When should you stop?
By MsTickle
@MsTickle (25180)
Australia
July 4, 2010 6:08pm CST
How many families do you know where the kids are uncontrollable brats? How often do you see kids running amok at the stores or in public with little or no parental supervision?
Kids are like puppies, they need to be shown what to do and helped to practice till they get it right. From the time they are babies and we encourage them to smile right up to when they become adults they need their parents to show them what to do, how to behave, what to say in any given situation. Kids need to understand there are rules, not just at home but in society as well.
It seems to me that some kids are trained to eat with their fingers, potty trained, maybe taught to wipe their bum and that's it...they are let loose on the world. Mum and Dad might come out with the occasional token "NO" but the kid knows how to over-ride the parent every time.
Sure, there's time for fun because kids need to be trained to have fun too...going on family picnics, playing fair, playing outdoors, playing by the rules with family, friends and later teams.
Parenting is a full time job for two parents....would you agree? If there is lots of family support single parenting can work but generally speaking with the need for more money and therefore both parents working I think the kids are missing out. I also think that when parents are not working they are too lazy to spend the time needed training their children to be kind, considerate, respectful adults.
Where do you draw the line at teaching your kids how to get on in life?
7 people like this
18 responses
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
5 Jul 10
you are right. but these days i dont know what their problem is. either they are afraid of the law saying something about a spanking or the kids just dont get time out or the parents willfully spoil them and act like the rest of the world should except it. i have no idea the problem. all my kids except one is very courteous. the one just got spoiled by her dad and grandma so much and has been complimented on her beauty so much that its the only excuse i can figure. 
in spite of all my teachings, shes still difficult. 
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
5 Jul 10
And I'll bet that she is either a very shallow person or deep down she's miserable.
What it takes bunny is time and effort and parents are too busy, too lazy or too self absorbed to do the job. I can say this in all honesty because I am a parent.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
5 Jul 10
i think shes a bit both. i had to fight her dad and grandmother to get anything done right with her is why.1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
5 Jul 10
Hi MsTickle! 
I think it should stop when the child finally has it right. Till then, they need to be taught what's right and what's wrong. These days, kids get away with a lot more than I ever dreamed of which isn't right however, I don't agree with the disapline that I recieved as a child but still, all in all, kids need to be taught but in better ways than how we were. When we did something wrong, meaning my brothers and I, our mother would pull our pants down right then and there, in front of who ever was there and spank our butts and to this day, she makes no bones about it. I don't agree with it because it hugely humiliates the child into submission. That's so wrong, however, kids do need to be taught much better than they are being these days.
I think it should stop when the child finally has it right. Till then, they need to be taught what's right and what's wrong. These days, kids get away with a lot more than I ever dreamed of which isn't right however, I don't agree with the disapline that I recieved as a child but still, all in all, kids need to be taught but in better ways than how we were. When we did something wrong, meaning my brothers and I, our mother would pull our pants down right then and there, in front of who ever was there and spank our butts and to this day, she makes no bones about it. I don't agree with it because it hugely humiliates the child into submission. That's so wrong, however, kids do need to be taught much better than they are being these days.1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
5 Jul 10
Yes, humiliating a child really screws with their brains and their self esteem I think. My parents were not so extreme as your Mum but they were more violent and I had to wear the bruises and keep my mouth shut as to where I got them.
I think parents need to be able to attend courses to learn how to be parents cos let's face it...most of us don't have a clue. Parents need to have leadership and management skills and how many parents have those? They also need lots of love and lots of patience...no wonder so many parents choose to work and leave their kids for others to raise...
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
5 Jul 10
Oh believe me, those were the better of times. I've had both of my eyes blackened and my left arm nearly broken. I've been disowned right to my face all because I didn't do what they expected me to do which was to break up with my boyfriend of four years. They didn't like him because he took my virginity. BIG DEAL!
Before our God kids so called mother and I had a falling out, we had them (all three) during the summer (when we could) and we gave them all a structured life. They KNEW what was expected of them and they liked that. We would talk to them face to face if something was wrong and correct it on the spot. We didn't make them feel unimportant. What ever was bothering them, they knew they could come to us and we'd do the best we could to make it right. The middle child wanted to stay with us but his so called mother made him feel guilty for that and so he went home. Now he wishes he stayed with us but what is done is done. His mother and I aren't speaking and she won't let us talk to the kids. That's ok, they'll be 18 one day which can't come soon enough!
BIG DEAL!
Before our God kids so called mother and I had a falling out, we had them (all three) during the summer (when we could) and we gave them all a structured life. They KNEW what was expected of them and they liked that. We would talk to them face to face if something was wrong and correct it on the spot. We didn't make them feel unimportant. What ever was bothering them, they knew they could come to us and we'd do the best we could to make it right. The middle child wanted to stay with us but his so called mother made him feel guilty for that and so he went home. Now he wishes he stayed with us but what is done is done. His mother and I aren't speaking and she won't let us talk to the kids. That's ok, they'll be 18 one day which can't come soon enough!1 person likes this
@TexLadyPj (1328)
• United States
4 Jul 10
Herro MsTickle
My husband and I and God taught our son to be respectful in and out of the home. Our Son never reached out of the basket crying for a toy. If I said No, he accepted that. As a toddler, he stayed at my side. He was taught to wait to cross the street with safety. He was taught respect of others, neighbors, other kids, relatives, teachers, etc. He was taught gentlemanly behaviors, open the door for ladies, car door, etc.
When I see unruly children, I cannot say anything.
However, if I see a well-behaved child or children, I complement the child and the parents. Let's see I think I covered everything.
Am I proud of our Son? Remember who assisted in the raising. {GOD} You bet. He is still the polite, respectful young man that he was taught growing up.
Prosperous mylotting
@GardenGerty (157671)
• United States
5 Jul 10
My kids were well mannered and taught well. Like the lady above, I try to tell children, and their parents, when I see them doing something right.
1 person likes this
@TexLadyPj (1328)
• United States
5 Jul 10
Herro MsTickle
Herro GardenGerty
Our raising our son was a labor of love. I'm so glad I am not the only one that complements appropriate behavior. I think it reinforces the tiny amount of effective parenting that we have left in our society.
Prosperous mylotting
@ellie333 (21016)
•
5 Jul 10
Hi MsTickle in an ideal world yes two parents parenting would be good but I have raised my three, two have already grown and still havea small one at home, I have taught them al right from wrong and how to behave in public on my own and my eldest has just grauted from university and my younger one works full time, neither have caused me problems, I am giving tough love atpresent to my six year old as he seems more difficult than the girls, in general well behaved buthas been trying to push boundaries lately so I have grounded him and pulled in the boundaries and stopped him playing with certain lads, I also work but spend as much time as possible doing things with him. For example Saturday after a tough week at work I felt lazy didn;t start chires etc until the afternoon but I still went out for a bike ride with him and combined it with a shopping trip as I put back packs on. I alweays teach mine respect for others and the one thing I can't abide is lying so even if they do wrong I expect the truth, so for me truth and respectmatter more but won't tolerate bad behaviour frok them without them having consequences. Huggles. Ellie :D
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
6 Jul 10
I see you giving lots of time, love and energy to your boy Ellie and I have no doubt that he will become a fine man. It's a natural thing for him to try to break the rules and play up...it's all part of growing up. I know you will always do what needs to be done until it's time to let him go. You're a good Mum.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85135)
• Shingle Springs, California
7 Jul 10
What, you mean you can't just tell them to do something one time and let them loose? 
I don't know where I draw the line exactly. I taught them some basics. I nag them about things. If I see they need help with something or if they ask, I help.
I don't know where I draw the line exactly. I taught them some basics. I nag them about things. If I see they need help with something or if they ask, I help.1 person likes this
@rosepedal64 (4188)
• United States
5 Jul 10
Hi Tickle. How are you doing? Just great I hope.
I think what is wrong with parents these days is that they become parents before they are adults themselves. Then there is those that the grandparents step in and have to clean up the mess that has been done. Parents now days have too much self interest to notice that their kids are out of control.
Great discussion. Keep up the good work.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
5 Jul 10
Hi rose...thanks for the good words, I appreciate them.
This is another aspect of child raising that I totally agree with. Having a child is a huge thing and pregnancies mostly occur with no planning whatsoever. How do parents expect to succeed when they simply wing it?
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
5 Jul 10
Hi there MsTickle
I worked and I was married but I still brought my Children up literally alone as the Ex Husband was more interested in his Friends and social Life
The problem today is that People are having Children and then well they just can not be bothered
It makes me so mad when I see it as Children are so precious and anyone who has them should be grateful.
Yes it is hard work, but it is special, to see them learn, develop and turn into wonderful People
I am very close to my Children, they can and always have come to me with every Problem and still do and we sit and talk about it and try to solve them together sometimes even the 3 of us
It is so special to have this closeness and love with your Children and the only way to get it is by treating them the way they should be treated with Love care and protection and of course teach them the right way
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
6 Jul 10
Indeed Gabs there are times when one parent can make things worse and the family is better off distancing themselves from the rotten apple. As you say, it IS hard work but the rewards are so great that it is of no importance...all that really stands out is the love.
@GardenGerty (157671)
• United States
5 Jul 10
I raised and trained my kids the best I could, and it still did not keep them completely from harm and from doing some things wrong. They are adults, and with one especially I feel I am reteaching a bit. On the other hand, sometimes they teach me. I was not always, and am not always, the nicest most pleasant person. I jump to correct misbehavior. I wish I could learn to be more patient and gentle.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
5 Jul 10
I think admitting your weaknesses and taking responsibility is half the battle Gerty. We've all made some doozeys of mistakes as far as our kids are concerned but I reckon things seriously need to be changed now. There should be more education in the raising of children. Usually, none of us is prepared for parenthood...it's a really hard job and we run a terrible risk of real damage when we get it wrong.
Of course I don't have all the answers but I firmly believe education to be the key.
@OpinionatedLady (5966)
• United States
5 Jul 10
I agree and in fact this type of "lifestyle" is a pet peeve of mine, (just read some of my own posts) and I am not raising my kids this way. I make sure my girls are respectful, well behaved and dressed appropriately. I cannot stand when kids are wild in public places where it is inappropriate. Running wild at the beach or park, chasing things around the yard are all fine. Screaming and running laps around the restaurant tables is disgusting. I am a stay at home mother and I do realize this gives me a better ground for teaching my children as they are with me all the time and not getting mixed signals from teachers and parents (I also home school) which is something many parents working or not tend not to do with their kids other adult figures, even though they can. I do not believe we should be our kids friends we are their parents and that is the job we chose for ourselves. My kids have fun all the time, we do crafts, hiking, and tons of other things, but we are always the parents.
@BLD367 (142)
• United States
5 Jul 10
Children need discipline at an early age in life. Parents who do not instruct their children properly in expectations of society are criminals as far as I am concerned. I don not how many times I have see ruin a evening for everybody else at the theater when parents selfishly allow their children to act boorishly in a movie theater ( I ran one for many years so I know). Manner are not some social contrivance but a very serious a nd literal mean of show diginity and repsrt for others. anyway enough of my rant.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
5 Jul 10
Discipline, limits, training guidance...al these things should start at an early age and continue till maturity but it rarely happens unfortunately. I think in the long run it is the child and later the adult who suffers most.
I'm a believer in good old fashioned values....not necessarily smacking but definitely saying "No" and being consistent.
@boomakavya (32)
• India
5 Jul 10
i teach my child first self safety things. they are follow the good habbits. they are play and safty are equal to
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
6 Jul 10
Good for you chuck. One of the things needed for successful parenting in my opinion is family support. If things are not right, if you're struggling somehow, if you're unhappy, if things are getting out of hand...you shpould be able to turn to your family or expect them to step in and help. It seems though as if the "family" is falling apart.
@edwardjoy2000 (2387)
• United Arab Emirates
5 Jul 10
The kids learn form observations. Home is the fist school....so kids learn from observations that they see at home. So its always good to speak or behave well in front of kids as they do what the parents do or in the manner they behave.
1 person likes this
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
5 Jul 10
Wow, I sure I hope wasn't the inspiration for this topic..
Though my son does get out of hand, the only time he does in public is when he has gotten sugar. I made that mistake the other day when we went shopping and he acted up pretty bad. Of course my husband as always was clueless to his behavior and though I do tend to let him get away with some things at home, in public he is not to disobey or act up like he did.
So usually he is good, but not always, just like my puppies who are very smart and will sit and lay down, but when company comes, it's like they forget everything..
Though my son does get out of hand, the only time he does in public is when he has gotten sugar. I made that mistake the other day when we went shopping and he acted up pretty bad. Of course my husband as always was clueless to his behavior and though I do tend to let him get away with some things at home, in public he is not to disobey or act up like he did.
So usually he is good, but not always, just like my puppies who are very smart and will sit and lay down, but when company comes, it's like they forget everything..
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
5 Jul 10
hi mstickle Kids and uncontrollable brats,tell me about it.I was in Walmart awhile back and looking for a certain product in the pharmacy section and this one kid maybe ten or twelve came flying around the
corner of the aisle I was in and sent my cart that I was clinging to flying to and I almost fell. No sorry , no excuse me, his mom made a silly attempt to rebuke, "say you're sorry Charlie". He mumbled something and ran away.She smiled at me and said"Oh Kids will be kids" I glared at her, and said," He almost knocked me down, he should not be running in a store where people are shopping.You control him now, or you will be sorry lady."
She turned red and I just walked off not wanting to fight with her. MY own son never did that way, but we taught him to be courteous and polite to people in public when he was a toddler and he grew up thinking that way too.Its so much easier to teach children from the start the way they should behave in public. I remember my mom herself teaching me when I was little too, Those lessons stuck with me too.So we raised our son just like we had been raised and there were no problems.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
5 Jul 10
Many parents these days don't have a clue how to raise their children and it scares me a bit. When I am elderly, these kids will be running the country and they will decide what happens to the elderly.
I drummed courtesy and respect into my kids but I set a bad example in several ways. One of my girls strived to do right. She worked hard and is now enjoying the fruits of her labour. Her kids are wonderful and she is a well adjusted, happy adult. My other girl decided to go the other way and she doesn't really care about anything. Her kids are not doing well and I can't feel sorry for her because she just did her own thing and had no respect for anyone or anything. Things are going badly for her now.
@RawBill1 (8531)
• Gold Coast, Australia
16 Jul 10
This is always very tough and there is no general answer as every child and every parent is different. There always needs to be a balance between discipline and letting the child go out and have fun. Too much of either and you have a child who grows up with no sense of adventure or decision making skills or a child who grows up a trouble maker who cares about no one else's feelings.
I have witnessed both of these extreme parenting methods with kids of friends and around here locally. Parenting is a full time job. It never ends, but t is a very rewarding one that pays in other ways that are more important than money.
The best way to treat a child in my opinion is to not punish them for their wrongdoings, but to reward them for good behaviour. Using positive words when they are good and never putting them down is the key to having a confident well behaved child. This is not always easy when anger and frustration sneak into your mind and I am certainly not perfect in this area, but I have witnessed the changes in behaviour when the kids get my attention in more positive ways.
Spending quality time with them is very important for not only bonding with them, but in that it makes them happy and better behaved as well. I do not know how single parents can manage to do this successfully, some do, but most do not.
@mhekhies16 (462)
• Philippines
5 Jul 10
Sometimes...i mean, most of the time...when have to be patient.. well, kids have different attitude, and who is that kid in the future is depend on what he/she might learn in you my dear...
That's life, you have to get into it. :)
