Being Under Minded In Your Relationship

@MoonGypsy (4616)
United States
August 6, 2009 4:27pm CST
my boyfriend has a habit of using the following words every time i say something that he doesn't like or agree with. he uses buzz words like, "crazy", "pathetic", "stupid". i know that one of the reasons why he is doing it is to make me angry, and get a reaction. but is he trying to play mind games with me? is it that thing that guys do where they make you feel like every thing you say is automatically invalid, that way you just won't have an opinion anymore (unless it agrees with his)? tell me, how do i make it stop before i physically harm him. lol. i'm just kidding. i wouldn't really do it. i just fantasize about it. :). you see, i am not the submissive type, and i am a bit rebellious. so when he tries mind games like that, it doesn't make me coil in the corner. it makes me come out swinging and scratching like a mountain lion. this is one of the reasons why i think we will break up eventually. trying the tactics he does belongs on a different kind of girl. this is why our arguements are frequent and explosive. cause i don't take things lying down, and he won't make me, either. what do you think. don't worry, you can be honest and tell me where i am wrong.
3 people like this
8 responses
@thokius (426)
• Austria
7 Aug 09
Yes. Guys tend to have weaker minds then women (actually 3.4 times weaker) and try to trick them with different strategies such as this. But don't let him trick you. The best way to fight them is to find a counter buzz word against his. Anyways have a nice day. :)
1 person likes this
@MoonGypsy (4616)
• United States
7 Aug 09
i like that suggestion... to find a counter buzz word. yes, this one is a good one. got any suggestions. like when ever he goes, "that just sounds so pathetic". what is a good counter buzz word for that. see, i like talk of vengence. lol
@thokius (426)
• Austria
8 Aug 09
I guess that when he says " that is just so pathetic " you should try something like " I have my reasons to like it " (which will make him think more about it) or " go with me or go alone " (which is a bit more offensive). I think that the trick is to make him concentrate on what you are saying. Most of the time he's probably using a buzz word because he doesn't want to listen. Sometimes you could even use this in your own advantage. Another way is to make an opposite of his buzz word. Just take what he used and turn it against him. But that might result in a chain being formed and it could be hard to escape from it. I hope I was able to help you. Have a nice day. Thok
@thea09 (18281)
• Greece
7 Aug 09
Hi MoonGypsy, the simple answer is if he speaks to you like that and tries to undermine you then he obviously does not have enough respect for you for you to waste your time on him. I would imagine that a man who resorts to this has low self esteem and if you put up with him long enough you will have to. I can't speak from personal experience as I just wouldn't have time for that kind of remark at all but I've certainly seen girlfriends being put down by their partners like this and they end up unhappy and approval seeking.
@MoonGypsy (4616)
• United States
7 Aug 09
yes, this is very true. i'm glad that an approval seeker is what i have never been. i've been always known to go against the grain on purpose. lol. i hope we can find a common ground, but if not, then i think we should just be friends. like i said, he is a great guy, but probably not for me. i am willing to compromise, i am just not willing to give up my self...not for anybody. i love me too. i am not like rhianna. he knows WAAAAAAY better than to try any of that hands shenanigans with me. he never has even just shoved me. i will go post traumatic stress on his tail, and he knows it. so, that i am so000000000000000000000 not worried about. nevertheless, my patience is too thin for the psychological and emotional crap, as well. so, i dunno....
• United States
6 Aug 09
moon, life is a period of time. and it sounds like this guy is wasting yours! If you already think you might break up then it also sounds like you should do it now and find someone else who will appreciate you more. It sounds like you have the right attitude not letting him get you down or take advantage of you. so make like a jay and walk away. any man who does not like and even love you for who you are is not worth the time it takes to um, kick him out the door! happy whatever...
@MoonGypsy (4616)
• United States
7 Aug 09
thanks guys. it's good to get this stuff out. there absolutely no one you could talk to some times, that would have an objective opinion. either there are my friends (who will take my side anyway, and i love them for that, not that they won't tell me when i'm wrong), or they are his friends (HA HA, you know how that would go), there is my family (I won't even go there. lol), and there's his (NINE, NO..in english and spanish...lol). so what you have to do is talk to strangers sometime. you guys have given me some more stuff the think about. wow! mylot is becoming really fun. i do have to say something in his defense. he is not a bad guy. i can't say that he abuses me (verbally, emotionally, mentally, or physically) he is not even the type really. he does know how to manipulate though. he can con, and is a very good under-miner. his mom and some of his other family is the same way. just knowing about his background, it's no wonder why he had to learn how to manipulate early. whether or not he is manipulating me is up to him. i will be ok, no matter what his choices are, cause i know how to protect myself. i just will not be disrespected, worked, or manipulated. i think that's why he is with me, i am probably the only one in his life to call him on his bul isht. lol. he is a great guy. i am a great girl, but we prob just can't be great together.
• United States
6 Aug 09
It probably just his personality. Maybe he does it so he can feel good about himself or to feel superior over you. I wouldnt say that every guy does this as I surely dont. He probably lacks respect for other people or maybe for just women. How does he act when he is around other guys? If he acts the same as he does towards you then its probably just his personality and if you dont like it I wouldnt stick around with this guy. I know some guys who just act like this in general to everyone it must be that they are insecure of themselves and want to make everyone feel bad so they can get enjoyment out of it. Just start turning things on him more cleverly when you guys argue. It would probably show him that you do have the ability to play mindtricks on him also. He probably wont like it and might start showing you respect or he just might get mad at you. But what I am hoping you will do is show him somehow maybe not up front but imply it somehow verbally. Now just dont lose your temper and resort to violence as nothing will be solved with violence and it can either get you into trouble or make you look bad. Oh and to answer your last question I dont think what you are doin is wrong because nobody should be exposed to this kind of treatment its better that you try to stop it or end it completely rather than take it and say nothing. Hope this helps you a bit. :)
@MoonGypsy (4616)
• United States
6 Aug 09
thank you so much. it does help me. do you want to know why? because after hearing only his STRONG point of view that all of mine are crazy, pathetic, stupid, or what ever...you start to think, maybe there is something wrong with my head. it feels good to have someone see things, at least a bit on my side. that way i don't feel so crazy.
@doggyhouz (548)
• United States
7 Aug 09
I would agree that it isn't the right way to be happy. I wouldn't want to say not the right way to live because I see people really enjoy arguing too. Sometimes when you are together far to long and you guys argue once in awhile but from long term the arguments become more internal than just fun verbal. It isn't fun to have that type of relationship especially from long-term indirect effects. I should suggest finding happier things. In life there aren't too many fish out there, less than what people really tell you. But we only one life which is a lot less than the fish out there, so live it the best you can you might not get a second chance in life again. God bless
• Singapore
7 Aug 09
My ex-boyfriend was like that too. He will start hurling similar insults. And when I talk to him about it, he doesn't see anything wrong with it (he claims he's joking and doesn't mean it) and doesn't understand why I feel hurt and bothered. Do guys have to do that to show that they have the upper hand in a relationship? Or is it just inferiority complex? Communication is of very much importance in a relationship, and quarrels do make us understand each other better, but not when it gets insulting and berating. Imagine if both of you are like that when in a relationship, what will happen if you get married and live together and face each other everyday? Your kids will suffer too (but that's too far in the future i guess right ;) ). Anyway, hope you and your boyfriend are able to work things out! Cheers!
@Hatley (140619)
• Garden Grove, California
7 Aug 09
moongypsy be careful there, thats one early step in a control freak and a wife beater, to undermine the woman, make himself feel very powerful and her to feel belittled, then he takes it to the next level pushing the rebellious woman around physically, then the next step is the beating, the hitting to make her submit and make him the powerful one. believe me, he will soon move on to shoving you around.,end it before he gets physical
@Philbo (579)
• Canada
6 Aug 09
If he is constantly cutting down your opinions and belittling you he does not belong with a more submissive woman. He doesn't belong with anyone. It's a bad habit he's better off losing. I'm glad for your sake that you don't just take it. If you really think this relationship has a long term future I would sit down with him and tell him to stop or risk losing you.