Friendship between a married man and a married woman

@bhanusb (5709)
India
August 21, 2009 12:41pm CST
I have a very close friend. He does not hide anything to me. My friend is a married person. He has a girlfriend. His girlfriend also married.They share each others sorrows and happiness. They also take advice from each other when they are in troubles. There friendship is only friendship.Nothing more than that.But both of them did not tell about their relationship to their spouses. Are they deceiving their spouses? I don't think so. Do you?
4 people like this
17 responses
@sweety_81 (2130)
• India
22 Aug 09
Well, I would never agree of such a relationship which is fatal for all of them and amounts to cheating of some people .
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
28 Aug 09
Commonly we don't accept such relationship. But sometimes something is happened beyond our imagination.
1 person likes this
@kitty42 (3912)
• United States
21 Aug 09
I think so, why not share their friendship with their spouse, they have a relationship/friendship they share emotions to me, "they are a accident waiting to happen" if there is nothing, why not tell your spouse, now if lets say the man decides to introduce this lady to his wife, you don't think the wife is going to be able to feel that something is not right, she will know there is a connection between this woman and her husband, yes I think they are not only deceiving their spouse, they are deceiving each other..hmmm you sure your friend tells you everything.
1 person likes this
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
28 Aug 09
I trust my friend. But I'm not sure he tells everything to me. Yes it would be fair if my friend introduces his woman friend to his wife. I shall try to suggest this to my friend.
@kitty42 (3912)
• United States
29 Aug 09
Hello I hope everything works out, it will be in everyones best interest if they came clean, unless they have something to hide then thats a whole different problem, lets hope that is not the case
• Singapore
22 Aug 09
IM Married too,and a female.since young i have boys as best friends because im more comfortable and they are more willing to hear me out.Having girl best friends often lead to gossips and unwanted competition or jealousy. Now that im a career woman,i still have GUY good friends and he's married too.what's important is that u draw the lines,know your priorities in life,and emphasize on the establishing a good friendship with him/her.
1 person likes this
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
28 Aug 09
Then you agree friendship between a married man and a married woman can be established.If they are aware of their priorities of life then it's OK .Thanks.
@smileonstar (4016)
• United States
22 Aug 09
Hello, well!! this I would call a fair if you think more. well, if this work out for both of them... then it would be nice. I feel sorry for other parts of those married. I dont know how much your friend love his wife and I dont know how much his girlfriend loves his husband. If they think their married never work, then they should work thing out... before it is too late. If I find out my husband does this to me, then I will let him goes... I will not happy to stay in the married like this at all. It is really hurt and it is really a shame
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
28 Aug 09
I know my friend loves his wife. But he also fears his wife. I think this is the reason to keep secret this relationship to his wife. Same position is for the woman.I think both of them are in a dilemma.
• India
21 Aug 09
I believe "daal mein kuch kaala hain". If they are continuing this "friendship", they are surely eating out their marriage in near future. When you are cheating your spouse, the result won't be very much shining! If I make any type of friendship with any girl, I must tell my Little Girl about this. I think it is your duty to give him a warning before it is too late.
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
22 Aug 09
Are your little girl dances like you? "Dal mey kuchh kala bhee ho sakta hai". I will warn my friend.
@mrbranan (1012)
• United States
21 Aug 09
Does their spouse know that they are such good friends with this other person. If their spouse knows then no they aren't deceiving anyone however if they don't know they need to ask them selves why. My husband and I have friends but I don;t keep it a secret and neither from him.
1 person likes this
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
22 Aug 09
Their spouses don't know their friendly relationship. My friend and his woman friend keeping it secret to their spouse. They may think their spouse will take it otherwise.
@kircho (493)
• Bulgaria
21 Aug 09
There is no such thing like "friendship" between two married people. If their friendship is good, they also could break some marriages..
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
22 Aug 09
So far I know They will not break their marriage. But I admit there is something fishy.
@taztheone (1726)
• India
29 Aug 09
I must say that little-boy gave a good response. Well I wonder whats the harm in informing their spouses about their friend if they think its just friend ship. well my golden rule is a boy & a girl can never be true friends. Friendship can anytime change into an affair because that's how human mind is. Always thirsty for love!
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
29 Aug 09
Yes it's a natural tendency
@sehlers (166)
• United States
23 Aug 09
I believe that opposite genders who are married to others can be friends, but it's got to be known by all parties involved. I talk to my best friend's husband all the time and consider him a good friend and "crazy uncle", but my best friend knows that I talk to him. Would I ever go out with just him and I? Probably not. Having said that, the fact that your friend and his friend are keeping their relationship secret from their respective spouses is unwise at the very least and sounds shady to me. If they are "just friends" what do they have to hide? Marriage is supposed to be built on trust and respect, and it sounds like your friend and his friend don't respect their spouses and their marriage and are not acting in a trustworthy manner. If I found out my spouse (when I had one) had a married female friend that he was just "hanging around with" and I didn't know about it, I would have some serious trust issues.
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
28 Aug 09
I have lot of friends. Should I tell all about my friends to my spouse? What is the wrong if a married man makes friendship with a married woman? If I can share many things with a male friend then why not with a female friend ? This is just a question of envy .
@bunnybon7 (22925)
• Holiday, Florida
22 Aug 09
i disagree with most of your responders. i have been close friends with married men while married and nothing was going on. when i had a jealous hubby, i didnt let him know how close i was to the other man. men naturally think you are wrong for this unless they've had such a relationship themselves.
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
28 Aug 09
But I agree with you.
@sblossom (2170)
22 Aug 09
I think their relationship is not just friendship. Although they can say they are just friend and they have done nothing beyond it. If they were just friends, what’s the reason they don’t tell their spouses about each other. Personally I don’t accept the relationship. I do have a married close male friend but I told my husband. Also my friend let me knowing his wife. I think it’s a good way to deal with the relationship.
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
28 Aug 09
Yes their relationship is just friendship. They did not tell their relationship to their spouses this is their mistake.I agree a mistake can cause serious problem.
@tutor19us (455)
• India
22 Aug 09
Hey! No I dont htink so. Maybe their spouses wont be broad minded enough to understand their friendship. I have a close friend who is a married man. But both our spouses know that we have been friends for donkey years. Now my hub had a problem accepting that his wife has a friend who is a boy, err man. But after a while he accepted it. He knows that we just yak and share joy/sorrows and not indulge in anything else. Now if there is something that people want to hide only then they would behave in this way. Your friends are certainly not deceiving his/her spouse.
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
28 Aug 09
Hi tutor,thanks a lot. You have understood the situation perfectly.
@Hatley (110163)
• Garden Grove, California
22 Aug 09
bhanusb hi you just said the magic word that defines'a nasty'situatioh because if they had nothing but just platonic friendship there would be no earthly reason that they would not tell their relative spouses.but they have not and why? because there is a lot more than friendship going on whether they want to admit it or not.sureneithe one wants to upset their household and the person who loves them and cares for them and does for them.they are trying to eat that cake and have it to.if they did not feel guilty they would include their spouses in their little intimate friendship. Of course they Are deceiving their spouses. they share sorrows and happiness, now isn't that the jobs of their spouses? give me a break.they areheaded towards breaking up two homes,just wait and see. romance willcome and will break up everything.
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
28 Aug 09
Hi Hately, your apprehension may come to true. But I hope and pray the two homes be remain tight. Is the friendship between a married man and a married woman always creates nasty situation?
@tintukm (1084)
• India
21 Aug 09
Marriage is no barrier to friendships.On not getting the real friendly approach from their life partners people make friends apart from their marriage.This goes on in most of the married cases or may not happen to people who are married.Friendships after marriage really doesn't mean deceiving one's spouse,a more friendly approach by another individual leads to sharing of feelings with him/her rather than with the life partners.
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
22 Aug 09
Yes I totally agree with you.
@suchi60 (913)
• India
28 Aug 09
bhanusb, If its purely a friendship, why haven't they disclosed it to their spouses? This does sound rather deceitful. You say that they share their happiness and sorrow with each other, but why don't they do it with their spouses? Afetr all, after marriage, the partners should share their happiness and sorrow among themselves rather than seek a third person, which is what is happening with your friends.To be honest, I think there is more to it than meets the eye.
@aisaellis22 (6449)
• United States
27 Aug 09
Hello bhanusb! I still consider it a deceiving their spouses. I mean, how come they didn't tell them? I do believe that the feelings somehow develops especially when you can find that person in times when you needed someone. That instead of going to your wife, you go to the other person which is unfair. If that is my husband, I wouldn't be happy with it.
@huaxin (3)
• China
22 Aug 09
their friendship is only friendship? impossible!sorry to say so.