Do mama's boys make good husband material

Hi Dragon, I hope your nephew can find a job too. And I hope that his marriage to this mama's girl will not suffer. Hopefully she is still a good wife and a good mother despite being a mama's girl. Unless her mother is weak and sickly, otherwise I can't see the logic of sticking to her mother. I doubt those mama's boys and mama's girls can make a success out of life. They live too much in the shadow of their mothers.

I so want to cry after reading your post. My mom, brother, and I have to deal with a control-freak grandmother who just want to manipulate her sons. I learned something from you, thanks for sharing.

Hi Imajerseygirl, your husband and son are fortunate to have you around. Fortunately your husband knows how to think, otherwise he has to marry a woman that he doesn't like (which his mum loves). I dont think this kind of marriage can last. Look like you are staying near to your husband's family. If you are not, it really doesn't matter much whether his family loves you or not. The impact isn't that great if you are living in other part of the world, and see them only once a year.

Hi Celticeagle, at least that guy already informed my friend right from the beginning that he will listen to his mother. My friend still wanted to go ahead with the relationship, so she got to put on a pretense every time she's with the family. I agree that life is a hell, with the mother-in-law interfering in every aspect of marriage life, and the mama's boy keep listening to his mother.

Hi Cannibal, you do offer a very interesting point of view. Most of the ladies who responded to this thread suffer a failed marriage or relationship with mama's boys. Since you know that you are emotionally weak and need support, I hope you can take steps to get emotionally stronger. Learn to make decision independently of your parents, and dont always let your mama make decision for you. Most ladies expect their husbands to make a stand against interfering in-laws. After all, once marriage, husbands do need to make decisions, they can't always turn to their mamas to make decision for them.

Whoop, a horrendous goof-up. I wanted to say, "..... many such cases. I just hope I DON'T go the same way. I simply....."

Scheng You could be right on most fronts, but I reckon I have a few differences of opinion. I guess I didn't clarify it all that well before. As for me per se, I don't quite feel I'm that averse to taking decisions because of mum.(I might be wrong but still.. ) I just have a constant feeling hovering over my mind that my mum has done a great deal of stuff and sacrifices for me. (That was my version of emotional support from both; may be we're also striving for appreciation from them.) So I generally at least pretend sometimes that I'm completely at her command. This gives a sense of satisfaction to her and I find no harm in continuing it even after marriage, indeed because I owe a lot to her. And anyway, mum's are not going to stay alive with you all your life, to be very practical (Pardon me if I'm rude here) So the last few days, they have all the right in this world to own their beloved sons, for whom she has done what not throughout her life. Isn't that fair? Again as far as I'm concerned, I do take most decisions (at least regarding those outside the four walls of my house) myself. Mum does not try much to interfere; and whenver she does, either I convince her or else pretend that I'm going according to her norms. I know this can be fatal in the future once my better half steps in; but I'm sure I now have acquired the knack of handling such situations. I don't say I'll deceive my wife, but I'd be able to strike a right chord between them two by explaining the real picure to her; the way I've done here. As for the cases I mentioned to have observed, like I'd said there was a transition. I just hope I don't end up hurting even any one of them any way. In any case I know my plans aren't foolproof and I'll definitely keep your advices in mind before making any decisions. Thanks for those! They were certainly quite valuable. Please let me know if you think I'm doing wrong currently (Someway deceiving mum); because this certainly is a crucial decision.

Oh dear, so sorry to hear that. I guess he should not even get married and have a family. I feel so sorry for your mother, she must have a hard time with your dad. It's impossible for your mum to copy the kind of love shown by his mother. Nothing that your mum did is ever good enough for your dad. Too bad your dad never grow up.

My parents have been married on paper for almost 29 years. In all these years of "being married", they only spent time together under one roof for a total of 1 year and that isn't even one entire year. It's broken down into weeks that sum up to one year. It's really lousy and my dad's always been a difficult person. I can't really remember him being a father to my brother and I, much more a husband to mom. His life is controlled by his mother. What you said was true, that he should not have gotten married and should not have had kids. Mom told him that. I told him that too. I'm sorry I'm ranting. I'm just really frustrated with him.

Hi Russso, your dad is really an extreme example of a mama's boy. He sounds even worse than those boys in diapers. Even those little boys know when to stand up for their rights. Wonder why your mother remains married to him for so many years. Guess she must be those very kind and gentle lady

Hi Tundee, being filial is different from being a mama's boys. Some guys are very extreme, they listened to their mothers even though they knew that their mamas were wrong. Sometimes it's difficult to keep a marriage if the husband always let his mother interfere in his marriage. I mean, no wife likes to have the mother-in-law complaining about her cooking skill, family finance management skill, house keeping skills and whatever. If the mother-in-law stays away, or let her son make independent decision, then the marriage could work. Most mama's boys let their mothers make all decision, and want their wives to follow everythings that their mothers say, that's why mama's boys are perceived as weak.

Hi Angemac, agree with your observations. Mama's boys are forever immature, they are not fit to be a family head. It's a pity that those mothers do not know the harm that they are causing to their sons. Instead of helping their sons to grow into an independent and mature guys who can make wise decisions, they are controlling every aspect of their sons' lives, making marriage and family life miserable for their sons.

Hi Lambchoper, if the mother is good, she will not want her son to listen to her in everything. She will want her son to make wise and independent decision. Most people are close to their mum, but that doesn't make them mama's boy. They know how to seek advice, and can decide to take the advice or not, they wont listen to everything that their mums say. It's those overbearing mums that always produce weak children, who can't make a decision on their own.

Hi Biman, agree that most mama's boys are very soft, and lack good judgement and confidence. If they always have to ask their mama for advices, they should not get married. I pity those women married mama's boys, especially those women who married for money. They are going to suffer a great deal under the rule of the great mama-in-law.

Hi Agv, agree that most mama's boys never learnt to stand on their feet. If they had, they will not be mama's boys. I wonder why those mothers want to control their children to such an extent. Most mothers want their children to succeed in life, and have a great career and great family. Fortunately, none of my friends are products of such parents. I dont know why my friend wanted to continue relationship with this guy. He already mentioned that he will listen to his mother, yet my friend rather pretend to be the kind of gals that his mother likes.

Hi Jayrene, if the mama is an understanding mom, then she will make sure that her son has the right qualities to make a good husband. She will not encourage her son to diverge all the family problems and will not want to control the son's marriage. I believe that wise mother will encourge their children to make decision, and be willing to suffer the consequence of bad judgement. Most parents are wise enough to let the younger generation works thing out, and perhaps to learn things the hard way.

Hi Jackie, at least the guy is wise enough to inform my friend right from the start that he is a mama's boy. I hope my friend comes to her senses. She is not the kind of gal that his mother likes. Her mother wants quiet gal who aims to get a master degree, yet gentle enough to listen to her son (or rather listen to her). My friend is very noisy, the worst gossip in the company. She has created a lot of unhappiness in the company due to her unbridle tongue, even though she has a very kind heart.

Hi Loisvite, glad that your husband did learn to make decision on his own. He sounds like a very peaceable guy. I think he loves his mother, but not always seek advice from his mother. That's why his mother still listens and respects his decision. Fortunately your husband does not take side. Otherwise his relationship with his mum or you will suffer. Hopefully the misunderstanding or argument you have with his mom does not blow out of proportion.

Hi Rayray, most people are not so extreme. They do respect their parents, and are very close to their families, but that doesn't mean that they listen to everything their parents told them. My colleague son is very close to her, since he's the only son. He will share his thoughts and happenings with my colleague, but not always listening to her. He does know how to make his decision. I think those people who choose their soul mates based on family liking is really stupid. They are not ready to start a family, and bear the responsibility of a parent.

Hi Blungel, actually to be fair, this guy has informed my friend right from the beginning, where there isn't much feelings hurt if they do break up. In this case, my friend is really stupid to continue with him. She has to pretend to be the kind of person to gain approval of his mother. She has to act like a quiet and gentle lady, goes home right after work to study the Bible. Actually she's exactly the kind of person that this guy's mother hates. She's very lively and loves nightlife, and she's the worst gossiper in the company.

Hi Canellita, I heard my friend say that her boyfriend had broken off with a few girls before, just because his mother didn't like those gals. Actually all from the same church. His brothers did not listen to his mother much, they did not care whether their mother liked those gals or not. His mother wanted them to get girlfriends who were degree-holder, from reputatable universities, and wanted them to gain master degree. His brother's girlfriend was studying for her doctorate, and his mother felt her over-qualified. His mother found fault with her nationality too. Personally I think my friend is very stupid to continue the relationship. She is not the kind of person his mother likes, so she has to pretend to be a studious and quiet gal.

That is such a crazy situation! Why would your friend even put herself through all of that? I am sure with her qualities she could easily find someone else who would be better suited for her.

Thanks for the best response!

Hi Surya, at least he's frank enough to inform my friend. Since my friend wants to continue the relationship with him, she has to bear the consequences if ever they get married. My friend is blinded by love. Right now she has to pretend to be innocent young lady in front of his family, especially his mother, even though she's really a wild gal with unbridle tongue.

Hi Xroad, I agree that it depends on the person. Some guys are just filial, but they are just and fair. I do not know what to say to my friend too. She is really stupid. The guy already informed her, so that she could make a decision right from the start. She chose to pretend to be the kind of person that his mother loved. When in fact she was very wild, and loved to party whole night.

Hi Flirtykumquat, glad that your current guy friend is a much better person than that mama's boy. I do not agree that the way a man treats his mom is the same way he will treat his wife. The relationship is completely different. It is akin to saying that the way a man treats his boss is the same as he treats his parents. Some guys are "yes, sir" man to their bosses, but became abusive to his family. Actually to be fair, my friend's boyfriend already informed her right from the start that he is a mama's boy. Since my friend decided to continue the relationship, she can't blame him if anything goes wrong.