How to say NO!

@Lore2009 (7389)
United States
September 29, 2010 7:46pm CST
Do you know how to say 'no' and not feel guilty? I have a bit of a problem at accomplishing this... I am always apprehensive when I have to reject someone or something. Any tips on how to be assertive?
2 people like this
5 responses
@bingskee (5238)
• Philippines
1 Oct 10
i did not learn saying no until someone especial told me that i am being abused by letting other people get their way with me. he said it is not kindness but a little like stupidity.
1 person likes this
@Lore2009 (7389)
• United States
3 Oct 10
It's true, it's really not kindness and it is really a stupid thing. It's in the end fear of being rejected... or fear of not being useful to others, but when we are used, it sux.
1 person likes this
@lynnemg (4540)
• United States
30 Sep 10
This is something I have had to learn. To be honest, I still have problems with it at times. For me, it really depends on the situation. If someone calls me and asks me to take them somewhere, I will only do it if I am already going out or if it is an emergency. If not, I will either say "no" or tell them that I can take them later when I go out. If someone calls to ask me to borrow money, I will say "no" if lending the money will put me or my family in a bind, if it is for something unnecessary, or if I know that the chances of it being returned are slim. If the money is to buy diapers for a baby, or food for a child, I will more often than not, go out and buy what is needed myself so that I know that the money went for what I was told it was needed for. When it cpmes to other little favors, I have had to learn that it is okay to say "no" and not feel guilty about doing so by simply practicing saying "no" and standing my ground. It seems to get easier over time.
1 person likes this
@zapatee (477)
• Philippines
18 Oct 10
i used to have the same problem years back. but i've learned to say no after realizing that some people really have this thing about being abusive. it was a difficult transition because i was always sincere when i would accede to what i was being asked to do and often it was not a big deal for me. until i began to see and weight things through that i realized some motives were not equally honest or sincere from those who would ask. it became a pattern of abuse. so i stopped. now, it's easy for me to say no. i don't even have to explain myself anymore, lol. but i try still to help out by suggesting alternatives, so the other person would not feel too bad. so it's like maybe half the time i say yes, half the time i say no. it really depends on who asks and for what.
@Lore2009 (7389)
• United States
18 Oct 10
That sounds like a healthy approach. I know that it's a better thing to say no when I cannot help but sometimes the guilt feeling is unbearable that I end up doing it. But I will keep your way in mind.
• Bulgaria
30 Sep 10
I have issues with saying No too and this is big problem for me sometimes, just because my habit is such an awful regarding this matters of association. You have to be explicit, when you you wanna let someone knows about your thoughts, because If you don't give a negative answer, some people will get benefit of this and they will make you feel weak. And this could be just a start of many worries for you, believe me - I know this from a personal experience
@Lore2009 (7389)
• United States
3 Oct 10
yes, I've lived with this for awhile now too, haha, i know.
• United States
23 Oct 10
I had and still have major problems saying NO, but after getting betrayed and was taken advantage of so many times, I realized it's better to be hated than to be liked for being mooched off of. So I say no now, and there are ways to say no without actually having to say it but still being direct. Just get betrayed a few times and you'll know you are most important and no one sticks around anyway so if they're bringing the negativity to begin with, might as well say no before they eventually end up leaving, so you don't waste your time and/or life and let them learn to take care of themselves. Of course theres always a time and situation to say yes as well.