To fight for it or not?

Philippines
June 28, 2009 7:57pm CST
I had a boyfriend for 2years, I brought him at home so that my family would get to know him. But after knowing all his family and educational background and everyhting about him they disapproved him for me. My ex-boyfriend and I decided that we will keep it as a secret that we are still dating and we were still on. To cut the long story short, we parted ways because of work and time constraint. We did not have formal separation. So do you think I should get in touch with him again and fight the relationship we started and fight for him in family?
3 people like this
22 responses
• Philippines
29 Jun 09
Let me tell you something. I had been with a boyfriend for 2 yrs and half. My family disapproved of him because he is 8 years older and that he has not finished college yet despite the fact that he was try to. I stuck with him and fought for him and even chose him over my family (when they asked me to). That was how much I loved that guy. So we stayed together for a few months, but he had to go back to US because he was here for a student visa only and had to have his passport and visa stamped every year. When he left, we were fine. We even made plans for the future. I believed he was coming back because we were good. But apparently, when his family made him chose between his monthly stipend over me, we chose money. That was how easily I thought he gave up on me. We had no closure. It was hard and difficult and I even went on depression. Family knows what is best, I tell you. Somehow, they kind of know what's good for you, most of the time. There are instance though, that you have to fight for what you think is right and good for your own self...that is when you are a 100 percent sure you are right. I dont think you should fight for the guy, Jam. If things went down despite the fact that you secretly continued the relationship, then it is meant to be. When a guy thinks the relationship is worth fighting for, no time constraint can keep him for making it work. He will make it work, no matter what. Open your eyes to the bigger picture. It's not worth fighting for. Go on with your life, live it and make something for yourself. Love and cherish your family...the right guy would come along...in time. It did for me...the right guy came long and we were together for 7 years now..and just last Feb 22, 2009, he proposed to me in a beautiful island with a beautiful ring. Now we are engaged and soon to get married on June 5, 2010. I wish you all the luck and love.
@modstar (9615)
• Philippines
29 Jun 09
It looks like there's something deeper than the monthly stipened. First off, your family disapprove of him for you. At the back of his mind, he won't be able to fight for your love when he is against your family. He HAD to let go and it doesn't mean he gave up on you. Fate has given him no choice/option at all. Someone has to go away and so he did. Sorry to disagree but you should ALWAYS fight for your love if you think it's worth it. You should never just stand there and leave see everything pass by.
1 person likes this
@jpso138 (7844)
• Philippines
29 Jun 09
Well two year is quite long enough. But considering that situation with your family, this will surely make the setting complicated. Are you financially dependent so as to choose this guy over your family? You have to consider that your family is someone who will stick with you no matter what. Will this guy do that. Is there a guarantee that he will not leave you? The answer is all up to you. Just weigh out the probabilities as well as your feelings. Love will come along. If the guy really loves you, then he will eventually work out something to prove your family wrong. If not, then most likely this guy is not worth fighting for.
• Philippines
29 Jun 09
To be honest, we are both still not yet financially stabled. That is why when my mom told me that we should be separated, I have attempted to separate him but because I was head over heels inlove with him, we kept it as a secret. But we still ended up being apart. I think should really have to wait for the time that he would make an effort to communicate with me and fight for me against my family.
@JamieRose (168)
• Philippines
29 Jun 09
hello there :) 2 years is a long time! I bet you have experienced a lot together. Anyway, if you think there is still something left for you to fight for, then I guess you go for it. It really all depends on how much you love each other, and if you are really willing to risk everything for your relationship. Just make sure that you are not the only one who is willing to fight for your love-- both of you should be. If you're able to fix everything between the two of you, then I guess it is a good start :) just be sure to think twice of everything before doing something, and use both your hearts and brains all the time. good luck!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 Jun 09
I agree with what you've said. As the saying goes, it takes two to tango. So I think I should be waiting first for him to make the move to have the effort to communicate with me.
1 person likes this
@schmo95 (25)
29 Jun 09
2 years is a long time! It shouldnt matter what family think because at the end of the day it's your happiness and if you were happy with this lad then not even family should get in the way! If back then you were willing to fight for him and keep it a secret then you must have cared about each other a lot to go to those lengths. You've gotta ask yourself if you still love him? Ultimately though you need to be prepared for if he's moved on because you could get hurt, but i definatley think its worth getting in touch because if you don't youll be left thinking, what if.. Nothing worth having comes easy, so if it's what you really want you should fight for it :) Good Luck!!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 Jun 09
Thank you for your comment. I kinda love him still but not much like the way I've felt for him during the 2years that we had. Maybe I just miss the situation and the feeling that I have someone to share my feelngs, my thoughts, and to someone to hug to. I still keep on praying that my God will guide me with my decisions that I will be taking.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
29 Jun 09
2 years time, it has been a long time, and i guess you have been suffered a lot in this 2 years hard time. I guess you need to ask yurself whether you think the love or the family is more important. If you think the family is more important, you should let go your bf and vice versa. Don't drag it so long, else you will be exhausted. Good luck.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Jun 09
Two years is a long time to just "give up" on a relationship. Sometimes jobs, time and other things get in the way but there are always phones. You can make it work, if you try. as far as the family situation, while your families opinions might be important to you they are not dating him. and if you feel like you really love this boyfriend you should give it a shot and you shouldn't have to hide it from anyone, why hide your happiness?
1 person likes this
@Ada4051 (19)
• China
29 Jun 09
i think if still love him, and you cannot forget him, you should fight for it.
1 person likes this
@eileenleyva (9465)
• Philippines
29 Jun 09
Jamzy, find another suitable boyfriend. Look around, there are so many personable young men who are also searching for love. Listen also to the pros and cons your family had laid. They said that because they love you.
1 person likes this
@bird123 (10430)
• United States
29 Jun 09
If he were your true love would you have to even ask that question????
1 person likes this
@eLsMarie (4148)
• Philippines
3 Aug 09
my God! i don't know how to resolved this situation because i was also in a state where i wanted to introduce my boyfriend to my parents but i'm so damn scared that they might reject him...
@lingli_78 (12852)
• Australia
29 Jun 09
it really depends on you how much you love him... 2 years is quite a long time and i think i will fight for him if i were in your position... it is your happiness and you are the only one who can pursue it... you are the one who is going to spend the rest of your life with him... so if you are very certain about him and really love him, i will say fight for him... it is your decision... good luck... take care and have a nice day...
• Trinidad And Tobago
29 Jun 09
You said you "parted ways". Why not look at new prospects?
• Philippines
29 Jun 09
If you both love each other then fight for it... How old are you by the way? If your matured enough to decide on your own then be it. If your happy with him then you'll find ways to get in touch with him. And If both of you are meant to be then time and destiny will find ways for both of you whether continue your relationship. Fight for your love with him if his meant to be..... Don't forget to ask GOD's guidance also.
@myx_03 (540)
• Philippines
29 Jun 09
If you really love him, go fight for him. Cause if let it go... In the end your ear will be hurt by your own conscience...
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
29 Jun 09
I think any relationship or friendship that is worth anything is worth whatever it takes to keep it strong. I read thru all your responses here and I have to say that you don't really sound so sure that this is the guy for you. You admitted that maybe it is just that you want someone to hug etc. Also, you are willing to wait for him to make that first move even tho you have changed your e-mail and cell phone #. It's possible that he doesn't realize that you even want him to contact you at this point. To me, it sounds as if you really need more time to think things over. In time you will either be willing to do whatever it takes to get this man back into your life or you will come to realize that it is best to let it go and move on. Only you can decide what is the best choice for you. good luck, jamzy.
• Philippines
29 Jun 09
this is hard to write about for me because i am somewhat in the same boat as you are. i had a boyfriend of more than 3 years. we did not have a formal break-up, but for me it felt like it. he was the only guy i ever brought home and have considered having a future with. he was a broken man from a broken home trying to make it. but i still loved him in spite of and because of. my family did not actually disapproved of him, but my siblings and some of my friends disapproved of his neglect in our relationship. they felt... i deserve someone better. we haven't been in contact since march. it doesn't hurt as much right now as it did before. and i'm trying to move on with my life without him. but still, i think i need the closure. i tried to hold on for as long as i could. but i have been emotionally bruised in the relationship and i know i didn't deserve that. it's not always smooth sailing. there comes a point in the relationship when you know you might just be sailing on a rough weather and hope it shall soon pass. but there will sometimes be a point where you've lost the engine... the wind isn't just right and it's just rough sailing on calm waters. sometimes it's good to keep up a good fight when you know you're fighting for your happiness... for someone who's worth it... for someone who's also fighting for you. if he is, go ahead and fight for him. if he's not, just let go and start anew.
• United States
29 Jun 09
You have to follow your heart.If he is the one you really love. The one you see growing old with , then fight like hell. But if you are not sure , then let him go. as long as he treats you right, then it shouldn't matter what your family thinks. As long as he is good to you and you both love each other , that's all you need. If you stay together long enough , maybe the family will see that he treats you right and they will come around.
@faridii (79)
• Pakistan
29 Jun 09
I have some question for you. Do you really love him? Do you want to spend your whole life with him? and is he too wanted the same? You must confirm that first before fight or anything.
@jules67 (2790)
• Philippines
29 Jun 09
If it still bothers you that you did not have any formal break-up , then by all means, call him. If you still love him , I do not see anything wrong to know from him about the status of your relationship. But then , you do not have to go to the point of begging for him. It is enough that you know if he still cares and if he still loves you. Then , if he doesn't feel the same way anymore, just let it go.
@sblossom (2170)
29 Jun 09
I will not use fight as the reaction. Before you decide the relationship with him, you should think carefully what kind of person you are? Can you stand the pressure from your parents? If one day you got married with the boy, what will your parents do? As i know if a relationship could not get a support from parents, usually it will have a lot of difficult. better to talk with your parents and really know their explaination. Think twice why they have the reason then decide what you should do. Best regards.