What to say?
April 11, 2010 3:13pm CST
A relative of mine is going through a very rough time with her children. She was knocked up at 16 and stayed with the father until his drug use and physical abuse finally pushed her away. After a few years she was given permission to move away with her kids to another part of the country. Now this ex who is a total dead beat father (hence she was allowed to move) has now committed an unspeakable crime. He sexually molested a 6 year old girl while flying high on a mixture of 6, yes 6 drugs (how he didn't kill himself is beyond me). The crime was bad and penetration did occur. Now she did not tell her kids the whole story just that he was high on drugs and did some bad things that he was arrested for (they are 9 & 12 and this is something they understand as it has happened before, in fact when he kept them hostage from their mother in fact). Any way that is what the counselor told her to do. Well it's been 6 months and things where getting better with the kids and their issues then her son (12) came home from a friends house where he and his friend had not only looked up his father but had found (who knows how) some court papers stating in detail what he had done. She is so upset and has no clue how to handle this. Not only does she have to deal with her sons disgust and million and one questions (things where done he has not matured enough yet to comprehend) but a set of very pissed of parents who are mad at her for their son reading this. (Mind it was at their house as kids have no access to computer at hers, when they should have been supervising) and have not only called the cops ( who told them it was actually their fault as it was their home) on her but have pushed into the school to makes sure their son no longer has classes with her son. I want to help and support them but what does one say to this kind of mess?
• United States
11 Apr 10
This is a difficult situation. The best thing for you to do at this moment, is be there as a support system. As far as what to say, a few comforting words may be all you can offer. See if you can suggest counselling for the kids to the mother. I'm sure the poor son is in great need of someone to vent to, not only because of reading about his father, but he is also going through the stress of having kids pushed into other classes, when he didn't do anything wrong. Just be there to remind them that it isn't there fault, and that Mom has done her very best in raising them and loving them and keeping them safe.
• United States
12 Apr 10
Great ideas, gibbs! The good news in all of this matter is that there is someone who gives a damn and is the start of a support system. There is a great need to vent on the part of many people and the need for safety and security. My old boss once told me taht unless you have a sense of peace and security, nothing else really matters.
• Boise, Idaho
12 Apr 10
You support them as best you can. A counselor right now is very important. What do you say to the kids? You look to the counselor for that. The boy probably feels he is being wrongly treated by his friend and his parents too. It is a sad affair. Both of the kids need intensive therapy. Show you are there and give of your time and caring.
• Garden Grove, California
12 Apr 10
hi opinionate lady the time has come for her to tell the truth to her son, and thus clear away worries and fears, a child that age can comprehend a lot more than their moms give them credit for.she needsto talk to those so called friends also and get things straight. I would just be there for her and be a strong shoulder to lean on and an ear to hear. that really about all you can do for her.those friends sure were hard on her, shame on them,I would think twice about letting her son even be with the other boy. hope things get better for all told.