What are your expectation for a friend?

@bulastika (5967)
Philippines
January 30, 2010 3:29am CST
Hi! Just wondering what are your expectation as a friend? Do you expect your friends to lend you money? Do you expect your friends to do shopping for you? What is the turning point of being a friend and being a user? As my mother would tell me. You have your friends in good times but you have your family in bad times.
2 people like this
19 responses
@ckyera (17262)
• Philippines
30 Jan 10
hello bulastika, actually i don't expect much from my friends, what i just want is an honest & trustworthy friend... i also hear that from my mom before but i beg to disagree a bit, coz i believe that there are still some true friends that we can depend upon even on the lowest point of our lives... i know some who have a friend that is already like a family to them & some is even greater than their own siblings... but of course these kind are very few and if you find one, then you are so lucky and its a treasure that you find... good day!
@bulastika (5967)
• Philippines
2 Feb 10
Your right but that kind of friends are hard to find. Also some I'm not saying all just experience broken family syndromes that why they treat you as their own family because they don't have family of their own. Also problem with friends who also treat you like a family is that sometimes you also want to spend a time with our family without him or her butting around and feel like a member of a family. I'm sorry if it sound negative I just can't express it in a right way. But theirs sometimes a situation where what you need is a help from a family and not from a friend although that friend is willing and much more willing to help you than your family. .. In that case that the opposite of a user friends. Problem of having a friends is the boundary and the limitation of having one without hurting their feelings.
@ckyera (17262)
• Philippines
2 Feb 10
its okay, i understand what you are trying to say... well i guess, it's important for a friend to know their limitations and where they should stand in our life...i mean they must understand as well that we also have our on family and that we also need to spend some quality time with them...
@bulastika (5967)
• Philippines
3 Feb 10
Are we related or something? lols Why do we have same experience? lols. Its funny really we hate when they give more and we hate when they take more. What kind of a friend are we? lols
@ghieptc (2525)
• Philippines
31 Jan 10
For me a friend is not just someone whom we considered always there for you to cheer you up in times you feel blue. And our expectation for a friend must not limit from what they can only personally do for us. A friend or a true friend must be someone who's willing to be there for you in good and bad times. When you do something good for your friend or your friend do something for you you don't expect something in return. However, you must be willing to help back in return when your situation interchange and that is being a friend. Being a user is when you're only expecting your friend to give and do you a favor. When they needed you you're not willing to lend your hand or ear to listen to.
@bulastika (5967)
• Philippines
2 Feb 10
Just wondering can I be your friend? lols. Just kidding. Your define a user kind of friend thoroughly. Now I know who is my true friends and who is my user friends. Let me see? hmp. No body left all are in user kind of friends...damn.. Can you lessen the descriptive of a user friend? So that I few friends left? But if its okay that you can be my friend I'm okay with that..lols
@ghieptc (2525)
• Philippines
2 Feb 10
Thanks for sharing you wonderful thoughts. Friends is a friend.Happy Mylotting & Happy Valentines Day!!! Good Luck , friend.
@bulastika (5967)
• Philippines
2 Feb 10
Thanks. Happy new year too. Chinese new year. lols
@Ladyslipper (1330)
• Philippines
31 Jan 10
I don't expect my friends to give me gifts during special occasions. I don't expect them to lend me money. I don't expect them to do things for me. I just expect them to listen to me when something is bothering me and I need to talk to someone. I expect them to be honest with me and help me bring out the best in me. I also expect them to be there for me when I need them the most. I am so glad I found those kind of friends. There's three of them. They are not always there when there is a celebration. However, when I have a problem even if I don't tell them they always find a way to know and they are always there for me. We just don't consider each other as friends.We treat each other as a family.
@bulastika (5967)
• Philippines
17 Feb 10
Can I be a number four? lolz. It nice that you have a friend like that quite opposite to mine. They are party goers and enjoy outing and fun life. But once you have problem then you become no fun and kill joy. Nice to have a friend like them right?
• Philippines
21 Feb 10
Number four? Why not? hahaha! I also have a lot of friends who are party goers especially when I was still in College. I am a memebr of a Sorority in our school and my brothers in the Frat and sisters in the Sorority party everyday. However, they are so distant now. Maybe because I moved to a different town because of my job. Some of them are just friends whenever there is a party but some of them are still there even if party is over and I'm in trouble. The only problem is they are too far from me. I miss the fun we have whenever we are together. But then I am now selective when it comes to friends as I had a lot of bad experiences when it comes to friendship. However, the good thing about it is I also gained a lot of true and real friends.
@bulastika (5967)
• Philippines
22 Feb 10
Yeah. That's college live. and that college friends. And that is memories.
@barehugs (8992)
• Canada
31 Jan 10
I would go even further with this, than did your Mother. My take is," You have friends in good times, your family in bad times, and in the worst of times you have yourself!" I'm 76 years old and do not have a friend for this very reason. I have never wanted or needed a friend because I am my own best friend! I've lived a long and very happy life completely friendless. I would not have it any other way!
@bulastika (5967)
• Philippines
2 Feb 10
Can I disagree? Yes sometimes in our worst of times we have our self. But it does not mean we don't need a friend or a family. I don't doubt that your happy alone but I can say that live is much more happier if you have friends and family. All of my fun memories are all with my families and my friends and same also with sad memories. No one is an island my friend. In the end of your life who do you want to be with? Who is the person you want to see last? I doubt that you want to see four walls beside you for the last time before you die.
1 person likes this
@bulastika (5967)
• Philippines
3 Feb 10
Wow I can see that. I wish I can do the same. I really want to learn yoga. But its very expensive in here. I have a back problem and I really need some stretching exercise for my back. .. About family and friends. I'm glad that you have family to really on. I thought when you say your alone it means literally your alone. Now we know you have family that you can call family and friend that you can call friend. Because if you don't have I'm just here..
@chrislotz (8207)
• Canada
8 Aug 10
Actually, a person should never borrow money off of a friend. It can ruin the friendship pretty fast. I used to have a friend that was continuously borrowning money from me and I never got paid back when she said she would and then when I would ask for the money, when I know she just got paid, she would always put me off and not pay me back for awhile. But the the next time she needed to borrow some money I was always there for her but then I would have to wait forever, again, to get it back. So it ended up ruining our friendship because to me she wasn't much of a friend when I felt like I was always being used by her.
• Italy
1 Feb 10
Expectations hurt, so never expect from your friends or people around you because maybe they want to help you but at the particular time they are not in position (mentally, financially or emotionally) to help you so in this context you will feel that he is not helping me and you will lose a good friend. Dont expect just help them at any level you can afford.
@bulastika (5967)
• Philippines
17 Feb 10
From right now I won't expect anything from my friend. And I won't make extra effort to help them. What they see it what they get but less.
• United States
31 Jan 10
I would beg to differ with your mother. When my family was in trouble, my husband and I stood by them and helped every way possible. Now that we are having trouble, they call, but that's about all and his brother doesn't even bother to do that. On the other hand, my best friend, came to help me with my disabled husband and is staying as long as she possibly can. His best friend knew we had no money for attorney bills to get me made his guardian, so she opted to pay the tab. These two ladies have brought me more comfort and ease than any other member of our family except my son, who comes over as often as possible to help. What did I expect from them - nothing. What are they giving - all they possibly can. They are the friends that if it was a choice between them or me dying, I would be the one taking their place. The world would be a sadder place without them.
@bulastika (5967)
• Philippines
17 Feb 10
Its a sad story you have their. You know what I wish? I wish my friends have a family like your husband family. I think they will get along very good. If they have something they are close if they have nothing they don't know each other. .. Your lucky because even though you have a family like that you also have a good friends. Me I don't have both. So its really a lonely world for me. Unless I have money.
@cloud31 (5811)
31 Jan 10
I want an honest friend, not only a friend in good times a friend who can stay beside you in good and in bad times, i really mind honesty in friendship,and not a friend when she need rescue financially,sometimes friends is so hard to be true, i know someone who get closed to me for something but whatever purposed they have in mind its them who carry the burden.Hope to find at least a true and honest friend, aside from my mom.
@bulastika (5967)
• Philippines
17 Feb 10
I can be your honest friend cute doggy. Its really hard to look for an honest friend now a days. Before life is simple and life is kind and life is good. But now everything around us is all about money. The survival of the fittest is now gone. Its now the survival of the richest.
@umabharti (3976)
• India
31 Jan 10
yes,Mother said in the point of her view that family stands in bad times more than friends.But there are friends who stand with us in our bad situations also.God will send someone or the other to help us ., so they are our friends.
@bulastika (5967)
• Philippines
17 Feb 10
Cute baby..lolz. Yeah. I wish God send someone to me as you describe. Right now what I have is a tick and lice. And family is not bad either. They help but you get deaf with all the words you hear. So if you don't want to hear something don't ask for any help.
@Zhizho (1352)
• Indonesia
31 Jan 10
Hi..Sorry, I never expect all things that you told about friends.I just expected that they could be my friend to share, to looking for solution when I had a problem or company me when I need them. The important for me that my friends could give positive effect, help me to be good person.
@bulastika (5967)
• Philippines
17 Feb 10
Yeah. Theirs a lot of people in our planets, lots of breeds, some are cons and some are real, some are special and some ordinary. But what makes them the same is that each person has its own personality. Some friends are just cons. Friends who are in when your in and friends who are out if your out. And theirs are friends who can't live without you and theirs are friend who want you if they only want you. .. Now its either you adopt or you find new friends. And a person like me whose always on the move is hard to find a permanent friends.
• Indonesia
31 Jan 10
What I expect from my friend is understanding, caring, loving. A friend that always be there in my sadness and happiness time. I never make a friendship because of money. I think thats not a true friendship, if u have another purpose to make a friend. I think there is always a friend that will stay beside u in ur bad times. In that time, u will now, which friend is you true friend.
@bulastika (5967)
• Philippines
17 Feb 10
Yeah I hope so. But its hard to find a friend like that who will stick to you in good an in bad. You see I really don't have a permanent house and it hard to find a permanent friends.
@Hazelrose (2186)
• Philippines
31 Jan 10
Hi bulastika,I don't expect any thing from my friends.What ever will be will be.I just work hard for our frienship to last.By the way,i'm not expecting anything because i've learned that too much expectation will hurt us.Have a nice day!
@bulastika (5967)
• Philippines
2 Feb 10
Your right. The best way not to get hurt is not to get deeply involve. Friends are friends for fun. You can't find a friends that will tried you like a family. Not in urban setting I think. In urban life is all about movement. If you stop you be left behind. Because your not fun to be with anymore. Unlike in rural areas where people care about other people. But even in rural area people are sometimes users.
@cutepenguin (6458)
• Canada
31 Jan 10
I don't really expect my friends to do things for me, although I know that if I were sick my friends would bring me food or medicine. They have also helped me move. But I do things for my friends too, when they need help. it;s hard to say when the turning point is, but I think you become a user when you start taking it for granted that the person will do it and stop reciprocating.
@bulastika (5967)
• Philippines
2 Feb 10
I agree with you. Some just simply being user and some are simply being friendly and polite. The good news about friendship is that you can choose your friends but not your family. If we don't like our friend we can just simply ditched them. But we can't ditched our family. We can ignore them for the rest of our life. But still they are our parents, they are our sisters and brothers, they are our own blood. .. But friends. they came and go.
@Ravenladyj (22992)
• United States
30 Jan 10
Well I mean I want my friends to have similar tastes as me but differences are good too of course...but I dont "expect" that..Things that i truly do expect from a friend are honesty, compassion and that they are kind hearted and openminded ppl....
@bulastika (5967)
• Philippines
31 Jan 10
Open minded? What do you mean open minded? Me I'm not really particular in what kind of person I want to be my friend. I'm not really that judgmental but as long that person has no criminal record I'm okay with you. I have hard time to give trust to one person but once you give I give my trust it hard to take it away.
• Philippines
30 Jan 10
I expect my friend to be a secret keeper. If I share something really private and confidential, I expect her not to spill the beans even to his/her own family. I don't really expect them to lend me a huge amount of money when I need it badly. It's better to ask help from my family when it comes to financial matters. Shopping for a friend is way abusive. I would surely refuse it even if he/she is my friend.I would just accompany her when he/she shops.
@bulastika (5967)
• Philippines
31 Jan 10
I can be your friend. I'm all ears and no mouth..lols. Yeah we must put limits to our friends. Some people just come and go and we all consider them as a friend. I think life are really meant to be temporary even to our called friends. Because time pass and we tend to forget who they are.
@l33tgirl (289)
• New Zealand
30 Jan 10
I'm an independant person so I can't imagine asking someone for money and have never expected a friend to do so. Shopping as well. I may expect them to go shopping WITH me but not for me. A favor is a one off usually, if a friend is asking you to do a lot for them and giving you nothing back, they are a user.
@bulastika (5967)
• Philippines
31 Jan 10
I'm happy for you. It good to be independent. And it nice that you never think of bothering your friends to help you do your thing. Your right some friends tend to be a user but problem is your the only person they can run to. And its like you have no choice. If you don't help you will feel guilty about it. But if you help its like that they are now your responsibility.
@monkeylong (3147)
• Guangzhou, China
30 Jan 10
As far as I am concenred, I think I just expect a little from my close friends. What I expect from them is when I am in trouble or in low sprit, I hope they can come to give me a hand or say something to comfor me a little. I think that is enough for my friend.
@bulastika (5967)
• Philippines
31 Jan 10
That true. It nice to have a close friends that you can depend on. I have lots of friends in elementary and high school and they are true friends but when I'm in college almost all of my friends is a per semester friends. They are only good per semester. Its funny that the we grow up the more we think of what we can take advantage of rather than what we can get to.
@MimiRemo (420)
• Philippines
30 Jan 10
Hello! I would expect my friends to be willing to do the same things for me that I would do for them. Things that involve trust and respect from its littlest to biggest sense. There would really be issues in a friendship when one starts to abuse the other one's kindness. But I'm grateful for my friends because we can count on each other for support through the good and bad times.
@bulastika (5967)
• Philippines
31 Jan 10
Congrats. Its nice that you have a friend like them you are bless. Its also in the environment that you live in. If you live in a depress area you can have two kind of friends. One is who will fight and stick with you to the end and the other one is friend only if have something to contribute. Friends come and go.
30 Jan 10
If I am friends with somebody then firstly I expect them to be nice and not talking about me behind my back. I would expect them to be willing to lend me money and I would be willing to do the same in return for them. If I was sick or busy then I would expect someone to put themselves out for me, whether this was shopping, cooking or cleaning. I would also be willing to do the same for them if they were a true friend. The turning point of being a user is when someone relies on you to always be there to do things and yet is not willing to do anything in return.
@bulastika (5967)
• Philippines
31 Jan 10
That's true. A true friend can do all the things he can do to himself and willing to do it without thinking of reward or recognition. Its hard to find a friend like that. Today's friends are friends if they are in need. But if you are in need they become strangers in your life. I think society in general become a user in many sense. Today's world people tend to think what they can get from you rather than what you can give to them. .. But still theirs are also friends who treat you like a family. that kind of friend are hard to find.