Teen Depression
By syndibee
@syndibee (799)
United States
August 14, 2009 1:59pm CST
I really need some help here. My son is actually 20 yrs old but I still consider him a teen thus the title of this post. He's obviously depressed and I want to know what I can do to help him.
He's a quiet guy that still lives with my husband and I, and his baby brother who is 3.
His room is a disaster and he has no local friends, he went to school an hour from where we live now and he goes there most weekends.
He works full time and just got over a suspension from work for being late too much.
He sleeps at least 10 hrs a day, usually daylight hours. He's on the computer the rest of his time.
He works full time but it is a very boring and non rewarding job.
He was in school for computer hardware but quit because it was boring.
He wants to go to school for auto mechanics. Today he announced he can't go this semester because he procrastinated too much on his financial aid. I can shoot him for not doing his financial aid but I just can't light a fire under this kids butt.
Anyone have any advice for me? Has anyone else gone through this themselves? I'm so worried!!!
5 responses
@hmfryklund (389)
• United States
16 Aug 09
I think that even though he is very shy, that is so absorbed in his at home and net life that he is almost disgusted with the outside world, "reality". His friends are probably mostly online friends, and because he spends most of his time on the computer, that's probably why he is so late and doesn't want to get things done on time, because he has other things "better" to do. He is actually only one year younger than me, but I think that he really needs some kind of motivation. Have you tried actually talking to him about it? Don't nag him, everyone hates nagging, even though we all do it lol. Just sit him down and ask him what is inside his head, why he is the way he is, that you are just concerned. He IS a guy so he might not react the way you want him to, but it might throw him through a loop and talk about it.
1 person likes this
@syndibee (799)
• United States
17 Aug 09
I did sit him down to talk after writing this post. I told him of my concerns. He didn't have a lot to say but he listened and he spent a good portion of his day with his brother and I the next day. He has been actively trying to make it a point to show his face around the house, spend some time with someone else in the household etc. since I talked with him.
I know it's not a cure-all but I really do believe he's trying. He even cleaned up his room some yesterday and did laundry. I've just gotta keep him interested in life outside the pc and still work on getting him involved with his peers locally.
@syndibee (799)
• United States
23 Aug 09
The nag issue was never part of our problem. He grew up with his dad. We divorced when our son was 12 and he chose to live with his dad. He moved in with me after graduating from high school because he needed a new start and I lived in a city where that was possible. We weren't "close" through his growing up but we didn't butt heads at all either.
He is not in school this semester which makes me sad for him as I've always used school as a social network myself. It just makes it easier to meet people your age with like minded hobbies.
He's been staying home a lot more lately due to low funds but he hasn't been shut in his room which makes me happy. Sure he still spends 90% of his time up there but he makes his daily appearances which is all I expect. I know he doesn't wanna hang out with mom and his 3 year old brother all the time, and I would never expect that.
@hmfryklund (389)
• United States
17 Aug 09
That is such good news! I am so happy for you!!! Teenagers are just so hard to figure out, I was just one myself a few years ago, and I know how withdrawn they all can be, and just want to shut everyone out ESPECIALLY their parents, which sucks, and who knows why they do it, I know I used to. I think its because a lot of parents almost suffocate their children, nagging them about their lives because they want to know whats going on SO bad, and they end up pushing them out. I never really thought about this until now and I know I put my mom through hell and it sucks! Im so glad that he is improving. I think because he can see that you are truly concerned and everything, I think thats why he is changing, even if it is just a little bit at a time! Good luck!!!
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
14 Aug 09
First off, my prayers for your son. It does sound like he is somewhat depressed, but in another sense it almost seems like he doesn't know what he wants to do with himself. At that age it is common to go through some stages of depression as you experience life in a way that you've never experienced it before. It might not hurt at all for him to see a doctor about these symptoms and get the advice of a professional. They may give him something to stabilize his mood.
1 person likes this
@syndibee (799)
• United States
14 Aug 09
His mood is very stable, just negatively so. I honestly don't think he'll go see a dr. I do know he doesn't know what to do with himself and I'm wanting to help out there, but I'm also at a loss. If I suggest activities he's not game. If I do nothing then I'm pretty much endorsing his hermit lifestyle. It wouldn't be bad if he was happy but I asked him the other day how he was and I got the "eh" answer. He's not one who gives that answer so I know something's wrong. Thanks for the prayers, We both can use them.
@yogesh0505 (112)
•
15 Aug 09
one of my friends too suffered from the same situation,that was even worse ,after too years of useless hope his mother decided to send him to college hostel where he got a room mate and a company of few other students ,now is full of confidence and got nice percentages in his exams
@lumenmom (1986)
• United States
15 Aug 09
I don't know too many people who are really depressed that you can light a fire under to get them to do what they need to do. The very nature of depression is that it immobilizes you. He is at that age where it may be hard to get him to open up to you or anyone else, but it may be worth a try to say some of the things you are noticing that is going on with him, then let him know it is okay if he is having trouble or is not able to move himself out of his situation on his own. He does not need to feel worse because he is going through this tough time. Suggest that some people who are stuck benefit greatly from asking for help, in fact it is the best thing he could do for himself. He might just open up and say some things that can give you clues on where to go from here. Continue to show you care and that you are there for him and want the best for him. If he won't or can't open up you may need to talk to a professional yourself to get some ideas on what to do.
@imajerseygirl (433)
• United States
14 Aug 09
Sounds like he is just stuck. When I was that age I did the same thing, got fired from a job cause... well I just didn't care. The only advice I can give which is not much is try to get him to start socializing again. He might just need someone to just listen to him, also.
1 person likes this
