Are girls dependent and weak?

India
February 4, 2010 9:19pm CST
Hello friends, I have my own conception and experience with girls. But how many of you truly believe that girls have a mindset that is genuinely independent. There are certain claims like, they are dependent which is not inborn rather its induced later on by the environment. Do you think that femininity and dependence is somewhat equivalent? Most of the girls I've met have highly unstable mental setup. They are so engrossed in material stuffs that they really can't see beyond a certain boundaries. Also there is a common concept that girls are often more cruel, self centered and vulnerable from the inside, mostly due to their biological built. What do you think? Do you agree with all these things? Or, do you think they are just gibberish? Is there anything concrete and logical in those claims made above? Take care God bless you all
5 people like this
22 responses
@lilaclady (28240)
• Australia
5 Feb 10
Well I am a female and I think I am way too independent, so I guess everyone is different, infact I would say I have met many men who relied on me too much so I guess there is dependent types on both side, I wish I wasn't so independent....
• India
5 Feb 10
Hello, Why do you wish that you weren't so independent? Independence is a virtue, the mental independence at least. Physically, we are all dependent on each other. As we are social beings, we can't survive with this. This is shared by all. But mental freedom and independence is totally different thing. It depends on the power to let go easily. This is treasured possession of only the wisest and the finest of human beings. If you think you have it, its really admirable. If many men relied on you does that mean that there is interdependence on both sides? I think it means that you were being fairly independent, while the others were not. Thanks for such a nice response Take care
• India
5 Feb 10
Hello lilaclady, U are absolutely right. Like u, I too am very independent whereas my husband is totally useless in everything except earning money. He can not even change the tube light or join two electric wires (if the need be). He does not know how to buy vegetables or any other household item. If he is asked to pick 10kg. flour bag, he is unable to do that even. For everything he has to depend on me.He has such a weak heart that if any of his parents fall sick, it is me who takes them to hospitals and not him. Since our marriage, I hv handled the entire household along with my job as well as looking after my ailing mother. Sometimes I hv felt if I was not around, he would hv done things by himself. Earlier it used to hurt me, but now, I am fully aware that he takes advantage of my independent nature. I wish he is thankful in his heart.
1 person likes this
• India
5 Feb 10
Hi Vanita, me too in similar situation...from planning and buying groceries, to montly budget, to household work, to child's studies, to my own job AND taking care of him...my husband has practically no contribution except the sunday market for fish (I cant stand the dirt and smell)...isnt it frustrating sometimes? I mean we all are adults and me being an only child, I too adapted to run the family....why cant he?
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
5 Feb 10
getbiswa2000 oh my you are going to hear from some irate women I will bet. no not all girls or women are cruel or self centered or vulnerable. for one thing a cruel self centered person, male or female is not very vulnerable at all., you have a very low biased opinion of women. Women now days are mostly independent and not weak , maybe they are not as physically strong as men but courage,bravery, those strengths are theirs. we bear children men do not they are too weak to sustain the pain of child birth. And no most women are not engrossed in material stuffs as you so gallantly,not,put it. I do not agree with any of your unkind remarks. also sir, a lot of men have all the same characteristics that you described. so are all men mean, unking, cruel, selfish and on and on? no of course not.
1 person likes this
• India
5 Feb 10
Hello, I am totally impressed by your remarks. I have great admiration of your self respect. The claims I've mentioned above differs to a great extent from my own. What you've expressed here is the reaction I expected. Ladies like you are quite respectable. Yes, I too believe that women have once been victim of oppression. They were forced and being dominated by men, quite unfairly. Their brilliance so far has been unduly subdued. But now, as they are being given equal freedom and opportunities, the mankind seems to have doubled its progress. But I do disagree with one thing you said about child birth. Females bear children but is it without cooperation from men? That would sound wicked. Also its not that men can't sustain the pain of child birth, its simply because men are not given the opportunity. How can you assume anything about some incident that had never taken place? Thanks once again for such a nice response Take care God bless you
• India
5 Feb 10
‘bear children but is it without cooperation from men?’ what cooperation? Just pulling out the baby??? That was done by midwives more expertly for so long!!!! Or are you hinting at the conception process? And lets not go into hypothetical situations…it’s a truth that giving birth and the entire process is the most painful thing ever experienced by human being…compares nothing to even bullet wounds so men should just shut up on this. No point in thinking as to what men would have done if given an opportunity…similar to thinking what would have happened if women were physically stronger than men!
1 person likes this
• India
5 Feb 10
Hello sudipta, The argument is similar to "Since only men grow beard, men are stronger than women." But, I definitely liked your sense of pride which I by no means confuse with sense of independence and freedom. If you want to hint, with all your arguments that women are a superior being than men, then just put it straight and write it down here. There is no need to hesitate dear. Take care
@zhouxi (1756)
• China
6 Feb 10
most of girls are sensible.they are proud of themselves to some extent.when they fall in love with somebody,they wish they could live together forever.their husband and children will be more important than themselves.so ,find the girl who really love you so much,you will find a different world.
1 person likes this
• India
6 Feb 10
Hello dear, I've found someone who really loves me beyond any material measure. Its God. Even a girl who claims she loves me may forget me or betray me anytime but God never will. When a girl loves you, she usually loves the features you have, not the man you really are. Girls love strength, righteousness, honesty etc. But what if you get weak sometimes and loose your righteousness and sense of justice? Most of the girls will abandon you then and there. For the rest, who will stay and try to restore you to the right path, I have high regards for them. A girlfriend will be the last thing I will look for. Thanks for such a sincere response. I really appreciate it. God bless you
1 person likes this
@zhouxi (1756)
• China
6 Feb 10
god bless you forever,so does your lovely girl.
1 person likes this
• India
7 Feb 10
Heehee... My girl?
• India
5 Feb 10
It depends on the girl, not every girl is independent because of some or the other reason. There are very less girl education in India at least for girls and that is a primary reason for being dependent on someone else. Even in history we have Laxmibai, Durgavati and many more brave names who have fought for country and their rights. This is not true that girls can not see beyond certain boundaries, currently there are many examples whether its Sonia Gandhi or a girl from small town who is well educated and aware of her rights. They are as strong as a boy, we should always pay respect to girls, I am sure that girls are no less in any field. They are not weak and dependent at all. happy Thoughts :)
• India
5 Feb 10
Hello, You have a really nice name and needless to say, nice way of speaking. If education is the only means of independence why is it that when even lesser number of girls were educated we had those eminent figures? I know the number of such extraordinary personalities has increased but what I want to ask, is education the sole way of inducing integrity into a person? Thanks for such an wonderful response God bless you
• India
5 Feb 10
Thank you for liking my name and the way I speak/write. I am not saying that education is the only way of empowering girls but a basic and must thing that their they need to get for their future. Thank You.
1 person likes this
• India
6 Feb 10
Yeah, I agree to that. As far as the education is concerned I have seen the educated people doing the filthiest thing with pleasure. One of my friend has been talking about some sort of acknowledgment here. We do pay acknowledgments don't we? I still now leave my seat on a public transport when a lady needs to seat. I do talk to them nicely and give them enough importance. But am I doing this just to have a courteous impression? This question is to be asked to every man here. If this thing comes right from inside spontaneously then only it is admirable. I've observed people talking nicely to girls and then has a turned off halogen type face when he has to talk to a boy. What I mean is that, why don't we be good as a human being? Only then we wouldn't have to think so much hard about how to appear good to a woman. The good things will come from inside, spontaneously. And of course only then there will be equality in all sense. Take care
@ybong007 (6659)
• Philippines
6 Feb 10
I have high regard for women. I am the only son and i was raised by a bunch of ladies whom i dearly love. They are not weak, they are dependent yes but just like i was dependent of them. They could be weak physically compared to men but their strength lies not physically but mentally. I can say that they're even cunning. Well, my wife is. But generally speaking an individual's strengths and weaknesses lie on how that person was raised and how he adapted to his/her environment and not based solely on his/her gender.
1 person likes this
• India
6 Feb 10
Hello, First of all I would like to thank you for sharing such a nice view with us. I really have a great admiration to the respect you have for ladies. And yes, physical dependencies were never a issue I wanted to raise. There have always been and there will always be physical dependencies. There is no point in denying that. But whenever I raise the issue of independence why do most of the people talk about financial independence? Environment is crucial in building ones mental setup, I certainly agree to that. But true strong person will always try to be independent of his surroundings. He will try to influence his environment rather than being influenced by it. That is true freedom. It is even more virtuous when it comes along with a sense of justice. Thanks for the response God bless you
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
6 Feb 10
I definitely feel that there is some sort of cultural reason you are saying this - perhaps the women around you seem to act this way because that is how your culture is and how everybody is raised. It has never been that way here, as far as I am concerned. I teach my daughter that she can be anything, do anything. I always felt from a young age that I can be anything, do anything. I lived on my own for awhile so I know that I can. I worked full time for 10 years and part time for at least another year or two outside my home. I can't say I preferred living alone or working full time, but as far as can a girl do it, of course she can. There is no reason based on gender that anybody couldn't. There is no physical, emotional, or mental reason that a girl should be considered any less capable, any less knowledgable, any less determined, and any less independent just because she is a girl. I know many people who practice double standards. If you allow your boys to wander around town but not your girls, that is a double standard. If you encourage your boys to play sports or join the military or go to college or trade school but you don't encourage your girls to do the very same things, that is also a double standard and one of the REASONS girls may not do those things. it is not because they CAN'T or SHOULDN'T, it is because of what parents do while parenting.
1 person likes this
• India
6 Feb 10
First of all, its not about culture, I assure you. The man who wrote the following lines was not even remotely related to our culture, "No woman can be a genius, its just what they have to say, they say it so beautifully which makes it look grand" I would like to ask you one thing, what comes in your mind when I say words like "psychological independence"? All you people are talking about here are about either the jobs you do, or about the number of persons you have to take care of, or how many hours you work etc etc. How are they related to your independence? And talking about strength. What exactly do you think is the strongest point a human being can ever have? Is it the strength to acquire or is it the strength to sacrifice? I completely agree with you when you say those things about double standard. I think it is not due to the fact that girls are considered less capable. Rather some people want to subdue the capabilities of a girl and channelize them into some other way. This is done deliberately and of course this never was a wise decision. But how to take the stand and protest for this? Thanks for the response I really appreciate it God bless you
• Canada
5 Feb 10
Hi Getbiswa, As a girl, I can tell you that we can be all those things.....it all depends on our hormones. Oh its easy to say "blame it on the hormones" but its true. So many times Ive felt like yelling and breaking everything and the next day Im all chirpy and happy. We dont understand ourselves most of the time, so how do you expect us to explain ourselves?? Im sorry I cant be of more help but Im being honest here.
1 person likes this
• India
6 Feb 10
Hello dear, That is not at all a girls-only problem. This thing happen to us all or at least happened at some point of time. The root cause of it is our relying heavily on our environment. We sometimes remark that our environment is going totally against me while its actually us who are going against ourselves. Environment is neutral and in all sense, quite indifferent. WE have the potential to change it according to our wish and that is exactly what we are doing every moment. The unthinking and uncontrolled interpretation will always prove perilous. As long as you have a sensation of elation, you will be continuously haunted by depression as well. The key solution is to get rid of both and go way beyond ordinary and trivial emotions. We should minimize our expectation levels and only then we may consider ourselves truly strong and independent. Take care God bless you
@towongfoo27 (2989)
• United States
5 Feb 10
I believe the claims and blank statements you make about girls being this way or that way sounds like you are repeating the status-quo. I feel you should make up your own mind as to girls and men, because everyone is different. Making such claims brings up the need for evidence as well, because I kow many men with the same qualities. There are also many men that feel insecure, are self-centered and cruel, yet pin-pointing biological make-up is just faulty. One oftne has nothing to do with the other.
• India
6 Feb 10
Hello, Thanks so much for such a nice response. What you told here is exactly the argument I have been looking for. Yes, these qualities are not gender dependent at all. But let me ask you one thing, what comes in your mind when you start thinking about things like independence, and strength? Ohh Please don't worry about the evidence. It will come up Take care God bless you
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
5 Feb 10
I think most of these things are a combination of socialization and inborn personality. There are some females who fit the description that you are giving, but most of the ones I have encountered were in some way encouraged to be that way by either parents, their peer group, or popular media. That isn't the say that an individual can't actually be born with certain personality traits, but often even girls who fit this stereotype will behave differently when not in their normal environment. I suppose as a female myself I should say 'I'm like this' or 'I'm not like this' but my own situation is so different as to not apply, I'd think. I grew up mostly having to take care of myself, sometimes even living on the street, and now as an adult am the single parent of a child with severe medical and developmental problems. So I'm not in any way dependent, but there hasn't even been an opportunity for me to be either, just as there has never been an opportunity for me to become fixated on material things.
1 person likes this
• India
6 Feb 10
Hello, The experiences you have had in your early life has sufficiently made you wise. Yes, we ought to have some terrible experience to have a better understanding of our lives. We don't learn to value our lives until it is completely jeopardized. True sense of dignity is hard to achieve. Those who have it are not just lucky, they had to go through severe hardship to achieve it. You are one of the most respectable and admirable persons I've talked to in myLot. Thanks for sharing your views with us. God bless you both
• India
5 Feb 10
ya girls are weak physically but mentally strong.
1 person likes this
• India
6 Feb 10
Hello, My personal experience says that some girls are weak both mentally and physically and some girls are strong in both ways. Do you have any personal experience, example or evidence to back your opinion? Please share it with us so that we may analyze and come to a common conclusion. Thanks for the response Take care
• India
5 Feb 10
well the thinh=g whoch you are taking about like girls are dependent and weak from inside is a very old concept...maybe of the late 90s..but its mordernised now..earlier it was a man dependent world but noe things have changed and both have equal depepndence and indipendence...women are now a days very indipendent natured and free minded and does not depend on boys at all
1 person likes this
• India
6 Feb 10
Hello, Really? Why do they need reservation then? I think you are in India, if you are, may be you know about the quota and reservation stuff. And why is there separate ladies compartments in train? Let me relate to you a few experiences that I had. It happened quite recently. You know in buses there are equal numbers of seats for male and for female passengers. No man is allowed to occupy a ladies seat when a lady is standing in the bus. This is justified. I personally don't seat on ladies' seat even when they are empty. Anyways, so it happened like this, two girls were seating on the Gents' seat. The bus was stuffed, like always with more than its capacity. The girls were having chats, they were giggling. Now there was a old man standing right in front of them. He was sweating and looked old. The girls who apparently looked quite qualified and modern simply overlooked the infirm man and goes on with their conversations. There is no doubt about the fact that we should show some serious respect to girls. But mu question is, aren't we being a little more soft with it? I sometimes think that a few persons who would like to call themselves feminists are treating girls like some species we have to conserve before they go into complete extinction. And of course SOME girls are taking advantage of it. Take care God bless you
• United States
5 Feb 10
I totally disagree with you, and I talked for myself and based in the way I am and my personal experiences, I have always being extremely independent, even since I was a child, and I am also very feminine, I am engineer, a field that has been dominated by men all the time, but even when I work with guys and I am around them all the time, I am very feminine, I like to dress up and look good. For me dependence and femininity are two totally different things and one can exist without the other one. Also sometimes parents teach the girls to be dependent and egocentric, they teach them that they have to look for a husband with money instead of teaching them to have a successful career and a good education because at the end of the day, your education is the only one thing that no one can take. Probably some of the girls you know are materialistic and dependent, but that doesn't mean that everybody is like that, me and my female friends we are all professionals in our 20s, we all live independents and we actually hate the egocentric and materialistic women, because those are the ones who give us a bad name.
1 person likes this
• India
6 Feb 10
Hello, There is no point in agreeing or disagreeing with me. You don't know my perspective yet. What I mentioned up there was some claims that are usually made by men. And I have nothing to comment on your response. You already seem to be a very upright and independent lady and I respect that. Yes, some of the girls I've met were materialists. But that didn't change my opinion about girls. Its just that I come across a thousand views everyday and I want to verify if most of my friends share the same belief. Many girls, most of them Americans, weren't ready to talk to me just because I am from India, which they consider a poor country. They have been quite straight forward in saying this. Some girls were even more biased. They said that they don't talk to Asians as they think they are all terrorists. But if I start drawing conclusion on those incidents I will get into a sample biased fallacy. Those few girls do not, in any possible way, represent the American girls or the girls in a broader point of view. Thanks for such a wonderful response by which I am highly impressed Take care God bless you
• Hong Kong
5 Feb 10
i would say weak and dependent why because when you date her you will be the one taking all the bill out pays when eating, shopping, watching movies, and others..
1 person likes this
• India
5 Feb 10
Hello, That was one humorous way of addressing this issue. Lolzzz. Yes, what you've said is exactly true. But if they claim to be so much independent and modern then why are they sticking to this ancient ritual of male courtesy? Please do ask your girlfriend about this. I think she also considers herself to be a victim of the old and unfounded beliefs of men. Thanks so much for the response God bless you
• India
5 Feb 10
Yes, they are dependent and weak. But not all the girls. There are many girls who live alone. They just become dependent when there is someone who they can depend upon. Don't just ask this question to a girl face to face or she will blast you.
1 person likes this
• India
5 Feb 10
Hello, I completely agree with you. There are girls whose sense of dignity and self respect is admirable. About blasting me, anyone who doesn't understand the true appeal of this discussion will certainly blast me or may even try to assassinate me. Lol... But hopefully not many of them have put a comment in here. The girls who responded were fairly logical and reasonable. Take care God bless you
@Hazelrose (2185)
• Philippines
5 Feb 10
Hi getbiswa2000,I should say not at all times the girls are dependent and weak.There were times that a girl is independent and strong enough to face what ever circumstances in life.For me not only girls are dependent,there are also boys that dependent too.I think being dependent depends on a person and his/her visions of life.Thanks,Happy mylotting!
1 person likes this
• India
5 Feb 10
Hello friend, You have such an elevated thinking. I think you are leading a closely ideal life yourself. My respect for you has grown tenfold for this comment of yours. You not only stood for girls but that too without loosing your temper. That essentially means that you are free from most of the biases that we, the common people have. Now I am going straight to what you've said here. Yes, independence can only be achieved by a true realization of one's self. When I pointed out certain claims that are made by ordinary men, most of the girls were infuriated. That didn't in any sense proved their independence. When you have full knowledge about what you are and what abilities you possess, you will be quite sangfroid, imperturbable. True wisdom and freedom always makes us calm and poised. Very few people understood that this discussion is not a battle of sexes and I am glad to say you are one of them. This comments goes way beyond gender bias. Thanks for the response God bless you
@siliguri (4068)
• India
5 Feb 10
Hello friends, I'm not thinking so now girls are more independent compare to the boys. It is wrong conception that girls are dependent and weak.They can do everything that a boy can. So don't think that girls are dependent and weak bye.
1 person likes this
• India
5 Feb 10
Hello, Yes, a girl can do everything that a boy can and probably far more than that. Very few men exercises true discipline and righteousness in their lives. But a girl would give the highest priority to it. At least that is what the statistics say. But as I've repeatedly pointed out, the questions that has been raised goes way beyond the battle of sexes. All those claims that has been made are equally applicable to boys. Thanks for the response God bless you
• Philippines
5 Feb 10
Depending on the types of girl you have encounter their are some with stable and fixed mind and some have some have changeable mind. In my own observation girls who have attain a high status in life and built her own career on strong grounds have tendency to have form an independent opinion and could take of itself without depending to anybody is a courageous woman and have establish herself as successful. being term as a woman is not weaknesses it is rather an epitome of being dignified being a strong woman could transform itself to being a loving mother and caring wife. So the changes in her life is what are being describes as a weaknesses since she tend to sacrifices a lot of opportunity to marry and bear a child when in fact she could have all of her time to focus more on her improvement and be selfish enough to gain a lot of benefits. but many sacrifices and that is the essence of a woman having a good character which their is a saying behind every man success is a woman which is very true indeed.
1 person likes this
• India
5 Feb 10
Hello, I completely agree with what you've said there. The true human strength lies in the sacrifices one makes. But the common conception is just the opposite. We label the one who has acquired much in material sense as the true victor, the most successful person. Anyway, considering sacrifices, women, especially righteous ones are quite advanced than men. Their sacrifices start right from the beginning of their lives. In many parts of the world women are still being deprived of their fundamental rights. Thanks for the response God bless you
@jilshi (271)
• Malaysia
5 Feb 10
i like to depend on my boyfriend and get his attention. I am not financial stable and need his help to pay my credit card bills. He is willing to help me sincerely. I think guys should help their girlfriend and should not be so calculative.
1 person likes this
• India
5 Feb 10
Hello dear, Helping one's own girlfriend is the right thing to do. But I just hate those guys who develop a tunnel vision with it. Being one's boyfriend can never be the only identity of a man. A complete man is one who not only secure himself but also help others (irrespective of their cast, creed, relationships with him)in being stable. Financial independence is quite admirable. But its not the only thing. The claim of the discussion was that girls are more attached to material stuffs which means that they seldom has a vision beyond material life. You really need to refute this statement. I've already proved my point to the person who made this statement and make him agree that girls can do a lot better than men in this. Thanks for the response God bless you
• India
5 Feb 10
Not any more. These days the girls are totally independent. Most of girls live outside their home these days whether it be for study purpose or job. And most of the time, they do both i.e. job and study together and manage their house also. Even married women prefer to work these days and if u look around, u will find them managing their house, kids, husbands and job very nicely. It is the independent nature and strong will power on part of women that keeps them going and these two strong characteristics I find missing in boys these days.
1 person likes this
• India
5 Feb 10
Hello, A strong will power, my friend, is missing today in almost all of us. I too believe that girls have more endurance than man. They are strong indeed. Its just that we've come to know of it quite recently. Why is it so? The reason is that men have subdued and underestimated women for a very long time. They suppressed all possible brilliance and talent and then made an unfounded claim about their being superior. I have great respect for you and your perspective. Thanks for such an wonderful answer. God bless you
@Mady2791 (547)
• United States
5 Feb 10
I completely agree with you. This made be due to women being the last creature God created, so he was probably dog tired by then :( And you know what happens when you are working a project feeling tired, sleep deprived, stressed out.....most the time the outcome is not satisfactory :(
1 person likes this
• India
5 Feb 10
Hello, That the god created woman after he created men is a myth. There is no evidence whatsoever to prove it. What I mentioned here is not my view. It is just the claim that many of us men make. I initiated this discussion just to know what ladies think about this dilapidated ideology. I want you people to support or refute the claim citing sufficient arguments and examples. Thanks for the response God bless you