How do you react to a not-so-pleasant response in your discussions?

Philippines
September 13, 2009 9:04pm CST
In my case, I never retaliate on that member by clicking on the negative button. Not everyone who disagrees or react negatively to what's being talked about in your discussion deserves it. If you find the time to "get to know" that member by checking their responses on other discussions, you may be surprised that they are actually likeable. I have one member though who responded that way in one of my discussions. Honestly, I was a little unnerved especially when it's that member's response that I got to see early in the morning through my email notification. But then, we all know that everyone is entitled to their opinions. Whether we like that opinion or not. Except for cases that the response is just hitting too low below the belt. Before responding to that member's comment, I checked the other discussions that member has replied to. And surprisingly, I liked most of that member's responses. And there's a particular one that really made me laugh. A discussion about someone staring at you because they like you. So, it does help to take a moment first before we do react to a response we don't like. Who knows? Maybe that member whose response you didn't like, end up as your Mylot friend in the end.
3 people like this
18 responses
@SomeCowgirl (32270)
• United States
14 Sep 09
People have bad days, so sometimes it can and does reflect in their thought process... which leaks onto mylot! I do sometimes overreact, I've been known to be the grouchy mylotter from time to time, and I've come across a few... I've overreacted then too.. but now, not so much. Your advice? very good!
2 people like this
• Philippines
14 Sep 09
It did cross my mind that maybe there was a reason for that kind of comment. After all, most of the responses we give are based from our experiences. I guess, there are just some discussions that hits a nerve or two. And maybe sometimes it brings up bad memories. And this greatly affects how a response is made. Oh, and thank you for seeing my advice as good.
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32270)
• United States
14 Sep 09
Yes! hitting a raw nerve! We have so many things going on in our lives, and so much stress, even the smallest things can hit nerves... AND Bring back bad memories... I like the way you put that.
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32270)
• United States
8 Oct 09
Wow! That does sound like a very scary situation for you, and at so tender an age. I am sure you were very frightened for her, and am glad that you were able to talk her out of it. Are you still friends with her?
1 person likes this
@Sissygrl (10915)
• Canada
14 Sep 09
I dont rate people negatively if i dont like their response.. but if its rude and uncalled for then i dont plus it either!! I just would skip their response and respond to everyone else. I haven't received that many rude, or weird answers to my discussions, but i have gotten some i didn't quiet no how to take.. like people who dont have english as a first language, and i'm not sure what the heck they are trying to say.. other then that. i dont really start any discussions that are hot topics or controversial cause i would rather mylot be a happy place for me, then one where there is a lot of confrontation.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
16 Sep 09
I also had responses like that wherein I have some difficulty trying to understand what they meant. Of the 3 years that I've been a Mylot member, I only had a few of these unpleasant responses. Fortunately, I still haven't received those nasty responses though that some members had.
1 person likes this
@Sissygrl (10915)
• Canada
16 Sep 09
Well then maybe we would make good friends for each other, i've been here at least 3 years also, just not always active.. I come and go..
1 person likes this
• Philippines
16 Sep 09
Hello again... Like you, I come and go. Until recently, when I've started being active again.
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
14 Sep 09
If it stings some just let it go I never hit the NEg. tab over there. I have some friends her that we agree to disagree if we need to lol GEt along just fine!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
20 Sep 09
I also had the same experience. A friend responded to one of my discussions. And the response was a little sarcastic. But I didn't take offense, I just let it pass.
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
20 Sep 09
yup
1 person likes this
@mattivdw (46)
• Antarctica
16 Sep 09
Speak your mind & heart and don't break the rules while doing so. take care
1 person likes this
• Philippines
20 Sep 09
That's a great advice...Unfortunately, for some members, they seem to forget that there is still a limit for everything.
@ladym33 (11008)
• United States
15 Sep 09
I don't retaliate and go to one of their articles and negative it. I might give them a negative to go along with their negative comment though. But I would not stoup to their level. I will however depend myself and invite the debate with me. If they can say something rude they better be able to back it up, because I am a great debater.
• Philippines
20 Sep 09
Last year was a period of members being "stalked" and they claimed that those members who are "stalking" them are fully responsible for their dropped star ratings. Sometimes, those who do leave unpleasant responses don't even come back. I read in one discussion where this member left a not-so-good response. The poster replied back asking what's the need for rudeness. That respondent didn't bother answering. I guess, that's what you mean by them, being able to back up their responses. They don't bother replying back because they know that they won't be able to do that.
• United States
14 Sep 09
The theory is that we are all (supposed to) be adults here and act in an adult manner. Unfortunately that sometimes is left open for interpretation. Opinions and open discussions are great but as stated, when it turns into being rude, then that is no longer an 'adult' discussion. But on the other hand, we are dealing with text here and that never includes things like voice tone, facial expressions, and body language. I know from experience that what may seem fine written by you can be interpreted as rude to someone else. I have been in that situation before myself. I made a reply to someone's post and made a little joke. Or at least I thought it was a joke. It was not racist, sexist, or whatever other kind of 'ist' you can think of. Or at least I though anyways. The person interpreted what I wrote as an attack on a totally different post they made and I spent several PM's apologizing. We are good friends now that everyone understands but because of the lack of tone, expression, and body language that message was interpreted far from what I had intended it to mean. Well maybe soon we can do MyLot videos for posts. ;-)
1 person likes this
• Philippines
24 Sep 09
That's a great idea!Just so we can make sure that we will never be misunderstood. Like you, I had the same experience. He's not active in this site anymore but we had a little misunderstanding in one of my discussions. Mylot codes are helpful but when you don't use them to support your response, then for sure, your response will be misinterpreted. I thought he was mad with how his comment sounded. Well, he didn't use any of the codes. So, I responded back.Asking him why was he mad. I wasn't attacking him but I was even being calm about what we're discussing. His reply surprised me. He thought I was the one who's mad with the way he read my comment. When everything was cleared between us, we became friends, too.
@ImNotFish (106)
• Singapore
14 Sep 09
Everybody have the right to voice out their opinion, its ok to leave a disagree opinion, but in a nice way and not in an unpleasant way. Sometimes they actually point out some points you missed and it makes the discussions keep on going. For those not-so-pleasant responses I will just ignored them if they just want to flame, or give it a negative rating or report it if it does hurts my feeling.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
24 Sep 09
Sometimes they actually point out some points you missed and it makes the discussions keep on going [i][/i][b][/b] Your response is an original one, ImNotFish. Hmm, I never thought of that. Maybe a response like what you have said seems to sound unpleasant, but the truth is, there's no harm intended. Just another food for thought. Now, I agree with you on respondents sharing responses this way as it will definitely keep the discussion alive and worthy to be talked about. Provided that they do it without the inclusion of bad language.
@koalatbs (2230)
• United States
14 Sep 09
Hi jcj - Sometimes, when someone responds negatively to my discussion, I will respond back but I try to tell them I understand what they are saying but then state my opinion and why. Other times I just ignore it and do not respond back at all.
• Philippines
16 Sep 09
Same as what you'll do, the other respondents have chosen to just ignore those unpleasant responses. It's a safer mode of action rather than take the risk of commenting back. Sometimes, a harmless response on your side can still provoke bad feelings on that respondent.
@jesssp (2742)
• Canada
14 Sep 09
I can take someone disagreeing with me just fine, everyone has their own opinion after all, but it really bugs me when people are out and out rude. If someone simply has a different point of view I appreciate that and will either comment on it or leave it alone (and if it's well written I rate it positive) but if someone is ignorant then I do rate them negative and I will retaliate. But I don't tend to start a lot of discussions and the ones I do are rather fluffy do I don't run into it very often!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
20 Sep 09
Hi jesssp... What puzzles me though are discussions that seems harmless and doesn't dabble in serious topics. Discussions that you won't even expect to receive nasty responses. But still, I have come across some discussions that still get these unpleasant responses. And the poster is left confused, as to why anyone will even attack a harmless topic.
• India
14 Sep 09
i really dont bother about such responses as i think all have equal rights to put their views in forms of comments but they must not violate mylot terms or there should not be any adult words. i am always trying to neglect such responses i never respond back to this kind of people who are writing not so pleasant responses.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
24 Sep 09
Like most of what the other respondents have shared, ignoring it is the best way. Which is a wiser move. Considering that there are other members who always seem to be in a mood to argue.
• Malaysia
14 Sep 09
This is an open type of discussion under forum base category. Whatever we like or dislike to any respond it doesn't matter to me because I am very familiar attending true offline community forum in my present life. To them may be it's a quality thing to say or gadabout on our posted discussion. This is the best thing about human, we are from same species but with different thoughts. The main and imperative thing is to look at it of any value for our positive development. Must always put up the best while expecting the worst. It justly like a thrust force to one flying or moving object which react in different ways. The trust force always moves backward in making the object to move forward. Different people gives out different kind of life 'thrust force', so I will take granted for my keep on moving forward. What we think, that is the begetting thing.
• Philippines
24 Sep 09
I like what you have shared, Michael. And you're right. Unpleasant responses can be a source of something positive, if we just know how to turn it around to our advantage.
• India
14 Sep 09
Getting these type of response make me depress for a while but after a few minutes I understand that "It is possible that I did Not start a good discussion" and try to start a good discussion in future thats it.... "NEHA"
• Philippines
16 Sep 09
Neha, sometimes even if you had posted a quality discussion and seems to be a harmless topic, there will always be one member who will immediately see something wrong in that.
• Australia
14 Sep 09
Three years ago I landed on myLot by accident, while searching for a particular subject. One of the results was a discussion on myLot. To set the picture: I am a Christian whose relationship with God through Jesus Christ has top priority in my life. The discussion I landed on was posted by an affirmed atheist who decried Christianity. I joined myLot just so I could respond. We had many, many lengthy discussions on that post and several others. We differed, of course, and I suppose you could say we argued back and forth, but all was done with the utmost respect and civility. He was an English gentleman and it wasn't long before we became very firm friends, and remained so even after he left myLot. I also found many other friends with opposing views, but it didn't stop us from being friends and discussing differences. I think the very foundation of myLot is discussion and therefore differences of opinion. As long as those differences are couched in polite, respectful ways, debate can be beneficial. If people want to belittle and use abusive language, I will withdraw. I will not lower myself to their standard. In fact, I withdrew from myLot two years ago when this was prevalent. Thankfully, since returning recently, I have not encountered it.
• Philippines
16 Sep 09
Hello Your response was beautifully made, cloudwatcher. And I completely agree with you. There's no problem with sharing our thoughts and opinions on certain subjects. It doesn't even matter if a disagreement will arise. And as you've pointed out, there's no need for vulgar and abusive language in any of the discussions. Opposing views can be made without any foul language. Just like you, I had the same experience of exchanging opposing views with a member. He's not active anymore but what mattered was that, after the misunderstanding and disagreement without using any foul language from both of us, we have cleared things up and became friends, too.
• India
14 Sep 09
For Me As A Discussion Starter It is Not The Response Which Has To Be Good For Me To React .. I React to Any Response Whether Good Or Not A Related one .. As At the End Of the Day It Is The Quality And Quantity Of Your Posts That Fetch you Your Few Cents On Mylot ..I React In A Normal Way to Any Response .. I Expect the Responses To Hit My Discussions One After the Other .. But that Rarely Happens .. .. I Really Enjoyed Expressing Myself On This Discussion ..
1 person likes this
• Philippines
16 Sep 09
Hello.. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this. You have more patience because no matter how rude a response may be, you're still cool about it.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
14 Sep 09
Yes, everyone in entitled to their opinion. But when some user always answer you in same tone, it must be there is some problem with that user. I have faced few of them.Recently have seen one user always answering very rudely to my discussions. I am sure she is really having problem with me.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
16 Sep 09
Why don't you ask her directly through PM if there is indeed a problem. As to why she always make it a point to post rude comments.
• United States
14 Sep 09
yeah...true...because you read his other comments..you refrained from actually giving it back to him...cause he was just giving his opinion on the discusiion...i believe everybody has a right to do that...but it hurts when you have to hear something negative how true it might be...but if we think twice before proceeding with our actions we will definitely result in positive outcomes..
1 person likes this
• Philippines
16 Sep 09
It can be quite upsetting especially when the discussion seems harmless. But then, even if everyone is entitled to their opinion, one must still consider their limitations.
• United States
14 Sep 09
I haven't ever rated a response as a negative. I have even rated some as positive even though they may have been displeased with my answers. I usually tell the responder that I "appreciate" thier input and value thier oppinion. I do not refute or agree!
@Hatley (164640)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Sep 09
hi jcj this depends on just what the response is, if its'really insulting to me,and really gross I will indeed negate it or report it'to mylot admins. otherwise I will simply pay no never mind after making a benign comment and maybe chiding them a bit for being unpleasant.mylot does not condone this.jcj.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
14 Sep 09
Hello Hatley I understand that everything has its limits and that includes the responses made. So far, my discussions haven't received such responses that are very insulting and uncalled for. A little unpleasant but not a hateful one. There were particular discussions that I've read that were really heated!The poster was suspected of having multiple accounts and was generally rude to anyone who comes to his discussions. But, if I remember it correctly, the poster did apologize for doing what he's done.