who suffers most in a broken family...

Philippines
June 23, 2010 8:34am CST
I have read a lot of topics and discussion here about broken marriages. Husband and wife have to live a separate life for they can't patch up the problems that they got. Now this made me think and i asked myself who suffers the most after the family is broken. In my own opinion the kids will suffer the most especially if they are still young to understand why their parents has to live separately. They will also be in the middle of a tug of war between parents especially if both parents are at war at each other. What do you think guys, please share you opinions about this topic.
7 people like this
36 responses
@lesfery (79)
• Philippines
23 Jun 10
like what you've said it will affect the children because of the set up that other people have is diffirent from them or yours for instance. but i think it is better to explain it to the child the reason why without letting the other party aggrieve. in due time they will understand what important is that they will not be left without love and care..thanks for the topic..goodday
1 person likes this
@andy77e (5156)
• United States
25 Jun 10
Absolutely the children suffer the most. Not only do they suffer in the short term, from having a broken family with mommy and daddy separated... but then they suffer into adulthood where the only model for what a family is, is a broken home. Almost without fail, children who grow up in broken homes, spawn more broken homes. They learn exactly what their parents teach them, including how to destroy their own families. Sadly, when you try and tell people, even those on this forum, what devastating effects their divorce will have on their kids, they tend to not care at all. Their own selfish quest for 'what makes me happy' is the only priority. What happens to their kids either doesn't matter, or they just pretend it won't have an effect.
• Philippines
25 Jun 10
that is true, that is why it is important that parents has to think of the chilren's welfare first before deciding on separating. the effect of a broken family will be a traumatic experience for the child's life until he/she grows up knowing that the family is dysfunctional.
• Philippines
27 Jun 10
The book sounds really interesting and of course the story. I think husband's and wife's who are planning to separate should read this book to make them aware of the consequences of the things they are about to do. Thanks so much for the comment.
@bagumbayan (2705)
• Philippines
26 Jun 10
Yes, I believe it is the children who are affected most. I like those whose family is intact, no broken marriages, no separation. Happy family. I am thankful that were one family up to this time were already older.
• Philippines
27 Jun 10
Hi, it's nice to hear that you and your family is still intact and enjoying your life together...
@med889 (5941)
24 Jun 10
The children suffers the most in any broken relationship, they do not understand most of the stuffs happening and already they are having some real damage to their inner self, while they can be traumatized too. Sometimes because of children we have to compromise a lot.
• Philippines
24 Jun 10
Indeed, they will forever carry the trauma and the scars of having a broken family even in their old age.
@eurekafemme (5877)
• Philippines
24 Jun 10
Precisely. The kids being independent to their parents for financial, mental , importantly, emotional supports are left helpless. It is difficult for a child to comprehend why her/his parents separated no matter how you tried to explain and justify things to them. In their eyes, everything is a whole bunch of confusions. It is not a temporary effect but will left them marked for good. Some kids are having difficulties being responsible parents when they grew up because they hardly have a good role model to emulate. Chances are they most likely to produce a broken family as well...
• Philippines
24 Jun 10
That would be a saddest thing to happen. thanks for the comment.
• Philippines
25 Jun 10
Sad, indeed, but true...
@tomitomi (5429)
• Singapore
23 Jun 10
There were 4 people in this family, a neighbor of mine, dad, mom with 2 children a boy and a girl. They used to be the envy because they seemed to lead a happy life. To make the story short, but somehow the parents divorced. I just couldn't rightfully expressed the pain, the trauma these kids faced especially when the court ordered the verdict. She, the eldest child had to follow dad and had to be separated from mom and the younger brother whom she equally loved. The same hurt went for the boy who had to follow mom and be separated from dad and sis whom he equally loved.
• Philippines
24 Jun 10
Too bad, i guess this is such a traumatic and sad event to these kids life that they will carry it for the rest of their lives.
@tomitomi (5429)
• Singapore
24 Jun 10
Agree! Scars from something like this may take a lifetime to heal.
@anne25penn (3305)
• Philippines
24 Jun 10
It is the children who will suffer the most in broken marriages. I don't know which is worse, living in a house where parents constantly fight. Or live in a world where both parents are apart and they are still mad at each other. For very small children they sometimes tend to blame themselves of the situation. So it is always the children who suffer.
• Philippines
24 Jun 10
and most likely they will carry the trauma for the rest of their lives. i feel sorry for them.
@Bebs08 (10681)
• United States
23 Jun 10
Sure enough you are right!! I agree with you that the kids are the ones who suffered much in this broken relationship. That is why those who are contemplating to get married they should put it in their minds that married life is not all bed of roses, not all romances and happy memories. It is a combination of sacrifices and lots of patience in dealing with each other's differences. the problem why couples are always fighting because they are selfish. They don't want to give way. They have pride they want only to be understood by their partners but they fail to understand the other. Only thin of MY OWN GOOD!! why he/she is not agreeing to me all the time? I want this to happen.. hahaha... and when none of them agree with what the other wants? fight,fight,fight and divorce.
• Philippines
24 Jun 10
That is true friend, if anyone is thinking of marriage they really need to think on it well. Marriage is a lifelong commitment and if thing doesn't work out well and they decide to split up it will be the kids who will suffer the most.
@amyson (3498)
• Philippines
24 Jun 10
same here,children are the one most affected from this situation.its very difficult for the children to moved on but on the long run they will know that when they getting old that's why they understand why his parents separate because of many different reasons. well ,sometimes for their own goods and also for the children goodness.what parents can do is to support their children in every way even they separate life must go on.
• Philippines
24 Jun 10
in this case, love, emotional support and acceptance should be shown and be felt by the kids even if the parents are living a separate life. it will be hard but for the sake of the children it should be done.
@mspitot (3824)
• Philippines
24 Jun 10
i think it is the children that suffer the most from broken families. thay may have trauma or fixations because of their situation.
• Philippines
24 Jun 10
thanks for sharing. i perfectly agree with you.
@jesgil (95)
• Philippines
24 Jun 10
that is true. the kids are most affected in a broken family just like my cousins. their parents separated and their father has his own family now. my cousins are still in school and their mother cant afford to send them all to school so one has to stop. it is so heart breaking when my cousins have to suffer the fault of their parents.
• Philippines
24 Jun 10
indeed, children has to suffer over their parents fault so sad. Hope parents will reconsider the children's feelings before making any decision that will forever alter the life of the kids.
@kukueye (1759)
• Malaysia
23 Jun 10
Broken Marriage cause emotional problem to childre - Broken Marriage often cause emotiona stress to children.
Ya, my previous roomate and housemates are origin from broken marriage,either the father ran away with another mistress or divorce case.Some come from dad die early and such single parents.Majority these kids have emotional issue.Some anger related issue and depression mania type of thingie.One case,the parents divorce,guy get younger wife,and the child purpose goes again the father wishes to study for degree,and end up as a snooker parlor clerk.What a waste,just because the child cannot handle the hatred with his dad.
• Philippines
24 Jun 10
Too bad, indeed what a waste. That is why even if couples split up they still have to meet half way for the sake of the kids so no bitterness and hatred will developed in the children's heart.
• India
24 Jun 10
Well if the family really love each other a lot than i guess they all would suffer for a broken family. They should sit and talk each other out of this and closure should always be maintained in such families. These situations require nothing but just more love that's all.Kids don't know whom to choose as one cannot tell which of one's two eyes is better. They will grow independently and suffer the consequences of what the family or the other elders have done.
• Philippines
24 Jun 10
I agree with what you said. thanks for sharing!!!
@incus99 (1083)
• Philippines
24 Jun 10
The real and innocent victims are the children... I pray that divorce in the Philippines won't be legalized
• Philippines
24 Jun 10
But still there is annulment and this will also affect the children's life forever.
• Philippines
23 Jun 10
i think in this situation the kids, who suffer the most of course. nothing can ever be a greater suffering than see your parents go on separate lives. fight against each other everyday, or see them as if they don't really care at all. the children in this situation are more likely sacrificial. i hope parents think about their kids first and their safety and their future too before deciding on separating. ~anyway happy mylotting!
• Philippines
24 Jun 10
I agree, parents need to think well before deciding on anything that will have a great impact on the children's lives.
@sender621 (14894)
• United States
23 Jun 10
Husbands and wives go through a great deal of pain when they end a marriage. No one suffers in the family relation ship more than the children do. You are a family for so long and suddenly the parents don't want to live together anymore. It can be a difficult and emotional time for a child of any age.
• Philippines
24 Jun 10
Indeed, Sometimes children even felt abandoned after the breakup and they look for acceptance and if they can't find any they resort for rebellion to get attention from both parent.
23 Jun 10
I tend to agree with the fact that it is usally the children who siffer the most and unfortunately in a lot of relationship breakdowns the children's feelings become forgotten in between all the arguments and fighting over who has the children and when. I have seen this many a time and at the moment someone close to me is going through a divorce and their little two year old is suffering a lot. People think that really young children are too young to understand and while this is the case it is the not being able to understand that effects them whilst in older children I have seen that the tug of war between the two parents as well as many 'including' the child in their feelings towards the other parent tear the child apart as they want to be loyal and love both parents though are scared to hurt both parents at the same time. Divorce or even a relationship split up is difficult at the best of times though when childen are involved people need to realise that it is not only the adults who are affected - the children are to a great degree and often to young or too scared to voice their own feelings.
• Philippines
24 Jun 10
I totally agree with what you said. thanks for sharing.
@udaymohan (437)
• India
23 Jun 10
You are perfectly right. Only kids suffer because of irresponsible behaviour of their parents. And they suffer life long. If the kid is living with father, he misses his mother or if with mother, he misses his father. The kid becomes introvert and such kid are even tormented by their friends. Be very very careful. A marriage is bond for life. Give something and get something. You have to be tolerant for the sake of children.
• Philippines
24 Jun 10
Poor kids they suffer over the choices made by their parents. I think parents need to take into consideration the feeling of the kids in every decision that they make. thanks for the comment.
@dian21 (606)
• Philippines
23 Jun 10
Definitely kids will suffer from the problems of their parents. Even if their children are big already they will still be affected in some ways, what more with those little kids. They have no wide understanding yet of life and what's happening to their parents. They will be torn between their parents whom to live with or who will be in custody of them.. It's really a pity for children if it comes to the point that parents cannot resolve the problem anymore and resort to divorce or separation.
• Philippines
24 Jun 10
I think parent need to think and re-think well before doing any decision to separate. thanks for the comment.
@juggerogre (1653)
• Philippines
23 Jun 10
Its always the kids that suffer more when parents decided to broke up. So the parents should explain and make sure their kids understand why they are going in their separate ways. Yes they are still young but I think they can understand it if they just try to explain it.
• Philippines
24 Jun 10
Of course they have the right to know and understand after all they are affected. I just hope parents will be mature enough to point fingers at each other so that the kids don't develop bitterness or hatred to any of the parent.