how to deal with a liar?
By smileonstar
@smileonstar (4007)
United States
May 12, 2010 2:14pm CST
HI,
I just want to ask you something about a liar. well, my husband and I are married over 7 years. for over a year now, he is out of job and I take care of everything... such as his personal expensive, household expensive and family fun expensive. Last month, he help my father's friend to buy a car and he made profits out of it. pretty good deal and then I found out that he hid another $1200 from me. I confronted him and he said he sorry and he wanted to save it to buy a camera for his new career. well, I forgave him... and today I found out that he was lying me on the same problem again. last week he told me, he needs to pay for his cell phone... so I gave him my ATM card. however, when I tried to pay the bills today and I saw he already charge the cell phone to his credit card and took another $52 from my account. I haven't talk to him yet cuz he is in class now.
I felt so bad all morning and I want to know how to deal. should I forget it and move on or should I say something to him. well, this is not his second time... it happened so many time in the pass but I never say anything cuz seem like he worked so hard for that and I ignored it but now... I feel like he is something that I can't trust. Please tell me what should I do.
3 people like this
15 responses
@scarlet_woman (23465)
• United States
24 May 10
holy s**t.
my ex used to pull that crap.and to make it worse,he'd lie to his folks and get money from them too.
i'd start by locking down my own money,and keeping reciepts for stuff i'd paid for if you ever do get divorced.and change your PIN number.
i hate to say it,but it usually doesn't get better when they're doing that.
i'd start by locking down my own money,and keeping reciepts for stuff i'd paid for if you ever do get divorced.and change your PIN number.
i hate to say it,but it usually doesn't get better when they're doing that.
@airakumar (1553)
• India
21 May 10
Hi smileonstar,
I am really very sorry to hear this.
But he is your husband and it is really very difficult to deal with, yet not impossible. He is a compulsive liars and this kind of people are just not worth the trouble it takes to deal with them. And in some cases, it can take years before people realize who they are really married to. Your husband only feels safe and secure when he is lying to you. Or think of it this way: all of those feelings you have when your husband lies to you are similar to the feelings he has when he's telling you the truth.
Tell him that you have proof of his lying and that you’re concerned for his welfare if he doesn’t change. If you know this approach probably won’t work, then maybe you’ll need to plan a confrontation where other friends and family members confront him in a surprise meeting, urging him to get professional help. Explain how it’s possible he may have a mental illness and need therapy. Be sure to convey that you really care about his welfare.
I hope this will help you.
@kellyjeanne (1576)
• United States
13 May 10
I'm so sorry that your husband is doing this to you. He is taking advantage of you and that is not right. Since you asked for advice I will give it to you, my dear. You are both married to each other and should act as one unit and support each other in hard times as well as in good. He's not doing that. He should be ashamed of himself for treating you that way. As his wife you should definitely lay the law down for him. It boggles my mind why women allow themselves to be treated in such a manner by their husbands or boyfriends. Just because you are his wife doesn't mean that you are his doormat. Tell him you deserve better and that you are not his dog. If things don't shape up pretty soon concerning his behavior and lying maybe you should consider leaving him. He needs to know that you are serious and mean business. Shake him up. Wake him up. You deserve better. Please know that I'm saying all of this out of care and concern.
Have a great day, hon!
Purrs,
Catwoman=^..^= & Mija
@rizzu87 (860)
• Malaysia
13 May 10
I think you should not talk to him about this coz this might create problems between you two. May be sometime later you should tell him that you found out about his lie and you just dont want him to lie. talk to him politely about this. Afterall he is you husband and he is facing problem because of being unemployed. Hope this problem of both of you will be solved soon.
@dragonangel (551)
•
13 May 10
Dealing with a liar,let me think.Maybe i would just listen to whatever this person would say but try to let it go pass my other ear.Whatever he might say is just a plain lie so why should I give a damn to these.There is no reason to absorb what he say because if i would then it would just make me disappointed later.
@parulbidani (138)
• India
13 May 10
i think this is very bad situation but he is your husband and you both should think about your life..u r a great lady that u r balancing your life in a vary good way...but your husband should also think about this...i think u should discuss about all things with your husband but in a proper way,so that he should not feel embarising and u can search a good job for him so that he will remain busy and happy
@youless (112123)
• Guangzhou, China
13 May 10
I know it is not good for your husband to tell you lies. But I think it can be understanding anyway. You know he is unemployed, and therefore your husband doesn't have any incomes. You know life charges money all the time. He needs his daily usage. And sometimes he may even have to go out to have gathering with his friends. All of these need money. And sometimes men are proud. He will not ask his wife for money because it seems to be a shame. So sometimes he may have to create some reasons for money. I know a friend who is unemployed, and every month his wife will give him some money. If you want to change this situation, perhaps it is better for him to find a job as soon as possible.
I love China
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
13 May 10
The lying so and so! I would sit him down and demand an explanation for every single time he has taken money from you and lied about it and I would explain to him that trust can matter more than love and without it there is no relationship. You cannot put up with that kind of behaviour from him; you are doing enough for him already!
@1anurag1 (3576)
• India
12 May 10
There is no direct way to deal with these kind of persons. Even if you have found the way , with how many you will deal , they are in a big numbers .
But still this is said that wise people don’t speak a lot. So be wise and don’t react every time in front of liars.
@Ladyslipper (1327)
• Philippines
13 May 10
This is a very hard and sensitive issue. If I'll be in your situation I'd talk to him. I'd ask him why he needs to hide those things from me. If he is my husband and we ended up getting married then it means there is this bond between us that made me decide to marry him.
I would tell him that I'd prefer if he would be more honest to me. Having doubts and not trusting your mate is not a good and healthy one. I can't blame you for feeling that way. However, that feeling should stop and you will just have a peace of mind once you get to know why he is hiding things from you or not being honest with you.
I'll not be able to live with that kind of person specially if he is my husband. I'm very confrontational. Everyday what he did to me would bother me and I hate that feeling. That's why I would talk to him and if he still ends up doing the same thing over and over then I guess it's the end between the two of us.
@p3ks626 (6538)
• Philippines
13 May 10
Oh my gosh! I think you are not is a very good situation. The best thing for you to do is talk to him about it. I think your relationship now is greatly affected cause you dont seem to trust him anymore. You can always talk to him about the things that are going around. Dont confront him of the things that he did though, just tell him how you feel when he does something like that.
@cowboyofhell (3063)
• Philippines
12 May 10
Love him and he'll become a convert who proclaims the truth. How to love him is women's dreaded question. They do not know the right manner. Just love him and he'll change.
@coolsharvan (144)
• India
13 May 10
Express u'r feelings to him
Ask him whether he is doing the right thing
If he does like this,tomorrow his children also will do like this
Through love n affection make him understand his mistake
B'cos if left off just like that,there s every possibility that he s gng to continue this malpractice
@zedrick_11 (931)
• Philippines
13 May 10
a long talk would do..
ask him what's the problem why is he lying and keeping secrets on you..
if a talk wont do try consulting a psychologist or a marriage counselor surely they know how to solve that problem.,.
@savypat (20216)
• United States
12 May 10
Make a list, so that you will have the facts on hand, then sit him down for a serious talk. Tell him you know he is lying and you are very concerned as to why after 7 years he cannot be up front with you. Has he always lied? Is he ashamed, does he feel that because he lost his job you have lost respect for him. Try to get to the bottom of the problem. But give this all some thought so that you will be prepared with your response. Of course what he says will matter and whether you believe him will matter, but know in your heart just what you want to do. But there is no way to continue a relationship without honesty. Blessings
