I don't know how to control my anger.

@Lore2009 (7389)
United States
August 29, 2010 4:17pm CST
I am angry at my parents for many reasons and another reason was just added this morning. I want to move out, so bad!! And now it is lunch and I haven't left my room even if they have called for me... and it makes me feel ridiculously guilty. I don't want to show my anger to them because it will just be another cycle but I don't know how to control and act like nothing has bothered me. I tried to just walk down the stairs but it makes me want to throw up and I loose my appetite. How do you control your anger?
1 person likes this
9 responses
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
2 Sep 10
Hi Lore, It actually sounds as if you are handling your anger pretty well. Staying in your room to avoid getting into arguing with the parents is good. Also, I think getting on here and just venting it out could be helpful. It would be for me anyway. Sounds like you are ready to spring the nest and for whatever reason (financial?) haven't been able to. I think once you do get on your feet and find a place of your own that your relationship with your parents will improve. Good luck!
1 person likes this
@Lore2009 (7389)
• United States
3 Sep 10
Hi thanks, I agree, I think I am around them too much and I will appreciate the things that are blinding me right now. But you are right, I was able to vent on here and my anger had subsided... I don't really remember exactly what it was anymore, haha which is great!
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
3 Sep 10
• United States
29 Aug 10
It is normal to not want to speak to parents this is sort of life. One thing for sure as you get older you will then appreciate all that was said to you back then. The only I can advise is that you take it easy and not think about it so much, as it will make you that much more sick. So next time you have this rage take a break and maybe leave the house for a few minutes to get your mind off the home front as this always helps me. Good luck.
@Lore2009 (7389)
• United States
30 Aug 10
Yes, I was able to stop thinking about it after I expressed it here. Thanks!
• United States
30 Aug 10
Then friend you have made an accomplishment. It is great to get things of your chest sometimes.
@Lore2009 (7389)
• United States
31 Aug 10
Yes it is, thanks!
• United States
22 Sep 10
I totally understand what you mean. I have a very short temper not just to my parents but to everything in general, and I don't think there is anything wrong with it, we are human beings and we should never have to hold our angers. I think anger can be spoken out in a way we can communicate with others, never through violence or harsh words, because that always makes the others defensive. I try to write a letter, then you can express yourself without being interrupted, and without the angry tones of your voice, they might not block it out as much. But sometimes people just can't take it at all, and they will find ways to avoid conflict, which is not good because the problem never gets solved. I try not to give up, I try a few times, but you can only do so much in trying to communicate your anger without sounding so angry or making them angry. If they don't want to hear you out or understand them, it's really not worth your time, even your parents, because you don't want to kill yourself. And sometimes letting them go might work better than going at it for a long time, because space clears the mind sometimes for them to realize.
@Lore2009 (7389)
• United States
23 Sep 10
Yes, I agree... that space clears the air. I don't like to cause conflict myself to begin with so I end up playing hot tamales with my feelings.
@p3ks626 (6550)
• Philippines
31 Aug 10
There were many times in my life that I also felt like moving out. But they are still your parents and you need to respect them. They may not respect your views but I guess that's what parents are and we should pay them some respect.
@Lore2009 (7389)
• United States
31 Aug 10
I respect them for working hard and raising me and giving me a life. But I can't understand some of their views let alone respect it. I don't know if just being a parent is a valid reason to receive respect from children. There are many different children and many different parents.
• United Arab Emirates
30 Aug 10
Thats a negetive think you are saying. You can control it and all you have to do is just try. Its a human nature to give up soon. When you are angry you need to divert your mind to something that make you happy. You can also count from 1 to 10 and you will regain your cool. the other best thing you can do is just stop the discussion or act that make you angry and divert your mind to do something else. All you have to do is try. It is better to prevent and prepare than repent and repair.
@Lore2009 (7389)
• United States
30 Aug 10
Haha, thanks for the comment.
@savypat (20247)
• United States
30 Aug 10
Anger comes from fear, so you must look at what you are afraid of that is causing this. The next time it comes about take three very slow deep breaths and then ask yourself what you fear. For emotional upset I have found that tapping helps the most. You can find out about this at tapping.com and look at the free video. Blessings
@Lore2009 (7389)
• United States
30 Aug 10
I have so much to fear, always. But in this case, maybe it's fear of being alone.. completely alone? Rejected? Tapping, that's interesting... I'll check it out.
• China
30 Aug 10
Make deep breathing for 3 minutes to be calm down, and think about all the things sanely. Never show your anger to your parents, otherwise, It will hurt them and you must be compunctious for the wrong thing.
@Lore2009 (7389)
• United States
30 Aug 10
You never showed your anger to your parents?
• United States
29 Aug 10
If I were you I wouldn't bottle it up, but I would try to communicated with them in a way that will share your thoughts and feelings without insulting or hurting theirs. Have you heard of assertive communication? Nobody is born an effective communicator. It is something that each and every one of us has to learn. Most of us are raised in families that have no clue how to communicate with each other. I learned a lot about this in some of the support groups I have been in. there is a good article that goes over how to communicate effectively without angering others here. http://bit.ly/cvDpOl You may want to share it with them!
@Lore2009 (7389)
• United States
30 Aug 10
The thing is, I don't know how I will ever NOT insult her because just by bringing it up, she becomes so defensive. I've said things nicely, meanly, funnily, and every way she thinks I'm attacking her. But, those are just excuses I know, but now it's becoming a little easier to just let it go for me. I'm making sure I acknowledge that I'm angry though, because I know how bottling up has 'damaged' me before. And yes, my parents have NO CLUE at communicating... let alone we speak different languages! Anyways, I am very much interested in being more assertive, thanks so much for the site.
@hushi22 (4941)
29 Aug 10
usually people practice displacement that is bursting it to a weaker or lesser power object. My style is I cry then fall asleep or divert attention and write some things that can be useful for mylot or article writing. =)
@Lore2009 (7389)
• United States
29 Aug 10
Hi there, yes, I'm trying to distract myself by coming here on mylot. Thanks for the tips.