mother in laws

United States
July 19, 2009 6:40pm CST
i have a mother in law who is very pushing and wants me to do things her way. she makes things hard on my husband and i. just to let u know my husband and in laws are black and i am white. we have three children together and have been together since high school (12 years). my husbands brother on the other hand is approx 33 not married, had children everywhere, constantly in trouble with the law, lazy and just flat out good for nothing. his current girl friend(his latest stripper girlfriend)has one child by him and is about to have another. his brother doesn;t work and neither does his girlfriend and neither of them want to watch their children (she has one more by some one else). my mother in law will do anything for them and gets them everything they want. see, she wanted her sons to marry black women so since my brother in law is now with a black woman he gets it all. she even built them a nice home and furnished it but she gave us a house that is literally falling apart. they own a family business and i have repeatedly told them that if they need help i would putch in. now they need help and they asked my brother in laws girlfriend and she has no experience and she has only been around 2 years. i've been her 12 and have done everything posssible to make my in laws happy so they will accept me but it seems i'm wasting my time. i feel like my mother in law is punishing us because i'm white. what do u think
2 people like this
5 responses
• United States
20 Jul 09
Minus the racial issues and the fact that it is my Father in law who drives me crazy your story is very similar to mine. Have a brother in law who is on his third marriage in 10 years, he sleeps around not caring whose relationships he messes up and has kids with multiple people. He lives in the basement of my in laws where they built an apartment they could not afford to build for him. Mind you he has his own home with the new soon to be wife. But they allow him to bring home his side dishes anytime, mind you he lost his license again for DUI so his parent drive him to and from work as well as back and forth on the weekends to his other home (2+hr drive each way). My father in law will not even show up to our kids Birthdays or even his sons. I am a B*^ch because I will not bow down to him and let him control my life, my husband will no longer let him have control so I made an enemy. We too met in high school and have been together ever since and I will not run from my family because of him. I know it is hard but I have left his family up to him. He wants them around he has to do the inviting, he wants to attend something he makes the decision, I follow his lead and support what he wants. I will not say that my mouth doesn't go off and get me in trouble at times, it does but you cannot bottle everything up.
• United States
21 Jul 09
thank you. it's nice to know i'm not the only one. don't get me wrong, i love my mother in law and father in law. but my mother in law doesn't seem to understand that she stresses me out alot. i just sat down with her and had a talk. i thought this would help. i;'ve already had this talk with her once and she said she would try to stop. but this last time when i tried to explsin to her that she stresses me out so bad that i'm supposed to be on paxil (anxiety meds). as long as she doesn't stress me out i don;t need meds. but she says i am just crazy and says she'll pray for me. i just can't get it throught her head, but i don't want this to get so bad that a snap on her and say or do something i'll regret. i love her dearly and want her in our lives but i don't think i should have to get on meds just to be around her. she says i'm just being selfish but i don;t understand why. why do i have to take meds and be out of my mind just because she doesn't want to listen.thanks for your ear.
• United States
21 Jul 09
Advice. Have a good long discussion with your husband on how this should be handled. I am sure he would rather you not be medicated as well. I left dealing with my husbands family up to him. I attend when and what he thinks we should, I ask him what he would like me to do in all situations and this has caused a great turn around in his attitude towards the situation. See they take things different when he is the one saying things. I have made it clear that he makes the decisions not me and that if they want to see their grand kids or us they need to speak to him. It is not easy and many times uncomfortable but for us it is what is working. By not worrying about it I have taken the stress the have heaped and thrown it aside.
• United States
27 Jul 09
thanks. i did have this discussion with my husband and he's agreed to deal with his family to give me a break. i'va also started telling my mother in law what when she's stressing my out or treating us wrong. it doesn't seem to help her quit but it does let me get it out. thanks for all you good advice. it's nice to just get it out to someone who understands.
@aerous (13474)
• Philippines
22 Jul 09
You know my friend, when I read that story of yours. I want to curse your in-laws because they are not educated enough to see what wrong and what right? That really a big problem with in-laws, they are not fair to treat someone wife of their son or husband of their daughter. I suggest that you need to talk to your husband to get away from your in-law. Just telling him, that it is better for you to away the tips of trouble with your in-laws than to get rid of the situations. You need better treatment because you also part of their family, right? Don't lost patient for that actions of your in-laws. It is better to get away in your in-laws to live with peace of mind
• United States
22 Jul 09
right now with the economy we aren't able to move. i would like to move but it;s just not possible. i do love my in laws. they are they father of my husband and grandparents to my children. i just don't want it to get to the point where i hate them. and it's not my father in law causing trouble. he travels out of town for work so much that he doesn't know what's going on here and his wife doesn't tell him and we're not supposed to tslk to him about all this because it might stress him out. now i know he has alot on his plate with his business and all and i definately don't want to start a family fight. i just want to be treated fairly and be happy. i know when i was growing up my grandparents were already deceased and itwould have be great to know them so i definately what my kids to know their grandparents. in fact they have had the opportunity to have greatgrand parents alive (two recently passes) and the crazy thing is that the great grand parents are in my husbands side (so they are black) and i figured that with the time the grew up that they wouldn't approve and would treat me different but no. amazinly they treated me just like everyone else, so why don't my in laws?
@aerous (13474)
• Philippines
23 Jul 09
We don't know why most of the in-laws are act like that? Even here in the Philippines, in-laws are nagger and reason of some couples to be separated because of the in-laws dirty deeds. My suggestion is that. If the situation are going better. Just to a place that afar in your in-laws to avoid any such treatment that they doing unto you. Just patient my friend. Life can be better soon, leave those in-laws with their own misery. Try to overcomes that situation and ask your husband to give you some strength that makes you strong enough to face your hard situation... Hope you can make the best in your life my friend...happy mylotting!
• United States
27 Jul 09
thank you very much. we're working on it. my husband is working and finishing his last semester in school so he'll be getting a better job soon and i'm going back to school so i can get a job so that we can move a little farther away. now my mother is not like his. my mom never has never nagged my husband but she's totally different from his mother. we're not gonna move far away since the kids still need to spend time with them but we live right down the street from them now. i think the distance between us will help alot but we have a long way to go but i know we can do it. just like you said i have to be patient. tank you very much.
• Malaysia
21 Jul 09
hi cg .. i know my husband for 16 years .. we were lovers for 14 years , my dear MIL did not allow us to get married, she told the son i black magic him ... Goodness if i was to black magic someone, it will not be this "black" man , i kinda just fell in love with him n i will find a rich man .. n this idiots could not understand this.. 14 yrs of my youth was wasted... Believe me when i say , after the marriage she said i was not to eat at my mothers house because my mother is bad and will 'black magic' us ... I forgot to mention my husband was 31 adult man and i was 21 yrs old when we met and my husband only had the back bone to go against his powerful mother and marry me at 45 .. It is not enought I have 2 SIL not married (older to him) 2 BIL not married (1 elder and another younger) .. and they are the most intelligent people in the world thank god that i am in the city working otherwise i would be "maid" in their house.. whenever i visit, i will be cleaning and washing .. My husband got lots of debt, and the SIL has been asking him to buy them house .. who is going to pay for it .. i wonder cheers
• United States
27 Jul 09
your husband needs to understand that when he married you, he started his own family. his mother and sisters are still his family but you and him need to come first. if his sister wants a house then she should buy it herself or marry a man who will buy her one. it;s not your brothers place to support her. good luck, we can get through this one day at a time.
@dmrone (751)
• United States
21 Jul 09
Hi, cgbrand! I don't think it is because of your race, now i could be wrong, but my mother in law treats me basically the same way. My husband and i have been together for almost 15 years now and she still does not accept me. She has called me some choice names in front of my children when i was not around, but even though it made me mad i said nothing. I have gotten to the point where i go for the holiday get togethers, but usually don't visit like we used to. It has caused some problems with m husband and i, but we work together to overcome these obstacles. it seems that your mother in law has a problem with her son being happy, and that is a shame. I do hope things get better for you. Don't let her get to you, that is what she wants to do. Happy mylotting.
@busky5 (3166)
• Thailand
20 Jul 09
Possible in your thinking.I would like you are patiently but whatever you can confuse softly to do sometime which depress your heart.