living without love

Philippines
March 19, 2010 2:51am CST
Do you think it's possible for you to live with your husband and have kids for twenty years without love for him? This is what I read from a newspaper about a woman asking for advice if she continue living with her husband whom she didn't love, although he's a nice husband and good father who provide all their needs.
1 person likes this
12 responses
@prinkish (104)
• Philippines
21 Mar 10
For me love is important. What will be the purpose if you live together with your husband without love for him? you're just like a robot living in this world. We are here on earth surrounded by love. God created us to be loved and to love and therefore, God is LOVE. The needs will be provided if two of you live with have love to each other.
• Philippines
21 Mar 10
Yeah, you're right love is very important in every relationship. However love isn't enough to keep relationship forever. When you're in a relationship where kids are involve in every decision you make, sometimes it's best to ignore your own happiness and give importance first the welfare of your children. Anyway thank you for sharing with us and enjoy the rest of the weekend!
@krisnel (498)
• Philippines
20 Mar 10
if i was on her situation i can also live with my husband though the feeling is gone if my husband is doing any nothing wrong to my family. if i was her i will never leave him, she could still love his husband again if she like.
• Philippines
21 Mar 10
Yeah, I will agree with you. It's also the same advice given to her. To learn to love her husband and live life at the present. It's always best not to hold on the past because past already happens and no one can change it. The best way is to accept and live life. Anyway thank you for sharing with us and enjoy the rest of the weekends!
@Jotomy (6352)
• India
20 Mar 10
Yes, careguarden i saw some of the families live like that for the sake of children, society, family, for parents and inlaws sake. Even wife and husband will not have love on eachother still they live together.
• Philippines
21 Mar 10
Yeah, you're right there are many people who stay on their family for the sake of their children and society. It could not be a bad thing as long as they can show love to their children and keep their family at peace. Instead of having a divorce that will surely affect their children. Anyway thank you for sharing with us and enjoy your weekends!
• Malaysia
20 Mar 10
I am sure there are many cases of people keeping their marriage together for the sake of the children. Many considers divorce taboo too. Its not a matter of wrong or right but for the concern of our beloved children. Sometimes one have to sacrifice oneself for the future and happiness of others. This is the good in us and may not be a bad thing.
• Philippines
21 Mar 10
Yeah, you're right, there are many people who tried each day to keep their relationship for the sake of their children because that's what they think as right and best. That's very admiring decision because that takes a lot of sacrifice.As they said once you're in a relationship and have children what you should consider first in making decisions were your children and not yourself. That's love and that's what a good parent. Anyway thank you for sharing with us and enjoy the rest of the weekends!
@scja16 (323)
• Philippines
19 Mar 10
I think she does love her partner though maybe she is still in a stage of denial. I think that there is something or someone in her past causing this emotion but for me having kids and living together may already be a proof that at least you love the person. Well, I may be wrong and it is really possible that this things happen. And I felt sorry for the guy because if I were in his position... I'd rather look for someone else as long as my partner loves me. It is really hard to predict how a person will react and what decision he/she will take. We just hope that she will know the meaning of love and love her family. God bless
• Philippines
21 Mar 10
Yeah, you're right, having kids and live 20 years there must be at least a little bit of feelings of love towards her husband. It's just the past that holds her to love him actually, that's she needs to let it go and love him. Yeah, hope that she will able to accept the truth and let go of the past and live the present, especially for the sake of her children. Anyway thank you for sharing with us and enjoy your day!
@Caylaxx (99)
19 Mar 10
I think this is a really sad situation. Maybe she just never wanted to let go, although i think there needs to be some kind of love involved in the relationship, for her sake and his. personally, i wouldn't be able to live with a man for 20 years who i didn't love.
• Philippines
21 Mar 10
Yeah, it's really a sad situation. That's why she was asking for an advice if she has to stay for another more years with her relationship or leave. And the adviser told her to stay simply because her husband was a loving father, good provider and caring husband. She just need to let go of the past and learn to love him. It's to find a nice guy and love can be learn in time. Anyway thank you for sharing with us and enjoy your day!
• United States
19 Mar 10
Wow ive never wrote anything for a newspaper but that article could very much describe my exact situation. I have been married over 20 years going on 25 years together now and i would have to say we are at the point that i can say at least for me im not in love with him anymore. I do love him in the sense that i care about what happens to him and that i love that he is a decent father to our children .. its just i cant have feelings for him anymore. Our situation is because of years of struggles all the things that weve done to each other tend to wear on a relationship and usually that means one or both partners fall out of love. It takes two to make a marriage work and takes two to make one fail so im taking half the blame for my marriage not working. I have tried to forget the past but its just not possible for me to do. I have picked to stay only because of my children they deserve to have the benifit of living in a two parent household. I hate some things about it.. my children tend to pick up on my husbands very negative attitude and they have short tempers. If i had to do this all over again i would probly pick to leave when the problems first started about 10 years ago but the fact is that i pick to stay and now i feel sorta stuck for the long run. I do think that when my children are grown and no longer at home dependent on their parents for support i will get a divorce to be in search of my own peace because there are days i dont feel i cant live with things the way they are today. I think we got married way to young and had no clue what we was getting into. I have desires to be in a different form of relationship that is more of a non-traditional lifestyle and Im stuck in a very nilla one right now. at the time i married i wasnt old enough to know what i was feeling was a tendence to be in a nontraditional relationship. My day will come but my childrens happiness today has to come first before my own happiness.
• Philippines
21 Mar 10
Wow! your story was more likely the same with the woman that I mentioned. It's nice that take priority of your childrens welfare before your own happiness. That's a good thing and I admire you for that. That could be real hard for you to stay on that relationship but you need to sacrifice your own happiness for your children. Yeah your will come where you'll be free and find your self but for now you'll have to do the other things. Anyway thank you for sharing with us and enjoy the rest of the weekend!
• Philippines
19 Mar 10
i don't think it could last that long if she don't feel anything for him. i think the reason to stay in a relationship is the happiness you'll feel towards that person you are living with. if someone is not happy already because someone is not in love with the person, then i think there is no reason to stay.
• Philippines
21 Mar 10
Yeah, I think she's happy. Well she does have a very loving husband and good father and provider to the family. That's mainly the reason why she stay and she's lucky in that way. Love is not only the reasons why people stay in a relationship. That's why it's better for her to stay and learn to love her husband and also for the sake of their children. Anyway thank you for sharing with us and enjoy the rest of the weekend!
@rsa101 (14878)
• Quezon City, Philippines
19 Mar 10
I think that would be a lifetime pain in her to stay there. But try to assess why in the first place did she enter into marriage with that guy. Why does she stay there that long is it because of her kids. I think 20 years is really long but I guess for her kids she should just stay if she really loves his kids and doesn't want her kids to suffer if she would indeed breakup with him.
• Philippines
21 Mar 10
Yeah, you're right that's what also the adviser said to her, to stay in her relationship not just for the sake of their kids but also for her. She just need to let of the past and open her heart to love her husband because he loves her so much and he's a good husband and father. She's been in 20 years in that relationship and have kids, so it's better for her to just stay. Anyway thank you for sharing with us and enjoy the rest of the weekend!
• Philippines
19 Mar 10
That s awful. living with a wife that doesn t even love you. was the reason ever stated why the wife refuses to love her husband?
• Philippines
21 Mar 10
The wife refuses to love her husband because of the past that keeps haunting her and she can't let it go. Although in her letter it's not really stated the whole things and situations, it's simply because of the past that holds her to love her husband who loves her so much. It's a sad story I guess. Anyway thank you for sharing with us and enjoy your day!
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
20 Mar 10
Argh this just ate my response. I think this is ridiculous because you are trading each day of your finite life for experiences, and you want love to be one of those constant experiences. If you don't love somebody and are not IN love with them, why did you marry them any way? To me, marriage means you love somebody. FIRST. Before there is ever any decision to marry. This is why the idea of marrying somebody you don't know and are not in love with is foreign and wrong to me. Nobody can force love. You can't create attraction or feeling where none exists. People can work on a relationship, where love has been it can be again, but again it takes desire from both people and sometimes a lot of work.
• Bulgaria
19 Mar 10
I know many people do it. I couldn't.