One thing that can ruin a friendship...

United States
August 15, 2009 7:18pm CST
I was really upset yesterday because I have a friend who constantly says that she will do something and then at the last minute says she can't. But yesterday she did the worst thing. This is the second time that I have booked a candle party for her. The first time she called me an hour before and told me that she was not having it. I had spoken to her earlier that day and she said that her friends were coming and that we would be having the show. So I show up at her house at 6:30 and SHE WASN'T HOME!!!! No call or anything, and I was told that she was out at the casino which I know is a problem that she has. BUT SHE COULD HAVE HAD THE COURTESY TO CALL ME!!!! I can't stand when people flake out on plans and surprisingly there are a lot of people everywhere who do that. I THINK IT IS UNACCEPTABLE. SO TELL ME...What is one of your pet peeves?
5 people like this
17 responses
@versio9 (329)
• Philippines
16 Aug 09
she will have her day soon. what she does will inevitably get back at her. and i hope you never do to others what she is doing to you. because, whether you like it or not, you will be doing that to others, too. inevitably.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (120469)
• Boise, Idaho
16 Aug 09
I totally agree with you my dear! I would back off conciderably from this one or she will drive you crazy. She obviously doesn't have much respect you OR your friendship. I would know I can't trust her and would certainly not have her on my best friends list at all. I just ended a freindship with a gal who I had know for over 25 years! She actually had the nerve to accuse me of stealing from her. I think this was an excuse but I will not tolerate such idiotic stuff as this. I take my friends seriously. I expect respect and consideration and if I don't get it I am GONE! I hope you will not let her continue to do you this way. you are better than this.
• United States
16 Aug 09
I can't stand that either!! If I am your friend then I will ask you to borrow or if I can have something. I mean 25 years...if she doesn't know that you wouldn't steal from her by now then something is wrong there...and it's NOT you!
2 people like this
@celticeagle (120469)
• Boise, Idaho
16 Aug 09
I feel the same way. I was so shocked that he would even think such a thing. I am still just amazed.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Aug 09
I would be completely amazed too. That has happened to me before (with a different situation) but I was completely shocked that a friend would ever think such a thing about me.
2 people like this
@carolbee (16241)
• United States
17 Aug 09
I agree with you. That's just not right. Priorities is the name of the game. She could have called you or delayed her casino visit and gone later or another day. I love to go to one local casino but will never avoid my responsibilities to get there and gamble. Family and friends are first.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Aug 09
Yes, moderation is key. This woman has 5 kids, how could she do that to them. Nevermind me. I am upset, but the kids are more important and she is taking money from them!
@carolbee (16241)
• United States
17 Aug 09
This isn't a good thing but maybe one day she will realize what she's doing. Just hope it's not too late.
@kitty42 (3912)
• United States
16 Aug 09
Wow that really sucked. one of my pet peeves is when someone asks me to do something and I tell them I can't for whatever reason and they insist on trying to convince me other wise, I really hate that, I am grown kinda know what I want why can't people just take no for an answer and leave it at that, This happens to me a lot really pisses me off,it is like I don't know what is best for me, so they think its their job to make me change my mind, never works, if I don't want to do something 9 times out of ten I won't do it. I have to admit this has gotten better over the years I use to given in, not anymore lol
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Aug 09
It's like people today just think about themselves and what they want. It's disrespectful for someone to try to make you do something you don't want to do. If everyone just took ten minutes out of their day to try to do something nice for someone else, maybe the IT'S ALL ABOUT ME atitude would go away.
1 person likes this
@kitty42 (3912)
• United States
16 Aug 09
You are so right, funny thing is most of the time what is asked of me is not in my best interest always what is best for them, please get away from me, I could see if they wanted to take me out or something to that affect but no, lol people are funny but they can keep there funny behinds away from me.
1 person likes this
• China
16 Aug 09
I think,friend is important to one ,but choose a good friend is a so hard,I think we should clean our eyes,find out the people who is upright,honest,a cup of water,if you pour it to a clean water,it is still clean,but if poured to a dirty water,it will be foul.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Aug 09
I have never heard that saying before. The way I understood it was that if I mix up with the wrong people then it would make me a bad person. Even if my water was clean if I mixed it with someones dirty water it still would not make them better.
• United States
16 Aug 09
What a wonderful quote!
@brwnjj (6)
• United States
16 Aug 09
i feel you all the way. i have a big problem with friends that you always come to the rescue for and whose back you always have or how you put so much of yourself into helping them and making sure theyre ok, but when you are alittle down and out and need someone to just check on you to at least say "everything will be alright", and no shows up, no phone calls, no nothing, but when you see them its like well i thought you didn't want to be bothered. How can they say that if they didn't even try to call you or visit you. I'm so done with parasitic friends!
• United States
17 Aug 09
With all the technology we have today, it bugs me that she couldn't even contact me. She could have emailed, called, texted, ANYTHING...even having a mutual friend call me would have been better.
@rosepedal64 (4192)
• United States
16 Aug 09
Ok, You said that she was your friend? I know friends are suspose to help one and another but it really sounds like she doesn't want any part of that party that you keep booking for her. I would first back off and not worry about the party. If she calls and wants to book just let her know that you don't have the time to work it in. I do have a pet peeve. It is Lying. I cannot stand to be lied to. I feel that I have a pretty good personality and can take about anything. So why would someone feel the need to lie to me. I have come to conclusion that those that lie can't tell themselves the truth either.
• United States
17 Aug 09
Sometimes I think that people lie because they are afraid of what the other person might say about the truth. But it is better to tell the truth, because all lies come out and it makes the person who lied look like a jerk.
• United States
16 Aug 09
I hate people who can't seem to keep their word. I can certainly relate to your testimony about a friend who didn't have the courtesy to advise you beforehand. It's frustrating, you know. It is unacceptable for friends to overdo a thing. I also dislike it when someone is so good to you when they're right there in front of you. But when you're not around, they badmouth you. I so hate that! Pretending to be someone you are not is also one of my pet peeves.
• United States
16 Aug 09
When people are like that I say they are fake. I don't tolerate that sort of thing. People tend to gossip so much these days so they can fit in with the people they are with at the moment and they don't think of what they are doing, until someone tells the other person that their friend was talking about them.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
16 Aug 09
That would really bother me too. Especially if she volunteered for the candle party as opposed to feeling pressured into doing it. Impatience, rudeness and lying bother me!
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Aug 09
Yes, lying is a big problem. It kind of goes along my issue. If she couldn't keep her word she didn't have to lie to me earlier that day and say that everything was going to happen she should have just been honest!
2 people like this
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
16 Aug 09
I know what you mean... I ahve a friend that like to always hang on on something liek she will tell me ok, I will go do this with you , or tell me oh I need to check if I am available, I mihg be free, I mihg be not... or blah blah blah... a lot of excuses, after couple times like that, I stopped asking her to go out unless she asks me to. That didn't ruin our friendship but I didn't really think she treats me as a good friend seeing she refuses to do a lot of stuff with me and gave me whole bunch of excuses...
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Aug 09
I hate when people are not honest. If they don't want to hang out then they should say so. By constantly making excuses they are sending the wrong message. Like I don't respect you enough to be honest...much worse that saying I don't want to hang out.
• China
16 Aug 09
to me the thing you were talking and fretting doesnt give a thing, maybe your pals tend to do something that can make joy for them, but the exact principle in my opinion will be there is not anyone gets hurt.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Aug 09
I respect your opinion, and feel as though she is hurting herself by spending every check at the casino.
@horsesrule (1960)
• United States
16 Aug 09
I've had friends do similar things to me in the past and they are no longer friends. The funny thing is that I am not the one who broke off the relationship, it was always them who did it. I've never quite understood that. I would have to say that friends who lie to me like that would be my biggest pet peeve about anyone, friend or family member. There isn't a reason good enough for them to do something like that unless it's a car wreck, broken bones or something like that.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Aug 09
I bet it was all for the best. They probably weren't the right friends for you!
@careguarden (5674)
• Philippines
16 Aug 09
Your friend doesn't deserve to have you. She didn't value your friendship nor respect you as her friend. It's okay if she did it once, but twice or thrice is unacceptable. Well probably leaving her makes her realized what she'd done to you and to your friendship. Actually, you're not alone. I do have a friend like yours and we parted ways without any saying. What I don't really like is when a friend ask for advice and told her what to do. And simply ignore it, and on the next day she come crying because of her foolishness. Then you understand her, ask advice again, and you give in, yet, she often do the same thing. It does freaks me out. I know what a friend for. When I give advice, I don't really expect that person to apply. But what's the use of asking for an advice, if you don't need it.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Aug 09
That happened to me before. My friend was in an abusive relationship and she asked me for advice and help. Her boyfriend had left and I bought some food for her because he was holding money back from her and she had a four year old. I spent like 75 dollars at the store and that same night her boyfriend was back in the house with all his loser pothead friends, smoking illegal substances and eating up all the food that was for her and her daughter. SO I COMPLETELY AGREE WTIH YOU ON THAT PET PEEVE!
@Hatley (164471)
• Garden Grove, California
16 Aug 09
One of my pet peeves is people who saythey will met me at A certain time then I wait and wait. they come anywhere from 'fifteen minutes to forty five minutes late.this is so rude and so disrespectful. it shows they do not care if they upset me as long as they can do what they want to do.I have at times waited fifteen minutes then just left. if they dont care any' more than that then I do not care either.
• United States
16 Aug 09
Oh my goodness, you are so right. I know people who are always late. I even have a friend who told her friend to be there two hours earlier just so that her friend would be there on time.
• United States
16 Aug 09
I have been lucky and not have been in that situation. You can do the three strikes and your out, but she has already used the 2 out of 3. She is not a friend, as I believe a true friend would not do that to a friend. She has a gambling problem and nothing else matters. I am sure you have other friends that don't do this to you, so hang with them and let this friend go, it is obvious she does not care what you think or feel. That is sad, someday she is going to look back and see she lost a good friend. But remember friends come and go but the best ones stay forever.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Aug 09
Thank You, I have decided not to talk to her anymore. I do have some great friends that always keep their commitments and I will stick with them!
@jugsjugs (13045)
16 Aug 09
I know where you are coming from saying about being let down all the time as well as at the very last second.Well i kept being let down so now i do not even bother thinking about going or doing anything as you know that nine out of the ten times it is not going to happen.Now when they ask me i just say sorry but i am going out some where or that i am busy,that way it saves all the upset.Happy Mylotting.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Aug 09
Very true! I have always been the type of person to say that if I don't do it myself then it won't get done. That is probably why I have a very low tolerance for people who don't go and do what they say they will. I know that everyone is different, but if it is something that a person knows they won't be able to do then they should have enough decency to say : Hey, LaToya, I would love to do this thing at this time but I can't or a better time would be this time...thats all I ask I don't think people should feel bad about saying no, and that could be another part of the problem. I never feel bad saying no...if I go to a restaurant and a waitress asks me if I want to order dessert and I say no, she is not going to feel bad or go cry in the back because I said no to dessert.
1 person likes this
@skysuccess (8881)
• Singapore
16 Aug 09
latoyahall, Being taken for granted is never new to me and like you, I am not immune to it. I do have them with me till this day. But, as a good measure, I will just do the needful as and when I am available. If they do not turn up and not give me call then I am sure they will not be expecting me to do the good deed again, period. I suppose we just have to bear with it and for us to cut ties is sometimes quite difficult. Afterall, I just feel this saying is just the perfect sentence for us good Samaritans: We come to love not by finding a perfect person but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. Take care and have a nice day.
• United States
17 Aug 09
Yes that is very true. I have a mindset to see the good in all people because I know that I am not perfect. I would want people to see the good in me, and I know that I am a good person. It was bothersome for me because she wanted to have the party so I just can't fathom why she would do that. Anyway, I have decided not to call her and I will not be calling her...she can call me.