Is your man willing to be the Stay At Home DAD?
By Katak
@submerryn (1304)
Malaysia
July 6, 2009 9:56am CST
When I was carrying my baby, I never had in mind to care for him full time. I had it all planned out. I will send him to my parents and visits him twice a month since my parents are residing in another state. But after caring for him for the first two months during my maternity leave, my husband and I bonded with our boy too much that we cant bear to be separated from him.
So I took the drastic measure by resigning. Since my work contract stated that I needed to give 2 full months notice before resigning, my husband who is self employed, stayed home to care for our new born while I worked the remaining two months.
Though my husband enjoyed the time spent with our new born, the reality is, after that two months, he needs to get back to work as he is THE bigger breadwinner in our family. He earns like, 10x my salary! He did tell me that if I am able to bring in as much money as he does, by all means, he WILL stay at home and care for our boy and lets me go to work. So by then, I had no choice. I know I wont be able to generate that much of an income. So I became a stay at home mother. Occasionally, I do get the blues. I do miss my working life, my freedom, my friends and many more. But this is life and I am now playing a role as a mother and a wife.
The question here is, if MONEY is not a concern, do you think your MAN is willing to stay at home and care for your kids and household while YOU go out and work? What say you? Do share.. :)
2 people like this
10 responses
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
6 Jul 09
My fiance and I aren't yet ready for children. We want to get things set up financially first. However, we've had plans of me staying at home and he working, with me mylotting. Then more realistically, I'm getting ready to apply for classes. These classes will be things I'll do at home, and once I've graduated from the classes I can go to work at an office, or I could hone my skills, stay at home and do the work! So either way, we both can work!
Lol! My true dream is to be a housewife, but I'd be happy being a work at home mom too!
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
6 Jul 09
SomeCowgirl, your fiance is one lucky guy! you dream to be a housewife! That itself will give you a head start! As for me, it came all out of a sudden, so I was in a little shock there. But am adjusting quite fine right now. You keep to your plan and I believe, you'll be a great mom! Cheers. :)
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
6 Jul 09
Yes, well I hope to be a housewife so much, I guess I've always wanted to be one! I admire career women, but I'm just too much of a homebody to want to go anywhere but vacation! lol! I appreciate the comment.
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
6 Jul 09
SomeCowgirl, and when you DO become a Stay At Home Mother in the future and find that you needed some activities to keep your child entertain, do drop by my craft blog at http://crafty-crafted.blogspot.com/
that is where i penned down crafts done by me and my boy! cheers.
@nanas99 (42)
• United States
7 Jul 09
I could probably make as much and eventually more than my husband but unfortunately I injured myself a few years ago so I have not been able to maintain full time work since. One day soon I am hoping to get back to work full time. Until then he'll have to be the bread winner.
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
7 Jul 09
Great! Now the only problem is, how do WE make more money than our man? LOL.. wishful thinking on MY side. YOU? Is it anywhere possible? Cheers. :)
@positiveminded1977 (7072)
• India
7 Jul 09
Well, I can't say, because I don't have a man. I am a single Mom and I am a stay-at-home plus working Mom. There were days when I rocked the cradle with one hand and typed out articles with the other. And when the baby was just a month old, I used to work at night to make money to give him all those shots.:) I loved the new experience though. Having a baby is the best thing that ever happened to me.
I am really glad you decided to take care of your baby yourself. You and the baby would have missed a lot if you had followed your original plan. In the long run, you will find that it was indeed worth it.:)
Cheers and happy Mylotting
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
7 Jul 09
wow, positiveminded1977. i really salute you! you are the BEST mom ever! i wont know what i'll do if i were in your position. handling my baby as i am, i was complaining, but i guess i should thank my lucky stars, huh? i'm glad your baby brings you joy. thanx for responding. it meant a lot to hear stories from mothers like you! :)
@lynnemg (4529)
• United States
7 Jul 09
When my husband and I first got together, he was unemployed and I was the one who worked. He did stay at home and take care of the kids while I worked at that time. He did it, but he always felt that he was not doing his part to take care of us. Once he got a job, he told me that he finally felt like he was doing right by us. I am sure that if it ever came right down to it, yes, he would stay home and let me work, but he would really rather be the breadwinner.
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
7 Jul 09
lynnemg, glad that your hubs is working now. Yes, I do believe guys are born with ego that makes them to NEED to be the breadwinner. Some things are better left that way, right? Mothers are natural caretaker and fathers are the breadwinner. Thanx and take care. :)
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
7 Jul 09
shia88, that means, both of you will be working. Your kid will be with the nanny or in a nursery? Many town couples are doing that, so yeah, why not? Thanx. :)
@cheekysuze (254)
• United States
6 Jul 09
I ask my husband this from time to time. When my daughter was a baby he said Sure, he'd love to stay home with her. Now that we have two, he told me that he'd probably go a little batty. He's very appreciative that I stay home with the kids, since my salary pretty much would get eaten up by childcare, and he recognizes that it is work to care for the kids full time/keep the house clean/etc.
So no, I don't think he would stay home with the kids every day even if money wasn't a consideration. Everyone needs to be a part of the outside world, even if it's not every day, and he thrives on the problem-solving and adult interaction he finds at work.
(I miss my working life too... all except for the actual working part!)
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
7 Jul 09
You took that word right out of my mouth cheekysuze. The part where you miss your working life, all except the real working part! I think we miss the social part of working, don't we? I love being with my boy too, and if I can add more social life in me right now, life would be perfect! :)
@sunshine4 (8703)
• United States
6 Jul 09
I can't even imagine thinking of giving my child to my parents to take care of for me. I am so happy to hear that you bonded with your baby and decided to stay home and parent him.
My husband would definitly stop working and be a stay at home dad if it were feasible. If I made a higher income, I think that we would have done it this way. He is a great dad~ full of fun.
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
6 Jul 09
sunshine, it's great to hear your hubs is a full of fun dad! so lucky to your future kids! yes, i am glad i took care of my son myself too! :)
@nicholejade (2430)
• Canada
6 Jul 09
My fiance and I are trying to conceive now and I really rather stay home with the baby. However I haven't worked for over 3 years and I am on disabilty. So really there is no hope of me going back to work for a long time. So in my case he would be going to work. However he is a pipeliner and he will work a couple months and then have several months off. It really depends on the year that we are having. For instance this is such a bad year and he hasn't worked since mid December. He is just working around town and not actually having to physically leave the province. However if you wanted to stay home by all means he could. But I doubt that he would want to give up working and being with his pipelining family.
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
7 Jul 09
nicholejade, my best wishes to you! I hope you'll get your pretty cute little bundle of your own real soon! it's nice that he can be around alot. That way, you BOTH can bring up your child in the most loving manner. take care. cheers! :)
@bluehibiscus (702)
• United States
6 Jul 09
No. We've discussed children and household roles very thouroughly and under no circumstances would he ever agree to be a stay at home dad (unless I was dying or something else happened). We both come from more patriarchal societies so it doesn't really bother me, while I respect other peoples decisions to be stay at home fathers, in my eyes I would see him as being less masculine.
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
7 Jul 09
bluehibiscus, i appreciate your frank opinion. i think i might see my man as less masculine too after some time of me working and he staying at home. so i think the society, however acceptance they are to stay at home dad, in the end, still there are some uneasiness there.. thanx for your response! :)
@kcoregon (302)
• United States
6 Jul 09
I know that my husband would love the opportunity and so would I. There is definitely nothing wrong with being a stay at home dad. My sister in law however says that this would never be the case for them. She makes more than my brother but says she refuses to work full time and let him stay at home with the kids even though they could use the extra money. To each their own. I think however that society as a whole is much more open to stay at home dads now then they ever had before. I know that when I visit the playground these days I am starting to see more dads with the children then moms. Not neccessarily indicating that they are stay at home dads but they certainly seem to be more involved than ever.
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
6 Jul 09
oh yes, i totally agree with you on that! dad plays a much more important role in their kids these days. in the old times, dad doesn't participate much. these days, dad participate in almost everything! which i think is a good thing! :)
