Do you have trouble saying no to certain people?
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
Canada
December 22, 2009 8:16am CST
Do you have certain relationships where it is harder to say no than others? For me it's with my sister. I love her dearly and, as far as family goes, she is all I have (outside of my own children, of course). She relies on me very heavily to be her sounding board and advice giver and all that kind of thing. Yesterday, she called and asked if I'd dog sit for a friend of hers. My sister already has 2 dogs and 2 cats and it would be too hectic to have yet another dog. Her friend is going out of town for Christmas, from the 24th to the 28th, and doesn't want to take her dog, I guess. Anyway, I'm of two minds on helping... I lost my dog at Christmas a few years ago (he had to be put down) and I haven't been able to have another yet. Anyway, I feel bad that this little dog needs somewhere to go so I'm inclined to take him... but having a strange animal in the house right at Christmas, with all the hectic pace and such, is not exactly appealing to me. I wanted to say no at first but feel like I'm letting my sister down if I do... and the dog is not even HERS. Who do you have trouble saying no to?
1 person likes this
5 responses
@vivasuzi (4127)
• United States
22 Dec 09
So did you say YES or NO yet? I can definitely understand your hesitation - especially if you never met the dog. And at the holidays with all the running around, cooking, etc, it would be a concern.
I know one person it's hard to say no to - and that is my nephew. He's 2 and he's so adorable. He gets so sad when you won't let him do something! I'm sure it will be the same way with my niece when she gets a little older and my own kids whenever I have them!
1 person likes this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
23 Dec 09
Actually, I sort of say "maybe"... LOL! What I did was I told her the conditions under which I'd be able to take him. It would need to be the afternoon of Christmas Day, once gift opening and all that is done, so someone would need to watch him for the night before and early morning. Also, only if he is crate trained for sleeping -- because I don't feel it's safe to allow a strange dog to roam the house unsupervised. It's been several years since I had my dog so I don't consider the house necessarily "dog proofed." I'd be worried about him getting into something he shouldn't - I mean, my house is clean and organized but I do have teenage daughters that have a tendency to leave things on the floor, etc. I'd be heartbroken if the dog got ahold of something, for example. Anyway, if they can work with that, I'll take him. Otherwise, I can't. I think that's fair, really... considering it's such a last-minute request and I don't even know the owners.
And, by the way, 2 year olds will get me EVERY time too! LOL Those eyes! OMG :)))
@jodylee_04530 (1097)
• United States
22 Dec 09
I actually had trouble saying no to many friends in the past. I often found myself in uncomfortable situations many times. I would say yes to do things, like watching strange animals, going to odd parties, driving long distances. I learned over the last couple of years to go with my gut feelings. I also learned that I do not have control over how others feel. I make my decisions based on my comfortability level. If I think it is too much, I say so. I have avoided many dramatic situations since I started taking a stand. Also, my friends and family seem to respect me more. They know that when the ask me a favor I have the option to say no if I want to. I feel like there were many expectations put on me before I learned to say no. Now, people do not just expect me to say yes. They understand that I have my reasons for wanting/not wanting to do things and that it is up to me to decide. As for your sister, a strange dog in the house on hectic christmas sounds a bit more challenging than I would be up for. How is it letting her down if it is not even her dog. Good luck to you!
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
22 Dec 09
Gee, I posted a comment back to you and it didn't show up... so I hope I don't double post LOL I appreciate your comments very much, jodylee! I think the reason that I feel I'd be letting her down is simply because she is asking. My sister and I have always had a "stick together" relationship because we've been through a lot of rough stuff together... and she seems to lean on me a lot so I hate to ever disappoint her. She would never be upset with me for not taking the dog and would never pressure me... it's more my own feelings about not letting her down. If the dog's owner asked me directly, I wouldn't have as much trouble saying no, believe it or not LOL
@jodylee_04530 (1097)
• United States
22 Dec 09
I can certainly understand sticking together. I think I understand your situation better after that response. It can be hard to feel like you are letting people down for sure. I can imagine you would want to make your sister happy and that it is nice to do things for her. Good luck on your decision.
1 person likes this
@celebratelifeh (1142)
• China
22 Dec 09
most of us ever experienced that and that's really not a easy thing so say no to some certain people . i even have the manner not dare to refuse some person and fear to hurt them or break their heart. maybe we are really care a lot thing so can't say what we actually think.
1 person likes this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
22 Dec 09
You are so right, celebratelifeh... the reason I have trouble saying no to my sister is simply because I don't want to ever disappoint her or hurt her. I love her very much :))
@ladymetal80 (191)
• United States
22 Dec 09
I have no problem saying No to anyone, but that's probably because of where I live. If you don't learn to say no, people will always think of you as a push over, and will use you as much as they can, even if you catch on that they are doing it. Saying no doesn't meen that you are being mean, but you can tackfully tell some one no, if that's what you want. Besides, that's the worst that anyone can really say, and if some one does say, its a way of standing up for yourself so that you don't get walked on.
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
23 Dec 09
You're absolutely right, ladymetal! Learning to say no politely and tactfully is about one of the best skills we can acquire. It's no good to say yes just for the sake of it and doing things when you don't want to but feel pressured is pointless. Getting walked on, like you said, is just not a good feeling!
@emma2010 (25)
• China
4 Jan 10
Yeah, Everyone may have this kind of experience. I always feel difficult to say no to others if they ask me for help or do something.And i feel the same with you that if i refuse them, i will let them down. Sometimes I may think that my refusal would lead to some bad results such as friendship brokedown, or bad impression in other people's heart, so I seldom refuse other' s requirements or help, which makes me feel bad when i really don't like doing something but have to do it.
Sometimes I say no to others but i feel regret afterwards as i let them down.
I do hate this kind of feeling and need the courage to say no to some improper requirements or to do somthing i disgust.
