All Advice and Input Needed

Philippines
June 26, 2010 9:16pm CST
Its been a month since my very painful breakup and it has taken me a month to get the will and courage to move on. I am now focusing on myself, on how I can get my life back. One of my priorities is to get a job and get out of the house. My friends here who have responded to my discussions know that I have single handedly taken care of my mother who has cancer for more than three years now. I have given up my life and my career, and most recently I lost my relationship all because I am tied to caring for my mother. I am not really complaining here. But its just that when I look back, it seems that it all has become worthless, all my efforts and everything that I have had to give up. The advice or input that I need right now, is I want to leave home and work somewhere far from home. We now have a maid who can stay with my mother and I plan to be away just for a few months until I am stable again. I keep getting depressed when I am at home, see my mother because all the memories of my failed relationship keeps coming back when I see her. I know its not her fault that she is sick, but how can I take care of someone if I myself am broken in mind and spirit? I have done my obligation for my family. All my life I have had to shelve what I want so that I can give way to that of my family. I feel that I need to do this, and this means leaving my mother. I am not abandoning her. I just need to be by myself and heal. I cannot heal myself when I am here inside the house. Thank you my dear mylot friends and I hope my post or ravings make sense.
3 people like this
5 responses
@reckon21 (3487)
• Philippines
29 Jun 10
You been such a good daughter and I know deep inside your mom is hurting for you. Maybe she knows even if you have not told her about your failed relationship. I just don't understand why your boyfriend decide to break away from you because you have little time for him and your priority is your sick mother. In this world we live in we can never find or replace our mother they are only one. But then there are many men available and you can always find somebody to love. What I'm trying to say is that it's your boyfriends lose when he let you go.
• Philippines
17 Jul 10
I'd like to quote one poem I read from somewhere. It spoke about the parting of two people and that they both lost. But the other person lost more because he can never be loved the way that he was loved, while the other one can give the same love and devotion to someone new. Thank you for your response.
@bird123 (10342)
• United States
27 Jun 10
Lost relationship???? Let me give you something to think about. Doesn't true love hang in there regardless of the trouble?????I know it does!!!Perhaps,things are clearing the way for when your true love does show up. Hang in there steady rock that holds everyone together. It's hard when so many depend on you. Get some rest. Don't take things personally. Good things will arrive before you know it.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 Jun 10
Yes true love hangs around. Thank you for your response!
• Philippines
27 Jun 10
Hello there, I don't know but some how I am gonna get an impression that you might blame your mom for loosing your relationship with this guy. in the first place, it was his fault for not sticking into you. guys can come and go no matter how you have been with them for a long time it's no different from "friends come and go". You should probably need space and pick up the pieces of your life to be complete again. make sure you have save money for the rent in case you plan on having one, I've heard it's alot more expensive now than ever.hey, you know my number, just feel free to message if you have other things to let out, have a great day.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 Jun 10
Thanks, Letran. I am slowly healing, I just need some space away from my mom. I just want to be really alone and then I will come back. All my life, I have been tied down to my family, not being able to live the life that I want. I will send you a message, if anything else does come up .
@skysuccess (8882)
• Singapore
28 Jun 10
anne25penn, I just cannot help feeling the anguish, disappointments, frustrations and most of all bitterness in your post, where I just cannot help squeezing a few line of thoughts here. Somehow, I feel that you are a bit way over with your emotions and I just cannot help wondering what you have actually lost much that you would make you want to have your life back. Honestly, I do not see any lost other than your relationship with your boyfriend and you are taking it all on your situation and yourself. I felt that you are really not being fair to both your mother and yourself. And if I may further add, I think your boyfriend did not leave you because of you having to spend more time taking care of your mother but something more about what is happening within you. IMO, I do see that you are way overboard with your mother's condition where I just could not see the point or why you have to quit your job and/or give up your life over it. Are you saying that your life has to stop once someone is gravely ill? Did the earth stop for one moment when your mother was diagnosed with cancer or when she was having cancer treatments? Could your mother's condition change when your deprive your life of its time and opportunities? Or, that you will never be empty stomach or hungry? If the answer for the above is no, then I do not see or understand what you have done and sacrificed. If you can hire a maid now, why didn't or couldn't you do it earlier while? No one can stop what you have decided here but I just hope that you will not regret what you have decided and done.
• Philippines
29 Jun 10
Hello sky. Its your posts that I always look out for when I post something as loony as this. I have never regretted my decisions. Because it was I who made that decision and nobody forced me. The only mistake that I did with my decision is that I let people run or control my life in a way that I lost myself as a person. Maybe what you said is true that the probable reason why he left is because I have changed and that he couldn't see the old me. But then again, who knows? I am just exploring my options right now, trying to find the right path or direction in my life. As for the maid, I tried getting one while I was still working but my mother turned emotional tables at me saying that its better for her to go to a hospice if I will just get a maid. For three years she was able to control me emotionally with her illness, and this greatly contributed to my depression. I just want to live away from her for a while because she has used her cancer as a club to control me and what I can do. Every time I would start a new job, you can expect that she is bedridden for two weeks, making it hard for me to work and cope at home and I was alone in caring for her. So I hope that by moving away for a while, I heal completely. Thank you for your response.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
17 Jul 10
I missed out this response, so I apologize. I have been busy getting a new job and getting all my requirements in order so I have been away from my computer for quite a few days. I do try to take in deep breaths when I am around. But I cannot shake the sadness, especially when I see that she is abusing our maid. I can now see what she is doing, only to another person and this has nothing to do with medication because she has been like this since I was young. My brother said that he admires me for being able to endure my mother because they cannot. That's why they chose to live far away. Since I now have a job, I am thinking of getting a place of my own near my job. I really want to be alone for a few months and I know I can get away with it because I can tell my brothers that I don't want to lose my job again. I have put off my life for so long, and its time for me to do something for myself. Thank you for your response.
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (45704)
• United States
27 Jun 10
Try not to be too hard on yourself. You have the right to feel however you want to. You have honored your mother, and it sounds like you plan to continue doing that. No one can fault you for your actions OR for your feelings. Most people cannot relate to your situation, so therefore no one can know what it is like to be in your shoes.
• Philippines
27 Jun 10
Thank you Pam. My brother who went home because of my depression told me that if I have to go and leave my mother, I can. He told me to get my life back. And I know that I can do this if I am not at home. Thank you again for your response.