Why are people such a*******s!

@paula27661 (15900)
Australia
May 24, 2009 1:40am CST
Really… Why? My mother ignores me by looking away when I’m half way through a sentence (happens each and every time I kid you not). All my father can do is look at me with certain distaste let alone listen to me. I am some kind of disappointment apparently and I’ll work on it as soon as I figure out what it is that I’ve done wrong. Obtaining a response let alone a conversation from my partner is harder than pulling a tooth. Understanding and empathy? Forget it! Am I that boring? Is everything I say so uninteresting that not even my nearest and dearest cannot be bothered to even hear it? I swear I would feel less hurt if they just said, “Not interested, you’re a bore, don’t care, go away, shut up…” Why did a man yell at me because I took too long at the stop sign? Forgive me for wanting to live! Why is the cashier showing not intention of wanting to serve me? And why does she tell me that the item I just bought may well have been overpriced but to sort it out I must line up all over again at the exchange desk and return it in order to have a price adjustment, why does she not give a damn that it’s her mistake? I know I’m feeling sorry for myself… Have any of you ever felt isolated and uncared for? Does anybody have anything to say that will cheer me up, funny stories, anything…? Don’t post standard jokes or this discussion will be deleted and that would be the straw that will break the camel’s back!! Hello? Is anybody there? Helloooo!!
6 people like this
13 responses
@sulynsi (2806)
• Canada
24 May 09
I hope all the reponses are making you feel a little better. I was feeling pretty low myself, and then I saw your post and thought how similar it was to how I was feeling. People that don't listen to you, or who talk and talk (or write and write) and yet never acknowledge your efforts to communicate with them, are generally very self-focused people. Everything is about THEM. They don't or can't respond to you because you are not in the equation. I think it bothers people like you and I because you give and give, you listen and listen, you commiserate and commiserate, you concede and concede, but when you need a little refueling yourself from time to time, these people are either clueless, or just don't care. They want to suck every ounce of your attention, but they are consumers, not givers. Once you give, you are discarded, like an empty juice box. I have several people in my life who talk and talk about themselves endlessly, but when you try to put a word in edgewise, they go off on another tangent. Or they ignore, or don't hear you. There are a few here on the Lot, too, so beware! My encouragement to you, and advice to myself, is talk to other givers. I like interchange. I like conversation. Which is a two way street. Ignore the suckers as best you can, and you'll get the feedback you need. You deserve to be heard and appreciated just like anyone else. Hope you feel a bit better. :) ( I haven't earned my smilies yet!)
3 people like this
@sulynsi (2806)
• Canada
24 May 09
I should add too, that I've noticed that these kind of people don't like to be contradicted by you. They love you, or at least don't bother you, when you agree with them, but watch out if you dare to disagree! That's not a friend. That's an emotional parasite.
3 people like this
@paula27661 (15900)
• Australia
25 May 09
Emotional parasite...I've used that description in my time! Years ago I worked in a bank and I hated it; because I was in banking for many years I had trouble changing my line of work and I shared these sentiments with a 'friend' many times. I eventually changed occupations and just the other week my so called parasite, oops I mean friend said to me, "You should go back to working in a bank Paula, you would be good there!" WTF? Had she heard me all those times when I was miserable in my job??? I think I attract people like this because I am the only one that puts up with them! Anyway, I thank you for the kind words sulynsi; yes I do feel better and I have received many encouraging responses. I appreciate it. I will stick to more considerate individuals if I can, anyone want my mother? (LOL)
@zandi458 (27956)
• Malaysia
24 May 09
It is important to remind ourselves that we all have flaws. Some we are aware of, some we're not. And if we're not willing to look at them in the light of people who know us well and care about us, we'll never improve upon them. If we have the courage to face up to human flaws, we'd become better persons for it. Sometimes it happen to me personally when am listening when my spouse starts talking about certain political personality or his business deal. I don't find it particularly interesting so I don't listen attentively and find an excuse to go do something else. Of course he is mad when he didn't have a willing ears to listen to him but that is my weak point. I often forget to put myself in the place of the other person. Humility, patience and empathy are difficult virtues to develop.
@paula27661 (15900)
• Australia
24 May 09
I understand what you are saying zandi and I am having a 'moment' at present! My mother never, ever cares to listen to me or my sister, she is just rude like that most of the time and we accept it because it's her but it doesn't hurt any less when she does it. My husband is easier to forgive because communication is not always a man's strong point and as far as all the annoying people I have encountered of late, they've always been there; it's just that I am just not as patient on certain days! I know I'm not perfect either but it does get me down when individuals can't be considerate toward one another and behave like the just plain don't care. Anyway thanks a lot for a thoughtful response!
• United States
24 May 09
I know what you mean about your mom not listening to you. My mom and dad listens to my sister and brother before they even listen to me. So I know what you mean. Sometimes you just need to rant. Everyone does have flaws, maybe you should corner your parents and find out why they are like that...maybe it's not you it could be something with them or it could be a mixture of both. Sometimes things aren't interesting to everyone so that could be it. I wish you luck :-)
@ellie333 (21029)
24 May 09
Hi Paula, I am sorry to hear that you feel you are not being listened too. I have experienced being invisible at a check out in a shop many a time but usually my friends and family do listen so can't relate on that level. I would stop talking to any of them and I bet they will all ask you what is up and I would tell them too that as you don't feel listened to you have stop bothering trying to talk to them and let them know how they are making you feel. It maybe that they don't even realise they are doing this. Good luck, don't know any jokes though I am afraid. Huggles. Ellie :D
2 people like this
@paula27661 (15900)
• Australia
25 May 09
Hi ellie, thanks for stopping by! I have those days when things are just too hard to take I have explained to those concerned how not being heard makes me feel, not sure if they have heard me because they are still doing it! I feel better today, thanks!
• United States
24 May 09
Paula- I just saw your post this morning in my email box, and it breaks my heart to know you are feeling so isolated today. I think we've all had these feelings, so in this you are not alone. The funniest thing yesterday was my daughter. She was crawling so quickly that she got caught up in her own limbs and went head over heels into the floor. She just had this look of indigination and then went on about her business. The best piece of advise I can give you during this moment is to always hold your head high. Don't let anyone make you feel that you're less than them. You are just as worthy. Namaste-Anora
2 people like this
@paula27661 (15900)
• Australia
25 May 09
Thanks Anora I will remember your words on days like this one. I feel a little better today. My mother has always been like that and my sister and I are used to her and rude people are everywhere but there are days when it just all gets a bit much! If only everyone was nicer to each other...
• India
24 May 09
I had faced this problem many times. This doesn't mean that you are boring. It just shows that your parents are not interested in the issue that you talk about. Only solution to this problem is, you should talk right matters to right people. For instance, I tackle this problem as follows: 1. I talk about my education with my parents. 2. About my love affair with my friends. 3. About science with my friends who are interested in science. 4. About politics with my friends with political interest... and so on Try this...
2 people like this
@paula27661 (15900)
• Australia
24 May 09
That is excellent advice Jevendiran, thanks! I will consider putting it into practice although I think my mother is a bit of a lost cause in that area! Great response, thanks!
@Aussies2007 (5339)
• Australia
24 May 09
I don't know... I don't know... I don't know... Only you know... or perhaps you don't. Since you are a writer... you probably know a few more things than the average person. That is a good thing. But if you use that knowledge in the wrong way... your family could be under the impression that you look down on them and regard them as stupid. I have a sister who is a "know it all"... even so I know a lot more than she does. But she goes around giving advice to everyone... even me. And in doing so... she alienates everybody. They don't tell her... they tell me. lol She is a very nice person and only mean well. She simply don't realise that people don't want to have her giving them advice on everything. But since I stopped her giving me advice... she now has nothing to talk about when I get her on the phone. lol I had a quick look at your website... but it is to slow for my dial up connection. If you are interested... I joined a private forum recently with a few writers from mylot.
2 people like this
@paula27661 (15900)
• Australia
24 May 09
I don't know either! I have one of those "know all" friends and he does go on a bit but I still think he deserves to be heard just like everyone else. My mother's listening skills are very poor and she doesn't take an interest in my sister's conversations either, she is not hard of hearing, just rude. I don't consider myself a "know all" whatsoever in fact I am a rather introverted person who does even talk all that much, it was probably my mother that put me off buy not listening! (LOL) I am rather sensitive to people's reactions I guess and this day is not a particularly good one. Thanks for responding to my little rant, Aussies, I appreciate it. Can you PM me the details of your new forum?
1 person likes this
• United States
25 May 09
You know, if I knew the answer to this discussion then I would definitely tell you it because I experience this type of thing all the time. It starts with being at home. My mother for some odd reason looks like she's listening to me but I can tell by looking at her face that half the time she has no idea what I am saying. Then, when I ask her, she says I'm not sure what you were saying so I have to repeat myself. That's why I've given up on repeating myself. My grandfather is constantly berating my mother and my mother attacks him as well. Being at home is like being in the middle of a never ending war in which there is never a solution for the problem. I'm constantly put into the middle of the conflict and it's gotten rather old. I'm tired of being told things that I hear all the time and half of it isn't true. I'm also tired of being told that I must enjoy the conflict because I keep it going. They're both creating it and it's old. And, don't get me started on the roommates that I've lived with in the past. They're terrible. They made our lives terrible while we lived with them. They were nice to our faces, mean behind our backs. They told lies, started drama, treated us like crap, you know all of that wonderful stuff. People are terrible. I'm not sure why they are but I wish I knew. It's getting old.
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15900)
• Australia
25 May 09
I feel for you. I have to tell you I am an animal lover and nine times out of ten spending time with my pets is a lot more pleasant! My little girl is the only one who loves me unconditionally and goodness knows that will probably change as she approaches teenage years (she's seven now). I agree with you feelings highflyingxangel! Ever feel like running away? Let's do it... Where can we go and can I take my pets with me?
• United States
25 May 09
Well that is a good question. If I could go somewhere that would also allow pets I would definitely go!
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
24 May 09
Hi Paula, I wish I knew what to tell you but being that I've been there with my own mother it is very painful. I can tell you this though, when it happens again, stop what you're saying and do not finish it but get up and walk out the door. I'm serious. My mother treated me like sh!t for a long long time off and on with no apparent reason. Finally I had had enough and we had a few all out battles and now she knows I won't take any more. We get along great now but the damage has been done to my heart to the point that I can't trust her anymore. I do love her to the end of the world and will do anything for her but I can't give her my heart and feelings on a silver platter and trust her to keep them safe. I just can't but I can still love and do for her. As for that hubby of yours, he's wrong in doing that to you and you need to tell him so. Tell him exactly what you said here and see what kind of answer you get. Who knows, it might be the answer that tells you what to do. Bless your heart, I wish I had some words of cheer but I don't know anything funny right off the top of my head but did want to let you know that you're not alone. There's so many in this world who are in the same boat as you and I but there are others that DO care and I'm one of them. Hugs!!
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15900)
• Australia
25 May 09
Thanks for the kind words cats! I really appreciate them. The walking away idea is a good one; my husband and I have discussed this problem so many times and each convection I manage to have with him he apologises and then does it again, the problem with my hubby is that he is such a man! (LOL) As a rule these men creatures are not keen on deep and meaningfulness. I do feel better today and I am very thankful for your kind respond. Hugs right back at ya!
@paula27661 (15900)
• Australia
25 May 09
Ooops!! Typo Alert!! convection(???) That should read conversation. Sorry!!
@KrauseHome (30815)
• United States
8 Sep 11
Been there many times with people in my life, both on my immediate family and many times my husbands family, as well as others I know, and many times it can be quite annoying and frustrating as well. I often think that there are times that it would be Better if they would let you know they are not interested instead of pretend to be listening and paying attention when in reality they are wishing you were not around so they could think about or do something else. But in reality, I really wish it could be different for sure.
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15900)
• Australia
9 Sep 11
I was going through a difficult patch when I started this discussion and I do feel better these days because I eventually made the decision that I am a good person who is not out to hurt or bore anyone and if others don't appreciate me, so be it bacause I appreciate me! Thanks for your input, I appreciate it...
@JenInTN (27568)
• United States
28 May 09
Hi paula! Try to remember that most of these things that you mentioned are actually other peoples problems. They act indifferent or annoyed because of something that is within themselves and not so much to do with you. I have felt isolated and uncared for before and it's a terrible way to feel. People are often so caught up in their own problems that they forget how to be kind. The cashier..well..she probably hates her job..not you. The man at the stop sign..he's mad at himself for leaving late and taking it out on everyone in front of him. I don't have any jokes to cheer you up but I can say I don't think your boring at all. I think your very witty and fun. I hate that the people around you are so caught up in other things to realize they are missing out on you. Take care and heads up my friend.
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15900)
• Australia
28 May 09
Thanks for the kind words Jen! I understand what you are saying; often people will take out their bad moods on others and as for my parents...Well, there's no hope there, I'm afraid! I have been feeling better in the last couple of days and it's comment like yours that make all the difference. Thank you so much for the friendship, I truly value it!
@sanuanu (11241)
• India
25 May 09
Hi Paula, I didn't know that you were so depressed! c'mon gal chear up. Life has its own way of treating us. Everyone is busy these days and one should find small small things to smile and laugh, otherwise there are thousand ways to get sad in our life. I was the same in my teen age. I always wanted my parents to listen to me, I always wanted to be a centre point in my college but all the time I was thinking of how to achieve that but never actually had one single plan. Later on I figured out that if you be yourself and start enjoying your life as it is coming to you, you will automatically feel that every one is giving importance to you. Do you like watching a sad or crying face all the time? No, same with other people. Smile and let other people feel happy with your face! Ah, I can't see a smile on your face. Na, a little wider though. More, please... Com on you can do.. Here it is.. never let it go away from your face! Nice little girl.
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15900)
• Australia
26 May 09
Is that better??
@jazel_juan (15768)
• Philippines
25 May 09
i really do not know. there are just people who does not care if they hurt other people's feelings or they just do not really care at all!
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15900)
• Australia
25 May 09
I know, what can you do? Sometimes it is easier spending time alone! Thanks for the response jazel_juan!
@deebomb (15348)
• United States
24 May 09
I think we all have days when even the usual gets us down. It seems that the being ignored is really hurtful on those days. I sometime feel like the kids poem that goes Nobody likes me Every body hates me So I guess I'll go eat worms. Big fat juicy one little tine juicy ones. I never figured out how eating worms was supposed to hurt any one around you but it is good for a laugh.
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15900)
• Australia
25 May 09
I guess that's I how I felt when I started this discussion, eating worms! (LOL) I needed a little rant, thanks for reading and responding, appreciate it.