How to say GOODBYE to your partner without hurting him?

Philippines
September 19, 2010 1:34am CST
I'm in this point where I knew I had fallen out of love with my partner..I've been with this guy for 8 years and during those years he helped me too much with a lot of things reason why I cant break his heart even if it means ending up being unhappy on my part..I already love someone and I just don't know how to say goodbye to him without hurting his feelings too much for him to hate me..I don't know what to do I'm afraid to say the word at the same time I'm hurting inside because I know what I have for him now is plain friendship.. I don't wanna hurt him but I don't wanna use him also..so hard, I feel like I'm gonna lose it anytime..last night I went out for a drink and even if I knew he'd be waiting for me back home I didn't go home, I know he's worrying bout me..I feel like I wanna die now so that I can run away and wont hurt him.. how would I tell him?
7 people like this
24 responses
@eurekafemme (5881)
• Philippines
19 Sep 10
have you heard the song line which goes like this? "Break it to me gently...." This song is a crap.How can you break someone's heart gently? No matter how subtle or gentle or kind you do it, still his heart will break.And, no words will ever compensate or comfort him. But, you can spare yourself from seeing him pained. Write a letter for him, a break up letter and don't wait for him to come home to say your goodbyes. Do it the soonest time possible. I can sense that sooner or later you will give him the classic way of breaking up with him. So, why wait for later when you can do it sooner? Sooner will give him a better chance to move on and start his life anew. If you can no longer be happy or you are no longer happy with him, do not think of him anymore. You'll be hurting him, anyway you do it. So, better get on with it and move on yourself, too. Goodluck. Wish him good life as you bade him goodbye.:(
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 Sep 10
yeah love that song..one of my favorites..I wished for this thing to be easy but i know it'll never gonna be easy...I'm just glad its finally over and I'm guilt free
• Philippines
28 Sep 10
That's the spirit ,girl. You need to move on. sometimes it is necessary to be a little selfish for the benefits of all... Goodluck and have a good life.:)
1 person likes this
• Philippines
28 Sep 10
thanks, I feel lighter moving on knowing I set free of a man who deserve a better life without me.
@deserve40 (1605)
• India
19 Sep 10
I do not think that you should die just for this reason. It is good that you have some feeling left in your heart for him. However, if you do not love this guy, it is better to tell him at the earliest possible because if he comes to know about his later then he would feel more hurt. Better you should explain him that you love someone else and so you do not want to be with this guy and explain him that you do not want to hurt him but at the same time the fact remains that you do not love him anymore. Let us hope that things will go right for you. Best luck.
• Philippines
19 Sep 10
thank you so much..I really hope that I can settle this feelings the soonest the possible i can..
• Philippines
19 Sep 10
@ letranKnight,the feelings can fade even how much you have loved the person..I still have love left that is why I cannot just hurt this man so easy..when a lot of things between us had changed and add up his mother for always scolding me for his mistakes and he cant leave his mother because of his love for her..the feeling do fade..
• Philippines
19 Sep 10
This is exactly why I am too Chicken to have a relationship that's because no matter how much you love the girl, you will end up letting her go after giving everything to her I am guy and if this happens to me, there's no way that am not gonna hate the girl. it's like, 8 years and then just gone with the wind?damn! he'll hate of course, he Loves you, it would break his heart. Just tell him the Truth and FACE HELL! at least if he really loves you. am sure it won't take time for him to let you go. but am sure he will go dark as time goes by. Isn't really that easy for you girls to just fall out of love after eight years? ever think about ways of asking him to court you again... well, hurry up and tell him. because you're just hurting yourself. that's your decision. at least if you let him go, he will also have time to find a substitute of you. am sure, if he's liking some one else, it's easy for him to ignore that other girl because of you. give him a chance to also find some one else better. by the way here's a song.just for you.. not a referral link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-ZU16XD5-c
• Philippines
19 Sep 10
I tried hard for the feelings not to fade for eight years of being with him, reason why I'm not hurting his heart yet is because I'm still trying to give the relationship a chance and see if I can get the old love back again but sometimes when it fades then it has to end..it's not all the money that he's bringing home during the weekends..its the time and his voice to defend with other people around him sometimes that I needed but I know he completely thought that he can make me happy just by giving me money..
• Philippines
19 Sep 10
then tell him. at least be honest with HIM. if he still insist on doing so, then you can go as you plan.
1 person likes this
@misheli (554)
• Philippines
19 Sep 10
Maybe you still love him you just dont know it. Because the fact that you don't want to hurt his feelings means there's still love for him. I also felt the same feeling with my boyfriend. I thought I don't love him anymore because I'm in love with somebody. But I was wrong, i thought I'm in love with somebody but I realized that it was not love it's just admiration and that my true love is my boyfriend and he's my husband now and we're married for 15 years. Don't be confuse on who you really love. Think hundred times before you regret your decision.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
28 Sep 10
I wish I knew better but now I know I just have to set him free because I wanna be fair with him even for the last time..my relationship with him is not healthy anymore..I know I just have to do it now..I believe he deserve someone better than me.
• China
19 Sep 10
when you don not know how to say or what to say,remember say what you really think. this is a friend of mine told me when i met the same prob.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 Sep 10
thanks
@kun2349 (23475)
• Singapore
19 Sep 10
No matter what, u have to tell him straight in the face. Even if he cant take it, threaten to die etc, u must do it. It will do him good in the long run. U might appear to be heartless to do it to him, but u know it best. After all, this relationship is just u and him, dun bother about how others might think about u, for they are not u. If one has not been in such a relationship, they wont know the pain behind it, and it's just like lying to them, yet insisting it's the truth! It's not a kind of feeling i wanna go thru.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 Sep 10
its more painful to say goodbye on my part but i know i just need to set him free so we can be both be happy someday, I'm glad its over
1 person likes this
@jamed28 (1910)
• Philippines
19 Sep 10
There is no easy way to say your goodbye to someone whom you spend time with. Especially if you love that person and that person loves you back. There is also NO WAY to say your GOODBYE to that person without hurting him/her. BUT there is a MUCH LESSER-PAIN way to say your goodbye.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 Sep 10
i guess just to be honest is the only way to lessen the pain
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
19 Sep 10
Nothing last forever. How sad the love story have to end unceremoniously. Looks like you are not fated to be with your present partner. No point of forcing yourself to hang on to someone when your feelings has turned neutral. The long years of together must have made the relationship too comfortable and he has taken you for granted without realizing that the feeling of love can slowly dissipate. Saying goodbye is the hardest thing to say and it will definitely leave him devastated knowing that life for him will never be the same again without you. But this is life and everyone has their hearts smashed one or many times before they meet the one that God has meant for them.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 Sep 10
yes zandi, I had learn that this simply what life is, someone must go and someone must start anew for the better even if it'll hurt both of you..like there's no permanent in this word..its not always pleasing others but also hurting others for them to be strong and realize things happens...sad thing in life really...its hard to live each day
@asxenon (1441)
• Malaysia
19 Sep 10
How could you drag such relation for 8 years? It is really a complicated situation not to hurt him. Anyway, you must end this by telling him your feeling and be honest with him. Just let him know why you want to end the relationship and tell him why you are not feeling happy/comfortable in the relationship. I do hope you can get out of this situation and do remember not to do anything stupid like killing yourself. This will not help at all but will hurt them and also your family.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 Sep 10
I don't know either, pretend and make it look like your happy..somehow I mad it to an end.I told him the truth but I cant brag about it because I don't feel well with it knowing I just lost someone that I never thought I will...
@acey76 (1278)
• Philippines
19 Sep 10
Well there are no words to say that you cannot avoid hurting someone by saying goodbye...especially when you shared your life with that person.....but it will help saying how much you fill now, than having it a secret....:-)
1 person likes this
• Philippines
19 Sep 10
i just feel like the pain that I was giving him is not worth it at all..thanks.
@greg89 (2)
• China
19 Sep 10
You already have this feeling for three years.I know it is difficult to say goodbye to your partner without hurting him.Yes,he helped you so much,and he love you.But,as you what you said,you already love someone else.You should think about yourself.Do you really fall in love with the other one ? If you do not love your partner, you should to let him know. Maybe you worry about he will hate you and ignore you. But if he love you , he will wish you happiness. He may be depressed for some time.After that, he must glad to be a firend of yours.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
19 Sep 10
I felt like its easy for me to feel that I'm falling inlove with the other one because he's not that far to be with him and see him..if you read my first response, I mention that my partner is working out of town and was only home during the weekends..I owe this person a lot..I wont be this person I am now if it wasn't because of him.
@gerry101 (230)
• Philippines
19 Sep 10
It is impossible not to hurt him after you told him the truth about how you feel. Love is not always with feelings. Sometimes we love that person and we don't feel it and sometimes we do. Anyway you must tell him even if it will hurt him. Remember this there is always a new story or new chapter in our life for every decision we make.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
19 Sep 10
i just hope it'll be easy for me soon to tell him..thanks for your response
@jenny1015 (13390)
• Philippines
19 Sep 10
i know how you feel, but there isnt really any easy way to say goodbye without ever hurting anybody. sometimes, we just need to accept that eventhough we really wouldnt want things to happen, it just needs to happen. to give you a peace of mind, why not tell him now what you truly feel. it is not healthy for you to be carrying that burden. just be honest enough. i know that eventhough you no longer see him in a romantic way, buu t the fact that you have spent 8 years together, there was also a friendship that was built.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
19 Sep 10
yes, 8 years..5 years of loving him and 3 years of keeping this feeling from him..I feel totally hurt just to think that I am about to hurt this man soon..he's nice and kind, he never did anything bad to me at all but I guess the fact that he was working out of town and he gets back to town during the weekend but during those time he hardly spend time with me, he spend his time with his friends doing business and was having problems dealing with his mother..I guess that's the reason why one day I woke up and felt I fell out of love already.
@MsTickle (24962)
• Australia
6 Nov 10
From what you have said here it's my belief your partner already knows your heart is no longer in this partnership. If a person is unhappy in a relationship, the other person will be very much aware. My guess is your man doesn't care for you as much as you think he does. Maybe the both of you are being dishonest. Maybe he is pretending that nothing is wrong. I suggest you just get it over with as you are not doing anyone any favours by hanging round. Good luck.
@blue65packer (11835)
• United States
20 Sep 10
No matter who you are,who your partner is or the type of relationship you are in,you can't not someone! It is impossible! Someone or both of you are goingt o get hurt! Sorry to tell you this but it is true! It is part of life and you have to realize that! Sometimes relationships suck and so does parting ways! Suck it up and think of it as growing up and it is part of life! that is my advice!
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
20 Sep 10
Hi Angel of charm, You are so upset that you are not thinking clearly. You are so afraid of hurting him with the truth that you aren't realizing that you are probably hurting him just as bad by not telling him the truth. I'm sure that you going out for a drink and not coming home all night worried him and hurt him as well. I'm sure he senses things are not right between the two of you. As hard as it is, you need to tell him the truth. IT is not fair for him or for you for you to stay and pretend to love him when you don't. Think how you would feel if the situation were reversed. There is no way to avoid hurting him . He deserves the truth so that he can move on and find someone that really loves him. It's only fair. And you deserve to be with someone that you really love also.
• Philippines
20 Sep 10
Unfortunately an affair is like in every relationship, they are usually hard things to let go of and bring to an end. Whilst it may have been the wrong things to do, there will be feelings of affections towards your partner in the affair and you don't want to hurt them or make them feel worthless. There is no easy way, there is no magic words or methods to resolve the issues without their being some hurt and regret. The one thing you must do is not putt it off, the longer the affair goes on, the stronger emotions of those involved become the harder it will be the end the affair. Also do not give any hope of things changing, no "maybe in the future" or "let's just spend some time apart" statements, be straight to the point and short. Whilst you don't want to hurt your partner its be only way you will make them see this is truly end. They will respect you more for being blunt that if you lead them on
@Cutie18f (9564)
• Philippines
20 Sep 10
That's hard. I think you should give him hints that you no longer love him, like not showing up during agreed dates, not responding to his calls, forgetting special occasions, like his birthday and X'mas, and giving him cold treatment should work. The point is to hurt him in little ways so he will start not liking you. Who knows? He might be the one to break away from you first. But don't put a cobra in his closet nor put poison in his coffee.LOL
• Philippines
20 Sep 10
Say goodbye? without hurting him??. .yeah. this is also the difficult place for me. Actually. .I had to go through the same thing about a year ago.I had to pray a lot but I had to sat down with him and it was very very empathetic. I told him how I felt about him and then said that it would be the best thing for us to just leave,which probably didn't help that much but I was honest and I tried to understand and he felt and went from there.It's tough to do but be honest.Your going to hurt him either way but it will hurt more if he thinks that you are not telling him everything.
• Philippines
20 Sep 10
Hi!!! again Ahm.First It's really hard to say goodbye to those person you love most.. Cause you don't want to hurt him.but when you say goodbye should he not hurt?? But now so far i don't know yet cause i never experience to say goodbye to those person i love.... This all i can say in this situation..