Men! What makes them so insensitive sometimes?

@devijay78 (1575)
India
December 7, 2010 2:46pm CST
I know this is a pointless discussion. But I needed a place to rant and am doing it here. Inspite of me telling my husband a number of times that it is raining so heavily and the roads are all clogged and there is no transport at all available, he insisted on me running an errand for him which could have waited till next month or even the next to be done! He wanted me to go this month itself and it had to be done once a month(6th of every month). It took almost four hours for me to go and come back. And what was so irritating was that he did not consider that since we did not have a vehicle, I had to use either the public transport or take an autorickshaw to reach the place and with it raining so heavily, there was not a single vehicle in sight. Or that it might be next to impossible for me to wade through all that water to reach the place. Or that it might be dangerous for me to go out in such a heavy downpour(cyclone actually). What makes them so insensitive sometimes? I am not critisising all men. Only ones who behave this way.
2 people like this
9 responses
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
8 Dec 10
I cannot understand this at all.Doesn't he know that it is raining badly and it is a big problem to go out in thsi rainy weather? Some people are so fixed in their being systematic thta they would like to do things rain or sunshine. I am sure he also tortures himself like this with his self-imposed tasks . In that case they just cannot change and we have to grin and bear it.If not, you can always protest.
@devijay78 (1575)
• India
8 Dec 10
You nailed his problem correctly kalav56. Yes, he does torture himself too like this. But he depends on me more sometimes and it makes it even more difficult for me to say no. But I do see this quality in most men and that is what makes me wonder why nobody tells them that what they are doing is hurting the other person, especially their family members?
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
9 Dec 10
No devijay! As Apsara had pointed out, it is better to give in in order to maintain peace at home. And now , that you have confirmed that he is like this with his own self , there is no alternative except to grin and bear it. I would suggest that you convince yourself that it was all for good and thankfully you have got one job off your head. If we start thinking that things could have been worse and we are much better off, if we look at other people who are pestered in mnay other ways by their partners, if we satisfy ourselves with his good characteristics alone then your life would be much more peaceful. If you are also dependent on him in some way, then it makes greater sense for you to give in and perhaps learn to like getting wet and learn to laugh when you get delayed or caught in rain.THere is no choice. Regarding others telling him, you have the answer straight. HE will not listen. It is after all his own nature and if it comes to it, he would say that he is not causing them any harm by being like this. In other words it is "mind your business'--he means this. Am I right ?
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
9 Dec 10
Incidentally, does he have a very strssful job, and does he work long hours with stiff deadlines? THen my response would be different.
@MsTickle (24991)
• Australia
12 Dec 10
Why on earth did you have to go...could he not have gone himself. I'm afraid I would have put my foot down and refused to go and argued with him. It's dreadful that you had to travel about in such conditions...your husband needs to have his ears boxed. Truly, some men are not worth feeding!
@devijay78 (1575)
• India
14 Dec 10
Hi MsTickly. I had replied to sombody else thst he was and still is not in town. So I could not say no. Yes, it is frustrating sometimes. And I would definitely like to box his ears one day
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (24991)
• Australia
14 Dec 10
I hope you get the chance...I'll come and hold him down for you.
@devijay78 (1575)
• India
14 Dec 10
Someday for sure, MsTickle. Someday for sure. [em]evilgrin[/em]
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
8 Dec 10
Hi Devijay, I do agree that it was thoughtless and insensitive for him to expect you to go out in such weather and especially since you do not own a car and for an errand that could easily have waited. Now I have to ask you, why is it that HE could not run this errand since it was he who deemed it so important? And I also have to ask, why is it that you did not stand up to him and just say NO? You are, after all, his wife and not his servant. I just would not have done it. He would have to either do it himself or wait until the weather was better.
@devijay78 (1575)
• India
8 Dec 10
As I replied above to someone else, he is not in town. So I got the instructions from him over phone. Secondly, as I told earlier, I wanted some peace and quiet at home. I would have asked him to do it himself had he been here. But since he was not in station, I could not refuse. I did tell him politely a couple of times and chided him as well. But, being the thick headed person he is sometimes, it did not get through. So I did let it be and agreed to go. What I wonder about is that why does it not strike him that it would be very difficult for me to do this?
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
8 Dec 10
Sorry Devijay, I didn't mean to make you repeat yourself...your comments weren't there when I responded. You do have to wonder why he did not see how difficult this would be for you and especially since you told him. Men can be stubborn. I still would of refused and done it at a better time unless it was extremely important and from what you say, it could of waited. Anyway, it's done and over now so I'm glad you made it there and back and hope you are in a better mood now.
@devijay78 (1575)
• India
9 Dec 10
Hey sid! There is no need for you to be sorry. I was just informing you, thats all. I am glad that it is over. But there are some formalities which have to be finished and I have to go there again. But am hoping that this time, the sky is clear and I don't encounter any problems. Yes, my mood is better now and thanks for asking. Sorry if my post seemed a little rude. It was not meant to be that way.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Dec 10
My ex-husband use to be like this routinely and then wondered why it took me long to come back. Huh? Public transportation delays, hello.. My ex-husband use to think the entire world revolved around him, and when I needed something done, it could have waited for when ever or if ever... Oh but do not have other people ask him for his help, he was there like a jack rabbit, first in line. In my case it was because he always took me for granted and never gave it any probability that I needed help. If ever I would say something could have happened to me, he would say well nothing did so don't whine.. One of the reasons why he is an ex..LOL
@hushi22 (4941)
7 Dec 10
that was funny! =)
• United States
7 Dec 10
Yup I do look back now and laugh about a great many things this man put me through, at the time I use to fume, and now I laugh, because I am so rid of him.
@mhypie03 (684)
• Philippines
8 Dec 10
@hardworkinggurl: HAHAHA! I love the "One of the reasons why he is an ex" part. @deviljay: You may want to read my discussions too so I'd tell you I have the same insight that most men are typically insensitive and I could no longer wonder why because many times it's useless as you seldom see the change. It'd be like an illusion if it is to happen then. =)
@apsara60 (6612)
• Israel
8 Dec 10
That is because you are his wife and no more his girl friend...., Just joking........ Yes some men do act like this, but why did you do it. You could have told him first politely, that this could wait.If that did not work, then you should have taken firm stand and told him that your decision was final, you are not going out in such bad weather for something that can wait another few months. Men are like pipes, and if we don't know the art to bend these pipes, they may really fall on our heads.....so next time, just do what you feel is right.....because if you are right then you are right.......no arguments.
@devijay78 (1575)
• India
8 Dec 10
I did it because I really want some peace at home. That's why. If I did not do it, it would have led to a big fight which I wanted to avoid right now. I was in no mood to fight with him nor was he in a mood to listen. Most of the time he is in no mood to listen. So nowadays, I just give in to keep the peace at home. And it spoils my mood too for the whole day or sometimes even days together! I do take a firm stand on many issues which are very very important and which might affect our future. In those matters, I do not budge. But otherwise, I let him have his way. My only thought is, he could have been a little more sensible and thought it through.
1 person likes this
@apsara60 (6612)
• Israel
9 Dec 10
I understand you very well devijay, even I have same opinion when it comes to choose between war and peace in the house. Sometimes I feel too weak to argue and find it better to take some trouble and finish the topic instead of burning your blood in putting some sense in people who will never learn. I am sure there are many like you and me. This is what is called adjustment in life, and I think 90% of Indian wives are doing this very sincerely.. Have a nice day.
@tck_01 (97)
7 Dec 10
I'm a man and I think that men and women are not sensitive for the same reasons and that's what causes conflict... for example as a man I am sensitive about my children's health, but as far as their schooling goes, I have to admit that I'm not very sensitive... I'm sensitive when they hurt themselves, yet I'm not very sensitive when they almost hurt themselves. I agree that women worry more than men about the future, as my wife seems to worry all the time where as I'm very confident that things will go fine in the future. Doesn't mean I'm not careful^^
7 Dec 10
I really think it's due to their one-tracked minds. The only thing he was focused on is the thing that he wanted. As women, we think things the full way throught, as well as all positive and negative possibilities. good luck
@devijay78 (1575)
• India
8 Dec 10
Hi tck_01. I sometimes fail to underestant why men and women differ so much in their views. Yes, we do worry more because men are so thick headed sometimes. No offense to you, but that is how most of the men are whom I have met till now. Be it my family members, or my friends or my relatives. And nequab, it is true that men sometimes concentrate only on what they want and do not think about the consequences. But I have seen some women do it too. So I guess it depends on the person and not the gender. Good day.
@zenkey23 (418)
• Philippines
8 Dec 10
As a man, For me sometimes man is being insensitive because he thinks alot of things and sometimes he just dont want some of it. Man is sometimes moody because of several reason`s. One of this is LOVE and the other is MONEY or financial problem because of maybe unemployment? That`s my opinion:)
@devijay78 (1575)
• India
8 Dec 10
No unemployment here, zenkey. He is in a well paying job and so that is ruled out. But it has more to do with me listening to him and doing what he says than anything else. Sometimes, it is plain indifference and insensitivity.
@yspmyl (3438)
• Malaysia
8 Dec 10
Some people are very insensitive, especially those bosses with high ego. They would think that they have the right to ask anyone to do anything, just to show off their power or authority. I did had a boss like yours, I used to obey what he told me to do and after so many time of unreasonable request, I finally fight back and argue with him. After that incident, he turn out to treat me much better than before. I do not suggest you to do this if you need to continue to work in the company.
@devijay78 (1575)
• India
8 Dec 10
I know it would be difficult to say no to your boss. And even more difficult to say no to the ones you love, yspmyl. Isn't that true? I do fight back for a lot of things. But some, I avoid fighting because I know it is a lost cause and I can never win.
• Australia
8 Dec 10
That just sounds typical of a male that does not want to get his little footsies wet or he wanted to do something else while you were out. Good luck, maybe if you caught a cold from it you could cough all over him to say thankyou.