Older Spouse, YES or NO???

Indonesia
May 11, 2009 7:44am CST
I have a friend who is married to someone who is 25 years older than her. I don't have any problem with that, in fact I'm happy for both of them, because they have been happily married for almost two years now and seem to enjoy each other's company everyday. But some people in my community think differently about their relationship/marriage. People said if the spouse (either husband or wife) is much older, then there will be communication problems between the two of them. What do you think?? Would you have older spouse?? Why or why not??
5 people like this
27 responses
@jugsjugs (13045)
11 May 09
Age i s not a problem if they are both happy.If they have been together for over two years then they would know and love each other very much and therefore they would not care what anyone else had to say about their age.Each to their own is what i say.I would love a toy boy lol alot of people would.
1 person likes this
@med889 (5958)
11 May 09
Age is not very important or i will say that age is less important to the feelings both person share whenthey are together. There is a gap of course but who says that this gap will onlu worsen matters it can also make things clearer between the two person so its better to think positive instead of negative things. My boyfriend is older than me for only 12 days and even if he was 25 years older I don't think my love for him would have decrease because of the gap between us. So age can be given importance but not more than the love between the two individual.
• Indonesia
12 May 09
Dear my friends, thank you very much for commenting on this topic. I'm glad that most of you agree with me that it's okay to have older spouse (either husband or wife) as long as they love and understand each other, and enjoying each other's company. Sure there are some disadvantages of this kind of relationship, but as long as they both are happy, then as their friends, we should be happy for them too. I will show your comments to my friend, I'm sure she will be happy to read these. She feels a little bit sad lately to hear those nosey people in my community talk bad things about her marriage. But with all the support we can provide, I hope we can boost up her optimism again. Again, thank you for your comments and supports.
@med889 (5958)
12 May 09
Hello there! You are welcome ;-)I can understand how does one fweel when people are constantly commenting on something about youwhich you yourself give less importance. My boyfriend is of a different religion and people are never tired to talk about that.Sometimes I get really angry but then I prefer to remain calm and let them say whatever they eant to. As I read once " Whatever you think is none of my business"....I think if we people we believe on these wordings then we won't be affected with the comments of people. So whatever the issue whether age or religion, they are less important than the love between the two person.
@fec139 (803)
• United States
19 May 09
I think the people in your community need to take care of their own lives and shut up about the lives of other people, which is none of their business. They should not judge anyone else's choice of spouse because it has nothing to do with them. I believe in "live and let live"!!
@jdyrj777 (6558)
• United States
15 May 09
It really doesnt matter what anyone thinks because they are two concenting adults. A older male may be more stable. Your friend may also learn more from a older male. As long as they are happy is all that matters.
@KrauseHome (35035)
• United States
13 May 09
Well personally I think it is up to each individual what is Best for them. And those who think it is wrong, or who would never do this, have never found a person that much older they could truly Love like that as well. Back when I was in my 20s I dated someone older than my Mom, and never seen anything wrong with it. It was a great memory for sure. Many had an issue with it, but I feel it has helped make me who I am today. I am now in my 40s, and happily married to someone who is 5 yrs. older than I am. I tried dating younger, older and some in between. But I feel that overall it is really between 2 people which works best for them, and no one else needs to try to interfere as well.
@tundeemma (896)
• South Africa
12 May 09
yes, nothiong is wrong with that especially as love does not have any boundry, if the communication between the couples is perfect then nothing stops them from enjoying each other and staying for as long as they are destined to stay. Older women often find younger men fascinating though and vice versa
• Greece
12 May 09
two to five years maybe for me is good.because we can still relate from each other but it depends on the person.people who get in love understand each other and accepts each other no matter what they are. I had a boyfriend before who is younger than me and my aunti too.both were younger.and we found that that they are immature and most of the time wanted to be understood always.Huh! so i finished the relationship coz i think it will not work and never i wnted to be with him with such attitude till life.So i choose older than me because older people i believe are more broadminded.and i found out better than having a younger one.
@ahslack (487)
• Singapore
12 May 09
I think each individuals have their own preferences and choices.But for me,i don't think i will choose my future spouse to be older than me by alot.Because i will feel that people will look at us like we are brother and sisters.So that's the reason why i won't want a older spouse.
@jayrene (2713)
• Philippines
12 May 09
i dont thing age gap would be a problem in communication. if two people no matter how far the age gap is, understands and loves each other. then it really is not a problem. i've known some couples who have age gap as wide as that, and they dont have a problem in communication, they argue once in a while yes, its part of the relationship, but other than that, they are living okay. personally i would prefer somebody older than me.
• Malta
12 May 09
Some of my friends have an age gap difference of 8 years and it seems to be working fine for them. However I feel it is too much for me. Between my husband and myself there is 1 and a half years difference which suits us fine, but I would not feel at ease with a much older man because it would make me feel in a parent - child relationship, while I would like an equal relationship.
@ilawise26 (191)
• India
12 May 09
Hi natalia! Thats a very nice and much debated question over the years. Its an equally interesting question to answer! Considering the caseof your friend who's happily married since 2 years,i would say age doesnt bring the barrier.Its the thought process that does. sometimes a person as old as our father can have the same thought process as us. On the contrary a person with the same age as ours can have a thought process similar to our father! And in a similar fashion a younger person can have same thoughts as us! So it all depends on the person's mind than his body. Its his mental age and not his physical age that measures compatibility. You should never bother about what the people around think about it. If you are in harmony with a person and you think you are ready to bridge the physical age gap then you should go for such a marriage! ahppy mylotting!
@geniustiger (1699)
• Philippines
12 May 09
i have an older spouse right now. so far so good our relationship but we could not hide that marriages had diffrent problems encountered whether financial,siblings,oe any but still we should learn how to face and handle this with care. its not the age that matter as long as you have both in love with each other and evrything is quite smooth then no worries. it depend uponour unique behaviour if we know how to understand each other.
@marites31 (267)
• Philippines
12 May 09
I don't see any thing bad having a spouse older that you are. My husband is 9yrs older than me. I feel blessed because i have a matured man who will always guide me and give smarter advises. Although, there will be differences in the beliefs and ways of living but ultimately everything will be fine at the end of it for as long as you know how to communicate with each other. Life can never be measured in terms of age but experience so whatever the age of your partner, it does not matter for as long as both of you understands, trusts and have friendship to grow old together.
@youless (91494)
• Guangzhou, China
12 May 09
I think it depends on different people. As to me, I don't want to marry to someone who is older than me 10 years. I prefer my husband is older than me a few years. I am afraid we will have generation gap if he is older than me a lot. And we may not do some exciting outdoor activities because of his age. I love China
• United States
12 May 09
Age doesn't matter. My man's 14 years older than I am and we do great. We have our usual couple problems here and there, but when it comes to communication we make a point to make sure the other person knows whats going on. Let your friend know that it doesn't matter what those people think as long as she knows this is the right man for her. People will always be nosey and talk behind others backs because it gives them something to do and it makes them have a false sense of bonding with the people they are gossiping with. Let her know that myself, my mother, my grandmother, and my aunt all agree that she should tell these gossipers to shove it because her marriage is probably better than any of theirs.
@bird123 (10486)
• United States
12 May 09
If there was a communication problem, how did they get married in the first place??? Whether it is right or wrong has more to do with chemistry. A person isn't always in control who they fall in love with. I knew a couple where he was 25 years older. They were together over 15 years and would be today if he hadn't got cancer which took his life after about a year of suffering. Guess who was by his side??? She misses him even today. Love is a funny thing especially true love. Don't let people keep you from your true love and the great joys of your life. Only you can know if your true love is right. Sometimes true love comes packaged funny. It is the stuff happiness is made of none the less.
@eneria (118)
• Philippines
12 May 09
Age doesnt really matter.. as long as you love and understand each other.. for me, i prefer husband older than me.. because i think they know how to handle relationships.. and about the communication problems? it depends on how they will let their relationship will flow.. give & take process.. :-)
@jammyt (2824)
• Philippines
12 May 09
My husband is four years older than me and I think that gap is just about right. My uncle is 10 year older than my aunt and sometimes, it is scary to think that she will be left alone earlier because of his age. Some people makes this kind of relationship really work.
• Cebu, Philippines
12 May 09
For me it doesn't matter if one of the couple is older than the other for as long as they understand each other, they are happy being together and they know how to deal the difference because of the age gap and other pros and cons of having older partner.
• Spain
11 May 09
at the end of the age is just a number. it shouldn't really matter if one person is older than the other. everyone has different experiences of life, so in this case they can both share their life expereinces with each other. my only concern would be when you are older, the younger person will be left to deal with carig for the other in their later stages in life. this is when the younger spouse will need a tight family/friendship network to help them through those times. i'm not against tese sorts of relationships, but every aspec must be considered.