financial dependent?

@emediloy (701)
Indonesia
January 30, 2010 8:21am CST
Hi dear friends..i had a relationship with a man, but it was long time ago. he really taking advantage of me about money. i didn't know exactly whether he loved me for sure or just for money. everytime we hang out, mostly me who paid the bill. i think a man shouldn't be depend on a woman about the money. i feel like a stupid girl when realize it. but i really love him on that time. i'm blinded by love. what do you think about a man who always depend on a woman in financial? is it normal or not?
1 person likes this
9 responses
@Ladyslipper (1330)
• Philippines
31 Jan 10
Hi emediloy! I believe it depends on the situation. For me, in a relationship whoever has the means should be the one to give especially when it comes to financial or material things. However, sometimes it is also true that some men just use women for their material or financial need. That is why you have to be careful when engaging in a relationship. You should get to know the person first especially his background. I once had a boyfriend who does not have that much money. Whenever we go out on a date and I would take him to an expensive restaurant or place it would be me who is going to pay for it. That is the reason sometimes I let him plan for our date - just a simple date. I am sure that he is not just after my money because he makes me happy in his own simple and inexpensive ways. He would take me to a dining place where the foods are affordable and I let him pay the bill. I can see that he is happy that way. That he is able to pay the bill for our date. You would know if the guy is only after your money. There is what we call women instinct. What my previous boyfriend lacks in financial he makes up with his own simple ways to make me happy. That's when you will know that he really cares for you and loves you. :) I was not able to meet or get to know your past boyfriend so I cannot tell you if he was just using you that time. It will only be you who can tell that. You will feel it and you will know it.
@emediloy (701)
• Indonesia
31 Jan 10
Hi lady..yeah you're absolutely right. i don't mind if i pay for anything he needs, but he pay me sometimes (rarely). i think i could feel "woman instinc' as you said at the end of our relationship. and i was right. he only after my money, coz he take my money away LoL. thanx 4 your advice, have a nice day!
• Philippines
5 Feb 10
It is good that in the end you still found out what he is really up to. That is the reason you have to be careful the next time you enter into another relationship.:)
@sid556 (31003)
• United States
31 Jan 10
Hi Emediloy, Well, all I can say is there are a lot of men out there who are like that. There are women like that also. My first husband stopped working just before our wedding and did not work throughout most of our marriage. My 2nd husband worked at times but went for long periods with no work. I worked steady through both marriages. I've been single now for a long time. I date and I'll tell you, once I see a guy is lame in his finances and starts thinking he is going to sponge off from me, i'm done. I am not looking for anyone to take care of me nor anyone to take care of. I'm very independent and I expect any man that I'm with to be the same. That isn't to say we can't help each other out from time to time but if it's an ongoing situation then it's wrong.
@emediloy (701)
• Indonesia
31 Jan 10
Hi sid..yeah i think we as woman have to be independent, so that we can survive with or without a man. thanx 4 the response, happy mylotting!
• Philippines
31 Jan 10
the man is using you for his financial needs.all people should be financially independent regardless of gender.I think your ex is a bum who is dependent of other for his needs and wants.he is a financial parasite.I have read that men consider financial independence as sign of being macho,that's why they get threatened or intimidated when a woman earns higher than they do.
@emediloy (701)
• Indonesia
31 Jan 10
Haha..yes..parasite! i like that word! man should be a shelter for a woman, not being a parasite. thanx for the response coco, hane a nice day!
• China
31 Jan 10
Hi emediloy, I believe that the bad things or the bad guy will make you realize what is right and good for you. I have beening in a relationship with a man who don't have much money and I paid for the meal most of the time. It was totally OK with me at the moment cos I loved him so much. But, finally I still chose to leave him because it was not a mature relationship that I wanted to have and sometimes I also need to feel that I was sheltered by someone. So, in some ways, money is the basis for love.I believe that you will find your Mr.Right next time after been through all these. Good luck!
@emediloy (701)
• Indonesia
31 Jan 10
Hi eva..i think we are in same experience..yes, a good relationship must have take and give each other. thanx a lot, good luck to you too!
@thebestmom (1105)
• Philippines
31 Jan 10
a lot of man are like that. sometimes they really love the woman, but they just cant help but keeps on asking for money. although sometimes they have their own job. they are just spending way too much of their own money. i think if its like that you should also use your mind over heart.
@emediloy (701)
• Indonesia
31 Jan 10
Hi there..yes you're right. man shouldn't be like that way. i hope all then men in the world could be more respect to his partner. thanx, and happy mylotting!
@teamrose (1499)
• United States
31 Jan 10
It is definitely not normal. There are circumstances like if you are married and he is still in school while you are working, and the agreement is for you to pay the bills until he gets out of school. Or in case you are married and he gets sick, of course you would be the main provider. But basically, a man that depends on a woman is not good.
@emediloy (701)
• Indonesia
31 Jan 10
yeah..i agree with you..man should be stable in financial or everything. thanx for the response.
@cutepenguin (6457)
• Canada
30 Jan 10
I don't think there is anything wrong with it, so long as he is contributing in some way to the relationship. Money isn't everything. But if he's just using you for money, then that isn't really a girlfriend/boyfriend kind of relationship anyway.
@emediloy (701)
• Indonesia
30 Jan 10
Hi there..thanx for the response, have good day!
• United States
30 Jan 10
HI, It is not normal at all... If you have to question whether the person you are with is with you because he likes you or likes your money you probably won't like the answer. Sadly there are a lot of men and women in this world who are going to take advantage of the one who has real feelings for them.. The way I see it is you really liked him and he hung around for the money and that is really not a nice thing to do.. If he really liked you and was just broke then that's a different story entirely but for the most part if I were you I would be very careful on who you are spending all your efforts on or you will wind up hurt when he leaves because his free ride is over.. what a slimeball.. I hate users...
@emediloy (701)
• Indonesia
30 Jan 10
Hi there..yeah i hate user too..in my case, he is really use me, unfortunately i realize it at the end. but its okay, it make me learn from my mistake and promise it won't happen to me anymore. thank for your advice.happy mylotting!
• Philippines
30 Jan 10
If he had no money you cannot force him to pay and I think if he only had money he would pay for your share. I do not see him as bad because I sense that for real he do not have any money. Since like youve said you love him at the time, he is unable to just ignore and not be with you so he jumped in. Men are really like that, even if they do not love a girl and if the girl did, they will go for her. Men do not care if they dont love the girl as long as the girl is happy with them. Thats the reason why he wasnt able to let you go and it is stupid for a man to let go of a girl. Now this is why he ended up being with you, and not doing his share. 1) Lack of Money 2) Demands of the girl.
@emediloy (701)
• Indonesia
30 Jan 10
Hi there..i never force him and i don't mind to pay anything because i know that he doesn't have much money. if a men still be with the girl who love him much but he doesn't love her, i think its not fair. a good relationship should be loving each other. thanx anyway!