I love her but she is driving me crazy lately.....

United States
October 8, 2009 11:10pm CST
My mom and I have always been really close and have always gotten along but as of lately she has been driving me crazy. She calls here at least twice a day to talk about really nothing, she seems to always be either questioning or over riding my mothering skills. I would love to tell her to step off a bit and let me do what I have been because my kids are eight and ten and are very very well taken care of. She will tell her friends or my other family members how great of a mom I am and how well I take care of them but for some reason can't find it in herself to express that towards me, I just can't seem to "stand up" to her she is my mother and I know that you don't disrespect your parents. But there is also a time when I think you need live your own life and your parents need to butt out a bit. So have you ever had an incident that you stood up to your parents for your own family? If so how did it turn out? Is it wrong to stand up to your parents when they seem to be butting in a bit too much?
5 people like this
24 responses
@jules67 (2790)
• Philippines
9 Oct 09
I do understand your predicament. Perhaps you mom's closeness can drive you crazy. Could be that she things you are still her little kid. Tell her nicely how you feel. Perhaps she just needs someone to tell her.
• Philippines
9 Oct 09
Yes I think she just have to be open to her mom about how she feels. I know her mom will understand her.
• United States
10 Oct 09
Thanks I am her only child so maybe that is her problem =)
• Philippines
10 Oct 09
lol ... i am laughing here because that is what is happening to me with my children, the youngest of whom is already 19. i am so worried about how criminality has risen in our area that i always check out on them. i always ask them to send me a text message when they arrive in school or work and also upon leaving for home. sometimes, i feel i am going overboard by asking them who they are with, ain't i? one son told me that they are no longer small children and now know how to take care of themselves.
@TrvlArrngr (4058)
• United States
11 Oct 09
maybe she is just lonely. She spent the bulk of her life raising you and now you are off with your own family and life and she has to find things to do to fill her day.
@shilley (157)
• India
11 Oct 09
I think there is nothing to worry,i feel you are really lucky to have such a caring mother.Do not think your mother is overriding you,instead understand that your mom is not just your mother but grandmother of your children.It is just the grandmother concern that she is showing off.Give her some space to fulfill her roles.
@connelo (11)
11 Oct 09
just be patient.. your mommy will be bored soon or later..
• India
11 Oct 09
Every One's Parents Want The Best For And From Their Children .. May Be Your Mom Thinks That If She Were To Praise You It Would Go To Your Head .. That Might Be The Reason For Her To Talk To You, So That You Excel More In Life .. Suppose You Really Don't Want Any Advice From Her, Tell Her In A Funny Way To Stop Advising Another Mom Who Knows Her Job Pretty Well .. Say 'Mom You Have Done A Good Job As A Mom, Now Let Me Do Mine' .. I Saw The Post Today, That's The Reason For The Late Response .. I Hope My Contribution Is Accepted .. That's All, So Long .. Thanks, Do Take Care Of Yourself ..
@happy6162 (3011)
• United States
11 Oct 09
Your mom sound like she is just lonely and wants to talk to her daughter. She may not have anything to really talk about but just listen and be glad that she cares about you. She knows you are a good mom because you said she tells everyone else how good you are with your children. Be patience with her and listen to what she has to say when she calls you can tell her you have something you need to do so you need to hang up but will call her later to talk and do call her back.
• China
11 Oct 09
hello froggieslover, may I know the age of your mother? and whether your father is still alive? So far as I know, when a person becomes old and no children around him/her, he/she is more likely to feel lonely even if he/she has friends around him/her. I think maybe you are too busy to keep you mother accompany, your mother miss you so much, that's why she wants to call and talk to you, even they say nothing important, but to hear your voice is is enough for them.
@paula27661 (15900)
• Australia
11 Oct 09
I don’t think it’s wrong to set some kind of boundaries even if it is your parents! Once we reach adulthood we require our own space to make decisions for ourselves and difficult as it is for them, parents are going to have to understand that! I am a mother and my daughter is only seven but the day will come when she will be grown and will not need me in the same way anymore and I will find it hard. The best thing to do is to gently talk to your mother and let her know how you feel while telling her how much you love her.
@horsesrule (1962)
• United States
11 Oct 09
I don't believe it is wrong to stand up to your parents. I don't think that has anything to do with disrespecting them. I believe our job as parents is to raise our children to be independant of us so they can live their own lives. I think the problem comes when our parents don't have much of a life such as hobbies, friendships and other things to do that occupy their time so they "bother" us too much. I know my mom doesn't have any friends at all because she thinks having friends is too much trouble. Fortunately she does have my dad and some hobbies that do occupy some of her time, plus they are always remodeling something in their house but I admit, once upon a time, my mother would not back off of my life. She interfered between me and my daughter and me and my brother and me and my dad because she wanted to be the center of the universe. My mom is very self-centered and there are a lot of times I don't like her at all. But she is my mother and I do love her and I try very hard to accept her for who she is, warts and all. I have had to ask her to back off and I did have to stop talking to her for a year once when I was in counseling because she will not recognize boundaries at all. But I feel like today I have a pretty decent relationship with my mother and now I go around her and have a relationship with my brother and his family too so we're all good here I think. Not perfect of course but it's the best it's been in many years for our family.
• United States
11 Oct 09
perhaps u can just sit your mom down and just explain things ti her and tell her about what she says to other people u know and u just wish she would say it to u
@34momma (13918)
• United States
10 Oct 09
i think the best thing you can do in this situation is to just be honest. you don't have to be nasty about it, but you need to be honest and let her know how you feel about what she is saying and how she makes you feel when she says it. i think if you tell her something like mom i am grateful that you are giving me advice but you need to let me find my being a mom with my kids. see how that goes. but be nice and honest
@ladym33 (11009)
• United States
10 Oct 09
Your mom sounds a lot like my mother. My mother in law was always like that with the unsolicited advice too, but now that she is gone I would gladly hear it from her now. Sounds like your mom is lonely. I have been very blunt with my mother before for her own good. She chooses to be depressed which drives me crazy. In a way I feel sorry for her but in another she is choosing to be this way and could change if she would just allow herself to, but I honestly thinks she enjoys throwing herself constant pitty party and it is beginning to get on my nerves. My mom has had a pretty decent life but refuses to be happy about anything, that is very frustrating.
• Singapore
10 Oct 09
What about trying to talk to her about it? in my opinion, talking is the best way to resolve a dispute. it lets both parties express their disagreements and air their grievances without being harsh. just tell your mom you would like some time alone to spend time with your kids and appreciate that she don't interfere. i'm sure she'll understand. good luck!
10 Oct 09
thats normal for mothers. even my mom she calls me twice a day anytime of the week just to tell me that she bought a lotion for me. i think mothers miss us so much and despite of our age they still think that we are still babies.
@viewxyz (59)
• Indonesia
10 Oct 09
Mothers always want to take care of her kid, may be your Mother may are over controlling your kids because she want to teach you that what she is doing is the right thing and she is always think that you has less experience about taking care kids. Really, sometimes what we think is very difference from what our parent think. I have same experience before, the important thing is don't break your mother heart just talk to her what you feel. What I do is, I moved from living together with my Mothers, before everything get rude. If everything get rude and you just think to moved, then it's too late. I think everyone that has their own family should think to live a part from her parent, everyone love their parent, so do I. We live a part doesn't mean we hate them.
• Philippines
9 Oct 09
Maybe your mom is just trying to start a conversation and doesn't know what topic to discuss with you. Maybe she does miss you only. You said she tells her friends and family how well you raise your kids so I think she just wanted to talk to and that topic I guess she thinks is something that you can share views.
• United States
9 Oct 09
Im going to take this in a view you might not see or maybe you do just not wanting to deal with it in the way im about to propose. First we need to figure out why she is the way that she is. This can come from several sources. It is most likely that she feels that the way she raised you was not up to par and does not want to see you make the same mistakes as she had. She feels that if she continues to be firm with you that she can fix any malparenting she had done in the past. The reason for her telling other family members how good you are doing is a direct relflection of how she sees herself as she raised you. To further assess we need to figure out some variables in her life. If she is retired and living alone, it maybe that she is using her as her outlet. When she calls to talk maybe suggesting things like joining a group or other activity to keep her busy. Though she may fight the idea its well worth a shot. Here is the hard part, helping her let go. Yes you say you shouldnt stand up to your mother and in a way your not. She needs to feel that you will do well as a parent, so far she has not seen that apparently in her own mind. You have to reasure her that you are doing your job. If you dissage with something or tries to override your mothering put a stop to it. Tell her no thank you i got this if she tries to argue the point repeat the thank you and just tell her no. It will be hard at first because she has done it for so long sooner or later she will probably go into a denial state and start doing silent treatments and what not. Not always is the case but some are likely to try such things. Just remember its your house, your rules grandma has her own rules at her house. If she questions a decision that you are about to make tell her why you made that decision and how you feel it is the right choice. Dont let her get the upper hand. Make sure you allow your childeren to know that what you say goes in your house, grandma is only in charge if your not home. You fear standing up to your parent well there is a right way and a wrong way. You want to be firm but not nasty. Never lose composure be calm but firm when you speak. Calling names or swearing is a no no. If she is at your house and acts out at you in a malmanner suggest that she leave and call you later. never look at the ground or the air when asking her to leave only in the eyes. By looking away your showing shame or fear and mothers are like wild animals when you show those feelings, they will pick up on them and use them against you in a heart beat. All in all she is just protecting you a little too much and needs to let go a bit sometimes mothers need to hear no. Limit her phone calls as well to a certain time of day and only once. Remember you dont have to pick up the phone if you dont want to. Here is the hardest part of all: If your decision turns on the faucets dont i repeat dont over comfort her. It will be hard for her to let somethings go and im not saying to shut her completly out but limit her but beware the tears they can be a trap. So when she is crying give a pat or a small hug tell her its okay but you can handle things on your own, And if you need help she is the first you will call. Hope some of this helps i know from many experiences not only of my own that helping someone to ease off of thins is a chore but in the end will be well worth it.
@chinali (48)
• China
9 Oct 09
Well,i think it's unavoildable between most of moms and daughters,too much love makes too much trouble.However you are independent and wise,you'll be her child in front of her forever.Even if our parents are wise and reasonable enough,while they come to an certain age,they will ture their concentration to their child,which seems too annoying to us.And i think sometimes they just can't stop commenting on you,which is the way they cares about us.So maybe they can't change their way,we can change ourselves. Just sit down and tell her you really understand her,control your emotion and say nothing against her,because you love her and really understand"nobody will do this to us except mom,enen if it's bothering sometimes”
• Philippines
9 Oct 09
we are sort of in the same boat, except for the fact that you're going crazy with your mother's actions. my mom and i are also close and we talk on the phone often. we chat for more than an hour most of the time so one of our topics, and one that is not missed, is about my mothering and my kids or family. i have no choice but to tell her what she asks. it does not drive me crazy because there is one thing on my mind - they are just being grandmothers. i always remembered how i felt as a teen when my mom was so protective, was giving advice, was sort of "nagging" me. i didn't like it as a teen. but now that i am a mother, i understood now why she acted that way before. i don't like the idea now that i might one day understand why as a grandmother, my mom act the way she is acting now. in other words, i still think she is acting normally as a grandmom, only that i am still not in her shoes for me to understand. i'm pretty sure your mom is just caring even if it seems too much for you to take. it should not bother you although, if what she is saying does not make sense to you or may not make you feel comfortable, just ignore it. but just let her be. someday, you will miss it especially that your mom is not getting any younger. and there may be a time that she cannot be talking with you anymore.
• Malaysia
9 Oct 09
Your mom is lonely and needs your company. I know it can be annoying at times but if you can try to give a few minutes of your time. Other times, just say you are busy or you must rush coz you have an appointment or something. Try to be polite when shrugging her off. If you do it abruptly, you may hurt her feelings. Moms can be a pain at times but be a little tolerant. If you get a mom who has become senile, thats worst. You can't even shrug them off!