Do you want your children to stay or take care of you when you are old?

@yspmyl (3438)
Malaysia
September 18, 2010 8:33am CST
Do you ever think that you will want your children to stay with you when you are old? Do you want you children to take care of you when you are old instead of send you to the old folks home? Many parent will hope that their children can take care of them when they are old. But when it come to reality, their children have no choice but to send them to the care center so that someone professional can take care of them when they goes to work. They are worried when they left their parent alone at home. There are children who also really did not want to take care of their parents and just give all kind of excuses to send their parent to the old folks home. So what do you think, do you think your children will take care of you when you are old?
1 person likes this
18 responses
@bing28 (3800)
• Philippines
18 Sep 10
I took good care of my mom and stay besides her till her last breath and I think nobody can do the best care for an aging parent other than his/her children. People here don't usually send old parents to the old folk homes. They would prefer them to stay with the family. I would like of course my children to take care of me, when I grow old, but should there would be reasons for them not to, I would surely understand. Though am quite sure one of my three children would take good care of me, I just don't want to be that very old, so I could be of much burden to any of them.
@bing28 (3800)
• Philippines
18 Sep 10
correction: so I could not be of much burden...
@yspmyl (3438)
• Malaysia
21 Sep 10
As a parents, we all do not want to burden our children. It is nice to have a culture that no one send their old parents to the old folks home. It is nice to have the parents to stay together and take care of them.
@thesids (22455)
• Bhubaneswar, India
18 Sep 10
When I would have a child, I would become a father who would have some expectations from his children. This is quite natural of me as a father. And like all father's I would wish that my child/ren get the best of what they can have in their times. Though I would desire that the child/ren take care of me/us in the old age, I would not be a burden on them if they have a better chance of a happier life without me/us. At the present moment I think I would leave it on Destiny and God to decide what is best for all of us. Happy Mylotting.
@yspmyl (3438)
• Malaysia
20 Sep 10
I believe all parents will want the best for their children. They will never want to burden them if they can. This is what one as a parent will think, but in fact, they wish that their children will be at their side when they are old. No one will know how will it be in the future, only God knows.
@thesids (22455)
• Bhubaneswar, India
20 Sep 10
And it is this faith that keeps the parents give their best to the kids, no matter what the future shapes to... Good to know your thoughts are similar to mine... Happy Mylotting! Sids.
• Philippines
23 Sep 10
i would definitely love my kids to stay with me and be with me till the day i die, but then its really up to them if they want too, they will soon grow up and have their own families too, a frequent visit will also do, as long as they will not forget me and call me all the time that is fair enough with me.. :)
@yspmyl (3438)
• Malaysia
23 Sep 10
I think all parents will want their children to stay with them until they are old. But we all do not know how will it be in the future and what will happen to us in the future. We cannot control what will happen just like we cannot control or force out children to be staying with us when we are old. They will have their own life to live with especially when they have their own family.
@Hatley (157808)
• Garden Grove, California
19 Sep 10
hi yspmyl I am old and I was staying with my only sonwhen he lost his job. We got evicted and he was unfortuneate in not getting another job at once so I did end up here in Gold Crest retirement center buty it not a typical oldfolks home as we are all able to do for ourselves.He managed to get gov.sponsored housing with three other men, now fianlly after one and a half years he is working again. He had no choice as we had no home and no money but my small social security and ssi check. the retirement center takes most of what i have for room and board monthly.i am not blaming him as he was laid off andcould not get another job.
@yspmyl (3438)
• Malaysia
23 Sep 10
Hi Hatley, I am sorry to heard what was happen to you. I think the economy crisis really make many people suffer and put them into difficult situation. I hope you and your son will live much better when the economy is much better. You can actually try your luck at wishuponahero.com to see if someone can really help you up with this. The registration with the site is totally free and there are many people there are really willing to help those who are in most difficult situation. Good luck!
@meemingNEW (2228)
• Philippines
19 Sep 10
As mentioned by the very first responder of this discussion, we have close family ties here in the Philippines. So, I would really want my children to stay and take care of me when I get old same as how my grandparents did. Based on experience, my grandmother had Alzheimer's disease 5 years ago.. she had lots of different sickness such as that and diabetes as well. A nursing home for old people is an option but my grandmother firmly told us that she doesn't wanna go there, she just wants to stay with us. So she did. She has her personal caregiver and most of us in the family surrounds her with love and care up until her last breath (june2010). It was inspiring for me in terms of how deep our family ties are and how I would want to be treated the way our family treated my grandmother. Best of luck
@yspmyl (3438)
• Malaysia
23 Sep 10
It is nice to know that you have a strong family ties and good relationship among your family member. It is nice to have a big family and everybody is taking each other. And if one of the family is old and need someone to take care, if the whole family are willing to take care of her/him by taking turn, I believe to take care of one person by so many family member will not be a burden for everyone in the family. Because everyone share the responsibility and that responsibility will become just a very small part of each person. It is nice to have a big family that stay together and everyone is loving each other.
@Ladyslipper (1330)
• Philippines
19 Sep 10
When my parents grow old I'd want to take care of them instead of sending them to a home care. However, when I grow old it does not really matter to me if my children will send me to a home care as long as they visit me every weekend or I stay with them during weekend and holidays and days they don't have to go to work. My children are still a toddler and an infant so I don't have any idea as of the moment if they would end up sending me to a home care or they would take care of me personally. It would be better however to be always with them rather than being away. However, I don't expect for them to personally take care of me. I have a work and when I retire I'll have enough money to get someone who could take care of me. So even if I stay with my children they would not need to worry about me. Hopefully, I'll be able to find someone who will take care of me while at home and my children are at work.
@yspmyl (3438)
• Malaysia
23 Sep 10
I think you will be quite independent when you are old, you have planing ahead for your old age. But I believe if your children know that you are taking care of your parents, they will follow and take you as their role model. That is how a child will learn from the parents, they will do what their parents do.
• United States
19 Sep 10
Although it would be beautiful and lovely I will not hold my children responsible for my elderly care. I have raised my children to be loving and respectful children that I believe neither one of them will allow me to go to a nursing home or an elder nursing facility as they express very close love for me, as this is how I raised them. However if it became a chore I would not blame them one bit as this is very difficult of a task especially for young struggling children to be committed to.
@yspmyl (3438)
• Malaysia
23 Sep 10
You must be a very nice mother that you can teach your children with so good in their manner and loving. I believe they will take care of you even you ask them not to. They will definitely never send you to the nursing home when you are old. I wish I can do the same like you too...
@ggeeta (155)
• India
19 Sep 10
It is a child's responsibility to look after his/her parents when they are grown up. A mother never feel bad to raise the child cleaning all the dirt everyday, giving him/her proper food, taking care in all ways. A father never feels bad to spend for the child's education, clothes and so on.. then why should a child feel to see his parents when he is grown up. It is just an excuse if children say that they don't have time, they love their parents but because they will be alone they must be somewhere else and all this sort of things. Just a mere excuse and nothing else. Every son and daughter must and should take care of their parents when they are old. whatever they do for their parents is always less only. Parents want to spend the rest of their lives with their children and grand-children, no one wants to go away from close people and stay far away. Hope every child realizes that they are most indebted to their parents then to anyone else and at-least with that in mind they must look after their parents.
@yspmyl (3438)
• Malaysia
23 Sep 10
Yes, you are right, the children should take care of their parents when they are old and need someone to take care. The parents have scarifies so much to raise their children without any complain and I think this is so great about a parents. When it need to be exchange the position, not many children can really do it in term of taking care of their old parents.
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
19 Sep 10
Hi yspmyl, I took care of my mom for the last few months of her life. It was really really tough and it took an awful lot of time away from my daughter who also needed me. I have no regrets about doing it but I would not want to put my kids through that. I have told them that if I reach a point where I am unable to care for myself then they should just put me in a nursing home.
@yspmyl (3438)
• Malaysia
23 Sep 10
Hi Sid! It is really tough to take care of someone who is old. And it is hard to see someone you love leave you. The best way to do is accompany them when they are still alive. Many people regret that they did not do enough for their parents when they are still alive. Whoever that went through that will never want to go through it again and of course, they will never want their children to go through the same thing too.
@asyria51 (2870)
• United States
19 Sep 10
I know that in some societies, that is the way life works. When a parental unit is unable to live on their own, they come and live with their child. I do not think that I could do this. I would be more receptive to the idea of hiring a live in caregiver, and then spending weekends at my parents place to take care of them and give the caregiver time off. I just know that my relationship with my mom is already strained at times, and living full time with her would not be good for either one of us. As for my child taking care of me, I do not want to be a burden on her when it gets to that time of life for me.
@yspmyl (3438)
• Malaysia
22 Sep 10
This might be one of the reason why people don't stay with their parent when their relationship are not that good. When parents are too fierce to their children will also make the children scared to see or stay with their parent. They would rather stay away from their house or just rent a house outside.
@fannitia (2172)
• Bulgaria
18 Sep 10
I have a daughter and we still live together, but I hope that she'll have a good chance in her life with her own family and kids. I think that she wouldn't leave me alone if I'm really old and can't take care of myself. But I hope that somehow this won't happen. The life is harder and harder and I don't want to be a burden for her.
@yspmyl (3438)
• Malaysia
21 Sep 10
I think many today's parents do not want to burden their children when they are old. They always want the best for their children.
@Angelgirl16 (2177)
• United States
18 Sep 10
Hi yspmy, Years ago, children were expected to take care of their aging parent(s). However, in today society, parents are living longer healthier lives. The parents are also setting up legal arrangements for long-term care. They are making the decision and to how they want to live their final days and not just leaving it to chance that their children will look after them when they are too old to make rational decisions. Long-term care insurance has become very popular among the Baby Boomers. Even though they are expected to live twenty to thirty years longer, they are not taking any chances with their future care. I would not want my child to have the burden of taking care of me if I could not help with my own care.
@yspmyl (3438)
• Malaysia
21 Sep 10
Yeah, in the old day, it is an obligation for children to take care of the parents when they are old and need someone to take care especially the eldest one. But today, due to the high living pressure. Most of the children are hard to cope for their live today, they need to work long hour and will not be at home most of the time. Many may think of is better to let someone to take care of their parent rather than just let them be alone at home, and if anything happens to them, no one will be able to help immediately.
@aeiou78 (3457)
• Malaysia
18 Sep 10
Definitely every parents should be happy if their children can talk care of them when their are old. As parents, we should consider about the situation of their children. If the parents are still physically fit and they are not a burden to their children for surviving, then it should be fine to stay together. Moreover, our children have to spend most of their time to earn for living. For me, as long as my children are happy, I shall be satisfied too. ha! ha! ha! I just want to be a Great dad to them.
@yspmyl (3438)
• Malaysia
20 Sep 10
Great! Me too do not expect much from them but if they can come back once a while to visit me, I will be happy. They will need to have their own time and family to stay with........
• United States
18 Sep 10
I hope that when and if the time comes that I need to be taken care of that my children would step up to the plate and help me. Most parents that I know that are alot older than me don't want to be a burden to their children or anyone. I feel the same way. I don't want to be a burden to them or to anyone. But sometimes that can't be helped. There are those I know who have taken their parents into their homes to take care of them but down the road as their parents health deteriorated they had to put them in a nursing home though they didn't like having to do so.
@yspmyl (3438)
• Malaysia
20 Sep 10
I really believe that is someone have choice, he/she would not want to send their parents to the care center or nursing home. Today, due to the pressure of living, we all need to work in order to support the family and this make us have to leave our old parents alone at home. This is worst when they having heath problem and need full attention. So many people have no choice but to send their parents to the nursing home so that some one will take care of their parents for them. At least they are save there.
@jet2r0cks (193)
• Philippines
18 Sep 10
I hope they would, specially when it took so much effort to raise them. I know I wouldn't send my parents to the old folks home, even if it can get hard sometimes. My mother and father both worked hard to raise me into a good member of society, and without them I wouldn't be alive right now, so the least I can do is care for them personally when they get really old.
@yspmyl (3438)
• Malaysia
20 Sep 10
You are right, parents always give their children the best even thought sometime they can't, but they will try their best to give the best for their children. It is hard to bring up a child, you have to put in a lot of effort so that they can grow up healthy, and gain knowledge so that they can be independent and face the society and the future. I do not understand how can someone did not take care of their parent when they are old and that is the time they need their children's help the most.
• United Arab Emirates
18 Sep 10
here in India, children do take care of children when they get old. But i would not personally not keep expectations on my children or child. I will make a living for myself and will keep enough money to take care of myself and my wife for our future.
@yspmyl (3438)
• Malaysia
20 Sep 10
Children will take care of children? or is it take care of the parents? . I believe many of today's parents will keep a saving for themselves for their old age. This is quite common now and if you are an employed, you will probably will contribute certain percentage of your monthly wages to the fund that you can withdraw when you are retired. That is good to implement where you do not need to worry about who will take care of you and where to look for money when you are old and no one will want to hire you.
@devijay78 (1575)
• India
18 Sep 10
People used to live and stil live in joint families in India where the old get to stay with the young and the family is run with the old people's love and wisdom and the strength and energy of the young. But days are changing and there are many nuclear families coming up with children going away for studies, work or simply to get away from the elders. This results in old people being left to fend for themselves or join an old age home where they have at least companionship and a little dignity left. I don't have either my parents or my husband's living with us right now, but would be happy to have them with us all the time. My daughter would be delighted to have her grandparents at home. But I don't know whether my daughter would take care of us or not in our old age. In her times, god knows where she will be and even though I would like to be with her, I would understand if she is not able to have me with her. Yes, I would miss her a lot, but then, it is her life and she has to live it in her own terms.
@yspmyl (3438)
• Malaysia
20 Sep 10
It is sad to know that when life changed and force the young people to move to the bigger cities to try their luck and left the old parents at home. Sometime this is on purpose and some are force and have no choice but have to do it. Many young people like to have their life in a big city rather than stay in a small ville. That lead to the parent were left out in the ville and unattended. It is a sad thing to say. We all as a parent will hope that our children will take care and stay with us when we are old. But who know how will it be in the future?
@jinjer168 (1599)
• Philippines
18 Sep 10
Hi there! Im from the Philippines and here in our country, we have a very close family ties. We value our family so much and most, if not all here really take good care of their parents when they became old and gray. Me, personally wanted my very own children to take good care of me because its a good feeling that someone close to me are there to love and take good care of me though im i cannot move anymore. Good night!
@yspmyl (3438)
• Malaysia
20 Sep 10
Hi! That is really good that you all will take care of your parents when they are old. That is a good culture that must be carry on for all the generation! Me too I hope that my children will take care of us when we become old. Do you think that daughter will take care of their parent better than son? Good night!