Is the grass greener?

June 16, 2009 12:18pm CST
I have a christian friend who is married to a non-christian. She has children with him, but over the last 3 years has grown closer and closer to a christian single man. They comfort each other and are really close..but they've never crossed any boundaries, but she has confided in me that she thinks life would be easier if she was married to a christian..I know what she's hinting at but am unsure as to what advice to give her...what do I say to her...is the grass greener on the other side do you think?
2 people like this
6 responses
• United States
16 Jun 09
She has made her choice. What does the beble say? Do we go by our feelings? Feelings change...God's word does not! Our happiness is not the end goal. Glorifying God is the reason He created us. What God has joined...let no man put asunder. She should get away from that single christian man as fast as she can. And he, if he were truly Christlike, would not encourage her affections. By her meek and quiet spirit, the bible says, may her husband be won over, and that should be her goal. Be a godly mom, and wife.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Jun 09
I like this answer best, I would also suggest she seek a closer walk with God, Not just in general but to take more steps torward it, maybe a weekly fast (if only for a single meal) more prayer time, especially praying for protection from temptation. :) Best way to keep your fleshly wants at bay is to feed your spiritual wants.
1 person likes this
16 Jun 09
Absolutely, I shall see her in the morning and have a quiet chat with her...try and find out what's important in her life to her...God or lust..if I put it that way hopefully she will realise how close she is to taking a wrong turn in her life
@maezee (26783)
• United States
16 Jun 09
Religion is a very spiritual thing, so I could definitely understand how someone might want that kind of connection with their spouse - but at the same time - we don't always need to have something in common with the person that we're married to. It should be our actions and our hearts that speak louder than our religious affiliations. Of course it would be "easier" to be married to someone in your same culture, and religion, but opposites attract - and just because it's "not easy", doesn't mean that the relationship isn't going to work. Life is about more than just religion, and hopefully the wife understands that. Another thing to think about is that maybe the wife just needs companionship. There's nothing wrong with a woman having a male friend; so long as he's not more than just a friend. So, at this point in time, I don't think there's anything WRONG with her having someone to talk to about religious purposes. At this point, she should probably re-evaluate her situation. What's more important to her: the love she has for her current husband, or her desire to be with someone who follows the same religion?
1 person likes this
16 Jun 09
Thats what I'm worried about...I worry that she leaves her husband...or that she "goes for it" with her friend, who spurns her, so she loses her friendship...I've told her to wait and time will tell who she is supposed to be with...but I think I should emphasis how precious a friendship is and that crossing the line might make her lose everything..
@mommyboo (13207)
• United States
17 Jun 09
Friendship IS precious and I believe certain people are in our lives for a reason. Some of them are eventually meant to be something more, others are not. Some of them are longtime friends, others are in our lives for only a short time. You just never know, and in this case, it just seems wrong to use a common religion as a turning point for changing relationship roles. While I do realize it can be really tough for married couples who believe differently or practice different religions, therein lies the power of love. If you love someone for exactly who they are, and everything about them and what makes them who they are, then you accept there may be large differences too, and you just agree to accept them or agree to disagree about some things.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Jun 09
I know how your friend feels, however my momma aways said "If the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, be careful it may be on top of the sewer."
1 person likes this
17 Jun 09
What an excellent saying, I shall have to remember that one :)
@mommyboo (13207)
• United States
17 Jun 09
I am not religious, so it's hard for me to see the point of that BUT.... it sounds like she wants religion and spirituality to be a bigger part of her life and it isn't. Does her husband know that she feels this way? That perhaps she's not happy? There are too many questions that I have which have nothing to do with the religious aspect. What does she want to do about this situation? How long have they been married? How old are the kids? Is she still in love with her hubby? It just depends really what her priorities are and where she sees her future going. I can't say one way is wrong and one way is right because I'm not her, and I'm not living her life.
• Sweden
18 Jun 09
Agree! I mean what does God have to do with it? It might be everything or it might be nothing at all. But in the end it all comes down to what her actions are and for what reasons. Yes that was my first thought too: how are you the children. They wont understand how much better the religious man is compared to their own father. That wont be easy to explain and much less to make them understand her reasons for leaving her husband.
• United States
25 Jul 09
I understand her feelings. Sometimes it's an enticing thought to be around someone who thinks more like you do. If I were her, I would examine my feelings very carefully, try to be aware of them all the time. Frustration with disagreeing with your spouse is very common, but she should not get the feeling of frustration confused with her romantic feelings for her husband or mister Good-Christian.
@suspenseful (40326)
• Canada
17 Jun 09
Actually if she leaves her husband who is a non-believer and goes with another man, both of them are committing adultery. There is physical adultery, and thinking adultery and wishing she could be with this man, is thinking adultery and that is wrong. I would rather you advise her to pray for her husband's conversion. It may happen or it may not. Of course life would be easier for her if she were married to a Christian. She would not have to worry about her husband saying the children do not need to go to church, about them watching shows that non-Christians feel all right, but Christians do not. But sometimes things happen. Did she become a Christian after she married and he did not? Because usually it is easier for a wife to be converted if the husband is a Christian first then the reverse. The husband usually thinks that the wife should hold up to a certain standard, and if she cannot cook as good as his mother, have a floor you can eat off of, have everything sp1c and span, or other things even trivial things, then he feels that he does not need to listen to her when she asks him to come to Church with her and soon she will stop asking. So you can see why she feels the grass is greener, but unless her husband leaves, she has to stay with him or she would feel very guilty.