Why do people put others down?

United States
April 28, 2010 1:26pm CST
Why is it that people like to put people down? I know people that try to hurt people just to affect them and I think it is wrong. Personally I get attacked everyday and he says he is trying to make me stronger even though I don't buy it. I know there is a saying whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger but when someone is constantly putting you down I don't see how that helps..
3 people like this
20 responses
• United States
28 Apr 10
You are oh so correct. If you let a person put you down so much then you start to believe it yourself. My son was taking a class in middle school something to do with careers and he came home one day and told me that the teacher kept calling them losers and bums. I went to the school and had a talk with the principle and told him that my son needed help in boosting his self confidence not a punch in the stomach from someone he is supposed to look up to. I guess the teacher got in trouble because he never talked to the children like that again. I think people only put you down to boost their own ego. And anyone who listens to it is just as bad as the person doing the put down. Don't take that abuse and it is abuse maybe no physically but mentally. You don't deserve it get new friends one that will appreciate you for your good qualities.
2 people like this
@Qaeyious (2362)
• United States
28 Apr 10
Who is "he?" Someone is doing this to you constantly? Are there any moments of praise, or acknowledgment of what was "correct" in his eyes? This sounds more like an abusive situation. I don't know why people abuse others. If this person is an adult it shows that he needs to do some growing up. If it is a parent doing this to you and you are dependent on them, please consider getting help, from friends, other family, counselors. Are you in school? There are usually guidance counselors available.
2 people like this
@bagputza (504)
• Belgium
28 Apr 10
Good evening dear Flirtykumquat , i cann say that i trully understand your situation , let me tell you a little story , when i was in middleschool , my school was in the middle of a poor neighborhood , and most of my classmates were acting like the "friend" of yours acting with you , all the time picking on me and my way of been , since i dont like to pick on other people and i like to believe that violence and been mean with someone is not the answer , they always made my life a living hell and i used to hate going to school only because of my classmates and schoolmates , i even started to cut clases because of them since i had almost no motivation to go there and preferred hide and wait that my mom goes to work and then go back home.Anihow a few years later my elder sister started dating a guy that was in the same type that my classmates were , and at first i hated he's guts ...but as i got to know him i started to be less scarred of him and stick up when i had fights with him , what i learned was that these are jealous and frustrated people , hence they are loosers in real life and he din't have a job , i cann tell you that a big part of my classmates have no job at the actuall moment and they dont care about it , a few of them have even gone to jail more then once , so at start i believed that it might be something wrong with me and i might be a coward for not been like them , but after a few years i understood that i was right !!! Dont worry , all you need to do is to evoid these types of people Have a nice day dear Flirtykumquat.
@edu4625 (188)
• United States
28 Apr 10
I believe that people treat other people based on how they feel about themselves. If someone has a healthy self-image they do not attack others or not as much. This is because they will realize that you cannot control other people. It is a futile task. They only person anyone can truly control is oneself. People attack other people when they want to control or change a person. Again I believe this is because they feel out-on-control inside and find it easier to project their feelings on another individual. I saw on the Oprah show where she said you can't change behavior by shaming people and I believe that is true. I can't say I am always able to practice what I believe with everyone but I do know and am aware that if I want to change something within myself that I don't want people yelling, screaming or attacking me to "help" me. This is actually bullying behavior. So the same way I want to be treated is the way I should remember that others want to be responded to.
28 Apr 10
yes that realy get me down seeing other putting people down its not fare for people to put other down all the time
28 Apr 10
yes just let people like that go over your head dont rise to the baite
@bounce58 (17547)
• Canada
4 May 10
I've known people like that in my professional life. I've had colleagues who have made it their mission in the company to put people down. I'm guessing they come up great if everybody else around them are put down. The funny thing is, most of the time they succeed! They get promoted and move up the company ladder. Whoever that is in your life that constantly puts you down, should realize soon that this attitude doesn't help. If he doesn't, then he should be prepared to loose you. Goodluck!
@grace24 (1050)
• Philippines
2 May 10
Well people are different from each other. Each of us have different attitudes. There are some people who are self centered. These group of people are ambitious. They are often jealous to other people who becomes successful in life. Other people put others down because they treat that as a competition.
• Philippines
29 Apr 10
most people put others down because it makes them feel good about themselves. sad but true.
@libramie (563)
• Philippines
29 Apr 10
No two persons are alike. So we differ in everything. Different in races, different in all ways. Its depend on how you adopt it negatively nor positively. For me, I don't care those kind of people. As long as I do good humbly I don't mind others especially they're not mine. I manage and administered people in a natural way so that I don't get hurt anybody. No regrets at all and always have peace of mind and live happily.
@krischine (270)
• Philippines
29 Apr 10
Those people who always hurt someone verbally are people who are INSECURE. They always noticed your negative side because they have nothing to do, they are just envy on what you are right now. But some people tell us some hurting words to make us more stronger and to develop our self confident, maybe it hurt us to know the reality but we must accept it and it is their opinion, we might not know it's for our own good. Just listen, then if he/she is wrong then tell him frankly on what's on your mind.
29 Apr 10
People tend to put others down because of insecurity. There are individuals who are not contented of what they have. There is a term for that which is the crab mentality. When a person see you that you are on your way to achieve your goals, instead of giving you appreciation, they are trying to pull down or put you down, giving lies behind your back. It is common to the community to gain other's attention and we cannot control it. I believe it is better to ignore it when you cannot please someone as long as you have done your part to achieve what you want....
@eidoj31 (23)
• United States
29 Apr 10
When someone is putting you down it is because they are insecure about themselves.They see something in themselves that they do not like. They can justify it any way that they want to, but it is them that has the problem. Stand up to the person who is putting you down. You are worth a lot. Let the person who is putting you down that you will not stand for it any longer. Find your inner strength and stand tall.
• United States
29 Apr 10
Believe me i know how you feel first hand. I was dealing with that in a relationship i am currently in and after awhile i got fed up... I made it clear that if it continued that I would leave and after a period of time and a few heated arguments we are beginning to find stable ground. I think people who do that have an insecurity within themsy to project that off onto someone else by insluting and demeaning them. It doesn't really have to be anything you did. so i learned not to take it to heart and I suggest that you do the same.
• United States
29 Apr 10
I don't get why they put others down either. I think really its just because they have no self confiedence in them. I guess you can say if a person is fat, I've seen sometimes, they'll try and pick on fatter people and say "oh hey. look at that fat person across the parking lot, shes so heavy." So my best guess is that people lack self confidence or they're just jealous.
@ebuscat (5951)
• Philippines
29 Apr 10
For me it is whole your world in life would not strong when you meet a person who is putting you down but happy that Jehovah God would see what they doing in you time in the Armageddon they would killed by Jehovah.
• Philippines
29 Apr 10
Because they see that you value their words/opinion over your own.I went through hell in high school, but I never let those people have the satisfaction of seeing me cry or act upset. And as I grew older, I try to work on my weaknesses, psyching myself out everyday, socializing more, surrounding myself with these kinds of people, or even worse until it doesn't bother me anymore. In fact whenever I see them, I try to annoy them. I show them how happy and confident I've become, and you should've seen their faces! EPIC! lol It's like the tables have turned now. And the people who used to believe in them, don't anymore. They were being treated the same way they were treating me before, and HOW GOOD THAT FEELS! The first step is often the most difficult part, but once you see the results of your hardwork, the rest just falls into place. I know it's really toxic, but try to ride it out. Smile more! Attract more friends! Don't give up. Sooner or later people will realize how wonderful you are. YOU ARE WONDERFUL AND YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS!
• United Kingdom
29 Apr 10
No, I don't think this makes you stronger as a person! This behaviour on their part is disgusting someone should put them in their place. When you put someone down constantly this really does affect the mindset of the victim and they lose confidence and over time they will feel worthless. People who put others down well, they should receive some of their own medicine in return to experience what it feels like to be on the receiving end. We are no living in an age where we are all more educated and enlightened about certain things. I'm into these self-help books and they all share the same ideal in that positive thinking is good and self-belief is important. This doesn't come when you are being put down all the time. What I would say about those people that put others down is they are obviously lacking in their own lives and they are seeking to destroy the lives of others. I have no time for these people, they are a nasty piece of work! Andrew
• Philippines
29 Apr 10
If he's such a jerk then give him a fat lip then give him the finger afterwards. That should do the trick.
@jap468 (106)
• United States
29 Apr 10
Well i would like to say this is life i mean kids love to see the pain other kids recieve. This used to happen to me all the time. As in everyday when i went to school it was terrible and sometimes i found it unbearable. It is hard to be difference since i am. Well you may find this hard at first but try to make fun of yourself. Likeif there is something different about you like you have red hair you are from another country anything try to laugh with them when they make that joke. I know that when you do this it will not make you feel better rite away it takes time but it does work. Then in front of your new found friends continue to make fun of yourself. I did this and know I know pretty much everyone in my high school when in elementary i only had a handful of friends
• Canada
28 Apr 10
They put other people down to make themselves feel bigger, stronger, better than YOU. If YOU are inferior, then they feel SUPERIOR. I would suspect that this person wasn't raised right. Not to make excuses, just to understand where they got this STUPID, CRUEL idea from. Someone has done it to them, therefore they think it is NORMAL and acceptable, even though it is not. I've fought my husband on this very point for many, many years, as his father did the same thing to him. It has taken me a very long time to change this idiotic habit just a little bit. It is an uphill battle, trust me. But I guess it depends on if he can be influenced enough, if he loves you enough (if he is your spouse?) if he cares enough, and/or IF he even wants to change.