After 11 years, they break up...
By moonchild117
@moonchild117 (1987)
Philippines
April 12, 2010 12:38am CST
I don't know why I feel sad, I'm not even in the relationship concerned. To give you guys a background, I just learned that my sister called it off with her long-time boyfriend. They were together for 11 years, beginning 3rd year of college. I guess I just feel sad because the guy, her ex, is almost like family. We've known him for years and even my relatives ask my sister where he is during family occasions. He's a really good guy, he has a job, and he's not a slob or clingy or dependent on my sister for things.
They had plans to get married last year, but it didn't push through. Then lately, we noticed that my sister was going out with her colleagues and friends and spent more time with them than with her now ex. I was told that she said that she felt she missed on a lot of things when they were together and now, at 32, I guess she's trying to catch up on the things she couldn't do back then. The split was a mutual decision, she said.
Still, I feel sad that after a long time they decided to call it quits. My family and I were hoping they would spend a lifetime together, but I guess that's how the cookie crumbles...
Sorry for this post, I just had to let it out. Thanks for reading and happy myLotting!
3 people like this
13 responses
@rsa101 (37969)
• Philippines
12 Apr 10
I guess they were trying to have some space after being together that long. Sometimes long relationships can sometimes feel very suffocating and maybe the only solution they see is to live separate lives. I really think you should aloow them because if they are meant for each other they would come back to each others arms once again but if it is not then I guess that was their decision in life. I just hope they chose the right decision for themselves.
@moonchild117 (1987)
• Philippines
12 Apr 10
Same here, I hope that they chose the right decision. But yeah, I guess they needed the space. When I noticed she was hanging out more with friends than with the guy, I thought that those were the things she should've done before. Oh well, my sister looks fine, she's not moping around, so I do hope they were happy with the decision they made.
@weasel81 (2496)
• Australia
12 Apr 10
sorry to hear what has happened to your sister, as said to me one day. i'd been with my partner longer than most marriages lst these days. i've been with my partner for near 9 yrs now, and am working on getting rid of him. things have happened that are making me want to walk the other way and have a life i'm not allowed to have.
things happend for a reason.
@moonchild117 (1987)
• Philippines
12 Apr 10
Oh, you're planning to separate with your partner? Well, think it through and whatever your decision may be, I hope it's for the best.
@lelin1123 (15595)
• Puerto Rico
12 Apr 10
I totally understand how you are feeling. My daughter was with a guy from the age of 16 to 26. After ten years together they broke up and till this day which its now almost reaching 5 years I still don't know why they split up. He was a part of the family too and his family would come over for barbacues during the summertime. I just thought they would be together forever. It was sad at the time but I guess that is the way the cookie crumbles and how life happens.
@moonchild117 (1987)
• Philippines
12 Apr 10
Thanks. I guess it would just take time for us to get used to their situation. Sad that they also have started investing in a property they were supposed to be living in when they got married. But, well, there's not so much we can do about it but accept and hope that she's happy with her decision.
@frontvisions101 (16043)
• Philippines
12 Apr 10
it's sad. we have to remember, sh!t happens. if it's their decision then we can't do anything about it. i think it's a little bit immature though..
@moonchild117 (1987)
• Philippines
12 Apr 10
Why do you say it's immature, if I may ask? Oh well, I guess you're right -- sh1t does happen, especially when you least expect it.
@Beautyfactor (1512)
•
12 Apr 10
You feel sad because you care about youe sister and in a roundabout sort of way you are involved in the relationship.
I would guess after eleven years together you considered this guy to be a part of your family and that's why you feel upset by it all. If the desicion was mutual then all you can do is ride with it, for a relationship to be strong both parties have to strive to make it work.
You don't have to apologise for the post either letting it out is a good way of dealing with your problems and emotions.
@moonchild117 (1987)
• Philippines
12 Apr 10
Thanks... I didn't have a lot of people to share this with, so I thought I might let it out here. Sorry for sounding really cheesy.
I guess we just expected them to be together. They've been an item even before I met my husband. We just have to get used to the situation... this feeling will probably be temporary.
@joedollarhuat (580)
• Philippines
12 Apr 10
These things we can't control, moonchild. It is their relationship and not yours. These things happen. I know it is shocking that after 11 years they decided to break up but, sometimes they see that it would not work out for the rest of their lives. All we know, they might have ended up a sad couple in the future. So, don't take these things too seriously. There are times your sister and you need to give each other some space :)
@moonchild117 (1987)
• Philippines
12 Apr 10
Yeah, maybe you're right. Lately she wasn't saying anything about their relationship, if it was troubled or if it was still okay... then this happened. I guess it's because it's still not clear to us what really happened. But we still hope for the best for her and the ex. Thanks.
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
12 Apr 10
Hello Moonchild
I am sorry to read this and of course it will make you sad but it happens, it would have been worse if they had been married as they would have gone through all the hassle of Divorce
You never know they might just need a break and possibly then they might settle down together but again it is good they realised all this now then when it is to late
You do not have to apologise for this post that is the good thing about Mylot you can always come here when you need to talk
@vjsham (59)
• Malaysia
12 Apr 10
i beleive all this happens daily.."breaking up"..As I have seen, there are many long term relationship breaking up since they have been too close and possessive to each other..In my opinion..A relationship muz be balanced..U muz have time for frenz, family, urself and so on as well as for ur bf. when ur facing one person for 11 years without having time away from him/her then u will get "bored" and more problems tends to occur..I would like to drop to say have equal time for personal and open life..
@portisray (503)
• Philippines
13 Apr 10
It doesn't matter for how long they have been in a relationship...
It's a good thing they broke up before they get married... That's a bad thing if they were married and they broke up! In our everyday life, we hear long time married couples break up... Much worse if they have children to deal with...
Even if you feel sorry for them...think of the positive side...
@thersdae_me (327)
• Philippines
13 Apr 10
My sister also had a relationship with one of her colleagues for some years and all of us actually thought before that they will become husband and wife without a doubt. He was with us on almost all occassions and we already considered him as part of the family.
Then he no longer called and visited the house for quite some time and we asked my sister who only shrugged and said, "We cooled off". We were also shocked and really asked her why but she said they just wanted to give each other some time.
So after about a year, she got a new bf and got married with the new guy before even completing 2 years of their relationship. Now, they are happily married with one kid.
His ex visited us some time but my mom asked my sister to avoid being close to him again since it might raise a concern with her husband but my sister tells us she is still friends with her ex and she swears there is nothing more.
Maybe we can't really tell when people will change and why. Let's just be ready for them in case they ask for our advice. :)
