! I agree with you.