To Tell or Not to Tell a Friend That Her Boyfriend is Cheating on Her

Philippines
April 16, 2010 11:07am CST
Months before the date of my friend's wedding date, I saw her fiance with another girl, who looks exactly like her , but slimmer, sexier and shorter. I am with my husband, he saw the girl too with my friend's fiance. I even went up close to them, bu they moved away. I am sure that it was him. I did not tell my friend, because when I asked another friend and told it, she advised me not to tell. Would you do the same?
2 people like this
37 responses
@RachelleNH (1408)
• United States
17 Apr 10
My ex-husband was cheating on me and our good mutual friend (who happened to be a guy) told me. I didn't believe him because I thought he was trying to get with me. then he left me a week later for her and I found out that the other woman was pregnant. I was devastated. I think I would tell her...a true friend should..but it's still a hard position to be in. And-she may not believe you..sometimes people think that you're only after their guy-even when it's not the case, but in the end you've done what's right and honest and she'll remember that you cared :)
• Philippines
19 Apr 10
But right now, telling her will not be a good idea because they are already married.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Apr 10
Wow I missed that part somehow..yeah I would let it go then.
• South Korea
16 Apr 10
no offence but you should let her know bout that.. i feel sorry for your friend but the earlier she know the better.. think about if you were im her position would you not like your friends to tell you what they see?
• Philippines
16 Apr 10
I know, I know, I would be hurt to not know about it before the marriage. If that happened to me. But I might also look like a fool telling that to her. She would not believe me.
@mokkka (883)
• Bulgaria
17 Apr 10
If you want to be a faithful friend you should tell her because it is pointless to hide her boyfrind.If he had decided to go out with somebody else this means you friend shouldn't try to be with him any more.She will soon or later find out and you know the sooner the better noe she will feel awful but it won't be better if she keeps believing in him.
• India
16 Apr 10
Hi agnes, No.Don't tell her anything about that if you are not ready to spoil a relationship because person in love becomes blind once he is in a relationship.He's not going to listen to you until he realizes the ill effects of becoming blind.But definitely you can sprout some hints indirectly so that she doesn't mind and at the same time be careful about her life next. Thanks dear, Happy MyLotting!!
• Philippines
16 Apr 10
I agree with you, she might not believe me and I do not want to be the cause of their break-up..
@chillpill90 (1937)
16 Apr 10
If it had been me i would have got my mobile out called the friend just to check that i girl i saw was not actually my friend. Then if it proved it wasnt i would tel her because she needs to know before they get married as if he can cheat then he will probably do it again when their married.
• Philippines
16 Apr 10
I think I want to believe you, when you said that he will do it again. But my husband was against me telling it to my friend. right now, when I see her I am still tempted but I guess it is too late. I might came out without a proof.
• Portugal
13 Jul 10
i would had tell my friend and you should had tell too. bcs your friend will marry with that guy soon and he is cheating on her you and your bf saw it :( please dont let your friend marry a guy like this you must tell her what you saw. imagine it was you in her place. she saw your fiancee with other girl and didnt tell you how would you feel? even if your friend be hurt is better that she knows what is happening. imagine that that guy marries your friend and still continue dating that girl? how will you feel everytime you see your friend? also how will be her life? a lot of lies? please dont let your friend marry this guy and tell her what you saw :(
@anne25penn (3310)
• Philippines
4 Jul 10
One thing I have learned when dealing with people like these is that they will deny everything and make you look like a fool for telling their respective partners of the affair. I would tell my friend so that she will know what kind of person she is marrying because it will be harder and much more painful if she learns about the affair after she has been married to the guy.
• India
2 Jul 10
Ofcourse you should tell her about this but with proof.
@fifileigh (3619)
• United States
22 Apr 10
i would tell. she should know because she is living a lie. it is up to her if she believes u or not, or if she wants to break up with him or not.
@shibily88 (205)
• India
21 Apr 10
To Tell
• United States
19 Apr 10
I think the first question you have to ask yourself is would you want her to tell you if she saw your husband with another girl? If you asked me that question I would say an overwhelming "yes!". I would definitely want to know because if it happened once, it is going to happen again and again! She deserves to know.
@Thoroughrob (11750)
• United States
19 Apr 10
I would tell her. I would want her to tell me if the shoe was on the other foot. I might even just casually say something in a conversation, that way you aren't accusing. Maybe it was just someone he works with or something.
@nangisha (3504)
• Indonesia
18 Apr 10
If I were you I will tell my friend. I will tell her what happen and describe that woman to her, in case that girls is a relative. If that girls is not a relative you had to give your friend to find out who she is from his fiance or others. Its will be really bad if your friend marriage to someone who tend to be cheating. Tell her and let her decide what to do.
@qamarep (4448)
• Pakistan
17 Apr 10
if you think that you rally care about her.. then you shoudl talk to him instead of her.. and warn him
• United States
17 Apr 10
You're pretty sure you saw your friend's fiancee with another girl, but you don't know if the girl might be visiting, be a relative, be just a friend needing his advice, or why he was with her? Stay out of it. Your friend is right. If it turns out they were innocently together, you could damage his and your friend's relationship before they ever get married.
• Canada
17 Apr 10
As hard as it would be I would tell my friend because your friendship should mean more to you than that. If she is a true friend it would not change anything between you and her. and if it did she wwould get over it in her own ti.e and then you would be friends again. also if I could 0i would have tried to get a picyure for proof. Ultimately it is your decision and you will do the right thing.
@tessah (6621)
• United States
17 Apr 10
i saw a friends boyfriend in a bar with another girl once. i went right over to him and asked him where she was. after swallowing his tongue for a moment he just said "home" i did tell her.. and she got angry at me. we didnt speak for years and she wound up marrying the guy. theyve since gotten divorced. would i do the same? yes.. because a TRUE friend doesnt keep secrets and even if that means sacrificing the friendship to be honest and give yer friend a headsup.. its what yer SPOSED to do
@sid556 (31003)
• United States
17 Apr 10
Hi Agnesmontalbo, Well, if she were a very good friend and if I knew for sure that he was in fact cheating then I would say something probably. I would have to be sure. If I just saw him out and talking with a girl then I would have to wonder if I was 100% right. Is it possible that this was just a friend? Are you 100% sure it was him? Is it possible that it was someone who looked a lot like him?
@momiecat (997)
• United States
17 Apr 10
It seems like half the responses you have recieved here say tell your friend and half say don't. What about the people who have been in the same situation like I have? Well, I wish I would have known, then if I still decided to be with the jerk and go forward with the wedding, I would have no one else to blame but myself. Love is blind. I did end up marrying the guy but boy was I sorry later. These days you cannot afford to be sleeping with someone you think may be cheating because what if he brings home a communicable disease? Then what? You are stuck with herpes for the rest of your life? If I were you, what I would do is have a discussion with your friend about the subject matter. Do not actually come out and say her fiancee is cheating but see how she feels about the subject and see if she will relate to you any doubts that she has in her mind. If she has doubts, you can encourage her to take some more time before marrying this guy. If not, you just had a discussion about the subject and have not ruined anything by revealing what you saw. And... if you only saw the guy with a girl one time, that would be another thing. I think you would have to see him more than once to be certain he is cheating. If he truly is a cheater, he will cheat again and again. If your friend marries him under these circumstances, she will be sorry later. If you do tell her, tell her in the gentlest way possible. It may be a real shock to her. Good luck to you and to your friend. Life is too short to waste on the wrong guy.
17 Apr 10
If you cannot be 100% certain that it was him, then I would bite your tongue and say nothing. If you speak without proof you could cause a lot of upset for your friend and in the end you could lose your friendship. It is often better to check the facts first before speaking
@ramp123 (191)
• India
17 Apr 10
You mentioned that the other girl looked a lot like your friend. Could it possibly have been your friend's sister, and therefore perfectly legitimate for her fiance to have been with her? Why assume the worst at first sight?