My idiot sister in law is at it again...
By katsmeow1213
@katsmeow1213 (28717)
United States
June 24, 2010 3:25pm CST
My sister in law hasn't been involved with us or her parents for a very long time. She chose to stop speaking to us and her parents a few years back over really petty things. I was fine with it mostly, I'm not really fond of her attitude at all.. but of course it hurt and upset her parents, mostly her mother.
Unfortunately when her mother died, SIL had to be contacted, and oddly enough she has chosen to stay in touch with her father since then... which is great for him, he's very lonely since his wife has died.
The down side to this though is that SIL is pressuring her father into making all these changes that I don't think he really wants to make. First, she paid for him to get rid of all of his cats. While MIL was alive they had quite a few, I'd say over 20, and most of them were not fixed or even healthy due a lot of inbreeding. I've never agreed with the in laws having so many unhealthy pets, but I also was not going to pressure them into changing their ways.. especially because MIL was a very sensative person. But SIL managed to get her father to get rid of all but like 5 (he meant to keep 3 but 2 hid from the ASPCA workers who came to collect the cats), and one of the ones he kept recently had 2 healthy kittens. Now SIL has placed an ad on Craigslist trying to get rid of the kittens.. and FIL doesn't even know about it!! She called us a few days ago asking us to take a picture of the kittens and send it to her.. so we asked FIL if that's what he wanted to do and he said reluctantly that he probably should.
Then we also found out (because FIL'S phone is disconnected so she's calling us to get messages to him because we live in the same town and visit him often) that she's taking her father to look at burial plots for MIL who's been dead about 2 months, cremated, and currently sitting on FIL's mantle. Last we knew, FIL liked having MIL's remains there, he felt she would have liked still being in the house, and he puts flowers near her remains quite often. So we're not really sure if this is something he truly wants or if he was pressured into it by SIL.
Now I'm not sure how much of this is her pressuring and how much of it is him just not putting up a fight.. but I'm used to him being very firm and really putting his foot down when he doesn't want something done. But he also seems reluctant to want to do these things.. so I can't say forsure.
It's nice that SIL wants to help him... but why does it have to be on her terms? Why does she need to meddle in his life and get him to make these changes? I think she's not doing anything but stirring up trouble, and I personally wish she'd just crawl back under the rock she came from!!
2 people like this
7 responses
@laglen (19759)
• United States
25 Jun 10
Is this sister in law your husbands sister? If yes, he should talk to her. While a lot of the changes are for the good, they should be done in such a way that Dad thinks its his idea. I am living with and caring for my father, it takes more patience but really is the better way. I also involve my siblings in all decisions.
very frustrating. Maybe dad needs to speak up.@katsmeow1213 (28717)
• United States
25 Jun 10
As I said in the post.. I know that my FIL is not a push over. If there's something he wants he gets it, if there's something he doesn't want he will put his foot down. I'm not sure why he's letting her push him around. As I said to someone else, perhaps it's that he realizes he NEEDS to do these things, but doesn't completely WANT to.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28717)
• United States
25 Jun 10
Yes it is my husband's sister. When she called to pass along these messages hubby did ask her if their father knew she was doing this, and said to her that he didn't think their dad actually wanted it.. but there's really no getting through to this woman.
1 person likes this
@keirster (34)
• United States
25 Jun 10
now i am no expert in family stuff, but i say you should let her travel down her own path.... what i mean by that is that if you lay back and watch, soon she will start so pay for her own doings and there will be no one to blame but herself, then you can step in and show her what she has done, because with some people, in order to understand them they must understand themselves.
oh and i own 27 kittens and i love them all
@katsmeow1213 (28717)
• United States
25 Jun 10
She has been in this situation many times, and has lost her family because of it, and she still hasn't seen the light. I think she's hopeless.
@katsmeow1213 (28717)
• United States
28 Jun 10
That sounds extremely juvenile.. and why stoop to that level? She's really not doing me any harm.. just my FIL and he's a grown man who can say no if and when he wants to. The adult thing to do would be to turn the other cheek, which is what I do when I'm around her.
@keirster (34)
• United States
26 Jun 10
ok then now you need to go to step two
FORCE HER OUT !!!!!
prank calls, false credit cards, treat letters, and anything else that you can think of.
the idea is to make her want to have nothing to do with her life, and to make her move away to start over.
i know what your thinking harsh, mean, rude, well hasn't she been all of the above???
i do not mean to sound so negative but just imagine what could happen if she dug deeper and took over the will in turn taking over the house !!!!!!!
It would be over.
she would probable sell the house or rent the house, go do whatever with the money, and take off, never to be herd from again !!!
you cant just sit around and wait for it to happen.
so take some action !!!!!!!
oh and good luck :) :) :)
now you know
@katsmeow1213 (28717)
• United States
24 Jun 10
That's the part that ticks me off.. she's not seeing that not everyone shares her views. Most adults realize that other people have differing opinions.. guess she just hasn't grown up yet, and probably never will.
@dawnald (85135)
• Shingle Springs, California
28 Jun 10
I can understand about the cats, since the situation doesn't sound as if it were healthy for them. But as for trying to get MIL's remains into a grave when FIL is fine with her having been cremated? That's just disrespectful. Sounds very control freakish to me.
@katsmeow1213 (28717)
• United States
28 Jun 10
No matter how many cats he has, he won't take care of them properly.. he's one of those that sees no need to, they're just animals to him. But at the same time he truly does love having pets.. he's less lonely with them. So either way nobody can change his mind on the cats... we can't force him to get rid of them and we can't force him to take care of them properly. Hubby and I already know that.. though we don't approve, we just stopped meddling and made rules such as the kids can't go in his house since it's not clean and smells bad, etc etc.
SIL seems to think hers is the only opinion that matters and you can't tell her otherwise. So frustrating.
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
26 Jun 10
Hi, katsmeow1213. Your sister in law is a very heartless woman. She cares more about herself right now. She is very selfish and it is a shame. How can she be so cruel? She has an heartless attitude that is dumb and silly. She should be more concerned with helping your father rather than just looking out for her own benefit.
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
24 Jun 10
Hi kats~ This does sound extremely strange. From what I know
of your FIL, especially just recently when you and hubby decided
not to move into "his" house (which I think was the best decision)
he seemed to still be "in charge" when it came to you two! So,
why when it comes to SIL does he suddenly act like he is not
in charge, can't speak up for himself and let her "run the show"!
Something doesn't make sense here! I remember all the drama from
when MIL and FIL drove you and hubby crazy when you finally had
to move out of "their" other house. I don't understand this
but something seems kind of off with FIL. If just a month ago
he was telling you that if you moved into "his" house he was
the boss and now suddenly SIL is walking all over him it seems
odd. (You see, I do pay attention to your stories)
@katsmeow1213 (28717)
• United States
24 Jun 10
Your so sweet for remembering it all, lol.
You know, I think part of it is that FIL realizes he NEEDS to do these things, but he doesn't necessarily WANT to. He knows his own days are numbered, and if he doesn't take care of a burial site for MIL and getting rid of his cats, that will all be left on our shoulders (and SIL's too). He has spoken recently about tying up loose ends for when he does pass.. but it's still not a pleasant thought. I guess that's why he's not really fighting her.
Not to mention, his attitude towards us moving in (we haven't told him that we're not yet) changes on a daily basis. One day it's "These kids need to make sure they pick up their stuff when you all move in here" and the next day he's laughing about how different things will be when sharing a house with 5 kids.
If you ask me, I think he's going a little senile!
