Death of a Spouse, Loss of a Parent

Ah, I'm with you. My husband passed last March 5. I am fortunate that I don't have any children at home. I know your pain. His birthday was 8 days after his passing. Our anniversary was 3 weeks after his passing. I did't want to see Easter or Mother's day. Father's day will be a nightmare. Today I went to his grave to put flowers on it in preparation for Memorial Day, I cried instead and I didn't have the strength, my daughter and grandchildren planted the flowers. In the past, my husband, as a veteran, was the Chaplain for the Memorial Day ceremonies, his son will step into that place. It will be hard for his son and just as hard for me. The lonliness is unbearable. I see his truck in the driveway and think "Oh, good, Tom is home." then it hits me that he isn't here. Now, I have his chores as well as my own, I fall into bed exausted but I can't sleep. What I would give to have just one more hug from him. What I would give if he could tell me that I couldn't have prevented his passing, I tried, and the guilt is nearly as bad as not having him here. I cry daily. They tell me that it will get easier. I function all right, as long as I don't think, I keep busy to stop thinking. The only time my mind isn't kept busy is when I'm driving so I'm usually crying as I drive. Sometimes, on the road, I see a truck that looks like his, I have a moment of excitement then I realize that it can't be him. The only way I can continue is I must be here for my youngest daughter and her children. They need me. If it were not for them, I'd be with my husband. I don't like being here, without my husband. I don't know how others widows carry on but my cousin recently told me that I am "one tough f*****g b***h", when I have a tough job that phrase is my mantra. I'll get through this, so will you. Lean on anyone you have to and, in time, the pain will lesson. We will never stop loving our man and we will always miss him. That is one thing you can be sure of. God Bless you, you have my prayers.

All I can say is from my experience I have learned that you need to just take it one day at a time. I didn't lose a spouse, but I did lose my sister, and we were practically inseparable from the day I was born. Some days are easier than others, but it is never really easy. Sometimes all I want to do is stay in bed all day and cry my heart out, but I can't because I have a little one to take care of. Other times I will be happy and laughing, and something will remind me of her and I will just burst out crying. It has been a year now, and finally I am able to laugh sometimes when I think of something silly that we used to do together or I can hear her laughing at me and hear what she would say to me when I am acting goofy. The pain is still there, but now I am at least able to remember and feel the good times, too, and I am sure that in your own time you will also get to this point. There is no time-frame that you can put on it, though, and it is not something that you can rush ... it will just happen gradually and in its own time.

Sorry to hear that. What illness did he suffer and how old was he when he passed away?Do you now work?I hope you can get over your sorrow and start a new life again! I remember two years ago, my friend lost her hubby after suffering from brain cancer, leaving two under five years old daughters. Luckily, my friend works as government employee at The Ministry of National Education,Jakarta, Indonesia. I am still single, but I really can imagine the situation. May GOD give you strength and patience and bless you all always.

Your post has brought tears to my eyes, I am SO sorry for you and your daughter. I just don't know how to answer you as I have never had to experience anything so tragic; when I lost my parents I was an adult and that was bad enough. I know that it is a terrible well worn cliche, but 'time is a healer, you are still very much in a time of grieving - everything you do is the first time without your husband. I know at the moment you must feel like you will never come to terms with it, but eventually you will, you'll never forget him, and you don't want to, but you will be able to look back with fond memories. My thoughts and prayers are genuinely with the two of you. God bless

Its really disappointing especially if you have been that attached to the person and to think he is your husband, the person you chose to be with in your life suddenly passed away. Though many people would say that time heals all wounds but for me, not all.. It takes time to accept things and i believe that GOD has reasons of his own why he needs to take your husband away. Whatever it is, we may not know but you will be able to find out in the right time and right situation. Just look at a positive side of it and believe that it will give you a reason to continue fighting and that he will still be around in your life and your daughter guiding you always.

I'm sorry that this has happened. All I can say is pray to God and ask Him to help you through this.