Will you tell your spouse about your close mylot friend?

@mimpi1911 (25454)
India
November 20, 2009 4:59am CST
This is hypothetical and responding is totally your discretion. Suppose, you have a very good friend here on mylot, who is of opposite gender and you two are quite close. You two kind of chat, send mails or even talk over the phone. Yes, that close but just as friends. Will you tell your spouse about this?
10 people like this
37 responses
@ckyera (17261)
• Philippines
20 Nov 09
hello there... well, i have a husband and i also have few good friends here in mylot from opposite gender... i tell my husband what's happening here and share with him the fun that i am having here...im lucky to have a husband like him who understands me and just let me enjoy...hehe and, my husband knows who are my friends on & offline and i tell him almost everything...and besides, i also let him become friends to opposite gender online...hehe
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
20 Nov 09
That's a beautiful relation you two share. Blessed be. I feel, every relationship should give space to each other and if its a healthy friendship, why not!
@ckyera (17261)
• Philippines
20 Nov 09
yeah, and we respect each others privacy as well. im happy when he's happy and vice versa... i think its just a matter of trust.
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
21 Nov 09
That's so good to hear ckyera. Blessed be.
@balasri (26554)
• India
20 Nov 09
My wife knows a lot about Mimpi.
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
20 Nov 09
I know she does. And I really appreciate how she handles you. Lucky you!
@balasri (26554)
• India
21 Nov 09
Yeah she knows the art of handling this man without man handling.
@bjcyrix (6910)
• Philippines
20 Nov 09
online serendipity perhaps..? - Serendipity is the effect by which one accidentally stumbles upon something fortunate, especially while looking for something entirely unrelated.
Yes, I think so.LOL Im not sure because I dont have a spouse. Im not even in a relationship so there isnt anyone who might be jealous of the correspondence that I have with my close myLot friends. Hypothetically speaking, if I did have a husband, he would know about my close friendship with some of the myLot members. Chatting and emails could be unnoticeable since these are normal activities done with friends. Laptops or computer accounts are also private property to an extent so unless he snoops around and not ask me directly, he wouldnt know about it. If its up to the point of calling on the phone, or even over the internet, then of course he will notice that. Out of curiosity he would ask who I was talking to. I wont hide my close myLot friendship to my husband. He would probably know about it even before it got that close to the point of voice phone calls. I would tell my husband that there is/are (a) myLot member(s) who gave an interesting response to my discussion that we got engaged into debating or extensively discussing the topic at hand. I would probably even show him the discussion thread so he can read for himself. But of course, with the closeness that I could have with my myLot friends, my husband might probably be jealous about it. I will be totally honest and open about this friendship to him. He is after all my husband. Wouldnt it be a twisted turn of events if those 2 myLot friends would end up together..? Im kinda waiting for that to happen. I mean, as a collector of peoples' stories, it would be very nice to see a discussion saying that they met in myLot, then they became husband and wife.
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
20 Nov 09
That's a great response! How I wish this to happen as well. It would be a great event to celebrate for us mylotters. As for your thoughts there, I feel, you have said it all. There should be transparency and trust and why hide things when not required!
1 person likes this
@bjcyrix (6910)
• Philippines
21 Nov 09
Thanks. I gotta say that I might just be more than a romantic than I let on. I do hope that someday we get to see that fateful discussion.
• United States
21 Nov 09
Sure why not? What would they have to be jealous about? I am sure that they have their own 'friends' also!
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
25 Nov 09
I think, we should have a transparent relationship and friendship is beautiful. What's there to hide!?
@trixyteddy (1072)
• India
21 Nov 09
I am separated now. But what the heck. I most definitely would. I would like him to trust me. Marriage is based on trust, is it not?
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
25 Nov 09
Exactly my point there!
@rjvb26 (2518)
• Philippines
21 Nov 09
O well even if i don't tell her, she will knew it. Cause she is always on my side always when using the internet, we both are working on the internet, and beside, why not to tell here, if it is really nothing. My wife is not a jealous type and besides she trust me so much and i am doing my best for that trust not to be destroyed. Have a nice day.
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
25 Nov 09
So good to know that and I love your attitude.
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
21 Nov 09
Hey mimpi! I do tell my "man" about my "friends" on mylot! He doesn't pay any mind at all! He doesn't care if I have male friends who call me on the phone or if I go out with them! I'm the jealous one! I hate that he has female friends who call him on his cellphone! He just doesn't get upset no matter what and doesn't seem to understand when I do! He is much more laid back and calmer than I am! So there isn't anything that I could do that would make him jealous! He has seen me talking to men on mylot or online and it just doesn't phase him! So, what can I do?
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
21 Nov 09
Hahaha..lucky you! Trust me, I am more of your kind and can totally feel how offputting that can become at times.
• United States
21 Nov 09
If this person is for real just a friend like you say then yes of course I would tell my husband. This person is calling my house and emailing all the time so I am sure that if I didn't tell my husband about this friends he may get suspicious...I have yet to talk to a person here on mylot other than responding to their discussions. I have told me husband about mylot and he doesn't mind that I am on here and spend most of my time on her but I think that that also has to do with I pretty much let him use the money I make on here with paypal LOL....
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
21 Nov 09
LOL..that mighty clever of you! Seriously, I think there is no harm in sharing online activities with your husband.
@drannhh (15226)
• United States
21 Nov 09
There would be nothing to tell. Whenever my husband was in the same room (which was usually) I would be reading the best discussions, responses, chats, and e-mails aloud to him while he watched the TV. No secrets, nothing to hide. One person's friends were the other's.
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
21 Nov 09
That's so good to know.
@dhangski (3194)
• Philippines
21 Nov 09
I would be honest enough to tell my spouse about this online friend. Actually, I've done that, I have my BOF (Best Online Friend) and I've told my husband about him. At first, he was really jealous but I assured him that nothing is really going on between us. It's really pure friendship. HUGZ my friend.
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
21 Nov 09
I really appreciate. I feel, that should be it! But many times, when the other share a romantic feeling for us, it gets difficult to cope. We must try and detach in those cases.
@gabs8513 (48716)
• United Kingdom
20 Nov 09
I am not married but do have a b/f who I have been with for 6 years now, but we do not live together He knows everything and he knows what I do on here I have no reason to hide anything at all and he trusts me totally So yes if I did have a Friend like that I would tell him with out a second thought
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
21 Nov 09
That's so great! Trust and understanding is the founding stone and I really do not see any reason to hide anything from my love.
@cream97 (29169)
• United States
20 Nov 09
Hi, mimpi. Well, if I do, the first thing that he would ask me is why am I telling him about another man that I am talking to. He does not want to hear about any of my friendships with another man.. He feels that I may be bragging about him. And as my hubbie, he may get a little jealous.. But he does not want me to know that he is jealous.. He is not violent or nasty with it.. I would probably have to keep this away from him, just to keep confusion down.
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
21 Nov 09
I think the people who are not comfortable in disclosing primarily do that just to avoid untoward things in life. Why add on to the problems in this busy life!? I can understand your feelings there.
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
20 Nov 09
I had such a friendship a while ago with a fellow MyLotter that, yes is a fellow! (LOL) He was having a few problems and we emailed each other a few times. This guy lives on the other side of the world and I doubt very much that we will ever physically meet any time soon but I did tell my husband and kept him up to date with the conversations I was having with this guy until my husband became quite interested and every few days he would ask me how my friend from MyLot was doing out of genuine interest. My husband has come a long way because years ago when we were dating, he had a rather jealous nature but we’ve worked through it and that is why I feel I can share things like this with him with the knowledge that he will be rational about it and the same goes if the situation was reversed of course...I think...(LOL)
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
20 Nov 09
That's a great understanding. I really appreciate your hubby's approach towards this. trust me, its not easy but then he must know that it would be equally true the other way round.
1 person likes this
@zkapfo123 (320)
• India
20 Nov 09
Sure mimpi1911, i'd tell my spouse about it. When you've made good friends it'll be selfish on our part to not share the good fortune of having made such wonderful friends from any part of the world. I'll definitely share it and also introduce them to my spouse, if they're willing. Thank you.
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
20 Nov 09
I really appreciate your thoughts there. Hope you have a wonderful life ahead.
@alokn99 (5717)
• India
20 Nov 09
Hypothetically if such a situation was ever there,Yes I would. I would have nothing to hide from my spouse and would tell her everything about the friendship. Yet at the same time may I add, i would probably not get into a very close friendship with someone of the opposite gender if i was married, even though there is nothing but just friendship. It may sound strange, but that's me.
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
20 Nov 09
I really appreciate Alok. But, I feel, even if there is nothing from your side, if you feel that there is something from the other side you must control yourself and try to explain to her or sever relationship, if required. and that is for the good of all.
@bettydeng5 (1709)
• China
20 Nov 09
I told about my close mylot friend to my spouse, and tell him everything. It's not secret for me and him.
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
20 Nov 09
That's so good to know! I would want the same kind of transparency when I would have a spouse.
@chaitra001 (3278)
• Bangalore, India
20 Nov 09
Hi mimpi.. yes I tell my husband everything.. because we dont have any secrets.. He also has an account in mylot but he is not active due to lack of time.. But I share my fun of mylot with my husband I have here with my dear friends.. so that he can enjoy a bit since he has no time for internet.. I check his mails and he check mine.. and we both have a common mail account which I use for chatting to some common friends which we both have..
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
20 Nov 09
That sounds so great. As a matter of fact that should be it. I really appreciate both of you for the level of understanding and trust we share for each other.
• Australia
20 Nov 09
OF COURSE! I landed on myLot quite by accident 3 years ago, while searching for information and one of the results was a discussion here. Because the discussion was the exact opposite of what I believe, I joined so that I could reply. That was a VERY long discussion/debate and many more followed. EVERY discussion was conducted with utmost respect and courtesy and we became great friends. We also emailed each other. My husband read all the discussions and emails. We were FRIENDS who respected each other. I have been married to my wonderful husband for almost 50 years. We have no secrets from each other.
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
20 Nov 09
That's great. I think, that's the way it should be. Why should we sneak in when there's nothing more than friendship. Actually recently I came to know that someone's marriage is on the verge of breaking because the wife is way too possessive and suspicious. Sad!
@SViswan (12072)
• India
22 Jan 10
Honestly, no. My husband would never understand and that can create friction between us. But the case is not the same if it is the other way round (though my husband thinks otherwise). He has told me about friends he has made (of the opposite gender) and it's not a problem for me....but I know (from past experience) that it's not the same if I was to make a friend...and be very close to him. Call it double standards, if you will...but that's the way it is..and I'm resigned to the matter.
• Indonesia
12 Dec 09
Hi mimpi1911 Waw, your username means "dream" in my mother language! Yes, I'll tell my spouse about this. If he is only close friends, then I think it is good if my spouse know about him. It always good to let my spouse know my friends, either offline friends/real-life friends and online friends Hmm, maybe my spouse can make friend with him too? I think that's good and I don't see any problem..