How do you deal with expectations?

@setsuna26 (2410)
Philippines
April 7, 2010 7:24am CST
People around us have a lot of expectations from each and every one of us. Sometimes it tends to be so huge that we are afraid we wont be able to achieve their expectations from us. Do you tell these people that you wont be able to do those things or you just let it be?I feel so guilty when i fail to meet other peoples expectations from me...What bout you? how do you deal with other people's expectations from you?
3 people like this
10 responses
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
7 Apr 10
Setsuna! I have learnt from bitter past experiences that I should tell or show people straightaway that I cannot fulfil all their expectations and state my position clear. This is a lesson I imbibed from my husband .Apparently,[my close family tells me this] I am a person who gives contradictory signals--I basically am very talkative, would like to be friendly but have my limitations.People normally tend to take me for granted but I don't like it also.So, I have learned the lesson [whether I am implementing it in full is another big question mark]that I should follow a set consistent pattern .I am making attempts to tell people straightaway.
2 people like this
@setsuna26 (2410)
• Philippines
7 Apr 10
Good point i think its better for them to know that there are things that you can do and there are just that you cant as well. Now whether they accept this bitter reality or not is not up to you anymore. The burden in on them. Yes they are free to set expectations from us but it is up to us to decide whether we can or we cant fulfill such expectations. Thank you very much for your idea and wisdom, am really learning so much from this site every now and then. Have a nice day!
2 people like this
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
7 Apr 10
And another thing is we won't feel guilty if we fail to live up to expectations , once we make our position clear.We have not given them false hopes isn't it?I t is their problem .
1 person likes this
@setsuna26 (2410)
• Philippines
7 Apr 10
Precisely, the ball is in their court, whats important is we do what we can to be good, we never asked them to expect nothin but the best lol, we can just try to be the best but we can never dictate ourself to be the best all the time. Dang! im just so glad that i have lots pretty cool people round here in mylot just like you guys!
@cloud31 (5811)
7 Apr 10
I don't expect too much from others so I hope they won't expect much from me as well, if ever that they expect more than I can prove myself for them that's already out of my control,I'm just a human being and I cannot be that perfect to meet all the expectations they had in me,And I believe we cannot expect we can please others for what we've done and for who we are, and I don't think I'm living to please everyone,all I can that is all from me to please those who can accept me and capability. Good day friend
@setsuna26 (2410)
• Philippines
7 Apr 10
Yes you got that right we just cant control other peoples expectations from us and if ever that we fail their expectations then it wont should not be a problem for us. That just means their expectation is too much and that they need to learn how to appreciate what we can do and what we just cant do as well. Thanks for the time and effort its very much appreciated
1 person likes this
@cloud31 (5811)
7 Apr 10
Don't mention it! Stay as you are!
• China
7 Apr 10
Well,sometimes I do feel distress about expectations especially which come from my parents.Actually,I once the similar feeling just like you.But I feel much better now.Sometimes expectations help us find the direction we are forwarding.We needn't feel so guilty when we fail to meet other peoples expectations cause we have do our best to achieve it.The result doesn't always so important sometime.Just do our best and reach our own goals not ohters.
1 person likes this
@setsuna26 (2410)
• Philippines
7 Apr 10
Yup you are right, no matter what they expect from us, the reality is we are the ones making our own future and the ones responsible for everything that we do. If we cant fulfill their expectations i dont think we are to blame anymore for as long as we did what we can to try and be the best that we can be.You never fail to amaze me amber! thanks for the quick response
1 person likes this
• China
7 Apr 10
Haha,you thought highly of me.But I am glad to hear that.
@setsuna26 (2410)
• Philippines
7 Apr 10
Its more like i have high expectations coming from you lol .Oooppss there you go i just made an expectation for you hahaha. I just cant get enough of mylot and how i enjoy reading our friends thoughts and ideas too
1 person likes this
@elmiko (6640)
• United States
7 Apr 10
What about your expectation of others? This can or could be a 2 way street. Personally I'm more concerned about what I expect from my self. After all it is my life and not the life of those of who expect certain things out of me. What do you expect of your self? What do you want for your self? Those are more important question I ask me self.
1 person likes this
@setsuna26 (2410)
• Philippines
7 Apr 10
But i think before you can do something about your expectations of other you should deal with what they expect from you .And the question my friend is what we do with what they expect from us.Yes it can be a 2 way street but for the time being we are just asking /concern with how we deal with others expectation from us.Like if you family expects you become successful after graduation,how do you deal with it?
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
7 Apr 10
Setsuna! If yur family expects you to be successful after graduation here it is a mixture of your own expectation as well a s theirs.That is why this feeling of guilt arises. You yourself would have an internal target and will to succeed.YOu will have to talk this out clearly to your mom /dad about what you are capable of, what your plancs are and take advice from either of them depending on their expertise and experience.THe first thing is of course that you make an honest effort to do your best in studies, make the right efforts and succeed.
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
7 Apr 10
My initial comment was for expectation from outsiders.
@tomitomi (5441)
• Singapore
8 Apr 10
hi setsuna, expectations - it's one big word to mess up with. and we have to face them up in our daily lives. with my limited view, from our bosses especially. mine is no exception. very high expectation indeed. i normally carry a little note book and a pen around and they normally become handy whenever she talks. i keep checking and reviewing them on a daily basis and try to do as much each day. my kids expect a lot from me too, perhaps as much as my expectation of them. i have to be the superdad to greet them good night and good morning, to attend parents-teachers' conferences, sports day, fundraising day, prize-giving day, concert day etc etc etc. they have duties to do at home, school homeworks and class projects to complete, sports activities, exams to pass and excel, languages to learn, to respect everyone and everything around etc etc etc. i try very hard to talk with them everyday and tell them i love them very much. i make them see what a realistic and an unrealistic expectations are, the virtue of hard work and to accept any defeat after doing his best.
1 person likes this
@setsuna26 (2410)
• Philippines
8 Apr 10
Wow, come to think of it you still have time for mylot.! Hands down to you my friend, i believe as of now your able to meet their expectations, and theres nothing wrong with trying our best to meet these stuff. But when we just cant do it anymore its also good for us to admit that we cant. We are just humans we need time to rest and relax too, if we cant meet up with other peoples expectations then its not our fault anymore. I always enjoy reading your thoughts my friend! keep them coming!
@tomitomi (5441)
• Singapore
10 Apr 10
it's not been easy and never will. what keeps me going is obviously because i love my children a lot. together we prioritize, make schedules and have them pasted all around the house. my laptop is usually on when i wake up until i sleep. throughout the course of the day, i put it on hibernation or keep the pages refreshed. and i normally carry it with me. thanks for the compliment. keep yours coming too. have a nice day.
@setsuna26 (2410)
• Philippines
10 Apr 10
And i think its really great that you find time for everything and you keep a balance or at least trying to keep a balance for everything.Not most people can do that ,the fact that you can really means your good. Hey keep up the good work and have a great time indeed
@babing20 (48)
• Philippines
9 Apr 10
as much as possible, i try to inform the person beforehand my limitations. i am not very good in handling personal confrontations, so as much as possible, i give it my best in meeting expectations. i do feel guilty and depressed but will still give my best effort to make it up to the person. work wise, i see to it that the mistake will not happen again. i won't find ways to justify the mistake just to save face, if it really was my fault, i take full responsibility for it.
1 person likes this
@setsuna26 (2410)
• Philippines
9 Apr 10
Yeah i think thats what we should be doing indeed! try to tell the people concern about what is it that we can and what is it that we cant do at all. So that they wont be expecting too much from us all the time.So that in the end you wont end up hurting yourself or them by expecting too much from you . Thanks for sharing your opinion
@indahfth (11173)
• Indonesia
9 Apr 10
expectations of others that I can not make it happen, would be something that is very disappointing for me. I always try not to give hope if I can not make it happen. all that I do not want to disappoint. I hope that I can not make it happen, let alone realize the expectations of others.
1 person likes this
@setsuna26 (2410)
• Philippines
9 Apr 10
I think if we cant make it, im talking to the expectations of others we should just take it as a guide for us. A guide that will help us achieve what we want. And if we cant make it to the expectations of others we should tell them about it and make them realize that we are what we are, and we are not what they want us to be. Thanks for your time my friend
• Philippines
8 Apr 10
yes we really cant avoid those who will expect something from us specially towards work and family. and sometimes we failed to do it due to pressure. like my family before they pressure me to finished a certain course even if i dont like it, and took me 5 years to get it coz im not really interested to it and i only take few units from it and sometimes i failed. i failed 2 subjects. but then when i graduated and work, i took another course which i really want and i even got the highest grade of 1 which is 100% here in my country and lower grade of 1.75 which still within 90%. so i guess people tend to do good if they really like what they are doing than doing things only because want it.
1 person likes this
@setsuna26 (2410)
• Philippines
8 Apr 10
Yes sometimes due to too much expectations we tend to fail in almost everything we do. Life should be the way we want it to be, not the way other people want it to be for us, we should enjoy everything that we do and what completes us. Yes our parents can have expectations but they just serve as guidance to help us through our lives, but that dont mean we need to do exactly what they want us to do. Im glad that ive learn alot from you guys who answered. Hope to see more of you in my upcoming topics too. Thanks alot my friend
@nangisha (3504)
• Indonesia
8 Apr 10
This is my life I will do every thing I like and I will responsible for it. My parent have expectation from me like chasing a degree but I am practical person and feel bored to chase degree. My parent has to understand that is not my way of life, I will do thing that make me happy as salary like having my own restorant.
@setsuna26 (2410)
• Philippines
8 Apr 10
Yes your right about that my friend.This is our life we decide what we become and we do what we want. Peoples expectation from us just serves as guidance but that doesnt mean we need to deal with each and every expectation that they have. Its our life, our dreams we need to deal with it , live with it and have fun with it too. Thanks for sharing your opinion
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
7 Apr 10
If i think i can do what they are expecting i tell them i will try to the best of my ability if i know i can't do it i tell them right up front.
@setsuna26 (2410)
• Philippines
8 Apr 10
Yeah and besides it us up to us what we can do,we know our limitations and our abilities ,if someone expects too much then we really need to tell them up front that we just cant do what they are expecting from us. Thank you for the time and for sharing your thoughts ma'am Have a great day