Do you ever feel like you have been spoken to badly,

@jugsjugs (13045)
February 21, 2010 6:02pm CST
When you are talking to someone on the phone and someone comes in and starts talking to you like a piece of dirt what do you do knowing that no matter what the other person will have another go at you when you get off the phone.Well tonight there was a disagreement todo with something and i was not prepared to discuss what it was with the husband whilst i was chatting to a friend on the phone.I waited to get off the phone and then tried to chat and it turned into world war 2.I am soo pleased he has gone to bed as there were alot of things i wanted to say so instead he has got a note in the morning to read.I think that what i have put in that will hit home abit.
4 people like this
23 responses
@littleowl (7157)
22 Feb 10
Hi JJ, There are times I feel that my Son talks to me like a bit of dirt and even without thinking treats me that way, I am 54 not old and fairly active but not a well woman, yet neither deoes he want to see acknowledge it or speak about it, even when I am in pain..instead I get talked to as if I was 24-yet my mum he will go and help and always be there for her-yes am grateful for that but when will anyone be like that for me. Now I have just learnt to deal with the fact I have to do it on my own and walk away when talked to in ways I don't need.Thankfully I am not married-the moaning hubby is something I could never deal with! lol-loLo
@jugsjugs (13045)
28 Feb 10
I have found now that if he wants to moan and is looking for an arguement then all i do is put my ipod in my ears and that blocks his mouth of when it is turned on to full blast.I tend to go in another room as i find that is yet another great way aswell.The last two days he has been a bit too nice so perhaps he has realised all the things that i try to do to keep everyone happy.
@littleowl (7157)
28 Feb 10
Hi JJ, Lets hope he has finally got the message that you are not going to take the bait-as the saying goes-and that arguing with you or getting uptight with you isn't going to work anymore-lol lets hopw things run more smoothly for you hun...LoLo
@doormouse (4619)
22 Feb 10
my other half makes comments i don't like around my friends,but he would never speak to me like dirt when they were around,he knows i would find that completely unacceptable,and he also does'nt like other people knowing his buisness,,good on you for standing up for yourself,i know you couldn't do it in person as he was in bed,but a note is just as good,there are a lot of people that would just take that sort of treatment
1 person likes this
@jugsjugs (13045)
28 Feb 10
I will never let him get away with speaking to me aswell as arguing with me no matter what over stupid things.I think there has been alot of stress in the house due to my son not sleeping aswell as my son kicking off as his medication is not working.I can not wait until they sort the medication out as that way we will all be able to relax that bit more.
@sumanadep (1230)
• India
22 Feb 10
Yes..a few times ...but I would usually avoid them at that time and get back to them later. My be the person was not in a good mood to talk or wanted some time alone.
1 person likes this
@jugsjugs (13045)
28 Feb 10
I tend to go in another room and do other things as that way the arguement stops and then it gives us both time to calm down.I will do anything to avoid an arguement as i think that life is too short to live like that.I think everyone needs a break from each other at some point in a relationship even if it is only for a few hours.
@saphrina (31739)
• South Africa
22 Feb 10
It really hurts like hell, when someone who is supposed to love and respect you, treat you so badly. I hope that note made a difference. Otherwise you can get ready for world war 3. I personally will not tolreate something like that. Mine tried it once and that was the very last time. I am not your dog, your slave or your property, so mind your manners. TATA.
1 person likes this
@jugsjugs (13045)
28 Feb 10
I think like you do it do hurt when someone is nasty as well as soo cruel and like you say they are supposed to have feelings for you.I think that when people are soo angry they tend to say alot of things that they do not mean and then they expect you to forget what they have said.I think there are times when we argue that he may mean some of the things he has said aswell and there is always doubt if he did really mean what was said.
@pandaeyes (2068)
22 Feb 10
I have been insulted a few times by my husbands sisters. They don't seem aware that what is being said is insulting though. Recently we were meeting my two kids from the airport to fetch them home for the holiday,one of the sisters said she would go with us to show us the way in the airport as she uses it a lot. When we got to her house, the sister said,what are you doing here? cant (hubby) find the way on his own? I thought ouch ,that is like a slap in the face. Hubby says she was joking but it wasn't said in a joking way. Sometimes if a person is very rude, I think you have to say that you feel insulted but sometimes you can only be silent and let it flow over you. If I argue with my husband,I will tell him honestly how I feel and usually we resolve things quite amicably in the end.
1 person likes this
@jugsjugs (13045)
28 Feb 10
I think that all the arguments in life are not worth it as life is too short to argue all the time.I think that as long as you sort out your difference of opinion that is ok,but there are always times as well as places that are best suited to having a disagreement.I think that bringing up anything in the past is also out of order aswell.
@ebuscat (5949)
• Philippines
22 Feb 10
For me you just let the angry past before you said with it's other because if that situation you've never say good for that problem.
1 person likes this
@jugsjugs (13045)
28 Feb 10
I think it was all due to the stress we are all under at the moment.
@JAG2009 (268)
• India
22 Feb 10
Good for you. I don't think anybody has the right to talk to anybody else else "like a piece of dirt." Especially when they are people you love. In my opinion, people who love each other should show more respect and consideration than any outsider. Having said that, I believe that your idea of the note was 'strategically sound'. Much better than talking when you're angry, and making things worse. More power to you, jugsjugs!
1 person likes this
@jugsjugs (13045)
28 Feb 10
I think you are right as respect is usually there in all relationships as that is another meaning in the word love.I think that all arguments can be avoided and it when there are silly arguments while you are on the phone that is what upsets me.I found that by wtirring a note it was better than carrying on arguing with each other.
@celticeagle (121072)
• Boise, Idaho
22 Feb 10
I hope your note does hit home. I have had situations where I did very much feel that I was spoken to badly. It really depends on who says and what the content is/was as to how I respond. I tend to hold things in and try to find an appropriate time to bring things up. Or I used to. Anymore I don't care. It just gets said. I think life is short and some things just need to be said regardless. And I have never been good with being tactful.
@jugsjugs (13045)
28 Feb 10
The note did work as when he came home from work his whole attitude had changed aswell as he was a lot calmer aswell as alot quieter.I think that he had time to sit and think of all the things that i had done for everyone in the house aswell as all the things i had given everyone in this house aswell.I think i put it straight and to the point in the note to him.
@vandana7 (69049)
• India
22 Feb 10
Hi jugsjugs, what you face with your husband, is what I face with my father. He is not open to reasoning at all! It is very frustrating at times. I used to fight a lot earlier, because I had this office, and simply no patience with chores at home and this type of talk. Subsequently there were some revelations that made me think what the hell have I wasted my life after him for. Now my situation is I have no other relationship - love him hate him, I have only one piece. So I have chosen to adjust. But at times it can be very very annoying at times. He has this good impression about one of his relatives. I explain to him - look they are humiliating you like this - they dont value you and all that. At times he agrees, and even stands up for me against them, that is when I love him to extreme and feel like forgiving everything. At other times, he says I am wrong - and that anything I point out is unnecessary and petty. And that I might need my relatives as I am unmarried, so I should learn to adjust to them beating me, and them molesting me. It is very frustrating to adjust to this bipolar man. If I refuse to say yes, he stops taking medications. That is still worse! If anything happens his relatives will cascade down on me overnight! Law out here is not that strong. His relatives use every possible chance to defame me, because I am not willing to spare my hard earned and hard saved monies for them! What will you do is what they ask. They have never been there for me throughout my childhood, but are surprised I dont have any feelings for them! What do you do when such things happen. I tried writing and sending email to my father. It has not helped. Comparatively, your husband might be a reasonable man. He many not have his ego involved in decisions he takes as a man of the house. So writing might be just rubbing it in. :( I am not sure it will work for better.
@jugsjugs (13045)
28 Feb 10
I think that my huisband new that he had pushed me by arguing while i was talking to a friend on the phone.I told him i will ensure i argue with him the next time he picks up the phone to talk to one of his friends,see how he feels then aswell as think opf how the other person on the end of the phone will feel aswell.I think by writing him a letter it gave him the time to understand how i felt about the arguement we had aswell as that he was alot quieter when he came home from work.
• Philippines
22 Feb 10
I sometimes realize that I have spoken too badly. Sometimes I do that to my friend or my parents. But I let them know that I did not intend to do it and I say sorry after. I am just pushed by the problems and stress that is why all that comes from my mouth are all bad words. But I am not like that really. I was just pushed to say it, just to let the other people know that I am really angry.
@jugsjugs (13045)
28 Feb 10
I think what with all the problems we have had just lately this probably pushed his stress levels.I told him in future if he ever spoke like that to me again when i am trying to chat to a friend on the phone,then i will put the phone down and i will go out and see the friend i was talking to on the phone and he will get to sit on his own looking after our children,that way perhaps next time he will at least wait until i am off the phone next time.
@snoopyfan (1315)
• United States
22 Feb 10
Yes I have been talked down to by my relatives and for that reason I don't really speak or see them that much. I don't need to be around people that make me feel like a failure. Just the other day my friend was giving me a hard time right now I am out of a car. I have a job that starts at 6:00 in the morning. I work for a inventory company and I go all over. The buses don't normally run so right now I am worried about losing my job. My friend keeps acting like I don't like taking the bus. And that is not the issue I have no problem with the bus if it ran when I had to leave. Right now I don't feel like talking to him cause he really made me feel bad. I have enough stress right now and I don't need that stuff. I am not married so it is easier for me not to talk to someone for a few days when they insult me. I would imagine it would be tense in your home with your husband. Writing him a letter is great cause you can express yourself without getting insulted. Then he can read it when he is also in a calm manner. I hope things get better everyone deserves to be treated with respect.
1 person likes this
@jugsjugs (13045)
28 Feb 10
I think that it is soo degrading for anyone to be spoken down to no matter what about and i also think that there is a time aswell as a place that things can be said or even discussed and that is not when someone is talking to a person on the phone.I think that he may be stressed as he has seen the naughty side of my son as he has adhd and i think that is another thing that may have added to the problems,but it is not my fault as i am the one who normally deals with him as well as all the schools,drs and the medication.
@Buchi_bulla (8299)
• India
22 Feb 10
Usually men want that we should attend to them first. Whether they give the same treatment to wife or not that is different issue. Quarrels and misunderstandings will spoil our peace of mind is it not? I feel we can stop talking over phone for a second, say to our hubby 'one minute', and then continue our phone call. Still, if he is angry, then try to explain after disconnecting the phone call. In spite of that if he is angry, then you should just leave it. He will realise later and come around.
@jugsjugs (13045)
28 Feb 10
I find that no matter what i do or what i say i am in the wrong with him alot of the time so now i tend to wait until i get off the phone and then ask him what is his problem.If he carrys on snapping at me then what i do is go into another room as i am fed up of the arguments over silly little things and i know that i will stay in the other room out of my way.
• United States
22 Feb 10
If I am spoke to badly I avoid that person. So if Hubby didn't want to talk to me and went to bed. He would wake to a non speaking wife.When will I start talking to him?It depends on what was said and how angry or hurt it made me feel.I should never marry . One hurtful word and I would leave. He would wake up to an empty house.
1 person likes this
@jugsjugs (13045)
28 Feb 10
I think that alot of people that say alot of nasty things when they are angry about something aswell as when they are in a real bad mood.I feel like i am being badly treated if i have done all that i can to prevent an arguement yet there is still a big argument as well as all the hurtful things that are as said,like with all the other arguments in the past.
1 person likes this
@climber7565 (2579)
• United States
24 Feb 10
hmm lack of respect for you is what is going on. You have not other to do then to stand your ground. Some men think they have the right to treat their women like dirt and the women who allow it loose. Well I hope it all works out for you.
@jugsjugs (13045)
28 Feb 10
I think you are right that there seems to be alot of lack of respect for me aswell as who ever i was on the phone to.I hate the arguement especially the ones that are over silly things.I left him the note and he had soon changed his attitude when he came home from work the next day.I tend to walk off in another room rather than constantly argue with him as i find we get louder and everyone then gets to hear the arguement.
• United States
6 Mar 10
oh I think you do right and show you are the bigger person by the way you handle that, and would make him feel even worst. I hope he would grow to understand how wrong he does to you by his behavior, no one should be treated that way.
@cyrus123 (6383)
• United States
23 Feb 10
I hope everything works out between you and your husband. These things happen every now and then, especially between family members, don't they? Yes, there have been plenty of times when I felt like I might have said something I shouldn't have said. I always apologize right away, in this case. A lot of times, the person didn't take it the way I thought they did and I'm glad they weren't hurt at least. Kathy.
@cyrus123 (6383)
• United States
23 Feb 10
I think I missread your discussion up there. I'm sorry. Yes, there have been plenty of times when I felt like I've been spoken to badly. My brother-in-law, for example, talks awful to me all the time pretty much. It really hurts me, too. He talks awful to my sister (his wife), too. I know because I've heard him. I have tried telling him about it but he doesn't pay it any attention. I dread going to their house for holidays or any other time for that matter if he's there because he's always in such a bad mood. He's a businessman and he has a lot of problems. Kathy.
@jugsjugs (13045)
28 Feb 10
I think that there has been way too much stress in our relationship and there has been to many things going on aswell as happening all at once so things have been getting not sorted properly.I left him a note as that way he had the time to read it so he could see things from my point of view aswell as his point of view aswell.
@cerebellum (3871)
• United States
22 Feb 10
First of all it is very rude to talk to someone that is on the phone. I have a friends that do that and carry on a discussion with someone in the house like I am not even on the line. I hate that, and I feel like "why even bother". When you did get off the phone and argued it was probably good that your husband went to bed and you wrote him a note. In the heat of the argument a lot of times we say something we regret later. My ex used to leave when we had a fight and that was very frustrating because I wanted to fight. I never thought of writting him a note. That way I could still say what I wanted to and not have to deal with the frustration.
@jugsjugs (13045)
28 Feb 10
I hate that when people but into a discussion that i am having aswell and it is like you say when there are people trying to talk to you on the phone aswell as when people come to see you aswell.I did find that the next day he was a bit quiet as i think he knew that he was in the wrong for the argument.I am the type of person that hates to argue.
• United States
28 Feb 10
I don't usually like to argue either. I will go out of my way to avoid a fight. There is a limit to what I'll put up with and when I reach that limit I want to fight. It takes me some time to reach that point. I usually want to pretend that everything is okay even if it's not hoping that it will be.
@Lakota12 (42681)
• United States
22 Feb 10
nawwww never when I was on the phone with some one they dont want the person to hear it.
@jugsjugs (13045)
28 Feb 10
My husband do not care who hears what when he wants an arguement.
@Lakota12 (42681)
• United States
28 Feb 10
thats bad!
@wolfie34 (26792)
• United Kingdom
28 Feb 10
There is no excuse for rudeness and speaking badly to someone is in my eyes, pure rudeness, plain and simple, we are all adults, if you have a problem with someone or a disagreement then to tackle it assertively or alternatively avoid that person if it's going to make things awkward or it turns into an all out battle. I had an instructor once who would speak to me badly, it got so bad that I tried to avoid him, those sort of people shouldn't be in a position such as teaching if they don't have people skills. Sometimes it's best to take time out and punch a pillow or give yourself some breathing space before it gets out of hand, it's very easy to retaliate with someone who speaks to you badly, trouble is once words are said they cannot be taken back. With a cooler head you can confront them or the matter in a calm manner.
@jugsjugs (13045)
28 Feb 10
I try to talk to people nicely even if they are shouting and going off on one as i find that winds them up even more as i am the calm one and he was irate.I think that i done the right thing walking away from the arguement as this way it usually stops.I did leave him a note as there is no way that i would put up with what was said aswell as whilst i was talking to someone on the phone.I tend to put my ipod in my ears as that way i do not have to listen to all the silly names aswell as other things that are being said by him.He read the note and he has not said anything else and he is a lot calmer now so that is a bonus if nothing else.
@myguy09 (63)
• Malaysia
26 Feb 10
I just keep my first conversation rather than trying to satisfy the other one.I think we should respect others when they are having talks with other people.
@jugsjugs (13045)
28 Feb 10
I think that you are right that a bit of respect go along way.Most of the time the things that he want to start an arguement about are silly little things.
@GreenMoo (11842)
25 Feb 10
I think a note is a really good way of expressing yourself. It allows you to say what you want to say clearly, without getting distracted by emotions. I hope everything resolves itself.
@jugsjugs (13045)
28 Feb 10
By leaving him a note it stops the arguements aswell i find as well as that like you say then he knows how i feel about all the things that he has had to say and it gives me the chance to say what i wanted to but never did.He had calmed down when he got home the next day so there was a bonus to leaving him a note after all.