How Do You Cope With Insults and Bad Gossips?

@zed_k4 (17627)
Singapore
August 3, 2009 12:11am CST
This is a general topic. I would like to know viewers of friends in mylot here regarding this issue. How do you handle insults hurled at you or knowing that so and so have gossiped bad things about you? Would you take the low road or the high road? In other words, how would you react? I'd like to say in advance thank you for participating in this discussion. Your answers are deeply appreciated.
15 people like this
104 responses
4 Aug 09
I try to ignore them as much as possible but there are two extremes I have when an insult hurts or annoys me a lot. I either go into a depressed state for a day or two or I punch them until their nose is broken, but it does take a lot for me to reach these extremes
2 people like this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
4 Aug 09
Until their nose is broken..? Have you ever done that before..? So how did it go..?
@kprofgames (3103)
• United States
3 Aug 09
I really think that it is hard to answer this because it really depends on the person and what they are saying. I think the calmer you remain the better. It's easy to get on the anger wagon, but you have to remember that if one person is yelling or bad mouthing the other and you aren't. Then all that is being said is one sided. Creditility is lost with that person because they are doing all the bad mouthing. I've had this happen before to me and I just laid low. In time a person would say, I don't know what her problem is because everytime I see you, you're friendly and have a smile. However, everytime they saw this other person all she did was bad mouth or complain about things. See the difference there? You can keep yourself out of the drama by not participating in it.
2 people like this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
4 Aug 09
I have to agree with you too.. Sometimes we are subconsciously being involved in conversations say, at work or something although we do not start the story and keep it going. I would say when times like these occur, I involuntarily am pulled. But as long as I don't ignite those fires and keeping the flame going, I would just do my own thing. There's a saying something like, to hear from the left ear and let it get out from the right ear. I listen if being coerced to and just 'move on'.. Thanks for a refreshing insight there..
1 person likes this
• Philippines
3 Aug 09
there's no way for them to prove it because they don't really know about me in real life. of course, i would be upset but i wouldn't let that user or person intimidate me since it feeds on hate and anger. that's why i tried to be nice because so that i won't get a bad impression.
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
3 Aug 09
Intimidation is the term I see happening at times when situations like these arise..you are right, Letran..
3 Aug 09
Hi Zed_K4 Well, to me I would just walk away from the situation and that will really annoy them, its no use getting heated up over it, if they want to gossip let them, they will move off to someone else. Tamara
2 people like this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
3 Aug 09
I would go about doing that too, tamara.. That's a firm stance there..
@vandana7 (68484)
• India
30 Aug 09
I have often found my response to such things as odd. Many times I ignore. At times I confront. But neither of two makes me happy. When I react, I feel I may have over reacted, may be I could have ignored it. But when I dont, I feel that by letting the person get away with it, I am allowing it to become a habit, and the person will do it again to me and some other person like me. I think by ignoring, we do unwittingly let the person who is insulting feel that it is ok for them to be doing that to us. Ideally, however, I leave the scene, never to return. :-)
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
31 Aug 09
Thanks for your views.. If you ask me, I'd just play subtle.. but depends on the situation. Like you too..
@vandana7 (68484)
• India
31 Aug 09
Hi Zed, can u elaborate on that subtle. I mean I could really do with this kind of help. Thanks in advance. :-)
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
31 Aug 09
Subtle to me means sticking to one's own perspective and principle. Like for instance I come here in mylot to have fun, make friends and enjoy myself with discussions, so I shall not be deterred and try my best not to get into a bad mood. If I see something that I disagree, I just move on to the next one. I don't like arguing, conflicts and stuff like that.. I'd rather spend time with friends here and have joyous fun.. hope this helps.
@cwong77 (2011)
• Malaysia
4 Aug 09
I just ignore them.. and I won't even bother to explain, confront, argue or anything.. I like to see people who insult others walk away with a disappointment look, as they will then realised how badly have the faired in the process. In my opinion, if I fight back, isn't me just one of them?
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
4 Aug 09
cwong, I like your saying very much. If we respond and get angry or hurl rude words back and etc, it would just mean that we are beneath them. And that means we are no better than them. Very well said, I like your views, really..
1 person likes this
@cwong77 (2011)
• Malaysia
5 Aug 09
thanks for liking my view.. so, does this means I will be getting the best response? *just joking*
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
7 Aug 09
LOL.. you might.. If I could award everyone with a BR, I would.. there are just so many awesome answers, including yours...
1 person likes this
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
3 Aug 09
I dont cope with those. I just ignored them. You know, the more you ponder about it, the more it'll drive you crazy. You can stop people from talking, gossiping or insulting. Those who gossip and insult, it just shows how shallow they are. Just ignore them. I used to be a target of gossip during high school, the more you fight back, the more they will gossip. Once they discovered that you dont give a darn, they'll get bored and stop. Gossip will stop once there are no feedback. So, I just lay low and keep quiet.
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
3 Aug 09
I like your stance there. I'm sure you are right; if we just keep quiet, all vicious rumors or bad talk will just disperse. Thanks for voice out your views there..
@sblossom (2170)
3 Aug 09
i agree with submerryn totally. when i was young, insult and bad gossip was a big issue bothering me. It gave me bad mood and i always tried to prove i was not bad as they gossiped. but now to me it's just a piece of cake. i don't care how people gossip about me. i don't live for them. Just my family support me and it's enough to me. There are too many people who like gossiping, because they don't have confidence with themselves, so gossiping other people's matters can make them feelig they are great, not losers. if you paid attention on these gossips it would make them more feeling great. So the best solution is ignore these gossip and walk on your own way.
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
3 Aug 09
I agree with you too, sblossom.. Some use others bad points or weak points to gain some confidence for themselves in that sense..
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
3 Aug 09
If it's behind my back, I just ignore it. If it's out in the open, I say something, but politely. If it keeps on happening and I get mad, watch out world...
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
3 Aug 09
You got spunk .. I like that. 1 time, chance...2nd time chance..3rd time...strike
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
3 Aug 09
If I really like you, it might take a little longer. lol
1 person likes this
@mysdianait (64058)
• Italy
3 Aug 09
lol
1 person likes this
@chad252 (51)
• United States
6 Aug 09
Just ignore them. Your true friends will tell you things to your face and not gossip. You can't stop gossip and if you know it's not true, then don't let the lies bother you. Everyone has experienced this and the strongest are those who can move past it.
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
6 Aug 09
Very well said.. It's important not to jump lower than them..
@mysdianait (64058)
• Italy
6 Sep 09
Yup! Moving on amd keep moving ...
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
7 Sep 09
I echo that too..
• Denmark
5 Aug 09
I would get mad but I wouldn't show it. I usually keep it in until I'm face to face with the person but when I'm with my BF of friends I let it all out as a series of rantings about the subject. My friends usually let me get my feelings out and then make comments about the situation. But basically I would just feel bad but wouldn't do anything about it.
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
5 Aug 09
You have good head on your shoulders there.. That's a mature behavior, really..
1 person likes this
• Denmark
5 Aug 09
I sometimes think that I should tell people to their face what I think but then again I really don't want to deal with all the fuss later.
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
6 Aug 09
You got it right.. I can only imagine how it would have been ..
@jdyrj777 (6556)
• United States
5 Aug 09
I usually do not respond to this. But one member i said something he didnt like so i told him i would not respond anymore to him. He insulted me with "dont let the door hit you in your fat azz on the way out". This person has has not as clue if im fat or thin. Ok well a few days later in the mylot digest that i get everyday i saw he started a conversation that he was leaving. So i couldnt resist going into that conversation and repeating what he said to me back at him. To my post others chimmed in with their 2 cents about my post. So i had to explain to them why i did that. They didnt post agin after my explaintion.
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
5 Aug 09
Explaining to others can be a good solution at times.. Otherwise, we can choose to ignore. Don't worry, my friend..
@jdyrj777 (6556)
• United States
8 Aug 09
I felt i had to explain to them otherwise they would think i was the rude one.
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
8 Aug 09
I know what you mean there..
@bjcyrix (6910)
• Philippines
4 Aug 09
My usual reaction would be to just smile, nod in agreement and say "yeah you're right." Most especially if the insult is said directly to me. Of course that gesture is quite sarcastic. If they take it seriously then that's them. I know myself and I know the truth. As long as they dont make any damages of any kind then Ill just let them think what they think. I dont have to prove myself to anyone anyway. Most insults dont faze me really. I have yet to discover/hear an insult that I do consider foul that Id go out of my way to defend myself. As for the gossip, gossip all they want. They're just going to make me popular with that.LOL Ill only address those who genuinely wants to know the truth. Who knows? I might spare them the sarcasm and relate the truth behind the gossip. Then again, that's just me.
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
4 Aug 09
You made me smile with your answer. Such a mature stance on things there, bj.. way to go..
1 person likes this
@bjcyrix (6910)
• Philippines
4 Aug 09
Hahaha Yeah, I get that a lot. Guess Im just 'wise beyond my years'. Glad to have made you smile.
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
5 Aug 09
Yes I'm smiling...
1 person likes this
@nrn2003 (670)
• United States
4 Aug 09
I dont let people have the time of day to insult me or gossip about me. I dont think that people who do that to you are worth your time. They aren't your friends and dont mean a difference in your life. People who talk smack are just not impressive. Your true friends and family would already know the truth anyway. You know you are awesome when people you dont even know hate you.
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
4 Aug 09
You are right. I think that's what celebrities feel more or less..
@nrn2003 (670)
• United States
4 Aug 09
well celebrities ask for it by always being in the spotlight. They actually more money from all the gossip. So really I think they could care less.
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
4 Aug 09
Perhaps you are right.. I see some always getting coverage on tabloid news..
• United States
3 Aug 09
Depending on what the gossip is about. You can easily change things to your advantage, if handled properly. First, ignore the insults and gossip. Let's say that you are being gossiped about for ?? dirty shoes! Don't say anything about the shoes, but take the time, to start cleaning them up just a bit every day, until finaly, you have nice and clean shoes.
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
3 Aug 09
I like your answer there.. something like 'cleaning up your act', aye.. hmmmm.. very positive one there, I like it, like it.. From something negative, churning it out to something positive. Very nice outlook there, Shirley..
• United States
3 Aug 09
Thanks. Hope that was a help.
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
3 Aug 09
Pleasure..
@Capsicum (1444)
• United States
3 Aug 09
I despise gossip ! But I know many do gossip, behind my back.Not my friends as ,I pick them very carefully because of gossip.Its wrong and gets distorted down the line.I am a pretty out spoken person , if someone insults me .I give it back. I have a nasty temper at times,sometimes to the point of hurting others more than they have hurt me. So I guess ,I am on the high road trying to be a stronger person and ignore their ignorance.
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
3 Aug 09
I used to be like that too; like getting angry whenever I'm hurled at an insult or I learned of a vicious rumor. But lately, I've been thinking to be more calmer about it. I don't want to give the other party the idea that I'm easily angered by. But like you as well, I'm pretty outspoken and at times, I find it hard to control the anger and it will be let loose... I appreciate your views..
@Capsicum (1444)
• United States
3 Aug 09
You raise a good point ! Just like gossip some enjoy seeing you miserable, working hard to get you there. I think I may rethink how ,I display my thoughts to others. If I don't show them it matters. I will be the stronger person in the end . Thanks Zed for helping me rethink that one.
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
3 Aug 09
It's my pleasure, my friend.. Life is a long stretch of road, and we pick up pebbles along the way. I treat those pebbles like my mistakes in life and what I could learn from it.. my weird way of looking at it.. you have a nice day.
@kun2349 (23475)
• Singapore
3 Aug 09
If they wanna gossip about me, then let them do it.. WHy bother when things will only get worst if we try to clear it!! lol =D Instead of wasting my time and efforts, i will rather let time prove everything.. If i dun have the time, then fine, i will just admit to it.. lol =D Since be it i admit or not, those gossippers would have already found me 'guilty' based on what they seen and heard.. PLus, when they are not even related to me, so why bother?? lol =D
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
3 Aug 09
I couldn't agree more.. If we have done no wrong, then there's no need to be 'scared' of what the gossips or insults might land us into. The truth will prevail.. Dealing with a fishmonger is more better than a gossip monger..
1 person likes this
@kun2349 (23475)
• Singapore
4 Aug 09
lol =D Fishmonger!! I will rather spend time bargaining with them as well!! lol =D
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
5 Aug 09
LOL...me too..
1 person likes this
@HelScream (2828)
• Philippines
3 Aug 09
hi there my friend zed first off i dont listen to gossip and if those gossips are all about me then I still wont mind coz I know that I dont do anything bad to anyone and ignoring it would let the rumor die down but if you react on it violently then it would just get worst. Let the gossipers be gossipers thats how they want to live there life as long as you are happy and havent done anything wrong to anyone then you are just fine with yourself.... have a great day my friend....
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
3 Aug 09
My man......as always, awesome answer from you.. I go with your view 100%. It's like fueling or igniting more fire to the already sensational gossip. We know ourselves better, that's more important..
@HelScream (2828)
• Philippines
5 Aug 09
wow bro look at you first of I want to congratulate you for this discussion wow thats almost a hundred response in a day and thanks for agreeing to me too...have a great day bro... see you around
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
5 Aug 09
Thank you, bro.. I'd like to thank you and the others too for all of you have given me such a lot of positive answers that I can learn from..
@cbeee3 (2064)
• India
3 Aug 09
Zed, How do you react? You tell me and I will tell you how I react.
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
3 Aug 09
CB, never answer a question with a question.. LOL .. However, for your sake.. I'll enlighten you with my version of an answer. There's version 1.1, 2.0, 3.0 right up till 5.0 for gossips. Ha.. those naughty and joking gossips, I certainly won't mind and can even join in the fun once I come to know of it. In my life right now, I'm surrounded with people loving to jest, and I love it.. But version 6.0 onwards, well I won't be able to take it.. it's erring to vicious rumors and dirty speculations. I'll give the 'dirty' look and walk away.. I don't mix around with vicious gossip mongers, but fishmongers? I don't mind..
@cbeee3 (2064)
• India
3 Aug 09
Zed .. me..not answering a question, with another question? Do u even know me..LOL.. Your answer is the best!!I enjoyed it and was laughing a lot. You can give your response the best response! And if mine comes in the way its ok, we can share..lol I am pretty much the same as you,when it comes to dealing with gossip. I stay cool and get in on the stuff, if I know its only related to me and no one else will get hurt bad. But people who are really nasty, well, if I come to know I normally confront them. I then tell them that I heard whatever it was and that its not very nice talking like that about people.Then they normally start giving excuses. I don't care what they say then.I just say, I made my point and that is it.I smile and walk off. I don't hang out with people like that either.Besides, I love people who can talk on my face and we can all have a laugh.But not people who talk behind my back.
1 person likes this
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
3 Aug 09
Well let me start by saying i live in an apt building..We are a large building & we have a coffee bar downs stairs, well all the local gossips come to the coffee bar at all times of the day & talk about gossip...Man can they tear you up will gossip & insults....Most all the people that go to the coffee bar lives here so we all know one another..Anyway we do have some nice people that live here, then we have the trouble makers & the gossips...What i do now days is just stay away from that coffee bar & IF i go down there I just get coffee say hello & i am out of there..I make sure that these people know nothing about me at all..I have some friends here & when i want to see them i visit them in their apts...So i would say i tend to stay away from gossip & when they start , I leave..Let them know that you are not a gossip & that you do not apprecite their gossip....I have heard this and that said about someone & i have sometimes said "And you know this HOW?Its either they thought it up or someone tells them, so i say to them" I do not believe anything I hear and half of what i see" this usually stops them in their tracks...As far as insults ? I would say something like""""Oh you had better watch what you say, especially when you live in glass houses"....everyone has a past so maybe we can dig something out of your closet, and give me a rest....
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
3 Aug 09
LOL..... Good views there, slickcut.. That is a very smart statement there. I like the part you said; quote: 'Oh you had better watch what you say, especially when you live in glass houses'... That is just so classic. I would want to adopt that statement as well, awesome. Gossip mongers are everywhere and you are right; sometimes the source of the stories are so magnanimous and unknown. I wonder so much where these gossipers get their daily dosage from. And as for those hurling insults, I think they really have nothing better to do than to care for people's business.
1 person likes this
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
3 Aug 09
They get their daily dosage from the fact that "THEY DO NOT HAVE A LIFE" so they have to create something to make life interesting...LOL
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
3 Aug 09
LOL.. that true..
• United States
3 Aug 09
Hi, Zed! I generally ignore such things entirely. I'm proud to say they happen very seldom, but every teacher is going to get some from students here and there. Considering the source and causes, ignoring them isn't hard at all. I would certainly not get into returning such things!
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
3 Aug 09
Very good answer and from what I've learned from all these discussions, most are saying to ignore and take it with a pinch of salt. Like try not to get the matters affecting us. I agree with that kind of stance, unless there's a need to confront. Wherever deem fit..
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
3 Aug 09
Have a great day, my dear friend..