Going to be married! Are video games sign of irresponsibility?

@yashumgm (183)
India
September 22, 2009 12:56pm CST
Hi Everybody, When somebody asked me what I wanted as a gift, I asked for a playstation and my fiancee was mad at me. I have been playing video games for as long as I can remember. I agree I am grown up and all, but a boy's gonna play sometime too. But my fiancee won't understand. In fact, she has asked me to stop playing video games. She says that playing video games makes me irresponsible. I cannot get the logic. She asked me to choose between her and video games. I think she has just gone overboard! WHAT DO I DO?
4 people like this
21 responses
@dreamr802 (987)
• United States
22 Sep 09
That is a little overboard in my opinion. I bought my bf an xbox 360 for Christmas and he's just turned 30 a couple months ago...and only last week he just bought a ps3. I don't think it shows a sign of immaturity or irresponsibility. My boyfriend has games that I don't like to play or have no idea how to play but then he gets the games that kids like (those are the ones I like lol cuz I can play them and they aren't complicated).
1 person likes this
@yashumgm (183)
• India
23 Sep 09
I guess thats the reaction I was looking for from her. Because I play strategy games which has such cute characters. Like most guys I dont play games with racing, killing or much violence. I love to play puzzles and city building type of games. So she might not have a problem with what I play once I introduce her to games. But at this moment she is not prepared to listen to me. Maybe I should give her some time.
@shadow41 (2356)
• Philippines
22 Sep 09
why don't you teach her how to play playstation so that she can enjoy too. maybe she's just jealous and wants all your time. people have insecurities and in your situation i can see that your fiance is insecure. if i were you i would spend more time with my girl or play with her a nice interactive video game :)
1 person likes this
@yashumgm (183)
• India
23 Sep 09
I think I should teach her. Maybe I can get games like singstar which involves singing. Most women love singing so perhaps we can sing together. Yes I feel she is jealous because when she is talking about my gaming, its as if she is talking about a girlfriend of mine :)
@yuna15 (2708)
• Philippines
22 Sep 09
I agree with you, she's gone overboard. As long as you are able to manage your time between playing video games and your responsibilities as a husband I don't think it's a problem but if you play games more than you spend time with your fiance then that's definitely a problem. To answer you question, you will have to promise your fiance that you will manager your time. Is she not into playing video games? Because I do. Me and my husband sometimes play together.
1 person likes this
@yashumgm (183)
• India
23 Sep 09
Yes I did promise her that I will organize my time. I had to because I work for ten hours as a scientist, come back home and work online for three hours. I usually play for an hour daily. And its not that I keep staring at the monitor always. I can converse with her properly while playing. And if she joins me it will be fun. But I play adventure and strategy games while she prefers puzzles. SO I think it's more of a clash of interests.
@indybaty (373)
• Panama
23 Sep 09
Hi yashumgnm. I got to read some of people´s opinions here concerning your issue... I think some are right and others ae advicing you for your best interest, now, I dont know you in real life so I cant say for sure what is right and what is wrong with this picture, so Ill just say the following story, if its lenghty, let me know. Before I was with my current husband, I was with someone for some years, he was someone that loved mistery video games and things like that, but because he was a bit of a loner I introduced him to a world of videogames and the like. I didnt see it has a problem at the time because I myself had alternative hobbies like video games wich I find much better entertainment than your regular drunken binge puke weekend that most people here have. Now, this interest that I seeded on him, came out to be a business to him, and began to be involved in alternative hobbies and the like 24/7. At first I was enthusiastic about t and would suppor him, but when ou social life began to be rduced to ONLY that particular world, I thought that I was being left behind, it reached a point like your girlfriend (eventhough its not has exaggerating as my situation was)were it was either the business or me. Make the long story short, he never made tha decision because he told me how unfair I was, ever since that, we slowly but evenly drifted apart until we chose our separate ways. When I told this to my husband, he actually stared at me for a long time and said, "ok, we are going to have a prolem then", I asked why, he said "well, because I love videogames, roleplaying and football and wanted to share that with you,I dont like anime but U do and I would love to share that with you, but if you ask me something like that, is because you arent patent enough to be living together with a partner, if you think loving you means giving up stuff that you ike to make other person happy, I think you are mistaken". I not only fel like an idiot at the time, I mean literally because I wasnt getting what he said, I told him I didnt care about that and we will just take it one step at a time and see how it goes. I came to realize something when it came to that... 1. Tell your fiancee to chill out with that, there is no point in making a storm out of a glass of water, if she gives you ultimatums like that is like you telling her either soap operas or you, and either way, it sounded inmature and THAT is a lack of a responsablity towards the relationship. 2. Ifshe doesnt like you playing vdeo games that much, do it at the time that you arent with her, from what it sounds you arent a harcdcore gamer, so she has nothing to worry about in that matter and you can tell her that from my behalf. 3. Before we join a life with someone, we are individuals, we dont think a like, we dont act alike, and certainly dont like the same things ALWAYS... its allright to have individual space, love in a relationship is something sacred and beautiful, that shouldnt be allowed shallow things to overshadow it, if it does, there was no effort placed in the first place. 4. Im sure you spend time with your fiancee, but she cant expect you to be with her glued as if you were an organ of hers, be patient, eventually she will realize that. 5. Marriage is about some sacrificin, remember to always maintain a balance. You hav to learn hhow to talk, and have to learn how to argue, you dont solve things by giving ultimatums but by trying to reach a solution if you feel that is problem. With that said, I wish you good luck with your lady and hope for thebest. Happy Mylotting
@yashumgm (183)
• India
23 Sep 09
Wow. That's some response. :) I had been looking through so many responses that I was overwhelmed. I was confused by the many replies I received. I finally find your advice very good and concise. Thank you very much. Happy Mylotting! :)
@Hatley (163931)
• Garden Grove, California
23 Sep 09
yashumgm she has to be kidding. you are not any longer a kid,'you should by now appear to a thinking woman to be a grown up adult who has a right to have some type of rcreational things. I think maybe you should rethink your committment to her if she is freaking out'over a playstation. my adult son loves to play toontown and that never stopped him from doing his job at work, or make him irresponsible. she has indeed gone overboard. What you do is tell her you think you will keep your video games. what does she expect after you are married, to tell you what you can and cant do? you are free and much over 21, find a girl who is a lot more understanding and tell this one you chose the playstation. and I am an elderly woman by the way but I still see her as really overbearing and controlling . thats not good in a marriage.
@yashumgm (183)
• India
23 Sep 09
I was only against her controlling my playing time and not against anything else. Most men love to be controlled but to a certain extent. When women say "Dont drink too much", we love it but when they say "Don't drink at all", we get pissed. Its the same case with video games. I think playing doesn't make you irresponsible. I always feel that since we have a short life, it's better to make the most of it and then die peacefully. I have to change the way she looks as games, I guess. The problem comes because nobody in her family including her brother have ever played games. I think its up to me to change that. :)
@EvrWonder (3577)
• Canada
23 Sep 09
A little selfish .. I'm not sue how video games are suppose to make a person irresponsible. On the other hand, i had a room mate once who played video games, a lot. He'd have the surround sound blaring and was a shot em up game. Drove me crazy!! He began to wear head phones to quiet it down a bit No problem. maybe teach your girl how to play some video games too. Overbearing & controlling is NOT good anywhere, married or not! Just be sure to spend quality time with her, each day. I would be reconsidering the marriage myself. Accept each other the way you are! or not at all
@andy77e (5170)
• United States
23 Sep 09
If it were me, and I really loved the girl, I'd quit the video games. But I mean really really deeply loved the girl. If I didn't, then I'd cut off the marriage, give her a hug goodbye, and part ways as friends. The other option is, you get married, play games, she gets mad, play games, she gets mad, you get mad because shes mad, she is angry, you are angry, you say things that hurt, she says things that hurt, you both end up hating each other, and divorce years later, bitter and angry at each other. Sounds like a great plan? No. You have to choose. This girl hates video games. There are other girls. Either ditch the games, and keep this girl, or keep the games and move and hope you find a girl that likes games as much as you. And yes, games *can* cause people to be irresponsible. But that is up to you. Do you control the games, or do games control you? I have met people that were so addicted to video games, they really were useless otherwise. They were bad husbands, bad fathers, bad workers. That doesn't mean you will be any of those. It depends on you controlling the game, not the game controlling you.
@yashumgm (183)
• India
23 Sep 09
I am please by a different answer. I had never thought about a relationship in such a manner. Kudos to you.
@Tantrums (949)
• Philippines
23 Sep 09
Hahaha! I understand what you're feeling! I had the video games blues too when I got married... What I did is I spent a few minutes everyday playing video games while my wife is watching, she got used to it then thought that I'd be playing a few minutes a day... Now, she doesn't notice that I'm playing a few hours a day already. It worked for me, but the first week was quite agonizing!
@yashumgm (183)
• India
23 Sep 09
I will try that. But for now I have locked up my games collection in my cupboard and avoiding the temptation to play. I go out for a walk instead but come back and find that I'm feeling worse.
@pillusch (1149)
• Mexico
23 Sep 09
It certainly would depend on how much time you spend with your video games. There has now opened the first treatment center in the states for people who are so hooked to the various video- and online games that they literally stop functioning in the real world, drop out of college, have no more social interactions, etc. So I don´t know whether you're that far down the road, but the simple fact that your fiancee puts you an ultimatum would give me pause to think. Why not make a deal with her, tell her you're going to cut down. Maybe she goes for it. Good Luck.
@yashumgm (183)
• India
23 Sep 09
No I'm still in control. I am playing video games since 12 years now. I am now a scientist doing my PhD and I am always spending time with friends and family. I play for an hour on weekdays which increases on weekends as I'm on leave. But I still feel that my case is valid. I want to keep playing but to a limited extent. But if even that option is withdrawn from me, then I have no means of relaxation.
@magickat (382)
23 Sep 09
Asking you to choose between her and video games sounds like a total overreaction! As long as your playing them doesn't intefere with your relationship then it shouldn't be a problem, the games are just your way of relaxing. What does she like to do to chill out? Maybe you could try and find some games that she might enjoy playing, either alone or perhaps with you.
@yashumgm (183)
• India
23 Sep 09
Thats what most mylotters have suggested me. Trying to introduce her to playing is a positive option I guess. I cannot leave her as some mylotters suggested. Love and marriages are good if they last a lifetime. And leaving a person for so small reason will be immature and such an overreaction from me. :)
@hvedra (1623)
23 Sep 09
The thing you have done here is made video gaming a priority in your life - which is ringing an alarm bell to your fiance. How much do you play each day? (Be honest!) More than an hour is cutting into time you could be doing other things. Once you are together there will be lots to do and not much time for wasting. This also applies to things like watching television so it is a two way street. I've known people addicted to games. Grown adults who come home from work, and are gaming until bedtime - and these are people married with kids! Sit down with your girlfriend and have a good think what you would do with your time if there were no video games OR tv. Could you both really not cope without these things?
@yashumgm (183)
• India
23 Sep 09
Hi I only play games for an hour or two after work. I never watch television. Rarely I catch up a movie on a DVD or something. SO my only recreation is playing games. I'm not saying I will play when she is with me. But I would like to play when she watches her daily soaps/movies on the television which I don't watch.
@coolcoder (2022)
• United States
23 Sep 09
I, too, would ask that you reconsider marrying this person. If she's like this now, she's certainly not going to change when you're married; if anything, she might be worse. You didn't specify if the gift was for a birthday or a wedding gift or for another occasion, but if it was a present that's not wedding related and solely for you, then I say go for the video games. She can't change you, which is what she's trying to do now; neither can you change her.
@yashumgm (183)
• India
23 Sep 09
It was supposed to be a gift from my parents for no occasion as such. They wanted to gift some electric appliance which would help us for the future when I suggested a playstation. I agree that my choice of gift was strange. What I protest is that after marrying, I would like to play games and I wouldn't want my wife to control my playing hours like I'm an out-of-control teenager.
@di1159 (1580)
• United States
22 Sep 09
It's ok as long you don't go overboard. I know of a lot of people who play video games a bit, just to have a little fun and relieve some stress. It doesn't make you irresponsible unless you are neglecting your responsibilities in order to play. I suppose putting it on a wish list isn't exactly the sort of item you find in the bridal registry, but you are entitled to have a little fun! Maybe you can convince her to play too. Good luck!
@SomeCowgirl (32273)
• United States
18 Nov 09
Hubby and I both play video games. When we had our gift registry we asked for video game related things, I don't think we actually asked for a video game though. In any case, we were told that it wasn't a good idea to put that on our registry list. We're both gamers, my husband really got me into playing video games. I don't think it's a sign of immaturity or irresponsibility either. I just think it's pure fun. As long as you realize that not all of your money can go to that, and maybe explain that to her. My husband and I haven't exactly figured out how we'll get the money (from online or our own checks) but we plan to spend $100.00 for video games a month!
@kitty42 (3912)
• United States
23 Sep 09
Hello Hoe often do you play these games? if you are the type that plays all day and ignore your family then I see where she is coming from, my brother likes to play games as well, always have, he comes home from work and goes right to his game, play for a 2 hours if that long then off, I am sure this is because his wife will complain if he stayed on longer, if you can limit yourself I don't see the problem, as long as you do what needs to be done then I would say play your games just know when to put it away. Good luck.
• Philippines
23 Sep 09
I don't think it is a sign or immaturity or irresponsibility. Every person needs an outlet to release disappointments, stress, anxiety, etc, it just so happen that you chose playing video games which I think is far more better than having a drinking session or night clubbing. Atleast, you're not cheating on her. At this point, I think what's best is to explain to her as calmly as possible why and how does it help you.
• China
23 Sep 09
In my view,palying the vedio games is just your habits.I cann't uderstand your fiancee has such thoughts. The reason may be man cann't usderstand women and women confuse with men. I think you should demonstrate you responsiblity is over your vedio games.
@gmatthews (155)
• United States
23 Sep 09
She's being ridiculous and trying to control you. My husband and I play the WII with our kids all the time. It's a stress reliever. Not to mention we have loads of fun together. Sometimes my husband and I play without the kids. You could be doing far worse than playing video games. She needs to chilax.
@hotsummer (10309)
• Philippines
23 Sep 09
i feel that she does not want you to give your attention to your video games and put all your attention to her. in a way when she wants to be, just watch with her and want you to be mostly by her side, sharing her time watching tv. and try to start about a conversation of what you are watching on the television so that you can show interest.
@morange (92)
• Nepal
23 Sep 09
Yes i am also fond of playing games on my computer...I haven't thought that it would lead to the situation like yours..I think you should either try to convince her or you should better leave the habit of playing the games..For me the best idea is to leave playing games cause now is the time to take responsibility as a father...
• Malaysia
23 Sep 09
It depend on how do you play the game. Maybe when she think that most gamer are the hardcore gaming type which a lot of people think the gamer is. She is afraid that you become one the hardcore gamer and ignore her.So want you to stop playing to prevent you from addiction.You can have a discussion with her and tell her that you promise you won't be addicted and you still care for your family.Also,spend more time with her.