Is it ok for Teenagers to stay out late?

@Glow1971 (354)
Spain
May 16, 2009 8:39pm CST
There have been times when my son, who is 13 years old, has asked me if he could stay out late. We have only had this conversation about 3 times and I've always said no.At times I wonder if I'm treating him like a baby or if I should let him go and be back home at a certain time. He has insisted he isn't going to do anything bad but I just worry that he'll get into some kind of trouble unintentionally. I'm really not sure who his friends are and he says that I can trust him. I've always told him why does he need to stay out late if he can do the same thing earlier. I just find this to be weird. Should I let him go? How should I handle this if he asks me again?
4 people like this
18 responses
• Singapore
17 May 09
try to make friends with his friends, stay out late is still not so good idea for a 13 years old child, this is what i think, maybe he can go out to have some fun with his friends, but be home at 10 pm
1 person likes this
@Glow1971 (354)
• Spain
17 May 09
That's what i told him but he didn't say anything. Thanks for your post.
• China
17 May 09
I think it will be very difficult for the prarents to make friends with their child's friends.The children want to have their own space and their owm friends.
1 person likes this
@ajithlal (14569)
• India
19 May 09
I think staying out late is not good idea. I think you should try to talk to him about it and the things that can happen.
• United States
17 May 09
I'm not a mother yet, but my parents had strict instructions on times that I could be gone. And I was not allowed to be out past mid-night. But that was when I was 16 and up. 13 is a little young to be out that late, in my opinion. But you know him better than anyone and just take everyones suggestions and maybe combine them into something that would work specifically for him. I would set a curfew for him to be home at a certain time, and then as he gets older maybe push it later and later. And if he comes home late, make it so that he has to be home an hour or a half hour early for a week or 2 weeks. Thats what my grandma did when I lived with her, and my parents did that too. I don't know if that would work, you could give it a try! :)
1 person likes this
@Glow1971 (354)
• Spain
17 May 09
Well he hasn't bothered me in a while and I hope he doesn't..lol.. but i do know it will happen sometime soon and i just dread it.
2 people like this
• United States
17 May 09
lol, don't dread it. Just be ready for his questions on why he can't stay out and if he stays out past the time you set that he's going to have to come home earlier next time. Kids are funny, but if you just sit them down and say hey, I want to give this a go, but its going to be up to you to do it right, that always worked for me. I felt like i was getting some responsibility, and i wanted to show my parents that I could listen and I could obey. You'll have to let us know how it goes!
1 person likes this
@lynnchua (3416)
• Singapore
17 May 09
He is only 13 so I don't think he should have too much of freedom. If its ok for you maybe ask his friend to come over to your place and they can stay there late. or let his friend to your home more often so that you can understand more of his friends.
1 person likes this
@ajithlal (14569)
• India
17 Sep 10
I also agree that young kids should not be given much freedom until they grew up and be more mature.
@lelin1123 (15643)
• Puerto Rico
17 May 09
At 13 no way would I let my child out late and you are not treating him like a baby. He should be home and only out if he is with his parents. At 13 why would a child want to be out late? That is strange. If he ask again I would just tell him "no you are to young and not until you are 15 will you be allowed to go out by yourself. Then there needs to be a curfew. Remember its a dangerous world out there and we need to protect our children. You are doing the right thing by saying "NO". Good Luck to you!
@dookie03 (578)
• United States
17 May 09
Man that's a tough one because when i was 13 i was startin to stay out late. By 14 or 15 i was stayin out real late and the parents weren't gonna stop me either. It was come home when i damn well please and boozin it up and everything else. I was a pretty bad kid i guess since my parents just pretty much let me run amok. They didn't like it by any means but they let me go for the gusto that's for sure.
@Glow1971 (354)
• Spain
17 May 09
That is my fear. If they get away with it now, imagine a couple of yrs later. Thanks for your post
@caskins (689)
• United States
21 May 09
Hello Glow1971, I don't think a 13 year old should be out late. Try finding out who he hang around with. Stand your ground and don't give in.
@cudamani (997)
• India
20 May 09
Let them enjoy their teenage. If they are not going to spoil the reputation of their family and as long as they are not going to harm themselves it is okay.
@rizzu87 (860)
• Malaysia
18 May 09
I think if you are strict enough with your son then you should not let him go. Children at this age adopt negative things very quickly and they usually like things which are only bad. If you let him go out few times then he may go out more often. My brother is in the same age and my mom is so strict about getting home earlier. I saw his friends smoking once and my brother was not smoking with them. But it still made me so upset and angry that children who are just 13 are going towards bad things so easily. you should be strict about getting home on time and also try to find out what kind of friends he has. If you find that they are not that good then make your son not meet them that often. Hope my advice will help you out. Keep mylotting.
@zzyw87 (1260)
• Philippines
18 May 09
When I was a teen, my mom always set a curfew for me even if my other friends can stay out until after midnight. I always needed to go home around 10pm. If I am not at home yet, my mom would call me up and ask me where I am. IT started out that way. Then as time passed by, I earned my mother's trust by never getting into trouble and always sticking to my curfew. After a few times, she knew I was a responsible girl and know how to take care of myself so she allowed me to stay out until around 1am. It also helped that my mom knew all my friends I go out with. She knew they are responsible kids too just like me. So her fears were allayed. Maybe you should reconsider. Give your kid a chance to prove to you that he is a responsible kid and that he should not betray your trust. You can also set a curfew for him. If he does not break your rules for him, then maybe he can also take care of himself.
@mimuche (163)
• Canada
17 May 09
I think you are doing just the right thing. It is a little more complicated to deal with teenagers as they think that they are right most of the time and want to do things that will make them feel older. So it is better if you just do what you feel is right and best for him. And be sure that he will thank you later, just like I thank my parents now.
@barehugs (8986)
• Canada
17 May 09
Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy wealthy and wise! I believe this with all my Heart. Not only that, but it could keep you alive too. I've noticed that the murder rate in the cities has been raising here in Canada, and that most of the murders occur between the hours of 10pm and 6 am. Its my contention that if everyone went to bed before midnight, and didn't get up until 6 am, the murder rate would be cut by 75%.
17 May 09
The problem is, that people may think that as a Teenager he may be up to no good. Im 18 myself, and am classed as a teenager, and hate the stigma, or stereotype put upon us. But there are some great teenagers about. What I mean is, there has to be some boundaries which I understand, but mabye you can have him stay out thill say, 10pm on mabye a friday and Saturday which, is the weekend, where he can have more fun and that with his friends. I have no children yet, but I can uderstand why there are boundaries, even if I or other teenagers dont like them.
@asherem2 (257)
• Thailand
17 May 09
How late is late? I guess, its not the matter of time - but what matter is whether when you give your teen the freedom would he/she honor it? i don't have problem with my teenager going out with his friends - we talk about what time he would be back and where and whom he is going. and i tell you he honor our agreement - he even come back home before the given curfew time - he knows full well that if he wanted to be trusted in the future - he should prove to us that we can be able to trust his word too. and oh, another thing, try to get to know his friends - you might like to invite them home and have dinner with the family? the friends of my teen? i know each one of them - and their family also knows that when they're at our house they will be okey. for me as well, if my teen will go out with them - i know he's in a good company - and when its too late for them - friend parents will call us and even bring our teen personally home.
• China
17 May 09
If he said he had to stay out late ,then ask him why ,and do what.13 is really a young age ,they can't distinguish right from wrong.So,to be a little strict is necessary,but can't be too strict.If he tells you what he is going to do ,and it is not something bad,then let him go.Comunication is very important.
@Frederick42 (2019)
• Canada
17 May 09
I do not feel that it safe for teenagers to stay out late. Times are bad. It would not be bad to stay until a certain hour of the night, but to exceed that time would be to invite danger. You will have to convince your son that even if his friends may be good people, danger can always come from outside elements.
@ajithlal (14569)
• India
17 May 09
I think you should know who all are his friends. Most of my friends are known to my family when I was young and I go their home and has close relationship with their parents. Most of my friend's parents consider me as their son and this helps to have good relationship and when their children is not there and when they need help they used to call me and also this helps parents to have more trust. I think you should ask him to bring friends to your home and eat together and try to talk to them in a friendly way. I think this will helps you to get closer with his friends and they also will be happy and he also will be happy. You can say like "could you bring your friends I am cooking something special for them, etc." Just have a nice chat and make them feel like home.
@uicbear (1903)
• United States
17 May 09
When I read your discussion title, I originally thought 16 or 17 where there could really be an issue. But 13? No, that's too young to be hanging out late at night. There's really nothing a 13 year old can do without a parent being around past 9pm. You can tell him his friends are more than welcome to come and hang out at your house until whatever time you want to set, but he should be in by the curfew you set. He might get angry, he might pout, he might think you're "just being mean"... but you'll know where he is, and who he's with and that's what's important. And you know, teenage boys, you keep your house stocked with soda and chips and a bunch of video games and they will come. Then you can meet his friends and decide if you can give him a bit more leeway.
• Philippines
17 May 09
that's normal. life starts at night for teenagers. we were there once and we like the same thing. the sad part now is that we know what we're doing during that times. there are bad influences that these teenagers should be careful with.allow him to be with her/his fellas but let him assure you that he only does good things. don't be too overprotective since that will trigger the rebel thing in him/. constant reminders won't hurt and better do that.