What would you do?

United States
November 18, 2010 5:27pm CST
If you went out to the bus stop in the morning with your kids to wait. There was maybe 8 other kids there. All of a sudden you hear yelling and hollering, then out of the blue you see your neighbors in a knock down drag out fight right in front of your kids. What would you do? This happened this morning. The lady almost across the road from me was beaten and yelled at by her husband, in front of her kids, all the neighbors kids, and my kids. Truthfully I wanted to walk over and say something but with a 6'2" 270 pound man ranting and in no mood to talk, I didn't dare to. He hit one of his step children and she came screaming right past me and my kids, she then threw herself down on the road screaming bloody murder. I was in shock, along with my 2 girls. My youngest child is 7 years old and autistic and she had to put up with this stuff this morning. I hate to say it but the State needs to be called on these people. I am really thinking about doing it. I personally do not like getting involved because I do not want this big dude ticked with me, but holy crap fighting in front of everyone's kids, this just isn't right. What would you do in a casr like this?
3 people like this
11 responses
@jujunme (2424)
• United States
19 Nov 10
If this guy is beating on his wife and hitting his step child in front of everyone, could you imagine what he's doing when no one else is around? You may not want to get involved , but how would you feel if one day you learned he seriously harmed his kids or wife . Reporting him is the right thing to do you don't have to give your name , so no one will know it was you who repoted this maniac. These things happen way too often these days and in my opinion,if you get the chance to do something about it, you should.
• United States
6 Jan 11
I did report them to the state, they may end up losing there rental though because the state found out he was living there, and that she was working while the State was paying their rent. The problem is with his back ground of being arrested before they were not suppose to be getting State help. So not sure if I really helped or hurt the matter.
• United States
19 Nov 10
I understand how you felt with regards at the moment no able to say anything as you were afraid that perhaps something could have turned and happen to you. My suggestion in the future is move away with your kids as quick as possible and find the next available phone and call for help. I mean if this woman does not care about her children, since she still lives with this man and allows him to do this. Someone has to care for the kids safety. At least this is what I would do.
• United States
19 Nov 10
I think perhaps after reading the other peoples post you sort of over looked that i said I understood how you felt as I would perhaps have done the same at the moment and not reacted right then and there. I did mention I would have left so my kids would not have had to witness this, and when I got to a safer place I would have called the police. So I am sorry if you perhaps did not thoroughly read my response, but surely if you re-read it you will see that that is what I meant. I never once implied you were a bad person, instead implied that the woman who lives with this man is not being a great mother as she is the one allowing her children to be hurt and humiliated in public.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Nov 10
Sorry about that. But this lady has been staying with the man even after he has been taken by the police 3 times already. Why I do not know, and then he missed his court date, the police came out looking for him, and she told the police he wasn't living here in North Carolina any more. The bad part is he was in the house and came outside about 20 minutes after the police left. So the lady doesn't want help.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Nov 10
First of all, if you have time to think at a situation like that, which sometimes you just don't especially if you want to make sure your kids don't end up in the middle of it. But you have to do unto others as you'd have them do unto you if you and your children were in the situation that woman was in. I wish someone could have gone over and helped the little girl in the street who was screaming bloody murder. God Bless everyone. Always remember that when you see someone who needs help, you could be helping an angel.
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
6 Jan 11
i will report it. but first i will get my children out of that ugly scene. some of these people just wanted to show off. and the more that they see that the people around are scared, they will keep doing it.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Jan 11
I reported it to the state, and the state got the police involved, but the lady decided not to press charges, so it got off, and they are still at it, in fact the police have come out 2 times since I posted this originally and she refuses to press charges. So he is still there, and I now just ignore it since it does no good to report it. In North Carolina, they don't have the right to take him unless if the victim says they want them charged with it. So if she refuses to charge him with it, then there is no need to call the police. Some people we just can't help out in life no matter how much we try.
1 person likes this
@2004cqui (2823)
• United States
19 Nov 10
I agree with hardworkinggirl! But now you can call the police dept and still give a report. They will take it no matter what. They have to. That way it has been reported and on the record. If all those kids didn't make it to school on time the school would thank you for keeping the kids safe. Believe me there will be much talk of this at school. Kids like to talk about that stuff and are encouraged to.
• United States
6 Jan 11
In fact the state got the police involved in it, but the lady didn't press charges against him, so he is still there. Like I said its happened before and he was still there.
@2004cqui (2823)
• United States
6 Jan 11
The point is to report it. It isn't up to you what the outcome is. If and when the day comes that it goes to court he will have a landslide of evidence against him. In any case the state will do everything it can to keep the family together. The resolution could very well be mandatory counseling, social workers assigned to help manage domestic harmony, anything. They don't automatically remove the adult from the home especially if that adult is financially supporting the family. By reporting what you see and hear you will know that you did everything you can in the event something goes very wrong.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 May 11
Still there, and from what I have been told it's still happening. I am not at home usually to hear it, so I don't see it any more. But other neighbors have complained abbout it to the police, and he is still there.
@samafayla33 (1857)
• United States
18 Nov 10
you have to intervene, but anynomously because it effects the children for the rest of their lives especially playing on their nerves.
• United States
18 Nov 10
I agree. A person might be in shock, but they must act when something like that happens. Watching the abuse go down and not saying a word is just as bad as the abuser's heinous acts.
• United States
19 Nov 10
The last time this happened I called the police, and 2 days later my husband was shot at, to top all of that off the poisoned one of my dogs. So why may I ask would I go ahead and be stupid and make that mistake again??? Where as waiting then having the teacher call the state on them, or even me doing it in a day or 2 will I hope get them off my back. Or do you believe that me risking the lives of my children is worth calling the police, now that's a question that most would agree you really need to answer.
• United States
19 Nov 10
You did not include any of the above in your previous post. In your first post you made it clear you didn't do anything. You might have been afraid, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't do anything. Calling the police was the option. I find it hard to believe that if this man poisoned your dog and shot at your husband, the police would not have done anything. That sounds incredibly fishy to me. If that happened to me I would definitely risk calling the police again and making my concerns known. That would be protecting the life of my family, and the lives of the family in that house that are obviously being abused. It's not wrong to be scared, but I believe we can't sit around living our lives in fear and letting injustices go on. We need to step up. "The surest way for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing."
• United States
18 Nov 10
I would have spoken up and tried to help her. I can't believe you didn't do a single thing. Instead, you say you wish your child hadn't had to deal with "that stuff." How do you think the mother and children felt "having to deal with that stuff" while people watched and did nothing to help. It's sick that the man beat his wife and children - I am appalled by this. At the very least if I was intimidated by his presence and feared retaliation, I would have called the police. Such a thing should not have been allowed to go on. It's so heinous that nothing was done. You're right - it wasn't right at all. I feel sorry for those kids and that woman. Hopefully she gets out of that situation and finds people willing to help her. You shouldn't just "think" about calling the state. Do it!
• United States
6 Jan 11
Why don't you move into the community, one lady was raped last week in her home right across the road from me.
@Hatley (164507)
• Garden Grove, California
13 Jan 11
if your police are crooked and all and 911 does not work then maybe you southerners should ask for federal investigation instead of turning away and not getting involved. somehow a lot of what you say does not really ring true.. not all police and all 911 people are monsters or crooks and trying to help others does mean getting involved. if your community is all that bad I sure would move to where police will respond and 911 will help.there are ways to get help about ineffective police and someone has to get involved. if nothing else call your local congressman or woman and tell them the problems as they are sworn to help their communities.If you people do not complain to the right authorities nothing will get changed ever.I knew southern people are supposed to be easy going but still I would think conditions as appalling as you spell out need to be investigated. Someone has to step up, the squeaking wheel gets the grease, the person who pushes for change gets the right people to respnd and make those changes.
• United States
9 May 11
They have been trying to get new police in of course really and truly, I have noticed the new police are as bad or worse then the old ones they had in there. I also am not originally from the south. I came from Maine originally, and down here people are slow going and easy going usually. But they don't like to work as hard as police officers like they do in other states.
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
21 May 11
Hi. pmbhuntress09. This man had no respect all for you and your kids, plus the children in the neighborhood either. If you had your cell phone, you could have called the police. If not, I sure would have called the police on him after I put my children on the school bus. Would this man know that it was you that would have called the police on him? He is a very cruel man and he deserves to be locked up into jail for how he has treated his wife. He is a terrible example for a man, because kids don't need to see violence right before their eyes at all. I hope that his wife finds the strength and the nerve to leave him!
• United States
21 May 11
After all of these months they are still together, and last week the man was arrested again for burglary, yet she took him right back as soon as he got out of jail on bond. I hope this time he spends some major time in jail rather then getting a slap on the wrist maybe this will show her that he is not a good person.
@emarie (5453)
• United States
17 Jan 11
Well, like most people would say. I'd call the police right away and first I'd try to gather all the children in one place. Getting whoever was older to keep guard until the police arrived. Then I'd try to help the woman and probably find a large rock or stick to protect her. Although this is all speculation, I'd like to think faced with those conditions I'd react in those ways. I do feel bad for those children and I would encourage the woman to file charged against her husband and keep the moron in jail.
• United States
9 May 11
He never spent a day in jail. In stead the lady is still living with him.
@Hatley (164507)
• Garden Grove, California
13 Jan 11
how dare youo come here and say you did not w ant to get involved? what does it take like haveing this fiend hit one of your own children? you should have called the police as that man could easily get mad at your autist child too. how dare you not use your cell phone and call for help dont you care that he was beating a fellow human being? or do you look down your nose at her as she is a victim causing you someupset? ehat would i have done? called the p olice and got my child the hell out of there. that poor wife deserveds someone on her side and the children too. you are involved lady whether you realize it or not. you seem mostly to feel sorry for yourself. how avbout thed woman being beaten? she is a human too you know?
• United States
9 May 11
I came from a relationship like that and I made the right choice to leave the man before he killed me and or my baby that was back in 95, I then married my second husband whom is not abusive. But I know what its like to think they will change. They never do. But thios lady is not listening, she is still with him and according to the neighbors still is being beaten. I also do no have a cell phone, I have no need for one.
@vicereine (458)
• United States
19 Nov 10
Personally I would have called the cops right then and there I know he is a big guy and all but I really would have. No one should be treated that way and especially in front of children in the neighborhood. I also believe that if you do choose to call the state they will keep it confidential as to who reported it and since he caused such a scene in front of so many people he would not be the wiser of who actually called it in. For all he knows it could have been the bus driver that called it in and not the neighbors. If I were you I would definitely call it in because next time it could be the coroner that you see at her house and that would be awful. I know it is sad to say but with men like that it is obviously not going to stop but just get worse and she needs help to get out. Also try letter her know about some shelters that may help her and her children hide from him or something too that might be a really big help to her.
• United States
6 Jan 11
Well I called it in they investigated it, the police did get involved, yet no arrests were made since the mother had to press charges, which she did not do. Instead they are still together, and on New years eve he beat her again, this time I kept my nose out of it, she doesn't seem to care.
• India
19 Nov 10
i think what you did was right, considering the description of the man. All we can do in such cases is call on the helpline number that protects women and children facing such harassment and report this incident. The Government has done their role by providing such a body, now the citizens must be vigilant and report such incidents.
• United States
6 Jan 11
Well, the state got involved in it, but it really didn't help much at all the lady is still with the man, and acts like nothing ever happened.