People that feel sorr y for themselves?

@ilyzium (1206)
Canada
November 11, 2009 3:54pm CST
If it's one thing I can't stand in a person, it's someone who is always playing the victim card about everything!! I've known a few people like that and it grates on my nerves. It's like they use their situation in life as an excuse for their bad behavior or something. I know one person, actually 2 that are always feeling sorry for themselves, are so pessimistic, and of course when you're stuck in that mentality, that is what you will attract, more negativity. These people can scream at you and take out their frustrations on you, and feel that it's perfectly acceptable because of what they've had to go through in life.
3 people like this
11 responses
@MJay101 (711)
11 Nov 09
Of course, some people have actually had to "go through" an awful lot in life... It's probably quite hard to be positive the day after you've been raped, for instance. Could you try showing a little more sympathy?
1 person likes this
@ilyzium (1206)
• Canada
11 Nov 09
I like to think that I am actually one of the most caring, empathetic, sympathetic people out there first of all. Secondly, the person who has been raped has suffered something quite horrific and you can't compare that to people who are always playing the "victim card" something different entirely. I'm referring to those people that may have had a few "bumps" in their life, yet have never been able to get past them and move on, the people that are forever playing the victim card about EVERYTHING. They are constantly whining and taking their frustrations out on people because of everything they've been through, there is a difference. Perhaps you haven't met any of those...?
• United States
12 Nov 09
Yeah, I kind of feel like you do. There are some people who are very unhappy, and are always down. I can be there to listen for just so long, and then, I finally telly them to snap out of it....and if they can't, to please go get help. There are fine, good professional people out there who can help them alot more than I can.
@ilyzium (1206)
• Canada
12 Nov 09
That's very true you know. You can only listen for so long. Some of those people really need professional help to help them deal with their issues. Well, I know that one of my friends has been going to a psychiatrist her entire life, but it hasn't helped her at all really. Though I will say I believe it's because she's too stubborn, can't really tell her anything and would rather complain and get sympathy from people.
• United States
12 Nov 09
Well, unfortunately there is good and bad professionals out there, and if she doesn't get help from one, she should look for another one. However, she has to want the help first, otherwise no one is going to solve her problems for her.
@ilyzium (1206)
• Canada
13 Nov 09
She's not the type that would want the help because she really prefers that people feel sorry for her. Trust me I know about 15 mutual people that all feel the same way about her, she'll never change...
• Canada
11 Nov 09
I often feel sorry for myself, because of things I have went through in life. But this is because I cannot expect other people to feel sorry for me for certain things that have happened, although sometimes I wish they did. But I do not play the victim unless I actually am a victim. Using these things as an excuse for "bad" behavior is like a defense mechanism for some people. When you cannot beat whats destroying you, most people have to join it, therefore becoming a self destructive person. It's just easier that way and most people do this subconsiously. I have been through this multiple times, and you don't even realize what your doing untill it's gotten way out of control. Although there are some people who act this way over little things. I knew a girl who once dumped a bag of chips on a guys head and call him fat, then winned and cried that she had to clean up her own mess. That REALLY pissed me off, because it was something so stupid and childish, yet she was 16 years old at the time. And she acted this way daily, it was ridiculous.
@ilyzium (1206)
• Canada
11 Nov 09
I used to feel sorry for myself also because I had less than an ideal life when growing up. But I know that one day you just have to move on and can't always play the victim or you will really become stuck and unable to move on- not healthy at all. I agree yes it is a defense mechanism for those people that can't deal with their reality. Wow that girl was really juvenile, something a 10 yr old would do. I'd be annoyed by it also.
• Canada
11 Nov 09
It's good to hear you have moved on from it. I am only 18, therefore still growing up, so I have not moved past certain things that have happened in my life. And in my opinion I have gone through alot in my 18 years, so I feel like I still have a few years of feeling sorry for myself, before I turn my life around and figure it all out.
@ilyzium (1206)
• Canada
11 Nov 09
Aw you still have lots of time to feel sorry for yourself, you're only 18! :) Not like you've been sorry for 50 yrs or something, that would be completely different entirely. ;)
@PeacefulWmn9 (10424)
• United States
12 Nov 09
Hi Ilyzium. I think at some time or another, we've all felt "sorry" for ourselves. And yes, some people use situations that I grant you, are horrible...things like abuse...that make them bitter forever! But...having been through that, they should surely treat others with compassion and care. As to the victim mentality, I think it is far better for those of us who've been through hell to think of ourselves as "survivors," to forgive, not necessarily for the perpetrator, but for our own freedom and peace of mind. Everyone eventually goes through something, everyone. And yet, good lives are still made afterwards. Karen
@ilyzium (1206)
• Canada
12 Nov 09
I couldn't have said it better myself, really well thought out Karen. Yes I do like to think of myself as a survivor since I have been through a lot in the past, so I realize that yes it is possible to change if you really WANT to change.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Nov 09
Yes, we can do the work and survive...get through the worst and come out glad to be alive and loving others :)
@ravend (661)
• Malta
11 Nov 09
People like that need help. Urgently. Some people need to learn how to become fighters, not excuse makers.
@ilyzium (1206)
• Canada
12 Nov 09
Yes I agree that some people need to learn how to become more assertive and take charge.
@ravend (661)
• Malta
12 Nov 09
When I was in school, I had a girl in class who was depressed. She used to cry all the time, and children allowed her to change language, and than put her best friend next to her in class... and all that stuff.. I was so angry, cause I was like: so these girls just cry and get their way? Eventually, that type of behaviour is reinforced, and such people grow into weak attention seeking adults...
• India
12 Nov 09
You see people sitting as a spectator speaking as if they were the one playing they would have a lot better, I feel the same kind of emotions have caught you up . In my case,whenever I have seen anyone acting weird i have tried to get over the reason why he is doing so and i have always come to the conclusion that i would have acted even worse in that situation . Many times i have seen that we tend to view robbers and pros as a blot in the society but we havent taken fair measures to reduce the poverty that gives birth to all this,to prevent the people from doing inhuman behaviour to the poor . I think that u should reconsider on ur opinion
@ilyzium (1206)
• Canada
13 Nov 09
I have definitely gone through my share of crisis's in my life, but there's comes a time one day when you just say "enough is enough" It's very draining to be constantly playing the victim and people don't want to be around that. I am a very compassionate person but there are those "drama queen" type people who will take advantage of that. I thank you for your opinion but I won't reconsider my option. I do agree though that yes the state of society could be drastically improved if measures were taken to reduce poverty in our society. People living in poverty certainly have a right to feel how they do, I'm not discounting that at all. What I am saying is that I know several people who are very draining to be around with. They suck all the energy out of you because they're very melodramatic and always feeling sorry for themselves, complaining about every little thing. They're also angry and bitter inside and love to take it out on others and that's why I don't like to be around these type of people.
@cher913 (25890)
• Canada
12 Nov 09
i knew someone like that and all they did was complain about everything but did NOTHING to change their situation. she was complaining she had no money and didnt like her living surroundings. i used to get so mad at her because she was a cashier and could have gotten a better job but had NO ambition! it drove me crazy so i dont even talk to her anymore.
@ilyzium (1206)
• Canada
13 Nov 09
Oh so you've also been around these kind of individuals as well. Yeah there's only so much whining you can put up with before you lose your sanity.
@asfiona (174)
• India
12 Nov 09
ya some time we come across that kind of people they always love make u mad. they love to make you frustrated and then they feel very relex like anything by seeing u sad and worried about their situation. i also even dont like this situation and i hate these kind of people. because somedays i use to be very same like these kind of people and use to be very happy while watching them worried about me. but its been 2 years for this situation. i am ok now and i found that i was in worst condition and i use to make other mad about my stories and make them frustrated
@ilyzium (1206)
• Canada
12 Nov 09
You describe them so well I think. You know that's very true what you just said, that you used to be in the worst condition and used it to make other people mad & frustrated about your stories. I went through some tragic events of my life as well, but I learned that you have to get past them otherwise you can really get "stuck" in life. Also I think the longer that you're in that kind of situation, it becomes even harder to get out of it and you almost become complacent I think.
@LisaGuo (242)
• China
12 Nov 09
absolutely,i know your feeling.One could be upset,like me,but couldn't hold that as a tool.To these people,I can give them enthusiasm for one to two times,but no third time.
@ilyzium (1206)
• Canada
12 Nov 09
I do agree that at one time or another most of us do go through unpleasant circumstances, crisis's you name it. But you can't let it affect your entire life, you have to somehow rise above it one day for your own sanity I think.
@happy2512 (1266)
• Philippines
12 Nov 09
That behaviour is really pulling themselves more down & its highly unappreciated its because they will be the cause of harm to other people who has not done something wrong towards them. I pity them. If only there is something we can do to make them understand that what they are doing is bad surely I will be one of them campaigning for it.
@ilyzium (1206)
• Canada
12 Nov 09
Yes I don't think they seem to realize the way that they're reacting to their situation, is attracting it even more to them. and how they're affecting other people around them.
• Thailand
12 Nov 09
Actually ilyzium, I can stand people who feel sorry for themselves, that is if they have sufficient reason to be sorry for themselves. One must learn from their mistakes so by starting to feel sorry for themselves they learn that their actions were incorrect thus hopefully once they meet this type of situation in the future they can do something positive. Anyway, nice topic and happy mylotting.
@ilyzium (1206)
• Canada
12 Nov 09
I actually started this discussion because I was thinking of a friend of mine that constantly feels this way. Now she's always asking for our advice on things and is the type of person that acts before thinking and always manages to cause a conundrum in the process. She is forever moaning about the state of her life and making irresponsible choices, thus playing the victim card. I think eventually most people do learn from their mistakes, however this person never seems to and is constantly repeating the same mistakes again and again. Thanks glad you liked the topic. :)