Old Folks' Home - Would you send your parents there?

@kevchua (1005)
Malaysia
August 29, 2009 9:14am CST
The "Old Folks' Home" is a place where the elderly go to live the rest of their lives when their children do not have the time to look after their ageing parents. This home concept is common in Malaysia. I'm not sure if there is such a place in your country, but what I'd like to know is why do these homes exist? What excuses do children have for not taking care of their parents? Would you send your parents to an Old Folks' Home when they're old?
4 people like this
17 responses
@cwong77 (2012)
• Malaysia
29 Aug 09
Hi Kev, nice of you to start this discussion... For my own opinion, it's not an issue putting old folks in a home run by others, but it's a big big issue putting them there without even visiting them! I personally feel that it would be better for sick old folks to be place in a home, as I know some of these homes are better medical facilities, care and even some of them has an in house doctor. In these places, the old folks will have friends to chat and communicate. Well, I am not promoting to send old folks to home, however if we are unable to be there for them caring for their basic necessities, I think it's a better alternative sending them to homes than rotting at home. It's not cheap to hire a maid to care for an old folk 24 / 7, and also we are unable to know if this maid is mindful and caring enough towards the old folks. However, as a child, it's still our responsibilities to be there emotionally and supporting our parents even they are placed in homes. We are to visit them regularly, bring them home for gathering, and able to talk to them instead. By dumping them in homes, it's not a good idea... For me, I will not want to send my mum to old folks home if possible (meaning my mum is able to care for herself, at least on the basic daily routine) and should she is not in the pink of health, and I am unable to provide the special care, I would rather her be care by someone else, and I am sure going to visit her often, even on a daily basis (touch wood)
@kevchua (1005)
• Malaysia
30 Aug 09
Hi cwong77, indeed...many irresponsible children "dump" their parents in nursing homes or old folks homes without even seeing them regularly to find out how they're getting on. Thus, these homes have become permanent homes for these elderly folks. My parents are now living on their own, and they're already 70 years old. I'd tell them to sell the present house where I used to live, and invite them to live with me one of these days though that would mean leaving their close friends there and making new friends with new neighbours all over again. Hope they'd agree.
1 person likes this
@cwong77 (2012)
• Malaysia
30 Aug 09
hi Kev, thanks for denoting the best responses... you make my Merdeka day! Anyway, sometimes it good to keep the parents at their old homes, if they can manage it themselves.. getting them out of the comfort zone as where they have spend their life it's not easy, provided you have something else to keep them occupy I am sure they will love to spend some quality time with you rather than spending all their time with you and your wife... haven't you heard of the 'in laws' horror story?
2 people like this
@kevchua (1005)
• Malaysia
30 Aug 09
Hahaha....yes, I have heard of horrifying "in-laws" stories. I'm experiencing it now too. However this is least of my concern because I care for my parents, and I dread to think what would happen when both have to use walking sticks or need medical attention one day, but we are not there to assist them. My priority is to ensure I'm there to help when they need it. It's nevertheless a plan and hope they'll agree to move in.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Aug 09
They are called Nursing Homes here. When the elderly are sent to these places, they require medical attention that their children cannot provide. Most family's here have 2 adults working full time and cannot afford to hire medical professionals to come to their home for 24 hour care for their parents. Unfortunately some elderly people are put in these homes because they either don't have family to care for them or don't family that care to care for them. I wouldn't send my parents if I could keep from it. My husband and I both work full time and have 4 kids to support, so for one of us to quit our job to stay home would kill us financially.
2 people like this
@kevchua (1005)
• Malaysia
29 Aug 09
Hi cmullenix, yes nursing homes. Over here, some Old Folks Homes also serve as nursing homes but many of these homes do not have proper medical attendants to attend to the needs of the elderly. Sad, indeed. Yeah, I agree that when it comes to providing medical care, not everyone could afford to employ personal nurses for the elderly. Therefore, a good alternative is to send them to the home. Thanks for your comment
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Aug 09
That is the thing that I most worry about as well is I would but would I be able to being that I am sure it would cost so much . Yes, somethings are covered but I know a lot of times you have to pay out of pocket.
@chi2nasrin (1104)
• Malaysia
29 Aug 09
I will never do such thing, I swear. I will take care of my mother when she's old. She took care of me when I was still a baby right?? Some people send their parents to old folks home because they are too busy with their work routine. But why not just hire a maid to take care of them when you are at work. Let them stay with you in your house. I am sure they don't even have the intention to burden you when they are old and helpless. One of my way to repay my mum for all the things she had done to and for me, is at least to take of her when she's old. I think, if you do that to you parents, your children will also do that to you. I love my mother, I will never send her away.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Aug 09
I could never see myself sending my parents there and I would do my best to take care of them . Sometimes though the care they need is too much ;*(
• United Kingdom
30 Aug 09
Sadly my parents passed away many years ago so I never have to go through the experience of placing my parents in a home. I'm a little worried about this subject of placing parents in a care home though! I know that there are some very good homes out there but recently there have been numerous reports about harsh treatment and cruelty directed towards the elderly in certain care homes. It is very honerable if the sons or daughters take care of their elderly parents in their old age. There are lots of people in the world that cannot be bothered with this though and this is unfortunate. I cannot comment too much though as I am totally out of the situation and it doesn't apply to my life or circumstances. Andrew
1 person likes this
@killer04 (283)
• Australia
30 Aug 09
No I would not send my parents to the nursing home. I would feel more comfortable having them here. After all they took care of you when you were born so now its time to pay them back. Sometimes the Nursing homes can be beneficial for some elderly people as they can provide them all the care that they need.
1 person likes this
@lelin1123 (15651)
• Puerto Rico
30 Aug 09
I don't plan on sending my parents to an old folks home. I think some people do if their parents end up with alzheimer because that is a bit more difficult to deal with especially if you need to leave them alone in the house. I hope to be able to deal with whatever problems arise when my parents are not able to take care of themselves.
@realan (520)
• United States
30 Aug 09
No I would not send them to a nursing home! My Mom actually works in a nursing home right now. It's very hard work and very sad. She has quite some stories about her home.
• United States
29 Aug 09
If children are looking for an excuse they will find one. Someone mentioned here that our Parents took care of us when we were little. I wholeheartedly agree! They fed us, changed our Diapers, watched over us, took care of us when we were ill, helped us get dressed, drove us or walked us to school, cleaned up our messes,etc. So now we are all grown up and the role is reversed And we can't take care of them?we are too busy? don't have the proper nursing skills? Already too many burdens on us? If our Parents would have looked at taking care of us this way, we would have been in big trouble. Blessings
• United States
1 Sep 09
Well, we have plenty of the Old Folks Homes around here, all types...they call them Nursing homes, Assisted Living Homes, or Retirement Homes. Our government and state is trying hard to keep the older folks in their homes alot longer by giving them more assistance when needed. My mother is 89 yrs old and still lives alone. She lives in a Senior HighRise building, has a 2 1/2 room apt. and gets along real well. She also has wears a signal button around her neck to signal for help if she falls - they call it "Life-Line" ...all she has to do is hit the button, and the company that operates this system alerts us that she has fallen, and we see to it that she gets help or we run over there. OF course it does help that we don't live far away from her, within a mile or two. Older folks can also get what they call "Meals on Wheels", where a company actually cooks them their meals, and brings it to them every day...so they don't have to cook at all if they don't want to. Most folks don't want to leave their home that they have lived in for a long time, therefore to even live with a family member is often hard for them. Additionally, there are not always adequate living space in the home of those family members to take them in. Unfortunately, there is a time that does come, when it is impossible for them to live alone - which is when they are moved to a Nursing Home - most often it is because they end up with Alzheimers, or crippled. In that case it would be difficult for a family member to take care of them.
@cmdr001 (371)
• Portugal
30 Aug 09
I'd frankly leave that to their own discretion. Having grandparents who lived by themselves through most of their life, I don't think it's mandatory that people are sent to a retirement home just so that they can live under the care of someone. I mean, if the question is if I'd prefer to bear with my parents or send them to such a place, I'd definitely ship them off, for their own sake. But otherwise, I think that my father at least will be quite capable of living till the end of his days without needing a nurse constantly after him.
@Graceekwenx (3169)
• Philippines
30 Aug 09
We do have places like these in the Philippines. Our country has very close family ties and we would never even try to put our parents in these homes. These homes exist if the aged have no one to care for them which is... very sad and gloomy. Or on the bad side, these homes exist because there is a relative of the aged person but couldnt care enough. As children, we dont have an excuse for not taking care of our parents. And we would never ever ever send our folks in these homes. We will always find means to attend to our aged loved ones. This is the best time that we reciprocate the patience and kindness to them.
@dsharat (456)
• India
29 Aug 09
I hate those who send their old parents to old age homes.Our parents struggle though out their life so that we are well settled .But once we are settled most of the sons/daughters say that they are rally busy in work and they have got hardly any time to meet them. But they have time to booze and to workout with their wife..What would the kids do when their parents said the same things that they are very busy in work we cannot look after you,you go join in some orphans home.In my view old age homes should allow those people who are really unable to maintain their parents.They should check the financial position and medical position of the children and the parents respectively.Then they should allow them to join.There are some useless fellows who leave their parents on the roads,that is why there is no such serious rules as I stated one...
@levyx22 (187)
• United States
29 Aug 09
no. no. no. absolutely not. i really do not believe that and honestly if u do that karma will get u
@vandana7 (36272)
• India
29 Aug 09
I wouldnt dream of it! Not that all old age homes or nursing homes are bad. In fact, I have been to one not so long ago, which seemed quite a nice place to be. But sending my father there! No way. He would get depressed looking at people disapparing around him. And he likes to feel indispensable, even at home. So he is always doing some chore or the other though he is 75. He doesnt let me go even to the bank as traditionally finance is men's domanin in our part of the world, and as long as he is around, it is his duty. If I send him there - he will be out of this world in less than an year! I understand other people's compulsions. But I dont have them. I can look after my father at my home and get professional help from some hospitals located quite close to the place where I stay. So - it wont be a big deal. And he is so loving - even the thought of sending him away is like cutting a part of my body. I am in for a very tough time in future if I lose him. I hope mylotters will be around to console me, if it happens. :(
@Razzles (391)
• United States
29 Aug 09
I definitely would not send my mother to a nursing home. My father has recently passed away and years ago my parents told us to never put them in a nursing home. My grandmother was in one and it was very difficult in see her in those circumstances. Before the nursing home, she was so lively and it seemed that once she went to the nursing home, she seemed to go downhill fast with no turning back. My brother in law and sister are going to eventually move into my moms house and my siblings and I have taken turns spending the night at my mom's house so she is not by herself. She does have a couple of caretakers because she is wheelchair bound from a broken hip that with her age can not be surgically repaired. We take turns with the grocery shopping and make sure my mom is provided for. This is what my dad would have wanted as well.
@cupkitties (6141)
• United States
29 Aug 09
If I had the money no I wouldn't. I don't right now but I do know of people who have parents in the nursing home but they have a sitter that comes and stays with them all day and takes care of them. Sometimes if family is impressed by a certain nurse assistant they will offer to pay her more money than what she is currently making to just look over and care for their parent. This cuts down on some of the worry people have about nursing homes.
@metschica25 (5413)
• United States
29 Aug 09
Hello, Yes we do have those kind of homes here. A few years ago my whole family moved in with my Grandma to help her out in many ways. Over the years she grew sick and we tried to give her the help she needed.She didnt want to go to a place like that to finish out her last years here on earth and we kept our promise until she had cancer and she was in the hospital and after that they sent her for special. We were gonna have something set up to bring her back home, but she became super sick and passed away. I could never see myself putting my parents away in a home and it depends on what is matter with ones parents . Yes, it is very stressful at times but it can work . The only way I might put a parent in a home like that is if they are harming themselves or people around them , you know the whole unsafe and crazy from being sick.