I've married two years ago. I do not get a baby yet. So sad

@pormadi (1300)
Indonesia
September 10, 2009 12:53am CST
I've married two years ago. I do not get a baby yet. So sad. I visited doctor. Doctor said, my wife is suffering from cyst and hypertyroid. Now she is in caring by doctor. One times a week she have to go to doctor. In fact, I really have to get baby. I am 34 years old. My wife is 36 years old. Sometimes I think what should I do for getting a baby? Should I divorce? Is my wife not potential to be pregnant? Hu mylotter, any advice to me?
10 people like this
46 responses
@robert19ph (4584)
• Philippines
10 Sep 09
hello pormadi, i know how you feel and you should understand that your wife is having medication right now. for sure she herself, wanted a baby more than you do. you are both still young. you can have it in no time. but for now, you need to have a lot of patience for she needs to be treated first. you can adopt if you really can't wait any longer. but divorcing her i think is unfair to her. besides, you are only two years that were married. other couple married longer than you do and have same problem like you but getting out marriage is not their option just to have a baby. don't lose hope. have faith.
@pormadi (1300)
• Indonesia
10 Sep 09
Sometimes, it is hard to be patient for me. Many people always ask me how many children do you have? Or have you got a baby? I am so said to hear those question. Thank you for giving me advice.
2 people like this
• Philippines
11 Sep 09
I think you still have hope. Just let your take her medication and you will have your own baby. Just pray hard.
@rg0205 (2638)
• Hong Kong
10 Sep 09
You know, if you love your wife, I think you should stick with the "For better or worst" part of your commitment. Not having a baby doesnt mean that it's the end of the world. I dont think anyone should measure their love by whether or not the wife can have a baby. You can adopt or you can go to a doctor that specializes in fertility. Alternately, you can try artificial insemination if you can afford it. However, if your wife has hyperthyroidism then the risk of carrying a baby can be high for her. If she also has a cyst, it depends on whether the cyst is malignant to determine if it is something serious or not. Before you seek for a fertility specialist, you have to treat her current health condition (cyst and hyperthyroidism). Otherwise, even if she gets pregnant, the chances of losing the baby may be high. Best of luck and blessings to you and your wife.
2 people like this
@pormadi (1300)
• Indonesia
10 Sep 09
I think that she always sad too when I told to her about my feeling. Sometimes we blame us each other. Thanks for your recommendation.
2 people like this
@rg0205 (2638)
• Hong Kong
10 Sep 09
When times get tough you should hold on to each other and support each other. Don't blame yourselves or anyone because it doesn't help the situation. I hope you can resolve this matter soon.
2 people like this
@ivygrey (550)
• Philippines
10 Sep 09
If you love your wife, you won't think of getting divorce just because you can't have a baby. Ok, One of my aunt was about your age, has been married for 6 years already, just last year They've been blessed with a baby girl. She has some own problems like as that of your wife. My point is, If you are really so desperate to have one, then you have to try harder, try to test different advance ways. I understand how you feel, It's ok to be sad sometimes, but it's not like its the end of the world right? you still have your loving wife with you.
2 people like this
@pormadi (1300)
• Indonesia
10 Sep 09
Love, it make me strong not to getting divorced. I think it is unfair to her too. Thanks.
2 people like this
@pormadi (1300)
• Indonesia
10 Sep 09
Love, it makes me strong not to getting divorced. I think it is unfair to her too. Thanks.
1 person likes this
@indahfth (11173)
• Indonesia
10 Sep 09
maybe you can adopt a child
2 people like this
@pormadi (1300)
• Indonesia
10 Sep 09
It is a good idea. Now I am thinking to adopt a child. But I still pray so I get baby. Thanks.
3 people like this
@indahfth (11173)
• Indonesia
10 Sep 09
according to the myth, if we have not had children, would have a child after adopting a child
2 people like this
@liquorice (3901)
10 Sep 09
You and your wife are not alone, many people have problems getting pregnant, and lots of people try for longer than 2 years before it happens. You should be grateful that you have found out the reasons why you're not conceiving; now that you know about your wife's cyst and thyroid condition then there may be a way of curing this and improving your chances of making a baby. You may be desperate for a baby, but is that really a reason to think about divorce? If you love your wife then you're lucky that you have her and that you've found love. And even if you don't end up having a baby you'll still love her, right? Divorce should only be a last resort measure; if a couple don't love each other and cannot bear to live with one another. You should show her your love and be sympathetic to her and try to imagine the horrible things she's going through with all the medical treatment. She must be feeling a thousand times worse than you about the whole situation as it's her body that is suffering. Men don't have to suffer these things and so sometimes they don't try to sympathise and put themselves in their wife's shoes. She needs lots of love, affection and support. One of the main reasons for not getting pregnant is stress. So try to do everything you can to not put her under further stress and pressure, and make her feel relaxed and appreciated!
2 people like this
• Philippines
10 Sep 09
why should u get a divorce? do u think a problem can be solved by another problem? i cannot answer ur question whether ur wife is still capable of bearing a child. what did the doctor say? ur wife needs ur support, therefore, support her. if she is now seeing a doctor, accompany her during her visits and be supportive. that is how a good and loving should be.
@2babita (1074)
• India
10 Sep 09
Well,i think its better pray to god He will full fill your request,and there is lots of time don't feel sad.And don't think of divorceing.It is not her fault,wait and see few more years,and then you can adopt a child.Show her to a doctor and pray both of you.Hope God will listern your prays.Good luck.
2 people like this
• India
10 Sep 09
It is very sad to know that your wife has not been able to conceive since the past two years. But you should not lose hope because cyst is very common in ladies these days and can be treated by a gynecologist. My neighbours who did not have a baby for the last 8 years finally took treatment of three months only for her cyst and she conceived and delivered a healthy baby boy on fifth January this year. And as far as hypertyroid, I myself am suffering from this disease and take treatment from PGI which is largest hospital in our area. Earlier I was not aware that because of hyperthyroid, woman can not conceive, but after getting this disease, I read everything about it on internet and if you also try to find out about the disease, you will come to know that with right medicine, conceiving is not a problem for a lady suffering from hypertyroid. ANd it is really sad to read that thought of divorcing your wife just because of this problem came into your mind. What if you were suffering from some disease due to which your wife was not able to conceive. Be positive and practical in life.
2 people like this
@zed_k4 (17630)
• Singapore
11 Sep 09
I don't think divorce is the answer. I believe things in life happen for a reason, friend. Don't give up hope, but don't be too hard up about the baby matter. Just enjoy your life with your wife, and along the way, seek treatment. If it's not fated, try to accept it, but at the same time, keep praying and hoping. Keep busy, rest well, go for a holiday. Having a baby is good, but it's not a good excuse enough to ruin the happiness that you have had with your wife, should there be problems of getting a baby for now.
1 person likes this
@Iriene88 (5352)
• Malaysia
11 Sep 09
Dear Zed, you are right! Don't give up hope, but don't be too hard up about the baby matter. Just enjoy your life with your wife, and along the way, seek treatment. I have four friends whose wishes came true...they have babies even after 8 years of waiting. Do not too pressurised by it. Cheers :)
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17630)
• Singapore
12 Sep 09
I agree with Iriene.. I hope our friend won't be too upset about this and will think of ways to get over the matter for now..
@pormadi (1300)
• Indonesia
12 Sep 09
It is easy to say than be done...thanks.
• United States
15 Sep 09
Hi there first I want to say please do not divorce. The Lord would not want that. Also I am not trying to be mean but 2 years is not that long. I found this really intresting resource that might be helpful as well. I would like to send it pm to be honest but I might put it here as well. I guess I would pray about it and try anything that you can to get her pregnant. I am waiting your appovaral for my friend request but I will make the eforrt to send a message without it take care and good luck to you. Happy mylotting as well.
@pormadi (1300)
• Indonesia
16 Sep 09
Doctor said she would be in treatment until next 2 years. I think it's too long to wait. I can't be patient.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164759)
• Garden Grove, California
17 Sep 09
just a minute what about your wife,is not she also upset, maybe'she wants a baby as much as you,but she is a human not a baby machine, ifyou are in sucha hurrywhy not adopt a baby or better a child who needs a good home?
@Sanziana (88)
• Romania
10 Sep 09
Hello!My opinion is that if you do love your wife you'll make a decision with her, not by yourself. Love is when you let go selfish acts. You have so many possibilities, you can adopt a child, or wait for a miracle to come, wait for your wife to be pregnant.You don't have to be so desperate, you're young enough to have children.I and my husband are parents since april, and he's 34 years old too. So, don't be so pessimist about this whole situation. I know that it isn't too easy to deal with such facts, but you need to try anything and especially, to hope. Don't abandon your wife now, after all she's willing to do anything for making you happy. You should appreaciate her, stay close to her no matter what happens. And even if she can't be pregnant, you still have many other solutions, like adopting a baby. Where there's sincere love anything it's possible. Good luck and have a nice day!
1 person likes this
@pormadi (1300)
• Indonesia
14 Sep 09
Hi, I think adopting is not an easy choice. But I think it is the last way. Thank you.
1 person likes this
@matsulori (269)
• United States
11 Sep 09
I think it's cruel to be thinking about divorcing your wife over this. Can you imagine the guilt she is already feeling that she hasn't been able to give you what you want? On top of that, she has medical issues. Once her medical issues are taken care of and are under control, talk to your doctors then and see if she's able to conceive. Have you had a sperm count done yet? Maybe it's YOU. The point is, now isn't the time to be thinking about abandoning your wife. You married her for a reason. I hope that reason wasn't just for her to be a baby factory for you. If all else fails, you can always adopt. There are untold numbers of children that are already here that are in dire need of parents. Please, consider your wife's feelings in this. How would she feel if she read that you're wondering whether you should divorce her? As a wife, I know I would not only be very, very hurt, I would also be extremely angry if my husband did something like this.
1 person likes this
@Iriene88 (5352)
• Malaysia
11 Sep 09
Dear pormadi, I have four friends whose wishes came true. First is my ex classmate. She and her husband are both lawyers. They have been married for 8 years..no baby. One day, there is an annointed pastor came from Africa who pray for the 'womb' She stood up to receive the prayer. Not long later she got a baby girl, another year another baby. 2nd case : my ex colleague, been married for 5 years..very pressurised by in laws to pregnant. DOne all the necessary, see doctor, can't pregnant. At last both the couple decide not to worry or too anxious about it. Worse to worse they will adopt a baby. Since no more pressure, let nature take its course, a month later she pregnant a healthy baby boy! 3rd scenario, my friend from Sarawak, very rich but no children. Has been married for 7 years. The husband is very loving...so he tell the wife no matter what, he will always love her. A month later she pregnant and have a very handsome son. Their business also doing very well. 4th scenario : my neighbour who himself is a doctor. Married for 4 years, no children. He decided to adopt a baby girl last February, Chinese believed that if you adopt one child, this child will bring a sibling along. It means that the wife will pregnant with their own child. Relax and pray, God will Bless you
@mrinali (392)
• India
11 Sep 09
It depends!! It depends upon a lot of things to be pregnant...You better consult a gynecologist for this..
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
11 Sep 09
divorce just because you can't get a child? are you serious? you're just married for two years anyway. many people waited patiently for over 5 years and accept the fact they can't have children and not getting a divorce. divorce is not just about getting papers signed and say goodbye. especially when your wife is not well. think about the emotional effect on her (not having babies and is sick and got divorced for not having babies) of course age matters (woman's age. man can still produce sperms at old age). even without cyst and hyperthyroid your wife probably need some fertility treatment because she's already nearing the age of menopause. and of course you can't just blame your wife for not being able to get pregnant. get the doctor to check you too adopt a child or two is a good start if you really really really want to take care of kids. and sometimes couples without children actually get their own baby after adopting a child.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Sep 09
There are many people who have thought they could not have children, only to adopt, and then they come up pregnant. If you are serious about a child now, then why not adopt? There are lots of babies, that would gladly have you as a loving family.
@cwong77 (2011)
• Malaysia
11 Sep 09
pormadi, sorry to ask this question.. but just wanna to know if you marry your wife for love or from match making? If you love her, having a child should be an additional joy to the marriage and not to be the obligation and responsibilities. I don't mean to be rude, and I understand your anxiousness to become parents, but having just a 2 years marriage, it's still too early to judge if your wife is potentially pregnant. I have lots of friends that even got married for more than 5 years without a child, and once they got the first one, they had like another 3 within next 5 years.. so, you never know when GOD decided to give you additional joy. I am a single mother, which the father of the child is not taking any responsibilities over the child, but I am yet still happy, and consider a child is a GOD's gift.. so, be patient, and I am sure you will be given one too.. All the best in trying, and don't stress up... you never know what is lying in front of you..
@pormadi (1300)
• Indonesia
12 Sep 09
Thank you for giving me support. Most of mylotter support me not getting divorced. I am very strong, when I read all of these responses. Thanks God.
@Elaine77 (315)
• China
9 Oct 09
hi there, To have a baby of your own is better, but if you still cant have one of own, I think adopt one is a nice choice. Good day!
@Hatley (164759)
• Garden Grove, California
17 Sep 09
pormadi you would divorce over her not getting pregnant ? Is that'a bit unkind? is she just a baby machine or a woman whom you love? Is a baby more important to you than your wife and her health? I thought'you loved her. if you love someone you dont throw them' away just because they cannot produce a baby in a certain amount'of time
@yecal10 (145)
• United States
14 Sep 09
You must visualize your happy family. You must visualize your child. No, of course you should not divorce. Begin thanking God every day for your wife and your baby (even though you don't have him yet)Have no doubts. Have faith and patience.