friends can be lovers, but lovers cannot be friends.. how true?

@sani30 (35)
Philippines
April 14, 2010 12:38pm CST
Love is possible after friendship but friendship is not possible after love, its like medicines works before death and not possible after death. well, i have been in like 5 or 6 relationship,if my memory serves me right, and most of my ex was my friend before we had a relationship. after i (or i must say, they) ended each of my relationship, me and my previous partner was never been friends. i dont know whats the problem, well, how about you mylotters out there, how true that lovers cannot be friends?
22 responses
@Christoph56 (1508)
• Canada
15 Apr 10
I personally really have to disagree with this one. From the majority of relationships I've had, there's the time of turmoil after the relationship is done, but once we're both past that, they make really good friends. I'm really against canceling the friendship through the relationship, because the person that you're with shouldn't just be your boyfriend/girlfriend, but should also be a friend, that you can relate with, and be honest with, and like just hanging out with. When you can share that with a person, why give them up as a friend after the relationship is over? Of course, a breakup has lots of bad parts to it, but there's an old saying that says, it takes half the length of a relationship, to recover from a relationship. Girls that I was with for 3 months, 9 months, and 2 that I was with for 3 years, are still good friends of mine, and I think they're all really cool. They're not impeeding on the relationship I have now, so why on earth would I give them up as friends? To anyone who is reading this, really think about it. How great were the people that you had relationships with? Why limit yourselves to never ever seeing these cool people? Why can't you just get past the bad parts of your breakup, and form a good friendship with these great people? It takes away from the bad memories of your past, and helps you towards the future.
1 person likes this
@sani30 (35)
• Philippines
17 Apr 10
wow! this is really a great response ive read. well, i think you are right time may heal any wounds. after such time, past lovers can be a good friends. thanks a lot.
@mayshella (293)
• Philippines
15 Apr 10
In some people this may not work. But in my case, yes it work. My ex-boyfriend is still my friend and I am still a friend to him. My ex-boyfriend is a friend before and after our relationship as lover we retain the friendship that we had. We both talk about it before the break up, that if at anytime the relationship as lovers won't work, the friendship will remain. During the break up it is indeed hard. You see each other mostly every week because of church duties. The pain is there but we both overcome it as time passes by. Our friendship remains, we can still talk as like before. By the way, it depends on the situation and reasons of breaking up. For us, we were able to hold on our friendship because we value it and the cause of break up is not a third party. It is just that, our relationship as lovers won't work because of the people around us. We never fought for our love but what we fought is for our friendship to remain.
@sani30 (35)
• Philippines
17 Apr 10
wow, this is a great story, being good friends after your relationship. its really amazing. i think its really depend on how you ended your relationship. may i just ask, if for instance you ended becaus of a third party, would you sill be friends?
• Philippines
22 Apr 10
My answer is yes. During our relationship, we have talked about some possibilities of getting involved with another party. I know or we know it is hard and painful at first but we have discuss everything that if the situation arises, we can set some space to heal the wounds but not to dump the friendship that we had before. Maybe, for us, the friendship is much stronger than love. What do you think?
@doryvien (2293)
• United States
15 Apr 10
I believe this. It is easy to fall in love with your friend because you already know him personally and if you like what he is then you can bring the relationship to the next level. But when you fall out of love and out of the relationship, it will be very difficult to treat that person as a friend because you've been hurt by this person and seeing him will always remind you of the bad memories instead of the good.
@ouch88 (32)
15 Apr 10
Yah.. Your right doryvien, that's really true. I had never spoken to my old friend since the day that she told me not to see her anymore. And that hurt me a lot! huhu:[ .I really miss the days that we were still friends. And if I can turn back time.. I would be satisfied just being friends..
@sani30 (35)
• Philippines
17 Apr 10
i agree. and that bad memories will be the reason for you not to be good friends.
• Malaysia
15 Apr 10
I would agree with you on this one Sani. It is hard for lovers to be friends after the breakup. Things will be so awkward thereafter as most of the things you will be doing when you meet up after the breakup will lead to you reminiscing on the days that you had together. There is a whimsical episode of this in the show "How I met your mother" where Robin and Ted(now ex lovers) were doing the things they used to when they went out together whilst with their friends.
@sani30 (35)
• Philippines
17 Apr 10
thanks. i really knew that most of us here will agree. most of us experienced the same thing i had.
• Philippines
15 Apr 10
thats true because breaking up any relationship is just like a broken glass wherein you can never put it back together, there would always be a gap between them no matter how you fill it in.
@sani30 (35)
• Philippines
17 Apr 10
yeah. even if you can fix that broken glass the damaged has been done, i mean it will be never be the same again.
@karlle (221)
15 Apr 10
hi sani, I definitely agree with you. My ex is one my friend and we became lovers, Since we have the same circle of friends we tried our very best to bring back the friendship, but it is not possible, we are not comfortable with each other anymore, the only thing we can do is to be civil specially if we are having fun with our friends.
@sani30 (35)
• Philippines
17 Apr 10
exactly the same thing happens with me before. it feels awkward to act that you and her are ok together.
@palonghorn (5486)
• United States
15 Apr 10
For the most part it is that way. Out of 3 divorces and one live-in relationship, being together anywhere from 4 yrs to 16 yrs, I am only friends with one. My last ex husband and his girlfriend are all friends. But, it didn't happen over night, we've been divorced 5 years, and only in the past year did we become friends again. My last relationship to end, the live-in, we won't ever be just friends again, for too many reasons to list. And now we live 1600 miles apart, so it's not like I'm going to run into him anywhere lol. We did talk on the phone a bit after I moved, but then that ended, and not well. I think when there is a breakup there are too many emotions involved, if you've been together any length of time, and being just friends doesn't happen.
@sani30 (35)
• Philippines
17 Apr 10
this is a perfect example to justify the quote. keep loving.
• China
15 Apr 10
I once heard that if two people have friengdship after love,they may not love each other deeply.I agree with it.No matter what the reason for the lovers to say-googbye,the ex would have a sepcial place in their heart,so how can we face our ex in a calm attitude.
@sani30 (35)
• Philippines
17 Apr 10
if two people have friendship after love, they may not love each other deeply, its right, i also agree with it. its either you still want her to be urs again or not at all.
• Philippines
15 Apr 10
i think friendship is the one thing you need to or willing to give up when you enter into a relationship with someone. after the pain and heartaches of breaking up, who could still be friend with someone who caused those to them? friendship needs trust in order to build, you could never give that someone who ones fail you emotionally and broke your heart.
@sani30 (35)
• Philippines
17 Apr 10
youre exactly right. you already gave up the friendship you had when you started another relationship for being more than friends, so its hard for the both of you to have youre friendship to regain.
@ouch88 (32)
15 Apr 10
I guess that depends on a person.. for me everything is possible if both person do like each other but on the sense that your are both friends.. It makes it hard to tell about what you really feel because it might be the cause of losing that friend of yours.
@sani30 (35)
• Philippines
17 Apr 10
maybe, it depends on the persons point of view. well, it will be good if both of you will have the same perception.
@Gany15k (1674)
• India
15 Apr 10
My opinion is lovers cannot be friends..but friends can be lovers...Though i have not experienced but I can tell tat lovers cannot be friends...what is needed after the relationship is broken..it is just for sake and mostly it will not be true..if a boy wants to maintain even after the girl avoid him means it is possible because there will be a small hope in the boys heart whether she can come back..? But lovers cannot be friends forever..
@sani30 (35)
• Philippines
17 Apr 10
tnx, that really counts. well, its seems that you have a lot of idea about love. lovers cannot be friends because there is something that was ruined in the first place.
• Philippines
14 Apr 10
hi sani! i guess you're right, it's kinda impossible to be close or even civil with your ex. i feel really awkward even to greet them when i see them in somewhere like the church or wherever.
@sani30 (35)
• Philippines
17 Apr 10
yeah. thats really true, i really dont know how to act when we met somewhere.
@mensab (4208)
• Philippines
14 Apr 10
i think it is common that friends can likely be lovers, but it is rare to have lovers turning into friends after their relationships. in that rarity, i am fortunate to have my former girlfriend become my friend after our relationship collapsed. until now, we still communicate. so it is true and it can happen.
@sani30 (35)
• Philippines
17 Apr 10
thanks for the response. good thing that you and your ex are still friends. well, you are really fortunate. =)
@EvrWonder (3577)
• Canada
15 Apr 10
It is uncommon but I think the more mature two people are that have been lovers may remain friends after the relationship has dissolved. I have seen this myself as well as with couple with children, mostly for the kid's sake. It is a wonderful experience to be able to be friends with someone that you have had a love relationship with in the past. I think the key is simply agreeing to disagree. It is true however that once two friends become lover's they can never retract back to being just friends. Meaning that the relationship, the dynamics of being just friends and no more can never be resurrected. Not to say that you can not still have relations but just not be lovers.
@mokkka (883)
• Bulgaria
15 Apr 10
I personally can't stay friend with my previous ones because I easy start thinking back of the past and soon or later we do it again..I can no longer do it like that.
@rumshie (186)
• Philippines
15 Apr 10
for me it isn't true since i've already experienced it. :) when i'm still in high school, i met my 1st boyfriend, we were friends that time and after few months, we've been in a relationship. our relationship lasted for 2 years and 2 months. after the break up, we remained as friends, i mean, remained as BEST FRIENDS (since we are in the same group of friends). we broke up last january 2009 and until now, we still see each other (for our other bestfriends' birthdays, christmas party, bondings, summer party and etc).
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
15 Apr 10
Relationships change when we cross the friendship line. Friendships turn into romantic relationships before we know what has happen. Reversing the cycle back from a lover to a friend may not always be the best course. Depending on how a romantic relationship ends, do we continue on into friendship or part our ways. Often we do not choose wisely and the bonds of relationships are severed. What tangled webs we have learned to weave for ourselves.
@p_vadla (1687)
• India
15 Apr 10
Love is powerful than friendship..so the trend goes
@pwang41 (134)
• Philippines
15 Apr 10
it really depends on both party. i guess one factor is how lovers broke up. friends being lovers may have a higher rate than lovers being friends. think of this, when friends became lovers and then broke up later on, will they still be friends?
• India
15 Apr 10
It is quiet true dat lovers cannot be friends as when in love we share a different lifestyle and during friendship we are totaly different.In love we share and care the same thing BUT WHEN FRIENDS WE HAVE A state of mind dat the person is just a friend and so many at times we refrain from talking about many things closest to our heart,similarly when in love we have our partner as our closest part so if one wants to share something then that one can do that without even thinking....So love is love and friendship is friendship....There serves a Very thin line between friendship and love.